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 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6FxROAHJH4 Summary from IMDB posted:Vampire death dealer, Selene (Kate Beckinsale) fights to end the eternal war between the Lycan clan and the Vampire faction that betrayed her. This movie is an absolute bonkers-rear end trainwreck. It's Miami Connection tier. There's a scene in which two men shoot an entire magazine into each other and then proceed to shout so loud that the bullets spontaneously fly out of them. A lady vampire gives a Shakespearean soliloquy while a guy gives her oral sex. There's a loving vampire ballroom dance where they still all look like late-90s cybergoths. Probably a solid quarter of the movie's runtime is flashbacks to the other movies, because there's a 5-minute pre-credit recap of 1, 2 and 4 and then like twenty rapid-fire flashback sequences whenever a vampire drinks a named character's blood. There's a random coven of weird magic vampires that are all blonde-haired and blue-eyed (and their subplot makes zero loving sense). There's a straight-up Sub Zero style spine rip at one point. I don't even want to spoil what happens to Selene by the end because I was loving howling in disbelieving laughter at it. Pretty much the only objective pluses I can give this movie are, it's pretty, the action is fun and Kate Beckinsale plays a good badass vampire (though jesus christ, at this point if she hadn't gotten used to the role I'd be shocked). On the other hand, pretty much every minus the movie has only makes it funnier. The nonsensical plot, the horrible effects, the utterly confused aesthetic, all are just legitimately too funny for me to rag on them. I genuinely feel like in 20 years this (and for that matter, the rest of the Underworld series) will be a huge cult classic the way The Room or Miami Connection is. It's roughly on the same quality level and level of enjoyment, and even though it is a very, very bad movie I had so much loving fun seeing it in a theater. It's absolutely worth seeing at a matinee or burning a MoviePass on. Anyone else catch this completely insane goddamn movie and want to talk about it? Or, for that matter, the rest of the series? I'm curious if the first few hold up, honestly. WeedlordGoku69 fucked around with this message at 09:07 on Jan 19, 2017 |
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Jan 19, 2017 09:01
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I'll probably see it because it's not January if I don't throw the dice on some movies I know are gonna be I got the DIRECTOR'S CUT of the very first movie as a christmas present back in like 2005. At the time I was extremely disappointed, but I have grown to love the intricate epic that is the first Underworld. Bill Nighy's "I love you----" *pause, wait to see how Selene is reacting* "likeadaughter, BUT---!" is one of those lines I'll spit out at people in the nursing home when Alzheimers has taken every other memory from me.
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Jan 19, 2017 09:56
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i wrote these in the green light thread which is p much how i feel about this weird and dumb moviequote:I've never watched the movies so all i know is "vampires vs werewolves, kate beckinsale in a skintight suit". The story is apparently really convoluted, with her having a werewolf-vampire hybrid daughter that she had to give away in one of the movies and then having a weird romantic interest in Charles Dance's character's dumbass son. in the new movie, he turns out to be a super powered vampire queen's kid, which means he inherits the vampire cartel or something? They visit the Arctic where a Frozen-inspired viking vampire clan lives, Beckinsale get more ridiculous superpowers and superstrengths, and they end the show with a very dumb firefight. it's v bad!
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Jan 19, 2017 10:45
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WENTZ WAGON NUI posted:I'll probably see it because it's not January if I don't throw the dice on some movies I know are gonna be Honestly, I'd be pretty pleased with this movie even in a better month. It's a terrible loving movie, but it's the good kind of terrible where I'm laughing my loving tits off through half the movie, not the bad kind of terrible where I'm checking my watch.
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Jan 19, 2017 11:44
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That's a pretty racist tagline.
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Jan 19, 2017 16:18
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I think my favorite part about the Underworld films is watching how the subtle desaturation and natural lighting of the first film devolves into more and more of a cartoonish parody of modern cinematography, to the point that, by Awakening, it's hard to find a scene that isn't nearly solid blue-and-orange.LORD OF BOOTY posted:Honestly, I'd be pretty pleased with this movie even in a better month. It's a terrible loving movie, but it's the good kind of terrible where I'm laughing my loving tits off through half the movie, not the bad kind of terrible where I'm checking my watch. They're pretty good B-movies that have somehow been given a massive budget and Kate Beckinsale.
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Jan 19, 2017 16:22
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There are vampires that are also ghosts in this movie.
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Jan 19, 2017 17:49
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Which is better, Underworld or Ultraviolet?
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Jan 19, 2017 18:22
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sean10mm posted:Which is better, Underworld or Ultraviolet? If we're talking about the original film, then Underworld, easily. It has an aesthetic that it maintains consistently throughout the film and relatively satisfying gunplay (even if it is mostly against cartoon werewolves), whereas Ultraviolet has technicolor chase sequences interspersed with all-black riot biker cops and atrocious fight choreography. It's an unbelievably difficult film to sit all the way through.
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Jan 19, 2017 18:27
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sean10mm posted:Which is better, Underworld or Ultraviolet? Underworld by eight thousand loving miles. Vermain posted:I think my favorite part about the Underworld films is watching how the subtle desaturation and natural lighting of the first film devolves into more and more of a cartoonish parody of modern cinematography, to the point that, by Awakening, it's hard to find a scene that isn't nearly solid blue-and-orange. They really have ratcheted up how absurdly over-the-top the movies get. The first movie is honestly kind of boilerplate, though still a lot of fun. Somewhere around Awakening, the series stops resembling actual movies and starts looking like the kind of fake movies you see in other movies, like McBain from the Simpsons, and this somehow makes it even more entertaining. e: Also if they have a massive budget, they must be spreading it real goddamn thin, because the effects in Blood Wars are mostly loving terrible. The werewolves spend most of the time in their human forms, because they couldn't afford the werewolf forms for very long, and when one does transform it looks like absolute hilarious garbage. The main villain is something to behold when he's transformed; if it weren't for the drone in American Ultra it might be the worst effect I've ever seen in a theatrically released movie, and it still almost takes it over that simply because we see his goofy rear end in full bright lighting for like 5 solid minutes. WeedlordGoku69 fucked around with this message at 19:41 on Jan 19, 2017 |
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Jan 19, 2017 19:32
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LORD OF BOOTY posted:Honestly, I'd be pretty pleased with this movie even in a better month. It's a terrible loving movie, but it's the good kind of terrible where I'm laughing my loving tits off through half the movie, not the bad kind of terrible where I'm checking my watch. Yeah. I, Frankenstein was the last movie I saw from these guys and it should have had that but apart from one moment where Kevin Grievioux shows up to get pwnd again it was sadly unmemorable.
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Jan 19, 2017 20:25
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Wait, I thought I, Frankenstein was pretty much just a ripoff of Underworld by different dudes, it's the same people? That's disappointing.
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Jan 20, 2017 01:27
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I, Frankenstein is so loving bad.
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Jan 20, 2017 02:48
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I recently watched Underworld Awakening. I enjoyed it. I will probably enjoy this one too. Does what it says on the tin and at least they make some attempt at making the movie look good.
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Jan 20, 2017 04:11
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Neo Rasa posted:I, Frankenstein is so loving bad. The best part about it is that poster from Spanish (?) speaking territories where it was named Yo, Frankenstein.
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Jan 20, 2017 04:47
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Just came back from it - unless you hate yourself, just pass. Even if you just binge watched the series, pass. I'd be happy to elaborate but it would all be heavily spoiler based. Regardless, the last 30 mins felt like I subjected myself to community service during my birthday.
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Jan 20, 2017 05:27
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I mean, to be totally clear here: you couldn't pay me enough money to sit down in an actual theater and watch an Underworld movie, but gimme a DVD/Netflix copy and I'll watch that sucker straight through.
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Jan 20, 2017 06:20
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Yeah, that review has me legitimately excited for Underworld 5: Blood Wars
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Jan 20, 2017 06:35
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Dead Snoopy posted:Just came back from it - unless you hate yourself, just pass. Even if you just binge watched the series, pass. I'd be happy to elaborate but it would all be heavily spoiler based. Regardless, the last 30 mins felt like I subjected myself to community service during my birthday. You should totally elaborate! We've got spoiler tags for a reason!
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Jan 20, 2017 07:16
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what was the point of the main villainess's blonde fuckboy, anyway? Most of the film gave this foreboding redemption arc for him, which I thought would be impossible since he shot up the whole millennial vampire army, lol that scene is so dumb, then it looked like he was redeemed because he defected to Charles Dance's son's team purely because of bloodline/birthright/monarchism, and then... is part of the final gunfight and he exits the movie as gracelessly as he appeared.
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Jan 20, 2017 07:46
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The Saddest Rhino posted:what was the point of the main villainess's blonde fuckboy, anyway? Most of the film gave this foreboding redemption arc for him, which I thought would be impossible since he shot up the whole millennial vampire army, lol that scene is so dumb, then it looked like he was redeemed because he defected to Charles Dance's son's team purely because of bloodline/birthright/monarchism, and then... is part of the final gunfight and he exits the movie as gracelessly as he appeared. He's pretty much there just for that scene where he defects, which is hilarious because minor-villain-vampire lady tells him to start killing and he's just like "lol nope, you ain't in charge anymore."
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Jan 20, 2017 07:50
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lol, that's dumb but not as dumb as the minor villain vampire lady going PRAISE THE SUN and then being killed off unceremoniously, for all the huge long con she had been playing the whole movie
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Jan 20, 2017 08:07
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The Saddest Rhino posted:lol, that's dumb but not as dumb as the minor villain vampire lady going PRAISE THE SUN and then being killed off unceremoniously, for all the huge long con she had been playing the whole movie I lost my loving poo poo laughing when that happened, honestly. Nothing could have possibly tied off that subplot better.
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Jan 20, 2017 08:17
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The Saddest Rhino posted:lol, that's dumb but not as dumb as the minor villain vampire lady going PRAISE THE SUN and then being killed off unceremoniously, for all the huge long con she had been playing the whole movie It's even dumber because she drank Selene's blood earlier, which made her some sort of super vampire in the second movie. So you'd think that would mean she'd need more than sword through the back of the head, but nope.
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Jan 20, 2017 08:52
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Also: The head werewolf, Marius, is looking for Selene's daughter so he can take her blood for... whatever the hell he was doing that turned him into a weird werewolf-yeti. He is banging a vampire. This is made pretty clear. He's clearly aware on some level that Selene's daughter is special because it's the result of a vampire loving a werewolf (kinda). At no point does it ever occur to him to just... make a baby with his vampire girlfriend and then eat the baby.
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Jan 20, 2017 19:01
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LORD OF BOOTY posted:Also: Eh, this one is kinda part of the franchise's mythology, which I'm only half embarrassed to remember: The only reason why that won't work is because vampire cells and werewolf cells are antithetical to each other, across the board. Michael only happened because he's a direct descendant of the first immortal, and presumably their daughter inherited that ability to fuse werewolf and vampire traits successfully. He needs Selane's daughter's blood because he can't make hybrids the old fashioned way, the child would just die in utero. The bad guy's plot in this movie is surprisingly reasonable, assuming he wasn't lying about only wanting the kid's blood and not wanting to kill her: get the makes-you-a-hybrid blood, use it on his werewolves to trash the pure vampires and/or make them hybrids, then there's no more werewolf-vampire war. MisterBibs fucked around with this message at 20:33 on Jan 20, 2017 |
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Jan 20, 2017 20:29
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So I was thinking on this movie and I actually noticed something a little interesting about it. The central conflict of the movie, as much as there is one, is the vampires staying complacent and not wanting to go kick werewolf rear end because "hurr durr they've never been organized before." Meanwhile, a werewolf with a very distinctive hairdo is getting all the werewolves together to go poo poo all over the vampires, and eventually does so. Now, remove the part at the end where Selene deus-ex-machinas the vampires out of the shitstorm and just do a simple word swap of "left-winger" for vampire and "right-winger" for werewolf. It should start looking pretty familiar. Like, am I going nuts here? Because it looks like the latest Underworld movie is a somewhat muddled, but fundamentally decent, metaphor for the 2016 election and holy poo poo I do not want to believe this was deliberate.
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Jan 22, 2017 22:42
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LORD OF BOOTY posted:So I was thinking on this movie and I actually noticed something a little interesting about it. I don't think your reading stands because the Vampires would be the old-money republicans, and the werewolves would be the underclass who were literally the vampires' slaves centuries ago.
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Jan 23, 2017 02:38
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Yeah it makes more sense as pro conservative propaganda when Obama won the elections 8 years back
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Jan 23, 2017 03:20
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I'm going to see this tomorrow in the cinema. I'm hoping I can trust the OP that it's actually funny and not just boring.
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Jan 25, 2017 23:10
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hemale in pain posted:I'm going to see this tomorrow in the cinema. I'm hoping I can trust the OP that it's actually funny and not just boring. I can at least promise you that I was honest in my descriptions of things that happen in the movie. If that sounds like your poo poo, you will probably enjoy this.
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Jan 26, 2017 21:28
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Alright, I just saw it and it was hilarious. I think it helped I went with a friend who'd ony had 3 hours sleep last night so he was a bit delirious. I feel a bit bad because we had a giggly fit for the first 5 minutes and must of pissed off anyone close to us (but who cares? you're watching a underworld movie!) This shouldn't be my main issue but it felt like an entire fight scene had been cut after they got tracked to their sewer hideout with the tracker bullet. There's a sloppy cut of the vampires driving away in a car and a tacked on scene of the werewolves turning up late! It would of been a good place to have Selene meet our main bad guy Marius and find out he's not just another werewolf bum she could murder in 5 seconds. I guess they needed some extra time for another very exciting exposition dump from Charles Dance! hemale in pain fucked around with this message at 23:33 on Jan 26, 2017 |
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Jan 26, 2017 23:29
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Also, did she really loving bite herself at the end to give herself a flash back with her own blood so she could remember her hybrid boyfriend? WHILE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT!
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Jan 26, 2017 23:38
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I want an entire movie about Samara or whoever, just whatever she did while waiting for that goblet of blood to ripen.
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Jan 27, 2017 03:35
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The last 20 minutes of this are incredible, the rest is Underworld: The Expositioning.
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Jan 29, 2017 07:21
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I really want to know the train of thought that led to "okay, let's have a cunnilingus scene in this pg 13 blockbuster"
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Jan 29, 2017 09:21
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It's rated R
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Jan 29, 2017 11:33
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I salute Kate Beckinsale leveling up by getting highlights as maybe the worstbest thing in this whole series. Also I realized after I came in that I never saw Underworld 4: Selene Loses Her Daughter On Purpose. This one has barely made its budget back when you account for the marketing rule of thumb (needs to make more than double the stated budget), so maybe we've seen the end of Vampire: The Masquerade lite. It really is a rough experience when it looks like they filmed the entire thing on about three sets.
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Jan 29, 2017 13:36
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Isn't Kate Beckinsale a little old for highlights? Latex bodysuit is one thing, but...
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Jan 29, 2017 23:07
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HUNDU THE BEAST GOD posted:Isn't Kate Beckinsale a little old for highlights? Latex bodysuit is one thing, but... She fits in well regardless. The rest of the cast has become Game of Thrones actors, or people whose singular talent is that they look like Game of Thrones actors.
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Jan 29, 2017 23:26
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