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 Hello monsters. Welcome back to the rust-covered disease-infested carnival that never ends. Some of the rides are shooting sparks, attendants have gone missing, and you might need a tetanus shot to ride this rollercoaster. It's E3, which stands for Everyone, Everything's Excrement. This year even more of the public is being let in, so chances are someone's gonna die. World War II is cool again, so there will probably be anime nerds dressed as nazis at the expo. Companies are moving their presentations out of the schedule so they can eventually cut their ties with this garbage world convention. It is less than one week to the E3 keynotes. The disappointment is nearly here.  SCHEDULE:    The most consistently average presenters on a yearly basis, EA's only real theatrics involve their sports department, where last year they dressed up a made up athlete to present FIFA and brought out a football manager. One year they had someone dancing around with a violin to promote Dragon Age. But otherwise it's mostly bland reveals. Gosh will there be some sort of new Madden game?? The only thing that interests me about EA anymore is that they have an Indie line that only releases on Origin so I completely forget about them. I remember shaky hand guy but I don't remember his game because it wasn't on Steam so I didn't buy it.  Everyone's favorite Simpsons character, Hank Scorpio, makes his debut on the E3 stage, while the millions of armchair Frank Grimes at home whine about it. No matter how much more powerful the Scorpio is, it's still a Microsoft console which means its big exclusives are Halo Yet Again and Gears of War: We're Still Making This. Based on Xbox One's stupid name, we can safely assume this new Xbox will have its own bespoke idiotic name that will make us all have a small little chuckle. Even Scalebound is dead. What are they gonna pull out of their rear end, Blinx the Time Sweeper 2?   Bethesda has another conference this year, even though they have no major game yet announced, and Prey just came out. So what the gently caress. You can take a year off guys. Is this just going to be an hour of Quake Champions and Elder Scrolls Online DLC? There might be a new Wolfenstein game which to this point has only appeared as a one-line teaser in an MS-DOS prompt, but that's all I know. Is Battlecry still a thing?  AMD shouts loudly that they exist once a year, in the most boring way possible. Presented in a talk show format but without a house band and without jokes and without fun, the PC Gaming Show is a lot like those PBS shows that air in the middle of the night that exist primarily to solve insomnia. I don't think anything notable has ever been announced at this presentation, except that AMD has, both times, brought out a thing in a suitcase like it's loving Pulp Fiction. I remember there being some sort of VR backpack thing that looked like a "please beat me up and mug me" call for help.   This is gonna be a loving awkward one. Ubisoft is on the verge of being acquired by Viviendi who will probably gut them, and discard their eccentricity for boring rear end "safeness". This could be the last year of Aisha Tyler, the last year of flamboyant people dancing inappropriately to pay honor to a gay nightclub shooting, the last year of impromptu laser tag, the last year of meme discussion with steampunk men, the last year of FUN. yes, it's terrible, but it's fun and it's like the only real fun you'll have watching E3 keynotes and it's probably coming to an end. after this year, ubisoft e3 will probably be presented by ConferenceBot in a closet. welcome to E3, now loading assassin's creed trailer, begin watching.   Last year everyone got hyphy for Dad of War the Dad simulator, which will show up again, and the Ico trilogy is finally done. Uncharted 4 had its day in the sun. It's time for some new baby birds to leave the gaming nest. Is this the year Dreams materializes out of the vaporsphere? Will the subtitle to The Last of Us 2 be "I Guess There Were Some More"? Will the Vita finally get its moment of silence and 21 gun salute? And will people stop asking about Agent because seriously guys, just beg Sega for an Alpha Protocol 2 instead.   The Switch is an early hit, probably because it wasn't called the Nintendo New Wii X. By the time E3 rolls around it will have three first party games (BOTW, ARMS, MK8D) and a bunch of indie games, so whether the system will sputter to a stop in mid-air and fall Wile E Coyote-like to the bottom of the abyss will depend on what Nintendo has to present this month. It can't just be Splatoon 2 and Mario Odyssey. Are any third parties going to get on board now that it's selling? If a new traditional Metroid is announced, I'm pretty sure we'll be Slidered back into the proper universe with the Berenstein Bears. WHERE TO WATCH   The primary E3 host has been Twitch, although most people don't usually watch that feed because watching Twitch 'personalities' outside of a speedrun marathon is usually bad advice. Geoff Keighley, the mascot of E3, usually has a one-day Youtube stream with various gaming journalists stopping by and also Youtube 'personalities'. So I guess you're really picking your poison here. We'll find out which stream has someone saying something racist first. Gamespot might still stream from the show but their top dude left to do his solo Patreon. GB has their nightly thing, and of course the Jeff live drive where you can hear mild speculation and fast food eating. GAMES AT THE SHOW  Assassins Creed Origins - it took them 2 years to come up with "Origins". this is why AAA gaming is doomed. oh yeah this game is in egypt and there's naval combat. can't wait for the cleopatra DLC Battlefront II - EA's reboot of the Star Wars FPS returns, and it's very confusing because there already is a Battlefront 2 so way to invite unflattering comparisons. Call of Duty WWII - They couldn't keep pushing the series into the future so it's back to the basics! Maybe they'll start going backwards and there will be a Call of Duty Civil War, Call of Duty Revolutionary War, Call of Duty The Crusades. Will Black Ops 4 try to pull some sort of "Captain America is Hydra" twist next year? Cyberpunk 2077 - I include this tentatively because I would think this year is maybe the first year we'll actually hear SOMETHING about it. CDPR has been done with Witcher for a while now. Days Gone - the zombie game from last year where the zombies were practically flowing like water. We done with zombies yet? Can this be the last one for a while? Death Stranding - A game has yet to emerge but I'm sure there will be another trailer involving a baby Destiny 2 - Finally, PC gamers can experience how boring the missions and loot are. for destiny 2, backstory is revealed via geocacheing Detroit: Become Human - David Cage's latest disasterpiece. Even the critics stopped caring about this dude Final Fantasy 7 Remake - It's been a couple years now, has the afterglow faded? Will you get to save Aeris this time, and will it be in the form of a quick-time event? Fire Emblem Warriors - It's another Musou crossover, this time with the anime fantasy boys from Intelligent Systems. All talk about this game will probably be anger over which characters made the cut and which didn't. God of War Dad Edition - instead of racking up 2000-hit combos, last year's footage made GOW look more like a slower deliberate ARPG like, let's just say, a From Software game, if you will. Armored Core? Yeah you nailed it. Is it an open world affair? Do you eventually take over as the son, Raiden-style? If so I look forward to God of War Revengeance. Lady Layton - after trying to make some sort of lovely Layton board game for mobile, Level5 scrapped it and went back to conventional Layton puzzles but with a new protagonist. This will actually be the second Layton game to reach mobile, the other of which is Layton Brothers which only shares the IP and is also loving crazy. Mario Odyssey - a return to the exploration of Mario 64/Sunshine but hopefully no blue coins. gently caress it's probably going to have blue coins. Hundreds of them with no reward like the Korok seeds. Metal Gear Survive - some garbage that has the Metal Gear name on it for no reason Middle-Earth: Shadow of War - the Nemesis system that was invented by Shadow of Mordor and only used by Shadow of Mordor returns! No one else wants to do the Nemesis system so this will probably be the last time you get to experience it unless this ends up being a trilogy like a lot of LOTR properties. Project Rap Rabbit - A collaboration between the developers of Gitaroo Man and the developers of Parappa the Rapper, so basically it's the GOTY regardless of what system it's on. Red Dead Redemption 2 - A bunch of Steam users are furiously at half-chub awaiting an announcement, but for the rest of y'all, get hyphy Sonic Forces - Basically Sonic Generations 2. Not much has been shown but people are not super excited about it. Splatoon 2 - It's basically more Splatoon, with new outfits, new maps, new game modes (including Horde mode). The pivotal question: will 'more of the same' maintain its freshness? Enjoy the awful!!!  
The 7th Guest fucked around with this message at 17:16 on Jun 7, 2017 |
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May 11, 2017 18:12
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May 12, 2017 00:57
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First art of Project Rap Rabbit yeaa I assume E3 will be the first full reveal
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May 12, 2017 15:41
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Still no Ubisoft E3 confirmation but they announced The Crew 2 today so you'll hear about that of course
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May 16, 2017 17:11
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THERE it is http://twitter.com/ubisoft/status/864511092369838082
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May 16, 2017 17:26
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AutomaticPrince posted:Devolver Digital just announced they will be having a press conference at E3. Kinda cool for a predominantly "indie" studio.
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May 17, 2017 01:15
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Nintendo Direct for ARMS with also a Splatoon 2 trailer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uwqf09NP8Is
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May 17, 2017 22:57
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Life is Strange 2 announced http://na.square-enix.com/us/node/7029
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May 18, 2017 17:24
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Funky Valentine posted:> LUIGI USE JUMP (95% ACC.)
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May 24, 2017 00:50
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i'm waiting for the assassins creed in the future in space, that still has naval combat with sea ships but the sea ships are in space
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May 24, 2017 01:45
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i mean assassins creed is supposed to be about ancient aliens anyway so why not have actual aliens as templars/assassins or w/e mass effect blew their chance at a space opera this past year, ubisoft should get a chance
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May 24, 2017 02:12
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it's ubisoft so they'll probably put the "so much for the tolerant left" meme in the game, and in the trailer, and then aisha tyler will say "Nice. Epic meme" and then the Just Dancers come out
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May 26, 2017 02:31
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https://twitter.com/destructoid/status/868110010244415489 RIP
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May 26, 2017 17:10
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i guess the stealth genre is dead in AAA isn't it. like.. last year you'd think that it was on the rise, with Dishonored 2, MGS5, Hitman, Deus Ex: MD, now three of those franchises are dead or practically dead. and Assassins Creed has always been garbage as a stealth game so it coming back doesn't mean much Kinda sad cause there's not really a gameplay experience quite like dishonored/DE:MD where you have so much verticality in maps, so many routes, and the option to ghost or to just run through guns blazing. or hitman where there's so many different ways to achieve a goal.
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May 28, 2017 01:12
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it doesn't help that games like crackdown 3 have taken an eternity in development, while halo and gears are spinning their wheels. i'm trying to think of a Must Get tbh
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May 29, 2017 00:21
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at least some portion of microsoft/sony's E3 goes to games that are also available on their competitors' platform and i just assume Microsoft's keynote will have a greater % of that than Sony's sony will show COD at their E3 because they're the "official platform" of COD. microsoft will show.. probably destiny 2, probably RDR2, probably assassins creed too they already said halo 6 is not ready to show at E3, and a new gears game probably isnt a thing, so i dunno what they even have of their own other than Forza
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May 29, 2017 00:27
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that said sony doesnt always get it right with endorsements https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGy8HIYBwV0
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May 29, 2017 00:36
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Policenaut posted:Because typically we don't know if they're going to be bad until they come out! Not always though.
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May 29, 2017 01:34
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mutata posted:RDR2 will not be at E3.
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May 29, 2017 02:22
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Jimbot posted:Man, when Nintendo announced Splatoon I was pumped because I thought it was going to be a trend of Nintendo unleashing a wave of new IP. Nope. Arms or whatever looks pretty alright and it's something new but goddamn, continue to develop new stuff Nintendo. Pushmo Splatoon Xenoblade ARMS Codename STEAM Tomodachi Life Snipperclips Ever Oasis Sakura Samurai if you want to include exclusives that Nintendo published: Wonderful 101, Pocket Card Jockey, Boxboy, Harmoknight, Dillon's Rolling Western, Bravely Default and Tokyo Mirage Sessions E3 is not usually the home of new IP reveals though unless it is just a small part of a larger presentation or an indie dev. E3 is usually The Sequel Zone
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May 29, 2017 02:29
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Real hurthling! posted:You forgot devils third
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May 29, 2017 02:36
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mutata posted:I give it a less than 10% chance of being in a keynote. It will 100% not be on the show floor. if the game is coming out spring 2018 then it will be out before E3 2018, so this E3 would be its only chance to appear. and a great deal of E3 keynotes involves games that release in 2018. so it would be weird to me if it was absent. like, watch dogs showed up at 3 different E3s before it came out, and here there's only one E3 between RDR2 and its release. and Take Two IS going to be there talking to press, and likely having stuff behind closed doors. I feel like it's going to show up, in some form. A teaser, a trailer, something.
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May 29, 2017 03:54
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mutata posted:An open world Yoda Stories reboot.
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May 30, 2017 01:30
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let the E3 fake rumors begin
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May 30, 2017 19:16
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Crusty Juggler posted:Only if you wanted it to be - when you got caught it wasn't an instafail and instead it just shifts into awesome shootmans mode.
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May 31, 2017 04:28
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Mr President posted:No its not. I would buy a new tenchu and I hate most stealth games.
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May 31, 2017 05:27
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Twitch schedule
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Jun 1, 2017 00:20
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get hype https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLOwMd3I_AM no aisha? 
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Jun 1, 2017 17:06
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'savvy and sophisticated gaming press'
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Jun 2, 2017 01:08
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the brothers two sons guy apparently has a new game at E3 but it will be EA-published aka Origin-only rip
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Jun 2, 2017 01:39
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E3 trailers starting to come out, for indie/AA games first of course https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7hGIA5m2SE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoDZdEMwQqk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1LE851GeLg
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Jun 2, 2017 18:36
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the only thing that will "crash" when this bandicoot returns is the rest of the Gaming industry
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Jun 2, 2017 19:08
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XSEED announced Zwei II for release on Steam this summer. Meanwhile, since we talked about mascots, here's the official mascot of E3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bwlfx3QgEUw
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Jun 2, 2017 23:29
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Zenogias....
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Jun 3, 2017 02:18
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bethesda's just going to show battlecry and elder scrolls online DLC
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Jun 4, 2017 06:28
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I have, at this point, enough youtube subscribers that I can probably get a key for most indie games if I ask, which is one reason why this summer sale i'm looking towards not-indie games. but I already have games to play, and i get games every month from Humble Monthly, so idk. i actually think the "AAA pubs giving out keys to streamers" bubble is about to pop due to Youtube's acquiescence to advertisers to not display their ads on offensive content. supposedly BF1 and COD WW2 videos are having their ads deactivated and if that's any indication then I'd say most AAA games going forward will run into the same problem, at least the straight up murdery ones
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Jun 4, 2017 23:50
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Detective No. 27 posted:What's the first?
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Jun 5, 2017 02:00
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There is definitely a new Wolfenstein but the next DOOM is probably a ways away Maybe they'll announce a DOOM solo expansion though, after that bullshit 'season' of multiplayer DLC
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Jun 5, 2017 03:11
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E3 Hype Week has already started with some announcements/pre-announcements Capcom announced Mega Man Legacy Collection 2, which collects Mega Man 7 through Mega Man 10. So yes, FINALLY, MM9 and MM10 are on PC after being console-only forever. Nintendo announced a Pokemon Direct that will air tomorrow and probably announce the third game in the Sun/Moon setting. Most likely for 3DS, not for Switch Here's an E3 Trailer for some sort of Pikmin inspired co-op game? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3xioH_a1cA The 7th Guest fucked around with this message at 16:58 on Jun 5, 2017 |
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Jun 5, 2017 16:56
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Phantasium posted:Don't expect a surprise BC announcement from Sony anytime soon. someone should ask jim if it's okay to pirate PS1/PS2 games then, since according to him they're worthless!!
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Jun 5, 2017 17:22
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