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cda


sig by vanisher

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i am he


cda posted:

Sexy Woman Realtor: So, what do you think? 4 bedrooms, 3 and a half baths, hardwood floors throughout, newly furnished... All for under 100K

Me: What, is it some kind of murder house?

Sexy Woman Realtor: *tossing hair back in a way that could be alluring or maybe her hair was just in her face* No, not at all.

Me: I love you so much for finding me this house.

Sexy Woman Realtor: *slight pause* Thanks. That's very nice of you to say.

Me: ... And there's nothing wrong with it? Why's it so cheap?

SWR: it's in the Friend Zone.

Me: I KNEW it! Why didn't you just tell me?

SWR: Look at how you're acting! That's why I didn't tell you.


loll

Fuck My Ass


lmao

Petr

why does donald trump always wear red neckwear?

because he has so many russian ties

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Petr

I worked on that one for hours

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i am he



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UINhU3R3Teg

little munchkin
Probation
Can't post for 20 days!

listing a bunch of different ways to get murdered and then saying it's good after each one

ex: most people would get really upset at being shot with a shotgun. the wouldn't like to have their bones crushed and their organs torn up with buckshot. personally i would enjoy it if that happened to me

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DragQueenofAngmar

You shall not pass!

little munchkin posted:

listing a bunch of different ways to get murdered and then saying it's good after each one

ex: most people would get really upset at being shot with a shotgun. the wouldn't like to have their bones crushed and their organs torn up with buckshot. personally i would enjoy it if that happened to me

this is pretty good drat

Piso Mojado


funny things to say when you open the door for someone


Piso Mojado


funny things to say on June 9th (6/9 lol)


vanisher





Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, PSP, & Death Sext

deep dish peat moss

On a planet that increasingly resembles one huge Maximum Security prison, the only intelligent choice is to plan a jail break.

Inventing a time machine, but it only takes you back to 15 minutes before you started inventing the time machine, so every time you build it 15 minutes sooner and travel back in time that way.

Fuck My Ass

Piso Mojado posted:

funny things to say on June 9th (6/9 lol)

deep dish peat moss

On a planet that increasingly resembles one huge Maximum Security prison, the only intelligent choice is to plan a jail break.

Me: So what's your new show about?

Geraldine Seinfeld : Nothing.

Me: What do you mean nothing?

GS: Don't worry about it.

Starshark

I think this gig economy is overheated. We should dial it back to something like a meg economy.

Plebian Parasite


Starshark posted:

I think this gig economy is overheated. We should dial it back to something like a meg economy.

get a nice pair of clogs and make ours a jig economy

UWBW

Permanently banned from the Alamo

"Bladerunner 2: Blades in space" where the thread would just be quotes from an amazing bladerunner sequel


Thanks to Manifisto for the sig, and Koishi for the last one. TVsVeryOwn made the CyberMike.

FutonForensic


Android Blues


Plebian Parasite posted:

my family becoming bloated and irritable after my handmade corncob pipe etsy takes off and they shift to an all corn diet to keep up with demand.

i am he


Plebian Parasite posted:

my family becoming bloated and irritable after my handmade corncob pipe etsy takes off and they shift to an all corn diet to keep up with demand.

lol

Rigged Death Trap

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP


Starshark posted:

I think this gig economy is overheated. We should dial it back to something like a meg economy.

No one should need more than a 64 kil economy.

Pomp

Pomp has also
an anime avatar


list of instruments i can play: shame-isen, guiltar, hurtsichord, blamepipes, doldrums, didgeridoubt, despairinet, low self-esteem whistle

cda

Pomp posted:

list of instruments i can play: shame-isen, guiltar, hurtsichord, blamepipes, doldrums, didgeridoubt, despairinet, low self-esteem whistle


sig by vanisher

prepuce repurposed

felt cute, might delete later


Piso Mojado posted:

funny things to say when you open the door for someone

"Let the building eat you"

cda

opioid agonist posted:

"Let the building eat you"

Nice callback.

prepuce repurposed

felt cute, might delete later


SHY NUDIST GRRL

Communism will help more white people than anyone else. Any equal measures unfairly provide less to minority populations just because there's less of them. Democracy is truly the tyranny of the mob.


deep dish peat moss posted:

Different kind of *punk, like cyberpunk and steampunk but new things. Of course there's Weedpunk where the earth is covered by a dense, slowing fog and the sun has gone ultraviolet, and Netpunk where everyone lives on one of those endless black gridded planes in the digital world.

Everyone would just name obscure *punks they don't know have been coined already

Plebian Parasite


Is currentpunk like something to do with electricity, or something to do with the ocean; or is it just, like, the current world we live in.

cda

using Nadsat from A Clockwork Orange and doggospeak at the same time like "viddy this pupper my droogs, it's a horrowshow corgo that's looking a little poogly after this floofy did it a frighten."


sig by vanisher

DragQueenofAngmar

You shall not pass!

cda posted:

using Nadsat from A Clockwork Orange and doggospeak at the same time like "viddy this pupper my droogs, it's a horrowshow corgo that's looking a little poogly after this floofy did it a frighten."

SHY NUDIST GRRL

Communism will help more white people than anyone else. Any equal measures unfairly provide less to minority populations just because there's less of them. Democracy is truly the tyranny of the mob.


Plebian Parasite posted:

Is currentpunk like something to do with electricity, or something to do with the ocean; or is it just, like, the current world we live in.

Yes

deep dish peat moss

On a planet that increasingly resembles one huge Maximum Security prison, the only intelligent choice is to plan a jail break.

SHY NUDIST GRRL posted:

Everyone would just name obscure *punks they don't know have been coined already

Big Punk, it's a dystopian universe exactly like our own, but everything is 20 times bigger.

deep dish peat moss

On a planet that increasingly resembles one huge Maximum Security prison, the only intelligent choice is to plan a jail break.

Big Punk - punk companies, collectively, as a sector of industry

Twenty Four

HAIKOOLIGAN

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

what do you call a joke with no punchline

What do you call a zipline with no end?

hockey jockey

Plebian Parasite posted:

Is currentpunk like something to do with electricity, or something to do with the ocean; or is it just, like, the current world we live in.

Not sure, but currantpunk involves an economy entirely dependant on the availability of grapes and sunshine. It's pretty chilling.



Courtesy of Manifisto

DragQueenofAngmar

You shall not pass!

sounds more like its pretty......CHILL, to me

DragQueenofAngmar

You shall not pass!

i like wine

Starshark

Okay, you can stop laughing now... I've reloaded.

goethe.cx

the class-action lanham act suit filed when it turns out plebian parasite's corncob pipes are technically made from maize

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BRB pooping

Hello, welcome to the butt-restaurant, may i take your order?

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