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Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




remusclaw posted:

I honestly don't think Brutus would get any real hate at all if it weren't for his post WWF career riding the coattails of his Big buddy all the way to the main event of a Starcade. The million gimmicks along the way are just the icing on the cake.

I've got to disagree with this. I've not seen any of his post WWF career and I still think he's ridiculous.

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remusclaw
Dec 8, 2009


Yeah he was ridiculous, but it worked at the time, he was over. But "Barber" Beefcake was the only gimmick he ever had that got over. Pre-barber heel Brutus was green and that can't be held against him too much, but everything after the Barber gimmick was the shits.

Edit: I won't argue he was ever any good in the ring though.

remusclaw fucked around with this message at Aug 14, 2017 around 15:56

rare Magic card l00k
Jan 3, 2011

Me uni a la Revolucion #RXT


el sabe ...


Brutus Beefcake got kicked out of Toronto City Hall for offering the mayor sandwiches to solve his cocaine problem.

It is impossible to not love him.

Maxwell Lord
Dec 12, 2008

I am drowning.
There is no sign of land.
You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand.

And I hope you die.

I hope we both die.




Grimey Drawer

Relevant to this discussion.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




And so, my friends.

It is time...

Intercontinental Title Match
Ricky Steamboat w/ George “The Animal” Steele vs. Randy Savage w/ Miss Elizabeth


Ok, before we begin I want to say a few words about this one. For as long as I've been into wrestling I've heard this match being talked up as one of the greatest matches from the Hogan Era. This means I've had certain expectations for this match for the last fifteen years. However, I know that there's no way that this match can live up to those expectations. Wrestling has changed so much between 1987 and today that I don't see how this can compete with the kinds of matches we see on TV today. All this can do is be a let down compared to those 15 years of expectations. So I feel like I'm about to be both amazed and disappointed at the same time.

Right, let's see how it is.

Before we start there's another video package for the feud, kicking off when Savage dropped a ringbell on Steamboat's throat from the top rope, sending the man to hospital. Steamboat managed to recover from his injuries and helped Steele kidnap Elizabeth (don't worry, she's back with Savage now). Savage is prepared to finish what he started and put Steamboat out of wrestling for good. This package does a much better job of setting out all the important information you need to know for tonight's match.

Outside night has fallen, leaving the ring to bask in the glow of the stadium lights. Savage and Elizabeth come out to the ring to the familiar sounds of Land of Hope and Glory, Elizabeth looking super pretty.

Zombie Mean Gene has caught up with Steamboat who has full on embraced the martial arts gimmick at last. He's got a bandanna around his head and he's wearing a judo uniform and practising some karate strikes and he instantly comes across as a legit badass. He delivers an amazing promo about this final confrontation that could easily be the voiceover to an epic movie trailer. His music kicks in just as he's finishing and it works so drat well. So good.


Seriously, this look just works

Steamboat and Steele ride down to the ring as loud chants for Steamboat echo around the stadium. Even the fact that Steele found it necessary to take off his shirt again can't distract from the fact that there is a huge big match feel. Before the bell has even rung this already seems like a massive confrontation.

The action starts out fairly equal but Savage manages to gain control by going after Steamboat's recently injured throat. He keeps on targeting the throat including a big knee drop. Things start to speed up and there's a lovely running knee from Savage that takes Steamboat out. Savage sends Steamboat flying to the outside and leaves him lying on the mat and here comes my only real criticism of this match: Steamboat is on the outside for ages and as Jesse points out the ref should have definitely counted him out. I suppose its no more egregious than letting someone use a belt to whip their opponent though.

Steele drags Steamboat back into the ring but Savage remains in firm control and hits a beautiful necksnap on Steamboat by jumping over the top rope to the outside. Steamboat finally catches a break with a back body drop to the outside and then as Savage comes back in he gets hit by a gorgeous flying karate chop off the top rope from Steamboat. There follows a ridiculously long period of pinning combinations from Steamboat but he just cant put Savage away. Savage rolls through the last one and hooks the tights but Steamboat manages to kick out. And then, oh noes!

The ref's gone down!

Savage climbs to the top rope and comes off with the Flying Elbow Drop but there's no one around to count the pin! Savage decides to go back to an old friend and grabs the ring bell from the timekeeper but Steele pulls it away. Savage lifts Steamboat up for a body slam but Steamboat rolls him up into a small package in a slick reversal. Steamboat wins, the stadium erupts, huge celebrations from Steamboat and Steele. Steamboat's music is ace.


This reversal was a thing of beauty. Look it up.

So, the final verdict. This match was neither amazing nor disappointing. What it turned out to be was a really solid contest with great match psychology and storytelling. Both Savage and Steamboat looked like they were leaving everything in the ring and the finish was dramatic without being overbooked. I also really liked how it called back to Savage's title defence at Wrestlemania II. It's clear to see that this match is a really important moment in the evolution of wrestling as it progresses from 80s brawling to the type of matches we see today. All in all, it was very enjoyable.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


As a total loving bruti mark I have to weigh in here.

He was awesomely over not despite his absurd, coke-fueled gimmick of a wild man barber with the worst fashion and hair sensibilities ever, but BECAUSE of it. He constantly flummoxed everyone at the commentary table, heel or face or Monsoon, it didn't matter, he was just all over the place all the time. He didn't really have feuds so much as he had brutus the barber acts like a whackjob festivals.

Sean's assertion that he was like four layers of gimmick wrapped up in one is right, although at the time of course, no kid in the world knew that. We just loving loved him for the same reason we loved papa shango. One of them made Ultimate Warrior vomit worms, and the other one looked like he'd been in a fight with a lawn mower and came out the other side to put a sleeper hold on it. Also, yes, he wasn't very good with all the rassle moves and what-not but he did all the poo poo that mattered: slingshots into the ring post, hitting with foreign objects (even though he was a face.......? who cares), and a sleeper that was so strong he had to bounce you off the ropes first.

Also w/r/t koko, jim cornette has a good few stories about him, but the short version is that, yeah he was a solid worker who by the time he got to wwf and got a stupid rear end gimmick didn't really need to bother being good anymore since he knew he wasn't moving up the card. So, he just carried a parrot around and got paid for years on end.

edit; ricky steamboat is a dreamboat

RZApublican
Nov 6, 2007

I'm an alien.


rare Magic card l00k posted:

Brutus Beefcake got kicked out of Toronto City Hall for offering the mayor sandwiches to solve his cocaine problem.

It is impossible to not love him.

You forgot the part where he also brought his iconic haircutting shears. I don't know if they were supposed to help with the cocaine rehab process but given who he's previously used them on that probably wouldn't have worked.

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


Might sound weird, but one thing that helped Brutus was that he was probably Hogan's best sidekick. Outside of WCW, he never feuded with Hogan and since they were genuine friends, Hogan tried to get him over and refrained from burying him. He's what Zack Ryder should have been to John Cena back when they pushed him.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




Jake “the Snake” Roberts vs. The Honky Tonk Man w/ Jimmy Hart

Back to the interview area where Zombie Mean Gene has been joined by Jake Roberts and, by the whims of whichever hateful god persuaded Ozzy to hang with the Bulldogs, Alice Cooper. Jake mutters a few words about getting his hands on Honky but it's blah. Zombie Mean Gene asks Cooper a question but Cooper's answer is so devoid of life that I think Mean Gene might not be the only undead in the room. That would explain the makeup as well. And of course, we can't forget about Jake's opponent.

quote:

INTRODUCING...



Well it's just the Honky Tonk Man!

(He's the Honky Tonk Man!)

It's just the Honky Tonk Man!

(He's the Honky Tonk Man!)

It's the Honky Tonk Man! He's cool, he's cocky, he's bad!

Ok now that I've got that out of my system let's talk about Honky. My one defining memory comes from the Royal Rumble in 2001 when Honky came out mid-rumble, tried to entertain Kane with a bit of hip shaking and promptly got taken out with his own guitar. It was a beautiful moment. I know that Honky is well regarded for being one of THE weasel heels. It'll be interesting to see how long he can get by in that role. I'm also curious to see if he's got any ability in the ring because I have a feeling he's got as much wrestling ability as a sack of old turds.

Zombie Mean Gene takes a moment to interview Honky and Jimmy as well. And a bunch of people are about to get really mad at my next statement but the person Honky reminds me of more than anyone is Elias (nee Samson). He's got the same vibe of knowing that everyone thinks he's a total jerk but pretending like he doesn't. Believe it or not, I do mean this as a compliment.

At Wrestlemania II attacking a man with a snake was a vile and vicious act but a year and a turn later it's just wacky harmless antics. That's wrestling logic for you I suppose. That's right, the crowd's cheers for Jake as he enters indicate that he is now the good guy. Honky follows him out and he has already got every inch of this gimmick nailed down. He's such a jerk.


Giving it the hippy-hippy-shake-shake

The match however is really dull and really short. Honky spends most of it in control with some basic offence. For the second match in a row one wrestler ends up on the outside for a lifetime but doesn't get counted out. Apparently that's just stopped being a thing now. Honky goes for the Shake, Rattle and Roll but Jake flips him over with a back body drop. Jake then attempts the DDT but Jimmy grabs a leg WHILE THE REF LOOKS RIGHT AT HIM. Honky rolls Jake up and gets the win with the ref not seeing that he's holding onto the ropes. Although it doesn't seem like it would have mattered if he had!

An unhappy Jake tries to get some revenge by swinging the guitar at Honky but he ducks and it shatters on the ringpost. Jake chases down Jimmy and Cooper helps get Damien out. They wave Damien vaguely in Jimmy's general direction and Jimmy scrambles off up the entrance with Honky in tow. This was a total waste of my time and a way worse use of Damien than we saw last year. I'm sad to say I'm still waiting for Jake to properly impress me.

Uh oh! Lured by the heady smell of so many fresh brains Zombie Mean Gene has lumbered out of from the back and found his way all the way to the ring. With the synapses in his mind slowly flickering out he tries to address the crowd but only goes and incorrectly announces a new indoor attendance record of 93,173 people! Ahaha, oh Zombie Mean Gene, these hijinks will be a nightmare to clear up in the morning.

The Iron Shiek and Nikolai Volkoff w/ Slick vs. The Killer Bees

Shiek and Volkoff are out first and immediately there are so many questions. What are they doing with Slick? What the hell happened to Freddie Blassie? It looks so weird to me. The two dastardly foreign heels and the well-dressed guy soul man. It's such a bizarre combination of personalities. Volkoff gets started with his anthem shtick to the boos of the crowd but all of a sudden it's interrupted by...

Welp.

quote:

INTRODUCING...



Ok so I got into WWF in at the start of the year 2000 when Channel 4 bought the rights to Sunday Night Heat. But before then I got my wrestling fix from Friday night airings of WCW Worldwide and one guy who was on the show pretty regularly was Hacksaw Jim Duggan. He was old and a little bit fat and he loved America and he was the TV champion because he found the belt in the trash (what a terrible loving angle). But far and away my biggest memory of him was that he was absolutely awful in the ring. Lads, I'm not looking forward to this one at all.

So yes, Hacksaw Jim Duggan runs out and interrupts Volkoff's singing. No, he's not got anything to do with this match, he's just vowed to never let Volkoff sing. Way to be a jerk, Hacksaw. The Killer Bees then come out and this is something I touched on in my recap of WM2 but never really got the chance to fully talk about. I loving love that their gimmick is bees.

Beeeeeeeees!

I like to imagine that the Bees spend their downtime in the back running around the arena threatening people with imaginary swarms of bees. My mind works in mysterious ways.


You might say they're feeling pretty buzzed right here

The match begins with the Bees in control thanks to some tasty double team moves. There really is an impressive amount of trash in the ring for this match. The crowd just completely loathes Shiek and Volkoff. Also worth noting, despite having nothing to do with anything that's happening in the ring Hacksaw's decided to stick around. Still pretty rude. One of the Bees hits a Triple H-like running knee right into Volkoff's back and again I cannot tell these two guys apart. WWF are having some serious issues right now with making the guys in their tag teams distinct people instead of one homogeneous blob. This is the third team tonight where the guys might as well be interchangeable.

Shiek and Volkoff take over control of the match and start to display solid heel team fundamentals with regular tags. There's some double teaming from the foreigners and the match breaks down with Hacksaw chasing Volkoff around the outside. Shiek puts a Bee into the Camel Clutch and Hacksaw spots it so he clatters Shiek with his 2x4 RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REF. The Bees get DQd as is only right and proper and the foreigners win. Shiek, Volkoff and Slick immediately scarper after the match while Hacksaw gets the crowd doing U-S-A chants.

So let me get this straight. Hacksaw got involved in a conflict between two parties that had nothing to do with him and then proceeded to use underhanded tactics in a manner that hosed over the guys who were supposedly 'on his side'? Hacksaw, you're an actual rear end in a top hat.

remusclaw
Dec 8, 2009


The Bee's being near interchangeable was part of their gimmick and they actually would use mask's so that they could trade out with each other without having to tag. Why yes, they were babyfaces, why do you ask?

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

madam, your hydraulic pressure is the most excellent of any president's in the history of this nation (USA)!

Rarity posted:

So let me get this straight. Hacksaw got involved in a conflict between two parties that had nothing to do with him and then proceeded to use underhanded tactics in a manner that hosed over the guys who were supposedly 'on his side'? Hacksaw, you're an actual rear end in a top hat.

No one, besides Tony Schiavone, ever said that Hacksaw was a smart man.

Do not even ask
Apr 8, 2008

I'll be busting the moves and I'll be busting the rhymes, we'll be busting up laughing 'cause it's
PARTY TIME!


I'm really looking forward to Rarity's reaction to one of Don Muraco's nicknames that he gets later on.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


C. Everett Koop posted:

No one, besides Tony Schiavone, ever said that Hacksaw was a smart man.

"I'll have you know, bobby, that he went to a college, uh, somewhere!"

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

madam, your hydraulic pressure is the most excellent of any president's in the history of this nation (USA)!

Platypus Farm posted:

"I'll have you know, bobby, that he went to a college, uh, somewhere!"

Might as well throw some context out here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afNOqwJrT8s

Skinty McEdger
Mar 9, 2008

I have NEVER received the respect I deserve as the leader and founder of The Masterflock, the internet's largest and oldest Christopher Masterpiece fan group in all of history, and I DEMAND that changes. From now on, you will respect Skinty McEdger!



When I was at wrestling school back in like 2002 I was lucky enough to have some really great guest teachers along the way. I also had Hacksaw Jim Duggan who refused to ever break kayfabe which is really not useful when someone is supposed to be teaching you how to work. On the other hand it did lead to him to explaining how every match he had ever had was a shoot except against Yoko where he did business with Vince. For some reason he really didn't like Alex Shane. Possibly he had met him.

I'm told he's changed a wee bit since then but for years he had a reputation for never breaking character.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




And just before the main event we've get the appearance of my...

SIGN OF THE NIGHT


I just love the non-specificity of its incitement to murder

So we're heading into the main event with 30 minutes left on the clock. That is a lot of space to fill. Are we going to see Hulk and Andre put on a clinic? Are we gently caress.

WWF Title Match
Andre the Giant w/ Bobby Heenan vs. Hulk Hogan


Zombie Mean Gene has returned to the back to catch up with Heenan and Andre. Andre mutters a few words but his accent is indecipherable so he might as well have been ordering a Chinese for all I know. Heenan is really excited for the upcoming match. At least that makes one of us.

Just enough time for one last video package. It looks like Andre and the Hulkster used to be the best of buddies. When Hulk first won the title it was Andre who was there to shower him with confetti and take the belt back to hotel whenever Hulk was banging a ringrat. But then envy reared its ugly head as Andre remembered that for his whole life in wrestling he'd never held a title. Never mind any of that though because I wasn't expecting it but in here we can fit in a bonus edition of...



That's right, friends. During a clip of a confrontation in Piper's Pit we get a brief glimpse of Jesse in one of his more casual attires. And let me tell you there are not many men for whom casual attire would entail a mauve blazer with silver trimming over an army camo top combined with a black fedora and chandelier earrings. This feud matters not a bit, the true champion here is fashion.


In other news, Andre must have had a heck of a time buying suits

In the back once more with Zombie Mean Gene and the Hulkster, who since his last interview has doubled down on the white snow to the point where he is now a shaking, sweating, hollering mess of a man. Hulk's got some concerns on his mind because he's worried how many people will die from the impact when he lifts up Andre and slams him down to the mat. Untroubled by such mortal concerns Zombie Mean Gene shuffles away to continue his endless hunt for brains.

Oh god, something's gone terribly wrong! Bob Uecker and Mary Hart have managed to slip through the countless members of security that would have surely been guarding the entrance and they've made their way into the ring. The crowd cheers as they take in the scene. And if you wondered how we were going to kill those thirty minutes, this is how.

With stalling.

Lots and lots of stalling.

The one positive thing I can say about these proceedings is that just like with Savage/Steamboat this contest is presented with a giant big match feel. The crowd are so insanely hyped for this one and Gino and Jesse are really selling the enormity of the occasion as Andre and Hulk make their entrances. Just like Piper, Hulk elects to forgo the ring carts to walk down the entrance by himself. And I must say, as cute as those carts are it looks so much more badass to hoof it on foot.

The match begins and it is the most boring slog of a brawl that you could possibly imagine. Children are born, age, marry and die in the space between each punch. Empires rise and fall as Andre pulls himself out of the corner. Hulk lifts up Andre for a body slam but Andre just falls on top of him. Andre weighs over 500 pounds, King! I don't think Hulk could ever lift him up to his shoulders for a body slam!


Hulk's 'trapped in a box' segment of his mime act still needed work

Andre dominates until a lame duck of a comeback from Hulk which the crowd goes insane for. However, it ends as soon as it starts as Andre traps Hulk in a bear hug. According to Wikipedia this match lasts for 12 minutes and 1 second. This one move accounts for OVER TWO AND A HALF MINUTES of that time. Trust me, I counted.

Hulk finally breaks free and runs into Andre with a series of shoulder blocks but he might as well be running into a wall. They fight to the outside where Andre eats the ring post and Hulk... starts ripping up the protective padding! For about 15 seconds this match has my full attention as the concrete is exposed as images of ECW flash through my head. Then Hulk goes for a piledriver and Andre reverses it into a back body drop which is more like a back body tumble.

Little tip, boys and girls. Never go to the effort to set up a hardcore spot unless you're going to make the bump look impressive.

Back in the ring Hulk knocks Andre off his feet and starts hulking up. He goes back to the well for a body slam and yes, yes he can lift the big man! This is followed up with the Leg Drop and that will bring it home. Hulk has defeated the undefeated.


Twenty-seven people were later found dead in the Pontiac county area. It was a tragedy.

Hulk grabs the title and starts celebrating in the ring and he does not stop. The celebrations last for over five minutes and it's literally just the same poses repeated on loop while Gino and Jesse are forced to rehash the result over and over again. They're the ones I really feel sorry for here. There's only so many ways that you can say 'Hulk beat Andre, it was incredible'. Jesse considers coming out of retirement to face Hulk. Please don't do it, Jesse. I don't want to find out that you're really bad in the ring.

And with Hulk finally riding his ring cart to the back this show is just about done. Gino and Jesse close up shop by arguing the result of tonight's real main event, Savage vs. Steamboat. We play out with a series of stills scored by America The Beautiful as sung by Urethra.


I love that both real Hulk and sign Hulk are doing the exact same pose

There we go, my third Wrestlemania has reached its end. Taking the show as a whole this was an immediate step up from everything that has come before. I talked about it at the start but the sense of scale from the stadium and the production made everything seem bigger and more important. The crowd were so amped up throughout the show that even when the action in the ring was terrible it still felt like it mattered. As a production and a spectacle, we're still not quite where I'd expect a PPV to be but this felt like the first real step in that direction.

As for the wrestling itself, this was also a significant improvement on previous outings with close to half the card being something I'd class as enjoyable. The main event was a disaster but beyond that there were a couple of neat tag matches, a stiff hoss-off and of course, the IC title match. We're starting to see more and more guys on the roster who come across as capable workers and we're starting to see them getting more and more prominence on the show. I'm looking forward to seeing where we go from here. All in all, this show gets four Kanes for the wrestling and an extra Kane for the hot crowd, five Kanes total!

/10

Gaz-L
Jan 28, 2009


...oh... oh dear. We've got WMIV next.

Numero6
Oct 10, 2012


Gaz-L posted:

...oh... oh dear. We've got WMIV next.

If it's all the WWF PPVs then Survivor Series comes up next, then there's that semi-PPV with Royal Rumble which I advise to watch just for the women's tag.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




Numero6 posted:

If it's all the WWF PPVs then Survivor Series comes up next, then there's that semi-PPV with Royal Rumble which I advise to watch just for the women's tag.

Ah poo poo, I'd not picked up on this, thank you!

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Rarity posted:

Ah poo poo, I'd not picked up on this, thank you!

Trust me, anything that keeps distance between you and wrestlemania 4 is a good thing for the longevity of this thread.

Numero6
Oct 10, 2012


Rarity posted:

Ah poo poo, I'd not picked up on this, thank you!

Cool, np!

Endless Mike
Aug 13, 2003

Get running
Start pumping your bunions, I'm coming
I'm the dumbest, who flamethrow your function to Funyons
Flame your crew quicker than Trump fucks his youngest
Now face the flame fuckers your fame and fate's done with


It came on TWO tapes!

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

madam, your hydraulic pressure is the most excellent of any president's in the history of this nation (USA)!

Rarity posted:

We play out with a series of stills scored by America The Beautiful as sung by Urethra.

excuse me

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007

If loving you is binturong, I don't want to binturight.


ahahahaha

Jack Anderson
Jan 8, 2008



Urethra Franklin of 2013 album "Welcome to the Rio Grande".

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

HUSS
HUSS
HUSS


Wrestlemania IV is Karmine's favorite Wrestlemania

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


KungFu Grip posted:

Wrestlemania IV is Karmine's favorite Wrestlemania

I honestly liked WM4 but I like everything from when I was a kid so I'm a terrible judge.

Ted DiBiase is one of my most favorite wrestlers ever and he was great at wm4 so there's that, too.

RZApublican
Nov 6, 2007

I'm an alien.


edit: deleted

RZApublican fucked around with this message at Aug 20, 2017 around 13:16

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




RZApublican posted:

Not surprising, it was responsible for one of Hogan's best cocaine promos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UT9lK9jZ5P0

Can we please not post stuff I've not got to yet when I've specifically asked not to be spoiled?

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

Dispensing unwanted fitness advice since 2005. P.S. Squat more! BEEFCAKE!!!

Rarity posted:

Can we please not post stuff I've not got to yet when I've specifically asked not to be spoiled?

Back to work watching, you!

RZApublican
Nov 6, 2007

I'm an alien.


Rarity posted:

Can we please not post stuff I've not got to yet when I've specifically asked not to be spoiled?

Sorry, it slipped my mind, I'll remove it.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




sean10mm posted:

Back to work watching, you!

Yes sir

Survivor Series 1987: I'm Thankful For Mostly Sensible Booking

What I Think I Know

  • It's the first ever Survivor Series! Featuring a series to elimination tag team matches and not a whole lot else.
  • It's an experimental concept for a PPV so I'm expecting it to be the absolute shits.



It's Thanksgiving 1987, little Rarity has upgraded to potty training and across the Atlantic our good friend Vince McMahon has something special in mind to warm our hearts while digest our turkey and cranberry sauce. We are live from the Richfield Coliseum in Richfield, OH for the first ever Survivor Series. The show starts with a quick hit of cheesy intro music and terrible 80s font graphics and then it's straight over to Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura, joining us again on commentary.

Gino and Jesse hype up some of tonight's matches and then go over the special rules for these brand new Survivor Series matches. They do a great job of overcomplicating everything when they could just say “wrestlers are eliminated for losing in any of the standard ways”. In particular they stress the importance of the rule where referees can force a loss at their discretion when a wrestler is injured.


Guess which one of these is the only one not to occur tonight

And with that there is no time to lose, we are getting right into this.

The Honky Tonk Man, Harley Race, Hercules, Danny Davis and Ron Bass vs. Randy Savage, Ricky Steamboat, Jake “the Snake” Roberts, Brutus Beefcake and Hacksaw Jim Duggan

Immediately we begin with the sad news. Following Mean Gene's tragic zombification at Wrestlemania III the man no longer has the motor functions to fulfil all his responsibilities as backstage interviewer. Instead he will be splitting them with a young nerd who is essentially the Pimply Teenager from the Simpsons. This kid's name is never really clear but it's something like Gregory George and he certainly looks like a George so I'm going to stick with that.

Anyway, George is in the back with Honky's team of dastardly villains. Somewhere in the interim Honky has won the Intercontinental belt from Steamboat and I know enough of my wrestling history to know that this must be start of Honky's run of being a giant weasel of a champ. Honky says that he will hit the Shake, Rattle and Roll on Elizabeth. It looks like Savage has had a face turn at some point, which is good cause it was starting to look like an inevitability. All through this interview Herc' is stood in the back of the crowd ignoring everyone and making poopfaces at the camera.


Everyone else on the team is just growling for no reason

Honky's team come out to the ring but only Race and Honky get music and it's mixed in so quiet that it's barely audible. Looking at the lineup this is a team that consists of a bunch of dicks. Honky, Race and Danny are all characters that I just want to get a big slap. That's a good sign for the state of the heel midcard.

And here we are, it's Zombie Mean Gene who is spending his time hanging out with the good guys. I must say that the last time I saw Steamboat he was working on kicking Savage very hard in the face so it's weird to see him acting like Savage's best buddy now. I do wonder how long ago Savage's face turn was. One of the downsides with only watching PPVs of this era is they're so far apart that so much story gets missed. I'm assuming that Honky going after Elizabeth was the impetus for the turn but I could be wrong. Savage shows up in a very sparkly cloak and gives Honky some sass and I am so ready to cheer for him.

The faces come out to the ring now and there's a couple of things to talk about here. The first being the absolute monster of a pop that greets Savage. This guy is so over with the fans and it's great to see. There's a fair few guys on these shows that I've come to enjoy so far but in terms of guys with the definitive megastar aura you can't say that the Bulldogs or the Harts or even Steamboat have it. As much as I don't care about him, it's undeniable that Hulk Hogan has that and up till now he's been the only one. But when Savage walks out here you can see him being the top guy in the company. It just works.

As for the second, did Brutus ask to be called “The Barber” so that he wouldn't be the one guy on his team without a nickname?

The match begins and right off the bat Brutus gives us a Ric Flair strut, which I imagine didn't make WCW happy. Straight from there we get a series of tags from the faces as they each lay in a string of licks on Danny. Having come here right from Wrestlemania III, this is a delight. There's way too much of people coming in and out with these matches so I'm just going to be summarising the highlights. Steamboat gets thrown out of the ring but he skins the cat. Twice. That's how you get a crowd going.


I will never get tired of photos of Danny getting his rear end whupped

Hacksaw and Race end up the legal men and fight to the outside where they proceed to lay into each other for so long that they get counted out. Ok, this is the second time I've seen Hacksaw Jim Duggan and this is the second time I've seen him screw himself over because of a basic failure to understand the rules of how matches are lost. I'm officially calling time. He's an awful wrestler, mugs the stupidest poses and doesn't even understand the rules for the profession he's chosen to take. Get in the bin, Hacksaw. And take your trash tier title belt back in there with you.

The action continues with the first appearance in ring of the Outlaw Ron Bass, a slow hoss of a worker that stinks things up for a cup of coffee before eating a hefty running knee from Brutus, thus ending the first appearance in ring of the Outlaw Ron Bass. I must say that it was very thoughtful of WWF to eliminate all the wrestlers in this match that I don't give a poo poo about first.

Herc' ends up in the ring and headbutts Brutus right in the dick. As I've come to expect, Herc' does not mess around. The heels spend quite a bit of time working over Brutus's arm. And it's here that we get our first award of the evening!

SIGN OF THE NIGHT


The Brooklyn Brawler: more over than 80% of the main event

He manages to fight back but then Danny gets in a cheap shot and Honky follows up with the Shake, Rattle and Roll and that's Brutus gone. This leaves us with the six guys in this match that I actually care about. Hurray!

From there we get Jake and Danny in the ring and to my extreme pleasure Jake kills Danny with a clothesline. Like, he just plants him down hard. Jake finishes Danny off with a heavy spike of the DDT and Danny is outta here. Jake turns around and just gets flattened by a lariat from Herc'.

I love Herc' so much you guys, I can't even tell you.

Herc' takes control of the match and spends a fair amount of time working Jake over. After a bunch of match-heavy cards it's great to see WWF giving this one enough time to breathe that all the important guys get a chance to shine. Jake finally reaches his corner and brings in Steamboat for a scorcher of a hot tag. The crowd is going nuts, I'm going nuts and Steamboat is on fire. He flies off the top rope to hit Herc' with the Flying Chop and then Savage adds extra injury with the Flying Elbow Drop and that's enough to put Herc' down. I'm sad to see him go but they did a great job of making him look like a tough bastard so I can deal.


Dat elbow drop tho'

Of course, this means the match is now down to the Honky Tonk Man against the three biggest names in the midcard. Oh boy, can Honky overcome the odds? The faces each get a turn in on beating up Honky while the crowd erupts and when Honky squirms his way out of a DDT attempt from Jake we get our next award.

HOMOEROTIC MOMENT OF THE NIGHT

Gorilla Monsoon: “He came out that backdoor in a hurry!”

Yes, I'm 12.

The faces assault on Honky continues but then when he gets a moment's respite Honky bolts from the ring and does a runner up the entrance ramp. Honky gets counted out and your survivors are Jake, Steamboat and Savage!

The ending was an intentional damp squib but the rest of this was a whole lot of fun. For the first time watching these PPVs I forgot about the context of the era and felt like I was just watching a normal bit of wrestling. The booking did a great job of meeting the storyline and there's now this really great feel of Honky being an undeserving champion being cornered by a bunch of superior wrestlers who are after his belt. Herc' and Steamboat especially came out of this one looking aces. However, I'm still a bit ambivalent on Jake though he didn't really get any huge moments to shine so I'm still open-minded.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Jake is kinda weird because a lot of his best promo work was on TV tapings and his ring psychology is such that you can't really just watch a blow-off match and have it be awesome.

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Kanye West - Touch the Sky


I find that Jake's matches can be good if you're watching the TV angles along with the match and get into the booking but they're not that much to re-watch on their own.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Feels Villeneuve posted:

I find that Jake's matches can be good if you're watching the TV angles along with the match and get into the booking but they're not that much to re-watch on their own.

Yeah his stuff is weirdly in depth for wrestling angles. I mean there are some terrifying one-off promos but you sorta gotta go with the whole deal.

Beeswax
Dec 29, 2005



I just want to say that I really appreciate this thread

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


Early Survivor Series is the poo poo and will offset all the badness from the early Wrestlemanias. I remember the 1988 one to be especially great.

Hoping you at least get to 1990. Not only is it important to wrestling history for two very different debuts, but the overall format of the show is very unique and interesting.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




In the back George is with Andre's team which is made up of five men and another five men's worth of flab. Heenan says that Andre was screwed out of a legit three count at Wrestlemania III (he wasn't) and Slick adds that later on these men will turn into a cruel, sadistic animals in the ring. And I'll warn you now, the only animal One Man Gang is turning into is a sloth. George turns to Andre who tells Hulk that he has come to take his soul and to be fair, Andre's a lot better on the mic here than he has been before. He's no Steve Austin but it's light years from where he's been before.


Real Dolls' latest product was not a top seller

Sensational Sherri, the Glamour Girls, Dawn Marie (no, not that one) and Donna Christianello vs. The Fabulous Moolah, Velvet McIntyre, Rockin' Robin and the Jumping Bomb Angels

I'm not sure which surprises me more, the fact that in 1987 the WWF had ten women wrestlers they could book in a match or that in 1987 the WWF had a Women's Tag Team title belt. No wait, it's the latter. It's definitely the latter. And that's not all the surprises out of the way either.

quote:

INTRODUCING...



Well I'll be damned.

Ok, so I know very very little about Sensational Sherri. I know that she sang HBK's theme song and I assume she was his valet for a fair while because of that. I also know she's actually Sherri Martel and so maybe she has something to do with him at some point but maybe not. All she really is to me is just a name and so to have her show up as not only an in-ring worker but also the Women's champion was a big shock. I don't know where she goes from here, I don't know how much longer the WWF is even going to care about women's wrestling but it's good to have another familiar face in the women's division and I'm intrigued to see what she's got to offer.

As the women take their sides of the ring I realise I have no idea which team I'm meant to be rooting for. On the one hand, the Glamour Girls have Jimmy Hart as their manager and he's an annoying little turd of a man so I don't like them but on the other hand Moolah is one of the worst people in wrestling and a lifelong heel as far as I'm concerned. Oh well, I'm expecting this will just be a quick filler match anyway so it shouldn't really matter. It's here that Jesse pimps out his latest hit movie, the Running Man co-starring Arnold Schwarznegger. It's a happening!

Sidenote: thanks to Gino the word 'happening' has now lost all meaning to me.

The action starts out fast with the girls doing some lovely flippy-dos and after a little while Velvet rolls Donna up with a beautiful pinning combination and gets her out of the match. She follows that up with a hurracanrana to Leilani Kai of the Glamour Girls and holy poo poo, Velvet McIntyre is actually good. It would have been really nice if her match at WM2 could have gone longer than 90 seconds so I could have seen that.

Robin and Dawn end up in the ring tomorrow and Robin stiffs Dawn with a beast of a clothesline to get the elimination. It's here that I realise this match is being given a decent length of time, which is both really cool and really strange. I'm quite enjoying this but it's a women's match in 1987 and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. One of the JBAs, Noriyo, comes in and shows off some fast and flashy offence. She tags in her partner, Itsuki, who hits a loving top rope armdrag on Dawn Marie. In 1987. These two girls are really really good.


Those little girls haven't done anything yet! Look at them! They're gonna do something and you know it's gonna be good!

There is one downside to all this quick action though and that is there is zero psychology or selling on display here. The women are just doing moves as fast as they can and don't get me wrong, there's some really great stuff on display but sometimes it doesn't feel like it hurts. Sherri tags in and hits Robin with a suplex and somehow that is enough to get Robin eliminated. Poor Jobbin' Robin.

The other Glamour Girl, Judy Martin, gets into the ring with Itsuki and flings her halfway across the ring into a brutal bump. Itsuki tags in Moolah and the workrate instantly slows to a crawl. Moolah's half-assed offence looks so awful when set in direct contrast to Velvet and the JBAs. There's one “clothesline” where she kinda just waves her arm in Leilani's general direction and ugh, she's just so bad. It really sucks that she spent so long holding this division down. Jesse suggests that the girls should shave their hair to give themselves an advantage in the ring.


Molly Holly is not amused

Moolah stinks up the ring for a while and then runs into a double clothesline from the Glamour Girls and Moolah is gone! drat! I did not see that one coming. I thought that for sure the WWF's boner for Moolah was going to mean she was the star of this match. It's great to see them putting her aside in favour of some girls who can actually do the good poo poo.

Velvet comes back into the ring and all of a sudden we switch gears and Velvet's pulling off some chain submission wrestling. Ok sure, it's just Boston crab and surfboards and it's slow as hell but I've not seen anything like this from any of the dudes so it's a really nice chain of pace. This is the point where I realise that this match reminds me of watching cruiserweight matches in WCW in late '99. Sure, we're not seeing the same level of craziness that Rey or Psycosis would pull off but in terms of being different to everything else on the card, this match stands out just as much as those did.

Leilani hits a big double underhook suplex on Itsuki which I'm sure is it for her but she only goes and bridges herself out of it! For some reason the idiot timekeeper rings the bell anyway but the ref waves it off and the action contin... Hang on. That ref looks familiar. It couldn't be...? It's surely not...?


Here comes the money!

The action continues with the JBAs continuing to look drat impressive and then Velvet's back in against Sherri. She ties her up in another lovely pinning combination and... Sherri is eliminated! drat #2! First Moolah goes and now the Women's champion is outta here. They really are trying to give these great workers the rub here. This is so cool.

Itsuki comes in with an awesome sunset flip from the second rope to Leilani. I really thought that would be a pin but it's only a two count. Velvet tags in and jumps up on Leilani's shoulders for another roll up but Leilani leans her forward into the tope rope and then slings her back into an electric chair drop! Velvet is done and this match is loving awesome!

The match breaks down as both JBAs run in and attack the Glamour Girls, sending them running into each other. Noriyo then hits a slingshot on Leilani that sends her flying right on top of Judy. Nifty! Order is restored and Leilani gets the upper hand but when she goes up to the top rope Noriyo dodges the body splash and Leilani takes a heavy landing. Itsuki follows up with a flying crossbody from the top rope and Leilani is eliminated! The JBAs hit a double back body drop on Judy, Jimmy climbs up on the apron but Noriyo takes him out with a dropkick and Itsuki hits Judy with a clothesline off the top rope! JBAs win! JBAs win!


I popped so hard for this

This match was the loving bomb. I came into it expecting absolutely nothing and it's ended up being my favourite match I've seen so far. I love flippy-dos in my wrestling and both the JBAs and Velvet brought a whole lotta flippy-dos. Not only that, in 1987 the WWF put on a women's wrestling match that went a good twenty minutes, pushed their best talents over their supposed biggest names and included a few spots that were inventive and completely different to anything going on anywhere else in the product. I love seeing great women's wrestling in the current product and there's been some fantastic matches in the last couple of years in WWE. It's not like I'd put this up there with Asuka/Ember Moon or Bayley/Sasha in NXT but it was still drat good.

So here's what comes up for me. Where did this all go wrong? How did we go from a match like this to Sable showing off her tits in 1998 and Kelly Kelly putting on two-minute pissbreak title defences in 2008? It kind of amazes me that while society as a whole became more progressive in its attitude towards women that the WWF regressed the other way. I don't know when they stopped caring about their women's division and I don't want to be spoiled but it feels to me like there was an opportunity here to expand their product and they chose not to take it. I can't believe it's only now, 30 years later, that they've managed to course correct.

Soapbox moment over. Next match, please!

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


What we have here jess, this is a happening! This--perhaps the biggest event in all of professional wrestling history--is a happening the likes of which no one has ever seen.

A

HAPPENING

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frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

Coming from the deeps of the Frankenwald to haunt you

Gavok posted:

Hoping you at least get to 1990. Not only is it important to wrestling history for two very different debuts, but the overall format of the show is very unique and interesting.
Two? I know one, of course, but which other important deb- Ooooh, that one.

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