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Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?




Rorchach’s Journal: July 16, 2017.

Fights today. UFC Fight Night 113, 3 p.m. ET. Fox Sports 1.

The UFC is afraid of me...I have seen its true face. The cards are overextended gutters and the gutters are full of unranked fighters nobody cares about and when the drains finally scab over, all the Fight Pass subscriptions will be canceled. The accumulated filth of all their decisions and uninteresting post-fight interviews will promise to will foam up about their waists and all the Euro-circuit fighters and light heavyweights will look up and shout "watch us!"... and I'll look down and whisper "No."

Welterweight


Gunnar “Gunni” Nelson

vs.


Santiago Ponzinibbio

They had a choice, all of the SBG fighters. They could have followed in the footsteps of good men like Georges St-Pierre or Jon Jones. Decent men who believed in a camp full of node theory for a good fight. Instead they followed the droppings of Conor McGregor and Ido Portal and didn't realize that the trail led over a precipice until it was too late. Don't tell me they didn't have a choice. Now the whole team stands on the brink, staring down into irrelevance and losing fights to Rick Story, all those fur-coat wearing movement-coach-utilizing smooth-talkers... and all of a sudden they disappear from MMA forever to get the poo poo kicked out of them in a boxing ring for $70 billion.

Heard joke once: man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says “treatment is simple. Great can Ponzinibbio is in town tonight to get grapplefucked. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says “But Doctor… I am Ponzinibbio.” Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

Catchweight (118 lbs.)


Joanne “Jojo” Calderwood

vs.


Cynthia Calvillo

Opera has saying. “Not over til the fat lady sings.” This fat lady is second to last instead. Calderwood is good, but should be flyweight. Bloated. Large. Scottish. Trying to make it in strawweight division. Why? Because UFC says it’s the only option. Why are so few of us left active, healthy, and with divisions we can comfortably make weight at??

Calvillo. Hot young prospect. Undefeated. Good at grappling. Beat girl with big fake titties in New York. Mother.


Lightweight


Stevie Ray

vs.


Paul Felder

Thermodynamic miracles... events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing. And yet, in each human cockfighting promotion, a thousand million unknown white guys with tattoos vie for a single UFC contract. Multiply those odds by countless generations of fighters, against the odds of your grainy highlight reel on youtube being clicked on and garnering interest; of Scottish people showing any level of investment in your niche sport; ... Until your fans love a coked-up lying bald fat guy they have every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million fighters competing to be signed, it was Stevie Ray, only Stevie Ray, that emerged that week. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermodynamic miracle.
Yes. Anybody in the MMA world can potentially fight in the UFC and even on a main card these days. .. But the world is so full of people, so crowded with these fights that they become commonplace and we forget... I forget. We gaze continually at the fighters and their faces grow dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from the another's vantage point, perhaps someone who never saw that really tepid split decision loss to Ross Pearson so soon after the really sweet spinning backfist KO over Danny Castillo, fighters may still take our breath away. Come... dry your eyes, for you are an MMA fan, whose whims are unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg. Come, dry your eyes. And let's turn on Fox Sports 1.

Middleweight


Jack Marshman

vs.


Ryan Janes

Ha! You see this? “Who Watches the Marshman.” I seen that written up all over the message boards durin’ these last few minutes. They don’t like these fights and they don’t trust the UFC. Me, I kinda like it when cards get weird, y’know? I like it when all the cards are full of people I don’t know.

These rudderless, nameless Fox Sports 1 cards are not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who builds the cards. Not fate that makes the matches or destiny that bumps them up from the prelims. It’s us. Only us. Fights stank of fire. The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. Was reborn then, free to choose to watch Bellator instead in this morally blank world. Does that answer your questions, Doctor?

Light heavyweight


Khalil Rountree

vs.


Paul Craig

None of you understand. They’re not locked in a cage with each other. We’re locked into this monthly extended cable contract with them.

Heavyweight


James Mulheron vs. Justin Willis

’Sean Shelby’ posted:

Book it?” Dana, I’m not a Republic serial villain. Do you seriously think I’d explain my master-stroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I booked the fight thirty-five days ago.

OTHER poo poo TO WATCH
FS1 Prelims, 1 p.m. ET
Welterweight Danny Roberts vs. Bobby Nash
Flyweight Alexandre Pantoja vs. Neil Seery
Welterweight Charlie Ward vs. Galore Bofando
Lightweight Danny Henry vs. Daniel Teymur

Fight Pass Prelims, going on RIGHT NOW
Bantamweight Brett Johns vs. Albert Morales
Women's Bantamweight Leslie Smith vs. Amanda Lemos

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Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


A card so hot it requires two GDTs.

exploded mummy
Sep 10, 2008

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from hell
Blue skies from pain
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?

- Incubus



Doctor Rope

I was going to give this thread poo poo for being late but it has a picture of the Aggro Crag so it wins

Novum
May 26, 2012

That's how we roll

Bad card. Bad Jojo for missing weight.

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


These Teymur brothers are insanely violent.

FishBowlRobot
Mar 21, 2006


Outstanding OP as always. Poor Jojo, love Cynthia's mean mug though. I don't know Stevie Ray, how does he compare to the Irish Dragon?

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

plz control u toxic hatsculinity



excellent OP as usual

Henry using Teymur as a stool to stand up was also excellent, as is thsi fight

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


What a fight!

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

plz control u toxic hatsculinity



Man tTeymur has not been the same since that shot he took in the 2nd

Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?



I also didn't realize there was already a GDT so my bad, I hosed up in every way! Except one way anyway: I will not be watching this card live. ENJOY EVERYONE

handsome only face
Apr 22, 2010

Cockroach went out of the room in anger. And roach's go to empty room...

Cockroache's Anarchist




insane

Lid
Feb 18, 2005

Rap terrorist, terrorise, tear it up
Brought gas and the matches to flare it up
Militant Michael might go psycho
On any ally or rival
Born Black, that's dead on arrival
My job is to fight for survival
In spite of these #AllLivesMatter-ass white folk


Santiago Ponzinibbio doesn't exist.

Dr. Abysmal
Feb 17, 2010

We're all doomed

Man did Teymur get his rear end kicked in the last two rounds

Lid
Feb 18, 2005

Rap terrorist, terrorise, tear it up
Brought gas and the matches to flare it up
Militant Michael might go psycho
On any ally or rival
Born Black, that's dead on arrival
My job is to fight for survival
In spite of these #AllLivesMatter-ass white folk


Googling Santiago Ponzinibbio it says his nickname is Portuguese for "Good People"

This isn't even trying very hard as a joke.

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


BOFA Galore vs former Heisman trophy winner and NBA point guard, Charlie Ward

Szymanski
Jul 31, 2005

Rip and Tear


Fun Shoe

lol

exploded mummy
Sep 10, 2008

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from hell
Blue skies from pain
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?

- Incubus



Doctor Rope

Lol

sexy tiger boobs
Aug 23, 2002

Up shit creek with a turd for a paddle.

He just killed him with a throw, hahaha drat!

Dr. Abysmal
Feb 17, 2010

We're all doomed

Another SBG guy with a stellar .500 record

Ironic Twist
Aug 3, 2008



Good

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


That KO surprised Marc Goddard so much he didn't know what to do.

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

plz control u toxic hatsculinity



the mat is the most dangerous opponent of all

Dirt
May 26, 2003



That guy is now my favorite fighter from the Congo.

TKO by mat owns.

MysteryNad
Dec 5, 2003

Here in my guard
I feel safest of all
I can lock up my guard
It's the only way to fight
In guard


a fighter literally won by tossing a bitch to the side

Dirt
May 26, 2003



I've watched that replay a bunch now. That was awesome.

handsome only face
Apr 22, 2010

Cockroach went out of the room in anger. And roach's go to empty room...

Cockroache's Anarchist




charlie ward at least has a future career in kung fu movies

exploded mummy
Sep 10, 2008

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from hell
Blue skies from pain
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?

- Incubus



Doctor Rope

What the hell did Seery stuff down his pants

Charles Gnarwin
Jul 31, 2014

I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION.

he knows...


Pantoja's clinch game looks excellent this fight.

exploded mummy
Sep 10, 2008

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from hell
Blue skies from pain
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?

- Incubus



Doctor Rope

Also is it me or is the camera drunkenly swaying

sexy tiger boobs
Aug 23, 2002

Up shit creek with a turd for a paddle.

Neil Seery is my tiny dad.

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005



I had no idea fights were happening and then turned into to an awesome choke.

Dirt
May 26, 2003



Mr. Nice! posted:

I had no idea fights were happening and then turned into to an awesome choke.

You missed this awesome/brutal thing

https://streamable.com/ihnmk

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005



Dirt posted:

You missed this awesome/brutal thing

https://streamable.com/ihnmk

god drat he just dumped him on his noggin.

El Roncho
Oct 15, 2006

"A man who speaks out of both sides of his mouth deserves to have it permanently shut."



Toss a bitch on his face.

Xerzes
May 16, 2012


That is an extraordinary amount of ball-kicking.

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005



holy poo poo he murdered him

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

plz control u toxic hatsculinity



dude fell like all of his bones mysteriously vanished

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

plz control u toxic hatsculinity



also, great reffin

Dirt
May 26, 2003



That was awesome.

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TheRationalRedditor
Jul 17, 2000

WHO ABUSED HIM. WHO ABUSED THE BOY.


Dirt posted:

You missed this awesome/brutal thing

https://streamable.com/ihnmk
Is this even a throw or anything? It just looks like this dude twists like a stalk of celery, falls from his own height and simply forgets entirely to break his fall with his torso or arms lol

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