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Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



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Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002


The world wonders

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


Arnold Chigurh comin

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



The have so much time when you are staying at the house and waiting for things to happen. It is boring.


Your weekly reminder of people about your amazing win in the election done. The fake news will surely twist this negatively to fit their evil liberal objective for sure.

https://twitter.com/thackerpd/status/860507802489499648
*Actual Tweet

Thankfully, one loyal cable network is always reliable and truthfully report all your good deeds to America - Fox News. It’s even better when they pay you to bad mouth of those fake news so that more people will be made to watch the truth instead.


The chef brought the special concoct that you ordered just in time for your tweeting break. A new drink involving caffeine and alcohol with spicy chocolate to replace the awful strong taste of alcohol that has been causing you headache the past two days. You took a sip.

“It could use some ketchup.” You told the chef with a firm stares like food critic reviewer with the power to fire the chef for making horrible drink. God, you wish you get Gordon Ramsey’s job to poo poo talk any chef for the slightest disfavor from your flavorful tongue. Sad. “I would have get a voodoo guy to curse me with insomnia than drinking this tonight.” You wouldn’t do that actually, you like sleeping. But you don’t like alcohol because your brother’s organ failure scarred you.

“It shall be done, Mr. President.” The chef’s blank poker face reveals no opinion of your criticism (or argues the fact that ketchup is one of the ingredient); only professional acceptance of what you want and how (much more) you like it. Good. You wave him to leave you to your private sanctum of informative tweetering to educate the masses.


Then you read some fake news to get your blood boil for how wrong they are to fuel your system with more righteous adrenaline to keep you from failing asleep.


You quickly gave up on doing something so harmful to your health. You really need to pass a bill to stop them from posting whatever they want, but people treat the first amendment too highly to ever let you protect them from falsehood. Those foolish liberals! If only they are smart enough to see through the dark veil of the liberal agenda, Obama and Clinton won’t have gotten away!


Speaking of Blacks, Black Magic. You last priest did a terrible, terrible job at protecting you against witchcraft and even got you possessed! If it wasn’t Jesus and you being strong willed, you could had become a liberal for all you know! That’s why you have to take action and have your staffs hang up a bunch of traditional warding item like garlic, silver, crosses, whatever. You will stay in the other room until the smell gets better.


You are bored in the other room, you could use some lovely touch of a Ms. World Pageant right about now, but there is too much risk that it is a Chinese Plant. Just like so many people working for you are moles from Russia and China. They worked hard to help you elected, and they love you with extreme loyalty, but that doesn’t mean you will bang a Chinese mole.Your dick aren’t running a charity.

Sigh, time sure flies slowly. You wonders where all these people are right now.

---------------------------------

A few hours ago…

Your name is Ivan Terrize, bastard descendant of Ivan the Terrible with your mother’s family name. The mudded royal blood of the famous ruler of Russia, now serving as the loyal ‘wish granting’ division of Putin’s personal army. Your family whole heritage have been raises to die for the ruler. It is your fate of the bastard bloodline to die off in shame or die for the country with pride. You and your ancestor chose the latter. You down the last bottle of vodka. Overdosing with so much alcohol will surely kills your kidney, but you don’t intent to live on without the greatest leader of Russia running this country with an iron fist.

Now that your glorious leader is gone, there’s no more reason for you to live except fulfilling the last command of Putin: Grant a wish to President Trump.

All your life, you have taken many strange and sickening requests, but this fat American’s dream is so… Mediocre. You were expecting something more intense or even the answer to the dream. Haha, American is too soft and too selfish to care about the real issue.

“Sir, the ‘Terminator’ has taken down half of our men.” A soldier phoned in through the radio.

You toss the empty bottle of vodka and reach for the speaker. “Good, make sure he came here alive.”

“Yes, sir. For the motherland!” The called went dead as the soldier charges to his final resting place.

“For the motherland.” You echo the sentiment. The steroid injection is clearly working wonder on the Terminator. Another reasonable person would had choose to ran away to the exit, but the bloodthirsty monster with all rage induced sides effect only cares about revenge and developing the blood thirst for the first time in his life. Arnold Schwarzenegger is truly a natural soldier. It is a shame that we all born in peacetime where nuke solves everything. At least, you will get the chance to fight to death with honor against a real Killing Machine.

The phone rings. It’s the American fool again. “HEY! Where’s my Arnold Sugar and Kim!?”

“It is done.” You told the ignorant fool who might remain oblivious for weeks to come.

“Done?” He questioned.

“Yes. We used the special gift that Mr. Putin left for you in case you used that code.” Noise of distant gunfire can be hear from the background as the Terminator approaches.

“When can I see it happen?” He asked.

You have to chuckle at the idiot who missed the chance to be inside something interesting. Then again, Putin was expecting him to join in late, but at this rate, he might get to stay in this lovely world instead. So you give him a hint. “Only if you dare to sleep forever.” Then you cut the phone line with a knife before you decided to reveal any more to the fool.

The steel framed doors kicked open with brute force. The Terminator has come. He clad in the same armored uniform like the one in the movie. Good. You made sure everyone and all the available storage only have that design so that he might wear it when he seeks protection.

“I FOUND YOU!” Arnold-no, the Terminator begin firing the machine gun before you even have time to greet him. Of course, you are ready for that as you duck behind your sofa and flip it up to reveal the solid titanium bottom that can stop even grenade. The Terminator doesn’t care and just keep firing until the ammo expires.

Maybe you injected a little too much steroid… Or maybe your dealer cut the dose too strong… You did said you want to enrage a lion, figurative speaking. You peak out your head to see what’s going on and a knife almost went through your skull! Backflipping away only gave you a moment of distance before this bersekering rogue machine close the distance with half-killing intent. “WHO SENT YOU!” He shouted his reason for not killing you outright, but the intimidation from the full unloading fire and bloodied visage instead excites you much like during the war. It is good and make you feel alive in this aging body with who knows how many stolen kidney implant.

“I will tell you after you beat me!” You grimace at the joy of combat as you pull out the rough dagger that has been with you for decades. It is time to play.

“I will start with your leg!” Arnold pulls out a sidearm hidden in the sock.

How anti-dramatic, NOT! You high heel kicked the gun away at the fool who thinks you are sitting duck. This isn’t the first time someone tried to pull a gun at you, and your years of combat experience is more than adequate to go against superior strength.

The Terminator scream a bestial roar reminding you of the Conan movies. You watches a lot of movie during the downtime of nothing happening. Arnold’s movie is on the top of your list. But, as you dodge the dagger punch of the angry Wildman who can’t mentally stay calm, which gave you plenty of opportunity to throw him to the ground with Krav Maga techniques. His body is really well-build and maintained, you can tell peacetime, or perhaps job requirement forced this man to always remain in such tip-top shape? Hmm? The Terminator isn’t charging anymore. He is now silently staring daggers at you with more cautious movement. Did the drug fading? No, the combat technique awakened his sense to fight smart. He is now actively suppressing his rage, and you know he can’t keep the beast inside for long without some interval of offensive action to calm the inner monster.

True to your thought, the Terminator charger at you like a red eyed bull. All you need to do is grab hold of the knife arm and- KUH! You are in the air, your mind racing to replay the scene before the brief whiteout as you float briefly in the air. Then the pain in the chest reminded you: It was a feint with an upper kick that grinds its way up your stomach to the jaw. The content of your stomach is being squeezed out like a bag of juice, but you shut your lung tightly even if some begin to pour out of your nose. You don’t have time to vomit during a fight.

Then you feels your leg being grab. Years of combat experience taught you that he is going to spin or slam you into the cold concrete tile. Reacting immediately from your daze, you refocused your eyes just in time to kick him in the head. Cursed. It’s like kicking a refrigerator. But the damage is there to distract the Machine long enough for you to escape his deadly clutch.

You landed some distance away on your feet, and rushing to control your breathing to restore orders in your aged system. More painful signal of your body begin to reaches your brain, and you can at least guesstimate the rib has cracked badly.

The Terminator only spit out a saliva with some blood in it before marching at you again. “Hasta la vista, baby.” He muttered his catchphrase at the checkmate for the battle. You can only laugh manically at your frail body haunted by disease and age, you keep on laughing and laughing as you ignore the pain that the punches and kicks that is slowly destroying you. Oh, how you wish you were in your prime again.

You lay on the ground with blood in your eyes, swelling tears fog up your vision of your terminator.

“Tell me.” He demanded his prize of your defeat.

Your coughed out a mouthful of blood to clear up your throat. Then you gives him the false answer that he seek. “The person who sent me… It’s Kim Kardashian.”

Wish Granted.

Nyaa fucked around with this message at May 6, 2017 around 03:13

Added Space
Jul 13, 2012

Free Markets
Free People

Curse you Hayard-Gunnes!

Nyaa, you are an absolute treasure.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


Fuckin badass

McSpanky
Jan 16, 2005




This is Art

Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


Shows what you know Mr. President, being naked is awesome.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


This is the greatest thing. Don't stop.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



The cocktail worked, but you still get the awful handover. At least it doesn’t taste like Russian Piss. You know that cold flavor too well.

REGARDLESS! Today is the day! The opening of a new lab! Two in fact! Side by side! Like north and south America, except east and west. You know, because you-


Standing on a big glass dome high above both rooms, overseeing two group of scientist using their room without realizing their rival is working right next door! Ha-

… You need to think of something for manically laugher for time like this. You don’t really like laughing like a madman, that’s just cartoonish. Sigh, anyway, it is time for the big reveal. You are going to press the button now-


“Why is this button not big and red?” You stares with unsatisfaction at the NASA head guy that you have already forgotten its name.

“Th-Sorry, sir. I could have one ready tomorrow.” The NASA head guy submit to your wishes pretty quickly. Good. He know who pay his salary.

“Too late. I will make an exception THIS TIME.” You make sure he feels intimidated by your intolerance for failure. Then you thought of something good. “Some a brush and paint it red.” You hand the device back to him.

“That’s a good idea!” The Nasa head guy was surprised by the simple solution to the problem. He probably will worship you now for your superior intellect. Alas, your great mind are better use in the world of leadership and politics. You could CAN be the next Edison if you bothered.


Fifteen minutes later. It is cruelly done. Good. It is time. To lower the border.



Both group of scientist stopped their work as they stares at the other group in disbelieve and in an unifying moment, all stares up at the glass observation dome high above for your answer.

The intercom is on. What is your message to them?
A) A speech of unification. Both side to put their pride aside in order to works together to solve this world crisis.
B) A speech of competition. Promote rivalry to push their competitive spirit into overdrive for their nation’s pride! Raise wall back up.
C) A speech of warden. They are your prisoner and all must work hard to solve this issue before they can go home.
D) A speech of surprise and confusion. “SURPRISE!” *leave*
E) Write-in.

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002


Did we just build a wall and make NASA pay for it?

Anyway, E, ramble incoherently about how this is all a plot by the Demoncrats to enslave humanity, how you know that SO CALLED scientists are really behind this, and how you'll be the savior of mankind through religious freedom.

Then call in the loyal red blooded American army men to kill all of them.


We are the Best President.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Toilet Rascal

D.Mic drop, cut to adverts. Best. Cliffhanger. Great!

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


Mix AC

Like Washington said: "Trust, but carry a big stick."

Added Space
Jul 13, 2012

Free Markets
Free People

Curse you Hayard-Gunnes!

AJ_Impy posted:

D.Mic drop, cut to adverts. Best. Cliffhanger. Great!

Boom.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


We should have had another wall drop to reveal the hungry wolves behind glass. And another to drop the glass.

Oh well, next time.

McSpanky
Jan 16, 2005




B+D: "Welcome to The Fate of Humanity Apprentice!"

Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


Dayum

alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009



Outrail posted:

We should have had another wall drop to reveal the hungry wolves behind glass. And another to drop the glass.

Oh well, next time.

this but bees

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



McSpanky posted:

B+D: "Welcome to The Fate of Humanity Apprentice!"
I could write the reseach progress in the episodic style of The Apprentice and we could boardcast each experiment live.

You can be mad at me, tell me I was born to nerd
I was checking science
Or you could just freak with me
Said it again, let the numbers roll
I hear that about you, baby
It's back when the city's dream
(It's hot, it's hot, it's hot)
Don't ever look at me like that
It's just in the desert, no
It's just in the desert, no



Wall down revealing fliming crew.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


Nyaa posted:

I could write the reseach progress in the episodic style of The Apprentice and we could boardcast each experiment live.

You can be mad at me, tell me I was born to nerd
I was checking science
Or you could just freak with me
Said it again, let the numbers roll
I hear that about you, baby
It's back when the city's dream
(It's hot, it's hot, it's hot)
Don't ever look at me like that
It's just in the desert, no
It's just in the desert, no



Wall down revealing fliming crew.

This but each team gets a mix of Chinese, American, and European scientists. You have to have conflict inside the team as well as between the teams

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


SniperWoreConverse posted:

This but each team gets a mix of Chinese, American, and European scientists. You have to have conflict inside the team as well as between the teams

Throw in some game theory. Each team has to test their hypotheses, vaccine, experiments on another team.

Mr. Nemo
Feb 4, 2016

A roc and a hard place


A


Sanity has long left the house but I still have to try

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


man this would be an immensely hosed up situation


Outrail posted:

Throw in some game theory. Each team has to test their hypotheses, vaccine, experiments on another team.

Do it. If you gently caress up the other team dies or goes crazy, but you lose the game. If you do it right the other team is substantially better off but you win the game.

alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009



For the surprise roadblock what if we pump in weaponised Ebola so they have to stop and find a cure for that

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



You speak to the speaker with a succulent mouth that softly declares:



The moment your mutter the word. Music begins to blast from the background from the lab. The intense kind of music from Who Wants to be a Millionaire is playing to the utter confusion of the smart minds of the world.

Two secret service pulls out a comfortable sofa for you to sits and observe the confusion from the glass dome. More confusion when your NASA guy hand you another similar remote label with a big ‘2’. Its button has also been painted red. You lift the remote high enough that all scientist can see it as you slowly, methodically press the red button.

Immediately, another wall lowers to reveals:















The American Science Team

The background music hits it credenza and at their revelation as you reveal to them the new of your new reality tv show: “Welcome, to THE SCIENTIST!”*

The back music abruptly stopped to play the title music:

You can be mad at me,
tell me I was born to nerd
I was checking science
Or you could just freak with me
Said it again, let the numbers roll
I hear that about you, baby
It’s back when the city’s dream
(it’s hot, it’s hot, it’s hot)
Don’t ever look at me like that
It’s just in the desert, no
It’s just in the desert, no
**

“CUT!” The director called as ANOTHER WALL lowered to reveals a hidden filming crew.

*/**Due to legal reason, the president can not have ties to his previous show "The Apprentice", which is the why Trump team can only subtlety use the song titled 'The Apprentice' sang by the band - Gorillaz. They have nothing to do with the Apprentice.

---------------

The Scientist is brought to you by: Dumpling Roll – The softest, biggest, most-damp resistance toilet paper your rear end you will ever felt! It is scented with your favorite dumpling flavor not because it is made in a Chinese food factory, but because it is RECLYCLED Paper towel used for wiping dumpling stain! It is all NATURAL with NO PRESERVATIVE (because we can’t afford preservative.)

Now you can take a dump in the dumping roll with the knowledge that you are saving the planet (and child labor)!

----------------
The shows will continue after the commerical break.

Nyaa fucked around with this message at May 11, 2017 around 22:46

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002


This glorious clusterfuck of a CYOA

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


Lol

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Added Space posted:

Nyaa, you are an absolute treasure.

Indeed, don't ever change.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Since it is friday, how about a vote for the show host? We probably will be terrible at explaining the rule, so any suggestions for a celebrity to perform the all important non-lazy task? We could still do it ourselves if we must.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Toilet Rascal

Jared Kushner.

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



Are you kidding? Get Rosie O'Donnel on here so we look like we're learning to improve our interpersonal skills by burying the hatchet with this lady. HOWEVER, we had an underling dump some ricin in her morning Oreo Blizzard when we made the deal, so she's stuffy is is guaranteed to keel over on set. DO NOT MESS WITH THE DONALD.

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002


Ted Nugent

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Kim kadesian would be perfect, but she is missing.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


Nyaa posted:

Kim kadesian would be perfect, but she is missing.

dam

get bill ny + neal degrass Tyson + ancient aliens man to tag team the science

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Obviously a duo would be better to present thus terrific show. Nicolas Cage and Tom Cruise

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CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

There is only one logical choice.

Sarah Palin

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