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Hi Thank you very much for your show of support!  I am humbled the people of C-SPAM elected me. Since I am your voice and will, I shall do my best to represent you which is why I'm keen on an Open Door policy as a one of the first order of business after everything has fallen into place, such as this thread subtitle and a dysfunctional cabinet!~ But for now, I will be sticking an umbrella in my rum punch and laying out on the C-SPAM mansion front lawn to catch some rays as we transition  Happy 4/20 everyone  enjoy this day for it is a momentous occasion and thus celebration is mandatory
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Apr 20, 2017 19:04
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*sips rum punch and lifts glasses above* electricity is wasteful so can we tear the roof off and let REAL light in? make it happen thank you this is a renewable energy administration and i will not idly stand by and see baby lightbulbs be roasted alive to illuminate spacious areas
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Apr 20, 2017 19:37
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hope everyone's having a great 4 day weekend so far, I'm traveling to my winter whitehouse because i realized that tearing the roof off on the first one was a bad idea so I need tax payer money to cover the damage done to that and also the tax payer money to cover my charter flight to the maldives where the winter whitehouse is because it gets cold in the tropics anyways pay me lots of money and we'll make everything fine dont worry about it
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Apr 22, 2017 18:47
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*strolls in with a cup of tea and yawns* ok so walk and talk with me like they do in the hit NBC series west wing with 3 golden globe and 26 emmies so i can feel engaged and busy and important, except like do it more slowly and sitting down and actually just whisper because i have a hang over oh good the lights are still off, lets begin. *ahems* I've taken the 4 day weekend to consider cabinet positions for my administration, and this week we'll start effecting real change to drain the swamp by streamlining every cabinet position into a more sleek, a more hyper agile government designed for the 21st century shitposting lifestyle. i dont have any laser pen or a powerpoint slide so this index card of cabinet positions will do *reads off a weathered index card and squints* right now I think I scribbled Squizzle in as Vice President also Dr. Ben Carson for C-SPAM HUD as well, I figure he could do with the extra practice for his Grain Silo R&D in the goblin's nest. I would also like to appoint Al! for Secretary of Defense and Baloogan as Deputy Secretary of Defense. I believe Lindsey O. Graham was acting attorney general, and would like to have him stay on to fulfill his role until someone is nominated or Lindsey himself is formalized in the position. Secretary of State is open and needs confirmation. You'll be dealing with D&D immigration a lot on this one. Secretary of Liquor and Secretary of Drive Thru Orders are also open and needs confirmation. 3 more spots to fill to streamline this administration and cut out all the bureaucratic redundancy. and... thats all the space I have on this index card and I don't like writing on the back because the ink bleeds through and its harder to read especially without light in here, jest let me know if you accept these positions, thank you! I would like to pass a general motion this week sometimes so feel free to apply for the open positions. While I have some people in mind for the last 3 position, there's a limited window and I want to exhaust all the options and by exhaust I mean procrastinate while I catch some sunrays some more with Every Open Eye in my earbuds and mojitos within reach. C-SPAM first. God bless 
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Apr 24, 2017 19:18
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very well, Lindsey is formalized as AG as part of crazy cloud's legacy since he accepts. Thatim is Secretary of Short Pants, it should improve your lawn mowing duties now.
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Apr 24, 2017 20:47
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actually lets make Lindsey Secretary of Short Pants
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Apr 24, 2017 20:52
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Thatim posted:I just got new oil for the machine!! You can work with Lindsey for your short pants needs when encountering a variety of gardening obstacles  no lawn gnomes please, they give me the heebies thanks Doomtalker posted:as a habitual reprobate who keeps trying to read the trump thread for some godforsaken reason, I would like to formally submit an application for a CSPAM position. I have a reasonably clean posting history and BALLS OF STEEL. hi! theres 3 spots open and theres a shortlist to SoS, let me know which one you want to apply for. SoS, Secretary of Liquor and Secretary of Drive Thru Orders mormonpartyboat is now AG should he accept due to a clerical error and I enjoy his proposal and will look to ratify it with some amenities at some point soon when all positions are formalized
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Apr 24, 2017 22:06
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ok heres whats going to happen punchymcpunch is now Secretary of Drive Thru Orders because Rita Repulsa ordering mcnuggets encapsulates the c-spam experience  Please hang this up somewhere in the manor thank you. Also keep those drive thru images coming at your own leisure. If possible you can consolidate them all into one post here in the manor as part of a gallery if you would please do me the honor~ There are 4 sign ups for D&D hating SoS (so far) and the vetting process for that is very arduous, I have to basically pull your name out of a C-SPAM Is Already Great cap and its just so much  *checks notes and lowers reading glasses Schumerously* Oh ya, Secretary of Liquor requires a trial by combat as well in order to have bragging irrefutable rights to your brand of alcohol to shill out for the duration of the position held. Get people to eat a sixer for disagreeing with your brand choice!  Secretary of Liquor will probably have the last confirmation, and there was one other really important position that I forgot so whatever, I'll remember it when it comes to me maybe. If it doesn't its no biggie Once the positions are filled, you will be briefed very briefly, just the briefest of briefings on what can be done. Basically nod along and suck up to me as egregiously as possible as I nurse hangovers and engage in erratic and often inconsistent hijinks as I navigate my nascent presidency. We will reconvene later this week to ratify the first policy after a majority vote. The roof should be fixed by then probably, I don't know. You can skype me from the winter c-spam manor in the maldives which has a roof made out of palm leaves and straws or whatever the gently caress maybe coconuts but therse a roof.
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Apr 25, 2017 17:46
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gotta get those nuggets
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Apr 25, 2017 18:18
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Apr 26, 2017 00:20
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Two things this weekend once Succ Up Crew has been established 1) Rolling out our shock and awe EOs 2) Hold a referendum on milk stout sometimes soon and put that debate to bed:  http://www.blackcow.co.uk/about also round o applause to the newest sycophant, crazy cloud for Secretary of Hypernormalization should our ex-president decide to accept it and come back to the public eye and pick up 400k chicken nuggets for a free speech/drive thru order to Big Moderation
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Apr 26, 2017 00:28
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Apr 26, 2017 00:30
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Doomtalker posted:yeah but uh maybe we can have some fun and maybe find love while we're here thats the power of free will, as thus Hill demonstrated by marrying Bill and death will do them apart inshallah also i like the idea of the thread title being Succ Up Zone, no?
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Apr 26, 2017 00:43
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crazy cloud posted:oh helllllll yes I am honored and delighted to accept this prestigious role thank you Madame President you earned it especially after a 3 day probe in D&D over this fucken hilarious post everyone in nctv is laughing about https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3797191&pagenumber=371&perpage=40#post466571747 what a legend 😂👌
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Apr 26, 2017 06:44
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Mr. Vice President Squizzle had a very novel idea and I am prepared to entertain that. Very well, open the Liquor Pit and have everyone fight it out with their best submissions including and especially Vox Nihili's frog sympathetic to a certain and specific political ideology themed liquor cabinet~ On you go into the pit of death, I mean the Liquor pit and fight it out between yerselves then. If the moderators would not mind a thread for this, we can call for a public vote based on submissions made here. Top 3 gets Secretary, and Undersecretary of Beer and Wine. And as always, drink responsibly namaste
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Apr 26, 2017 20:23
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aw gross kahlua 
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Apr 28, 2017 07:42
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im off to play golf and by golf i mean pack a bong that i cant bing to begin with anyways squizzle is the squizzle of the house now and he is in charge for the weekend *chucks the keys to the manor* keep those liquor/beer/wine submissions coming thanks in advance dont even need a liquor cabinet to be eligible. a bottle will do for our consideration namaste 
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Apr 29, 2017 20:25
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I'm going to hang and commiserate this picture of Kelley Deal, sister of Kim Deal calling all of Nite Crew out It's kind of a Kelley Deal to have this hung up imo. Sniped 
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Apr 30, 2017 15:22
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hi so i got black out drunk and i decided to make my SoS... Chokes McGee also what day is it where am i we can also go ahead and vote on which liquor cabinent we worship the most as part of a clearly meritocratic exercise to finalize the cabinet picks namaste godbless c-spam
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May 3, 2017 16:39
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Eugene V. Dabs posted:madame president, please consider weed. 
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May 4, 2017 16:41
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Chokes McGee posted:hi I'm still interested in secretary of state but, have you considered a minister of culture That's basically Secretary of Drive Thru even though it is not implied I have a list I'm posting soon and if you have questions about that, ask Sean Spicer in the pink room
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May 4, 2017 17:02
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ok so before i dive into another "golf" session for the weekend and smoke some divots here's the cabinet with some changes for the road ahead, i.e. people who can circlejerk over voting on EOs and succ up and feel super important over make believe poo poo much like today's political climate!  Vice President - Squizzle Secretary of State - Chokes McGee Secretary of Defense - Baloogan Department of Doodling(DoD) - Rushi Secretary of Interior - Al! Attorney General - mormonpartyboat Secretary of Hypernormalization - crazy cloud Secretary of Short Pants - Lindsey O. Graham Secretary of Mattering - Anime was Right Secretary of Drive Thru Orders - PunchyMcPunch Secretary of #wokeness - That DICK! Turdfuzz, Archbishop of Canterbury - Turdfuzz Secretary of Liquor is the last confirmation and I think we should exercise our power to finalize this honorary position with alcohol shilling immunity, anyone who thinks of disagreeing or comparing with their brand gets probated. The submissions were on some rather intimidating liquor cabinets that scared lesser c-spam goblins away or filled them with contempt for all of the alcohol that does not subsist in your body at this given time and instead is in a liquor cabinet you imbecile, you moron~ Runner ups get Deputy Secretary of Wine, and Deputy Secretary of Beer blah blah blah fuckin bureaucracy and finalizing and normalizing blah blah blah *lowers reading glasses Schumerously and clears throat* Finalists are Vox Nihili 2DCat eatenmyeyes M_Gargantua ex-post facho Weeping Wound Sir Tonk Everyone approved on the cabinet list may begin casting their votes for Secretary of Liquor because rules are arbitrary and this formality makes things seem super important Lastgirl has issued a correction as of 17:53 on May 4, 2017 |
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May 4, 2017 17:13
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punchymcpunch posted:woohoo im not in the cabinet so i can stay in my bathrobe bannon style I fixed it so get out of that bathrobe and get into your brutalist mcdonald's uniform dammit  we have a subforum to pretend to run! Lastgirl has issued a correction as of 17:44 on May 4, 2017 |
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May 4, 2017 17:34
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punchymcpunch posted:i change my vote to 2dcat cant beat a deal like that ok ya gently caress it *spins around in my super important fake desk* i vote 2dcat too
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May 4, 2017 19:51
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5 for 2D Cat 2 for Weeping Wound 1 for M_Gargantua so far 2D Cat just needs 2 votes to secure the nom should that happen
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May 8, 2017 16:49
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2D Cat wins by 7 votes majority and is Secretary of Liquor, may he bring his best thinking face game for the goblins~ so be it that Weeping Wound and M_Gargantua are undersecretaries and may handle beer and wine respectively and confer with 2DCat for alcohol of the week should they choose for immunity and bragging rights and should contesting these decisions put forth by the Liquor committee is probation worthy~ Next thing on the agenda soon moving forward once 2DCat testifies at Congress! (Appreciate the) Congrats on your arbitrary but slightly fancy position! 
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May 9, 2017 04:08
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Also I believe that people wanted to make a batch of Avalanche Gangtags as its been something in the works for a while considering how prophetic Final Fantasy VII has been for this year of TRVMP I may consider making this a thing that should happen along with a new donation thread for Planned Parenthood if that is something this cabinet would want to be interested in making this happen soon
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May 9, 2017 04:11
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Hmm my cabinet is starting to become restless and divisive over domestic issues I know what I should do to quickly resolve this issue without balming it and using it as a smokescreen for another agenda WAR! *chews on the nib of my Chuck Schumer™ reading glasses* I will start a draft to order Tomahawk probations over the course of this administration to be fired into the Suck Zone and test the stability of their vortex located on an airfield. The Department of Defense can coordinate this war effort to the rest of C-SPAM should some D&D fanatic goes renegade and needs one o them heat seeking probations. Be sure to clear the airfield so we can test appropriately  This EO, which will ensure a much more aggressive stance against the foreigners who are coming right into the goblin's nests and gentrifying it. Their ways have been tolerated for quite a while, but lets face it. We want the funny mocky topical posts and inside political jokes and not the crying, bitter grudge posts and D&D drama that consistently gets brought here to test the goblins. There are culprits who know this very clearly and do it daily. The D&D rejects have also had a hard time integrating with much of an uncomical rebellion flair and one more of mediocrity which adds to the insufferable edge of their posts. They are bringing Anythink to a dangerous level that can make this D&D lite instead of C-SPAM. Anyways, that was my heavily biased fearmongering speech to persuade you to vote on an EO that gives more carte blanche to minimize the D&D creep-in. A little tough love to keep C-SPAM to the gobbos. They already have an entire forum out there after all~ We may begin voting as a cabinet to ratify this order. All in favor of "The Lemonsucc EO"? 
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May 11, 2017 17:32
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Pine Sol the fucc outta em, C-SPAM bless the gobbo nest spring cleaning on this may day
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May 11, 2017 19:59
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when D&D gives you lemons, well...h*ck I suppose yer supposed to make lemonade much like how our president Donglad Tormp very much loves our goblin piss That's an Aye from me
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May 12, 2017 03:42
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Seems like we have a Majority Vote, 8 out of 12. The Ayes have it~ Death is Certain inshallah~ You may proceed with the the operation at once DoD  May Satan Have No Mercy On Our Souls  Ed Balls pluribus unum
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May 13, 2017 02:39
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crazy cloud posted:extremely oppenheimer voice]: I am become trump, destroyer of brains 
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May 13, 2017 03:27
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Weeping Wound posted:I will decide the beer of choice this week. Expect a Champange. Of Beers.  
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May 16, 2017 00:03
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In light of Weeping Wound's declaration, May 15th will be Dennis Hopper Day in C-SPAM as a recognized holiday annually, naturally this will draw animosity from the dutch as we choose to willfully disregard Heineken. On that May Day, let it be known that no Heineken shall pass through ones mouth for the full duration of that day.
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May 17, 2017 18:38
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I would like to turn our focus on a small project in making sure the Orb Thread gets compiled for a possible photoshop friday submission? There are a lot of gems that are lost in the folds of Trump thread, even the Kellyanne ones in the previous as it is the nature. It seems that Goblins have been worshipping a large orb-like entity that has breached the plane and I have no qualms or concerns because I'm hung over as poo poo and will amend that an Orb gangtag will be given out to all those who donate to the upcoming Planned Parenthood thread in the works perhaps? You may confer your thoughts on this matter as a cabinet, please do. I will be laying on the couch with the pillow over my face because everything is too loud. I also wish to see that the roof to the Mansion fixed so I will be enacting a big EO with regards to that, keep your ear to the floor
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May 22, 2017 19:58
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2DCAT posted:These are both good ideas. I'm also willing to use my power as Secretary of Liquor to buy 2 bottles of our alcohol-of-the-month, Rittenhouse Rye, for any contest-related purposes. Although, due to some state/country liquor shipping reasons and age-verification issues... this idea might be reduced to me simply venmo'ing out money for people to buy alcohol (which any winner will likely instead use the money for stuff like anime tiddies). Ah yes, I have something perfect in mind for that, [Bob Pageishly] we will have to confer with the Secretary of Interior on this matter. *shuffles papers capital p presidental-like*
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May 23, 2017 02:26
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Baloogan posted:the motto of C-SPAM rendered in the English is "nothing matters" I'd like to offer a latin version: "omnia sine ratione appareant" All in favor of this being the official seal of the C-SPAM office from this point on once the  over latin is out of the way
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May 24, 2017 17:16
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crazy cloud posted:I vote for the first word to be removed, "without any apparent reason" sounds great, I'm not on board with all. "All" can go take a flying gently caress @ the moon IMO Let's just pressure hypernormalize wash that bit and go with Without Apparent Reason but in Latinese
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May 25, 2017 03:02
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*ahems* Ok it's time for a rundown for the upcoming month of June in the Goblin's Nest. *puts on Chuck Schumer glasses and scans presidental papers* Ummmm buh bub buh... ok right~ we need to fix the hole in the roof. Some intern managed to find the light switch on the place, big woop only took a month so what we're going to do is renovate the place and mark it with our own goblin piss as goblins are probably wont to do and plug that hole up That hole is a new background for C-SPAM, approved by ZDR should we call for a vote to get it off the ground. What say you cabinet? Does C-SPAM need a goblin-themed background?
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Jun 5, 2017 01:28
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some of these ideas are cool I will be conferring with the Secretary of Interior and Secretary of Drive Thru very soon on this matter but the general possible idea is to come up with 3 different goblin-theme background, hopefully templates and submit it as a public option for goblin citizens to vote on the best one out of the three based on their mock ups. Input is always welcome of course as we move towards this goal I also have made a donation thread as per my platform in a moment of sobriety. Gosh bless 
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Jun 7, 2017 20:28
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