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 Hello monsters. Welcome back to the rust-covered disease-infested carnival that never ends. Some of the rides are shooting sparks, attendants have gone missing, and you might need a tetanus shot to ride this rollercoaster. It's E3, which stands for Everyone, Everything's Excrement. This year even more of the public is being let in, so chances are someone's gonna die. World War II is cool again, so there will probably be anime nerds dressed as nazis at the expo. Companies are moving their presentations out of the schedule so they can eventually cut their ties with this garbage world convention. It is less than one week to the E3 keynotes. The disappointment is nearly here.  SCHEDULE:    The most consistently average presenters on a yearly basis, EA's only real theatrics involve their sports department, where last year they dressed up a made up athlete to present FIFA and brought out a football manager. One year they had someone dancing around with a violin to promote Dragon Age. But otherwise it's mostly bland reveals. Gosh will there be some sort of new Madden game?? The only thing that interests me about EA anymore is that they have an Indie line that only releases on Origin so I completely forget about them. I remember shaky hand guy but I don't remember his game because it wasn't on Steam so I didn't buy it.  Everyone's favorite Simpsons character, Hank Scorpio, makes his debut on the E3 stage, while the millions of armchair Frank Grimes at home whine about it. No matter how much more powerful the Scorpio is, it's still a Microsoft console which means its big exclusives are Halo Yet Again and Gears of War: We're Still Making This. Based on Xbox One's stupid name, we can safely assume this new Xbox will have its own bespoke idiotic name that will make us all have a small little chuckle. Even Scalebound is dead. What are they gonna pull out of their rear end, Blinx the Time Sweeper 2?   Bethesda has another conference this year, even though they have no major game yet announced, and Prey just came out. So what the gently caress. You can take a year off guys. Is this just going to be an hour of Quake Champions and Elder Scrolls Online DLC? There might be a new Wolfenstein game which to this point has only appeared as a one-line teaser in an MS-DOS prompt, but that's all I know. Is Battlecry still a thing?  AMD shouts loudly that they exist once a year, in the most boring way possible. Presented in a talk show format but without a house band and without jokes and without fun, the PC Gaming Show is a lot like those PBS shows that air in the middle of the night that exist primarily to solve insomnia. I don't think anything notable has ever been announced at this presentation, except that AMD has, both times, brought out a thing in a suitcase like it's loving Pulp Fiction. I remember there being some sort of VR backpack thing that looked like a "please beat me up and mug me" call for help.   This is gonna be a loving awkward one. Ubisoft is on the verge of being acquired by Viviendi who will probably gut them, and discard their eccentricity for boring rear end "safeness". This could be the last year of Aisha Tyler, the last year of flamboyant people dancing inappropriately to pay honor to a gay nightclub shooting, the last year of impromptu laser tag, the last year of meme discussion with steampunk men, the last year of FUN. yes, it's terrible, but it's fun and it's like the only real fun you'll have watching E3 keynotes and it's probably coming to an end. after this year, ubisoft e3 will probably be presented by ConferenceBot in a closet. welcome to E3, now loading assassin's creed trailer, begin watching.   Last year everyone got hyphy for Dad of War the Dad simulator, which will show up again, and the Ico trilogy is finally done. Uncharted 4 had its day in the sun. It's time for some new baby birds to leave the gaming nest. Is this the year Dreams materializes out of the vaporsphere? Will the subtitle to The Last of Us 2 be "I Guess There Were Some More"? Will the Vita finally get its moment of silence and 21 gun salute? And will people stop asking about Agent because seriously guys, just beg Sega for an Alpha Protocol 2 instead.   The Switch is an early hit, probably because it wasn't called the Nintendo New Wii X. By the time E3 rolls around it will have three first party games (BOTW, ARMS, MK8D) and a bunch of indie games, so whether the system will sputter to a stop in mid-air and fall Wile E Coyote-like to the bottom of the abyss will depend on what Nintendo has to present this month. It can't just be Splatoon 2 and Mario Odyssey. Are any third parties going to get on board now that it's selling? If a new traditional Metroid is announced, I'm pretty sure we'll be Slidered back into the proper universe with the Berenstein Bears. WHERE TO WATCH   The primary E3 host has been Twitch, although most people don't usually watch that feed because watching Twitch 'personalities' outside of a speedrun marathon is usually bad advice. Geoff Keighley, the mascot of E3, usually has a one-day Youtube stream with various gaming journalists stopping by and also Youtube 'personalities'. So I guess you're really picking your poison here. We'll find out which stream has someone saying something racist first. Gamespot might still stream from the show but their top dude left to do his solo Patreon. GB has their nightly thing, and of course the Jeff live drive where you can hear mild speculation and fast food eating. GAMES AT THE SHOW  Assassins Creed Origins - it took them 2 years to come up with "Origins". this is why AAA gaming is doomed. oh yeah this game is in egypt and there's naval combat. can't wait for the cleopatra DLC Battlefront II - EA's reboot of the Star Wars FPS returns, and it's very confusing because there already is a Battlefront 2 so way to invite unflattering comparisons. Call of Duty WWII - They couldn't keep pushing the series into the future so it's back to the basics! Maybe they'll start going backwards and there will be a Call of Duty Civil War, Call of Duty Revolutionary War, Call of Duty The Crusades. Will Black Ops 4 try to pull some sort of "Captain America is Hydra" twist next year? Cyberpunk 2077 - I include this tentatively because I would think this year is maybe the first year we'll actually hear SOMETHING about it. CDPR has been done with Witcher for a while now. Days Gone - the zombie game from last year where the zombies were practically flowing like water. We done with zombies yet? Can this be the last one for a while? Death Stranding - A game has yet to emerge but I'm sure there will be another trailer involving a baby Destiny 2 - Finally, PC gamers can experience how boring the missions and loot are. for destiny 2, backstory is revealed via geocacheing Detroit: Become Human - David Cage's latest disasterpiece. Even the critics stopped caring about this dude Final Fantasy 7 Remake - It's been a couple years now, has the afterglow faded? Will you get to save Aeris this time, and will it be in the form of a quick-time event? Fire Emblem Warriors - It's another Musou crossover, this time with the anime fantasy boys from Intelligent Systems. All talk about this game will probably be anger over which characters made the cut and which didn't. God of War Dad Edition - instead of racking up 2000-hit combos, last year's footage made GOW look more like a slower deliberate ARPG like, let's just say, a From Software game, if you will. Armored Core? Yeah you nailed it. Is it an open world affair? Do you eventually take over as the son, Raiden-style? If so I look forward to God of War Revengeance. Lady Layton - after trying to make some sort of lovely Layton board game for mobile, Level5 scrapped it and went back to conventional Layton puzzles but with a new protagonist. This will actually be the second Layton game to reach mobile, the other of which is Layton Brothers which only shares the IP and is also loving crazy. Mario Odyssey - a return to the exploration of Mario 64/Sunshine but hopefully no blue coins. gently caress it's probably going to have blue coins. Hundreds of them with no reward like the Korok seeds. Metal Gear Survive - some garbage that has the Metal Gear name on it for no reason Middle-Earth: Shadow of War - the Nemesis system that was invented by Shadow of Mordor and only used by Shadow of Mordor returns! No one else wants to do the Nemesis system so this will probably be the last time you get to experience it unless this ends up being a trilogy like a lot of LOTR properties. Project Rap Rabbit - A collaboration between the developers of Gitaroo Man and the developers of Parappa the Rapper, so basically it's the GOTY regardless of what system it's on. Red Dead Redemption 2 - A bunch of Steam users are furiously at half-chub awaiting an announcement, but for the rest of y'all, get hyphy Sonic Forces - Basically Sonic Generations 2. Not much has been shown but people are not super excited about it. Splatoon 2 - It's basically more Splatoon, with new outfits, new maps, new game modes (including Horde mode). The pivotal question: will 'more of the same' maintain its freshness? Enjoy the awful!!!  
The 7th Guest fucked around with this message at 17:16 on Jun 7, 2017 |
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May 11, 2017 18:12
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 05:23 |
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Hell yes, will there be/is anyone hosting an IRC or Discord with rapidfire shitposting live during the shows? That's my favorite part of E3
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May 11, 2017 18:17
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Actually, E3 is going to suck.
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May 11, 2017 18:18
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Hashtag Girlwood
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May 11, 2017 18:23
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So whats the over/under that EA will say anything about a Mass Effect Andromeda DLC now that there are unconfirmed reports the series is going on hiatus?
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May 11, 2017 18:28
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Since they moved the lovely amd thing to the daytime they should change the format from late night talk show to day time talk show
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May 11, 2017 18:28
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This is a good thread.
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May 11, 2017 18:28
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BexGu posted:So whats the over/under that EA will say anything about a Mass Effect Andromeda DLC now that there are unconfirmed reports the series is going on hiatus? 7.5
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May 11, 2017 18:28
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Tremendous thread, as always.
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May 11, 2017 18:31
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Unironically love E3, and not just for the disaster potential. And hey, last year's PC Gamer thing was a hair's breadth better than the first one, so maybe this time it'll only be as unwatchable as someone else's colonoscopy! Guess I'd better watch the entire thing to find out. 
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May 11, 2017 18:33
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I would add the Insomniac Spiderman game to the list, since it'll only be a month out from the movie. What are the chances Bethesda is going to spring a current-generation Elder Scrolls game on everyone? Sony will probably show or at least tease Horizon DLC. Still hoping for Beyond Good and Evil 2 because I am a fool haveblue fucked around with this message at 18:37 on May 11, 2017 |
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May 11, 2017 18:34
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Spiderman, Dad of War, and the obligatory progress video on Death Stranding will all be cool and good. Looking forward to Sony once again making GBS threads on everything else. I'm also looking forward to the 2-hour long Mario conference. Have to wonder what Bethesda has going for it. Arkane is done for a while now that both games are out, no idea what id is doing, and I don't think Todd Howard is working on a new Fallout/Elder Scrolls. Have to think it boils down to Wolfenstein and Evil Within. Unless they announce they are buying Deus Ex from Square and handing it to Arkane then idk what else happens here. Scorpio will be embarrassing because Microsoft has zero loving interesting games for it. They had a loving exclusive Hideki Kamiya game and they hosed that up.
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May 11, 2017 18:45
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Aw man, there's no recap of last year's E3 in the OP. That was always my favorite part of these threads Looking forward to Nintendo and Sony's pressers and not much else. Dunno if I'll bother to tune into the ARMS and Splatoon 2 tournaments; they seem cool, but I really want another Nintendo World Championship
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May 11, 2017 18:54
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haveblue posted:What are the chances Bethesda is going to spring a current-generation Elder Scrolls game on everyone? Approximately zero, they've said they're working on a few other projects and that there won't be a new ES for a good, long time.
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May 11, 2017 19:02
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Nintendo is gonna win again
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May 11, 2017 19:03
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Please do not joke about Days Gone as my Official E3 Bingo Card has a "Brand New IP" spot on it and it's like my only chance.
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May 11, 2017 19:07
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Mordja posted:Approximately zero, they've said they're working on a few other projects and that there won't be a new ES for a good, long time. Despite how much I hated and despised every bit of Fallout 4, I kind of really wanted them to hurry it up with a new Elder Scrolls game  I suppose there's just something about a generic fantasy setting that gets my nerd boner going despite awful writing and lacking gameplay. Hell, awful writing might as well be a requirement for generic fantasy.
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May 11, 2017 19:11
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I don't know the point of Days Gone now that Sony announced The Last of Us 2 last year. I guess to fill the gap from now till the release of that, it didn't look unique in anyway
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May 11, 2017 19:13
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I'd bet money it's legit Wolfenstein: Colossus and Evil Within 2: Hopefully Stable
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May 11, 2017 19:13
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DLC Inc posted:I'd bet money it's legit Wolfenstein: Colossus and Evil Within 2: Hopefully Stable
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May 11, 2017 19:20
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smuh posted:What on earth could Bethesda even be working on? The only games they've actually made themselves have been TES and Fallout games, right? Fallout 4 VR. Supposedly it's going to be done "soon". Having said that there's been very little news about it since the initial announcement so there's a decent chance they've spent the last year watching VR porn.
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May 11, 2017 19:24
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 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFtb3EtjEic
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May 11, 2017 19:34
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E3 is gonna be good because nintendo
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May 11, 2017 20:00
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eonwe posted:E3 is gonna be good because nintendo 
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May 11, 2017 20:02
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smuh posted:Well, but they didn't actually work on those games themselves, they just published them no? In any case I'd be super fine with a new Wolfenstein if it's as good as TNO and Evil Within 2 might be good if they'd just stick with what works. Which is straight up surreal horror and not gameplay copied from last of us or a generic shooter. We all liked RE4, make it play like that. Do it already. I think they're supposed to be working on something new; whether that means completely fresh IPs or just something new for Bethesda, I don't know. Almost certain that there'll be a new Wolfenstein out this year, especially after last E3's easter egg. Me personally, I love Wolfenstein! I clapped when Blazkowicz killed a Nazi. Robo-Hitler! Robo-Hitler! No but seriously, hope it comes out, can't wait to play it. TNO and TOB owned bones.
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May 11, 2017 20:17
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I doubt they'll announce Evil Within 2, it was supposed to be Shinji Mikami's last game and I don't remember it being particularly well received.
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May 11, 2017 20:22
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Bethesda sent out press event invites with an illustration of 2 "under construction" sections in a Bethesda IP theme park. Edit: They're going to announce an actual Bethesda IP theme park is what I'm saying. Edit2: 
mutata fucked around with this message at 20:32 on May 11, 2017 |
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May 11, 2017 20:27
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Bethesda fans are insufferable.
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May 11, 2017 20:30
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Xbox Business Hammock
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May 11, 2017 20:33
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mutata posted:Edit2: What's that on the right under Doom?
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May 11, 2017 20:33
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haveblue posted:What's that on the right under Doom? Quake, I think? It's pretty vague but the characters look like Quake. The interesting implication, though, is that the 2 under construction sections are NEW IPs. (At least new to Bethesda).
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May 11, 2017 20:35
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What are even the chances R* will even show off Red Dead at E3? Rockstar have never liked E3 and they haven't shown anything there since like 2006.
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May 11, 2017 20:43
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I can't wait for Konami to announce their new Castlevania/Contra/Gradius crossover epic, now in mobile card game form.
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May 11, 2017 20:53
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Finally after all these years..... WET 2 and Darker Corners of the Earth I can't believe they actually got all my letters.
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May 11, 2017 20:56
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Im excited to see what nintendo will announce and also to see how sony tops the orchestra from last year
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May 11, 2017 21:01
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Am I being dumb for getting my hopes up on a DOOM single player expansion?
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May 11, 2017 21:02
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Rumors of a Resistance 4 reveal for PS4 and a wild west Far Cry, both of which I would welcome. As far as Bethesda, I would agree with Evil Within 2 but the other might be that Starfield game they've been working on. If I remember correctly, Wolfenstein the Old Blood wasn't promoted that heavily before release. I could be wrong on that though. I would also expect Fallout 4 VR to make an appearance. Hopefully an announcement that it's coming to PSVR as well.
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May 11, 2017 21:04
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Fallout 4 can barely hit 30 as it is, there's no way it could do the solid 60+ VR requires without drastic changes and cutbacks.
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May 11, 2017 21:08
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AutomaticPrince posted:Rumors of a Resistance 4 reveal for PS4 and a wild west Far Cry, both of which I would welcome. What if it's a wild, wild west Far Cry instead?
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May 11, 2017 21:11
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Why stop at Bethesdaland when you can make Funcopoptopia?
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May 11, 2017 21:13
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