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Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant w/ Ted DiBiase and Virgil

Before this match we get our only hype package of the night to set up not just this match but the overall tournament as well. As you remember, Andre and Hulk got in a hullabaloo at WM3 and things between them are still a tad tetchy. Now then a man came along by the name Ted DiBiase. He had a lot of money and he wanted to be the WWF champion so he decided to buy it. He paid Andre to bring him the title and then the big title match between Andre and Hulk ended in a confusing clusterfuck. This left the title vacant and so the tournament was devised to decide the new champion. Hulk and Andre received byes to the second round because they are super special snowflakes and if we make them wrestle an extra match they might well cry. And we can't have that.

Andre makes his way out with DiBiase and Virgil in tow then Hulk appears and the Trump Plaza erupts while Gino lavishes him in praise. I feel like Gino's verbal cocksucking is getting more and more extreme with every show. At this rate by WM6 Hulk will be responsible for ending the Cold War, bringing humanity to the moon and curing cancer. I'm so tired of this.

The match begins and Andre is striking like a house on fire. Ok, so it's not like he's working at a fast pace or anything but compared to the last outing he's a good three gears above. DiBiase tries to interfere but Hulk grabs him and makes him clash heads with Andre. Andre gets completely exposed when he gets tangled up in the ropes but rather than press the advantage Hulk spends a good minute playing to the crowd while DiBiase and Virgil free him. Hulk, come on. We don't expect you to be a huge ring strategist but not being a dumb idiot would be nice.

The match slows down with Andre applying the pressure with a serious of choke holds. Hulk fights his way out but Virgil distracts the ref and DiBiase nails him in the back with a chair! Holy poo poo! I was not expecting that one. Hulk grabs the chair and nails Andre with it right in front of the ref but there's no bell. Andre takes the chair and flat out drops it right on Hulk's head. For gently caress sake! That was brutal! The bell's ringing now so Hulk takes Andre out with one last chair shot and chases DiBiase and Virgil up the entrance. DiBiase throws Virgil towards Hulk and Hulk hits him with an awkward suplex onto the concrete! loving hell! It's all kicking off round here!


It's not the cleanest of landings either

It's really crazy how desensitised we are to hardcore wrestling these days. This match had a total of four chair shots and one nasty bump but because everything else around it is so clean and sanitised it feels like such a huge deal. And the truth is that it is a huge deal. Even something as small as this is still gonna hurt like a son of a bitch when they get to the back. Hulk and Virgil are both champs for the knocks they picked up in this one. It makes me feel like we really don't need the level of hardcore craziness we have in the modern era because it dilutes so much that when the major moments happen we don't fully appreciate them.

Anyway, back from that tangent and Hulk's back in the ring. He picks up Andre and hits a scoop slam but the bell's still ringing and the ref declares that both men have been disqualified! Oh my god. I did not see this result coming. Hulk's out of contention! This is the best news. Andre heads to the back but Hulk remains in the crowd and even though HE DIDN'T WIN THE MATCH he's still going to stay in the ring for ages to milk up all that crowd applause. For gently caress sake, Hulk. It's not about you any more.


...This isn't what it looks like

Wait, poo poo.

Oh my god, you guys. Randy Savage is going to be The Guy! They're actually loving doing this.

Speak of the devil in fact because Zombie Mean Gene is with Savage and Elizabeth and he asks how Savage feels about his chances in the tournament. Savage is an incomprehensible as ever but he's got the Macho Madness and the Macho Momentum and he's taking this all the way to the end. Yeah you are, baby!

Don Muraco w/ Superstar Billy Graham vs. Ted DiBiase

So I've not talked about it yet but I have to take a moment to mention this year's entrance. The wrestlers come to the ring down a staircase that leads right through the fans and there's a camera that's pulled back so you can get long shots of the whole entrance. It works so drat well. Whenever a dude's music hits we cut to a shot of the crowd going nuts around the guy as he walks through the screaming fans. It really helps to sell all the wrestlers as big deals. Just look at Muraco as he comes out here, I've never given a poo poo about him but suddenly I feel like I should. It doesn't work so well for DiBiase though as he walks out sans Andre and Virgil. He really needs some entrance music to add a bit of spark to it.


This just feels important

Things get underway with Muraco taking on all of the offence, including a big powerslam. I've noticed that Muraco does really pretty powerslams. Muraco keeps beating on DiBiase for ages but DiBiase finally manages to get some moves in. He's not very exciting to watch though, he's mostly doing the standard brawling thing. DiBiase goes for a second rope elbow drop but Muraco dodges and DiBiase rolls over right on his head. That looks painful as all hell.

Muraco keeps on plugging away but DiBiase catches him with a flapjack onto the ropes and that's enough to see him through. Nice finish to an underwhelming match. I'm afraid I have a criticism of DiBiase that I might take back in future but at this point for all his great work establishing a character and drawing heat it doesn't translate into the ring. From one segment at Survivor Series I hated the douchebag but here once he steps into the ring it's like he just turns into any other guy. It might be DiBiase, it might be Gino and Jesse but I don't feel that emotional connection to him getting an rear end kicking while he's actually wrestling.

In the back Bob receives a note from Vanna saying “I'm Just Not Into You” and Bob decides that Vanna must have been kidnapped! After all, there's no other possible reason she wouldn't be on her knees sucking him off right now otherwise. Demolition and Mr. Fuji rock up looking like the scariest fucks you could ever meet at 3am down a dark alley. It turns out Demolition are pretty all right on the microphone, saying they're going to hit Strike Force over the head with a baseball bat to grab the golden goose. I doesn't make any sense but that's just par for the course at this point. And as they leave Bob has to get in the last word and he gets himself an award in the process.

MOST OFFENSIVE COMMENT

Bob Uecker: “I'm never eating sushi again neither”

loving hell! Ok, Jesse says some really awful things at times, especially about Tito Santana, but Jesse is a heel and we're supposed to hate him. Bob is a celebrity and therefore someone we should be idolising and here he is spouting some casual racist filth. I started this award because I thought it would be funny to see how much society has changed in the last thirty years about what's socially acceptable. I'm pretty sure this wasn't acceptable in 1988 either.

In short, gently caress you Bob Uecker.


Ax is not feeling this gimmick as much as Smash

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DeathChicken
Jul 9, 2012

Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Smash was feeling that gimmick enough for several people

Numero6
Oct 10, 2012


Bless the Hoganplex '88.

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014



I grew up in Florida, so I was mostly an NWA kid, and in my tiny mind, Flair was the real world's champion, since even then I recognized Flair was much better in the ring.

RZApublican
Nov 6, 2007

I'm an alien.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SvhQZh0yuI

Hoganplex '88 just baffles me on so many levels. Did Hogan do many suplexes, or was this his first one? He must know what one looks like, he'd been wrestling for a little over ten years at that point. It just looks like he's trying to intentionally injure Virgil, though that might have just been Virgil not bumping correctly. This whole thing is just so slow, sloppy, and awkward.

DeathChicken
Jul 9, 2012

Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Probably a simple "My rear end isn't taking a bump to concrete, brother."

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

Dispensing unwanted fitness advice since 2005. P.S. Squat more! BEEFCAKE!!!

RZApublican posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SvhQZh0yuI

Hoganplex '88 just baffles me on so many levels. Did Hogan do many suplexes, or was this his first one? He must know what one looks like, he'd been wrestling for a little over ten years at that point. It just looks like he's trying to intentionally injure Virgil, though that might have just been Virgil not bumping correctly. This whole thing is just so slow, sloppy, and awkward.

It's a toss suplex, which is a real move I've seen other wrestlers do. Just not a pretty one. Normally you throw the guy further and it looks better, but I'm guessing he half-assed it so Virgil hit the concrete with less speed, but the result probably wasn't much better for the guy.

DeathChicken posted:

Probably a simple "My rear end isn't taking a bump to concrete, brother."

Also this.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




Greg Valentine w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Randy Savage w/ Miss Elizabeth

Before we get into the match we have to take a moment to acknowledge that the Gang is receiving a bye straight through to the semis due to Jake and Rude's time limit draw. The Gang pumps his fist in the air to the sound of no one giving a poo poo.


And then he has a stroke

All right, time for the last match in the quarter-finals. When Savage comes out Gino says that the crowd goes apeshit but it doesn't come through on my end. This is a problem that persists throughout the show. The mics for the crowd just don't seem tuned right because most of the time when they're going crazy it comes through as a low buzz. It does kill a fair amount of momentum for the show.

The action is exactly what I've come to expect from a Greg Valentine match with him taking it slow to control the pace and mostly just laying in the elbows. Greg goes up top and hits a single axe handle but Gino writes it off as “wasted effort”. Haha! I want more of Sassy Gino making GBS threads on the roster's bad workers! They spill outside and Greg rams Savage straight into the metal barricade. Yeesh! That was a rough hit.

Greg's already looking for the Figure 4 but Savage scrambles to the ropes. Savage isn't even getting out of the blocks here, which is a bit poo poo. If we're about to make him the top champion then he should be able to hold his own in a match like this. Greg hits a suplex but botches it and drops Savage on his side. Painful! Savage finally gets a moment of control and goes up top for a double axe handle. Greg catches him on the way down and both men are on the mat. Greg gets up first and looks for the Figure 4 but Savage rolls him up in a small package and goes through to the next round.


One step closer to the big one

This match was not good and didn't do Savage any favours. He spent the majority of it being dominated and pulled out what looked like a fluke win. Greg might not be able to produce a good match but he could at least take a bit more offence. What they should have done with this card is swap out the Dream Team in the tournament for the Hart Foundation, then we'd end up with Steamboat/Bret and Savage/Bret and that would be pretty tasty. Oh well, maybe one day.

We take another trip backstage to Zombie Mean Gene and Vanna, who has never even heard of Bob Uecker because she's a nationwide star and he's an old dude who once threw a baseball sometimes.
We also check out the state of the tournament. Savage will face the Gang in a semi-final match while DiBiase gets a bye straight through to the final. Vanna is very displeased about DiBiase getting through but she's very happy for Savage and wants to see him win the title. Zombie Mean Gene adds that the Gang also is in the semis. Ha, not even they care. What a jobber.

Intercontinental Title Match
Brutus Beefcake vs. The Honky Tonk Man w/ Jimmy Hart and Peggy Sue


With all these tournament shenanigans going on it's important to remember there's other titles on the line tonight as well. Honky's out to the ring first and as well as Jimmy he's picked up a groupie called Peggy who comes out with him as well. How big an entourage does he need, geez! Peggy's got this whole Grease vibe going for her but doesn't really add much and one quick check of Wikipedia tells me that this is what's become of Sensational Sherri! Talk about your burials. And then just as we prepare for Brutus to come out we get another award!

SIGN OF THE NIGHT


I have no idea what this means but points for creativity

Brutus is out next and his eyes are still bugging out and he's snipping on his scissors all the way to the ring and the crowd look pretty into this but I don't get it. This is silly. There are so many more interesting ways of giving heels their comeuppance than having their hair cut. It grows back!

The match begins slow with stalls aplenty before settling into the rhythm of a slow punchy brawl which is only livened up by Honky's selling. Every time he takes a hit he twitches around like he's been shot. Honky sets Brutus up for the Shake, Rattle and Roll and then in a confusing botch just... changes his mind. Then he moves Brutus three feet to the left and goes for it again. This is all so Brutus is close enough to hold onto the ropes and evade the move. This makes Honky look like an even bigger fool.

Brutus locks a sleeper hold onto Honky and Jimmy starts to get nervous so he just runs in and hits the ref with the megaphone for the DQ. Seeing this, Brutus starts to celebrate not winning the Intercontinental title and chases Jimmy down. He cuts off a few locks of Jimmy's hair and I'm really not that fussed. Worst comes to worst he can always buy a wig. While this is happening Peggy is in the ring waking up Honky and they leave with Jimmy in tow. Brutus continues to celebrate with the fans as Finkel announces he has not won the title.


Again, not what it looks like. Maybe.

This was an awful match and a total waste of the Intercontinental title. Last year we had two amazing workers put on a match unlike anything we'd ever seen and now it's denigrated into a meaningless prop. This could have all happened exactly the same way without the title being involved while that could be used to showcase two talented dudes.

Meanwhile we're – for gently caress sake – back with Bob in his unending quest to empty his balls into a woman. Vanna still hasn't shown up but somebody is here and that's Andre the Giant. Andre tells Bob to screw off and claims Vanna for himself. It would be really nice if at some point in the show they acknowledged that it's not up to any of these guys who gets Vanna. It's up to, y'know, Vanna. Andre is delighted to have taken Hulk out of the title tournament because he's gonna get paid by DiBiase. And then for no reason but the fact I've been watching this crap for 2.5 hours and I deserve one moment of pleasure Andre starts strangling Bob.


This is what my happy place looks like

Shiki Dan
Oct 27, 2010

If ya can move ya toes ya back's fine


quote:

This match was not good and didn't do Savage any favours. He spent the majority of it being dominated and pulled out what looked like a fluke win.

Unfortunately, this is pretty much the standard formula of a babyface Randy Savage singles match.
Savage's offense was so cool, especially by 1980's WWF standards, but whenever he's babyface he decides that no matter if he's up against Andre the Giant or Terrific Terry Taylor, he needs to sell 99% of the time.
Except against Honky, which is why their matches were still good.

This is still MILES better than Hogan Formula match-and if you think you're sick of Hogan right now, you better be prepared for a WHOLE LOT MORE to come.
At the very least, Savage had the courtesy to not kill his opponent's finishers and tailor his comeback based on his opponent.

Numero6
Oct 10, 2012


Savage did fight Bret Hart in a SNME if you're interested.

SatoshiMiwa
May 6, 2007



RZApublican posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SvhQZh0yuI

Hoganplex '88 just baffles me on so many levels. Did Hogan do many suplexes, or was this his first one? He must know what one looks like, he'd been wrestling for a little over ten years at that point. It just looks like he's trying to intentionally injure Virgil, though that might have just been Virgil not bumping correctly. This whole thing is just so slow, sloppy, and awkward.

Finally a move deadlier than the Tiger Driver 91!

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


Rarity, I've got good news and bad news for you.

The good news is that WrestleMania 4 is the last time you'll see One Man Gang.

The bad news is... well, you might yourself into a coma come next Survivor Series.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




Gavok posted:

Rarity, I've got good news and bad news for you.

The good news is that WrestleMania 4 is the last time you'll see One Man Gang.

The bad news is... well, you might yourself into a coma come next Survivor Series.

I don't trust you any more, I've been hurt before

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

Dispensing unwanted fitness advice since 2005. P.S. Squat more! BEEFCAKE!!!

Rarity posted:

I don't trust you any more, I've been hurt before

I mean the One Man Gang gets a new gimmick that's uuuuuh really something so technically he's not lying but lol.

Go RV!
Jun 19, 2008

Uglier on the inside.


Do we have to do not-actually-spoilers spoilers for things that are coming up real soon?

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.


Gavok posted:

Rarity, I've got good news and bad news for you.

Rarity posted:

The Golden Rule

As a lot of my enjoyment for this endeavour comes from discovering the unknown I want to enforce a strict no spoiler policy in this thread so that I can go into these PPVs blind. Things I don't want to know about include but are not limited to:

Please let Rarity experience the madness for themselves

Jason Sextro
Jul 30, 2003

Un alpha en développement depuis quatre ans? C'est incroyable!



Jerusalem posted:

Please let Rarity experience the madness for themselves

Now she knows what's coming instead of getting an amazing surprise.

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


Jerusalem posted:

Please let Rarity experience the madness for themselves

Sorry, guys

Less sorry about George "The Animal" Steele. Considerably less sorry about George "The Animal" Steele.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




The Islanders and Bobby Heenan vs. The British Bulldogs and Koko B. Ware

Playing into this theory that Matilda wants to hunt him down, Heenan comes out wearing a padded jacket like a dog trainer. That would be a great idea if Matilda wasn't the most docile little pooch you've ever seen. The Bulldogs walk out to the strains of Rule Britainnia and that's so bloody perfect for them. They've got Koko alongside and with Matilda and Frankie as well they've got a whole loving menagerie at ringside. Matilda runs towards Heenan because she wants to give him a hug but he scarpers away.


The face of a vicious psychopath

Oh my god, you guys. I can't tell you how much of a relief this match was. The Islanders are great, the Bulldogs are great and Koko is great and they do some actual loving wrestling for the first time on this show. There's a great slingshot from Dynamite to Tama that sends him all the way over the ringpost to the outside. Davey goes for a beautiful crucifix pin that is so crisp. Koko ends up outnumbered against both Islanders but pulls of a snapmare-headscissors combo to take them both out. It's amazing! This is so fast and fluid and for a few brief minutes everything in the world makes sense.

And then Heenan tags in.

Heenan gets in a few boots to Dynamite and it's not like I have an issue with the manager getting in some offence but Dynamite just sells it like death. He makes himself look like a goober instead of making Heenan look good. It doesn't work. Tama comes in goes for our second Vaderbomb of the evening but just lands on knees. Koko and Heenan end up in the ring and Koko's selling like crazy as well and it still doesn't work. Koko takes control and the match breaks down as he beats up Heenan. The Islanders take Koko out from behind, lift an unconscious Heenan up and let him fall into a body splash to get the win.

After the match Heenan takes off running but Davey chases after him with Matilda. They reach him halfway up the entrance and Matilda starts licking at Heenan's face in the hope she will get treats for being a good girl. Gino and Jesse scream in shock at this vicious attack. This thing with Matilda really doesn't work. It's clear just from looking at her that she's a super chill and super happy dog which she absolutely has to be to perform in front of WWF crowds and it's impossible to buy her as a monster. It's like giving Brock Lesnar's gimmick to Crash Holly. It doesn't fit. The match itself was a great breath of fresh air, although I wish it had gone on a bit longer. The end came way too fast.

There's just time for a short break from the action because the crowd in attendance need to be introduced to Jesse. He steps away from the commentary desk to soak up the cheers and that means it's finally time for my favourite segment and yours.



In an interesting move tonight Jesse has gone for somewhat of a throwback look. It's similar to the outfit he's worn at the last two shows but not exactly the same because whereas last time the theme was snakeskin today the theme is zebra. He's got zebra pants and a zebra leather jacket and I wish I knew where he finds these. Does the whole outfit come together or does he have to mix and match? I hope it's the former because otherwise that's a whole lot of shopping.


He's also wearing boots with tiny heels, hehehe

Randy Savage w/ Miss Elizabeth vs. The One Man Gang w/ Slick

Once again we have to wait for the match to start so that we can announce DiBiase's bye straight through to the final. As much as this tournament has been a giant failure in booking (and I'll get to that more later), I do like that Savage is constantly having to face guys who are more rested than him. You gotta have those odds to overcome! The Gang is also out and before I forget it's time to get this award out of the way.

WORST HAIR


Can't work out whether to get a mohawk or a ponytail? No worries, don't fret! Just get both!

The match gets going and Gino starts off by saying he thinks the Gang is lacking a heart. Jesse thinks that he's talking about Bret. I'm sure as hell lacking a Bret Hart right now. Instead what I've got is the Gang and his vague flailing which are known as offence. Savage tries to outmuscle the Gang but that's obviously never going to work and the Gang starts clubbing away at him.

Savage forces the Gang to the outside and then comes off the top rope with a double axe handle! That's pretty sweet! They get back in the ring and Slick starts to hassle Elizabeth so Savage comes right to her rescue. Ok, that is super cute. The dynamic between Savage and Elizabeth now that he's a face is really lovely. The Gang grabs Slick's cane and starts going after Savage. He manages to dodge the attacks and the ref sees it all and DQs the Gang. Savage is going to the title match!

But more importantly, how stupid is the Gang? He didn't even wait till the ref was distracted, he just decided he'd had enough and didn't care about the title any more. But wait, it gets worse. After the match the Gang goes off to Slick and slumps down with his head on Slick's shoulder and Slick starts to hug him and I swear to God the Gang is crying. There stands a man who in the process of being thoroughly emasculated. So of course Savage hits him with a double axe handle and the Gang falls on top of Slick and squishes him like toothpaste.


Aww, poor ickle Gangy-Wangy needs a cuddle

Down one last time to Zombie Mean Gene and Vanna who are excited for our final of Savage vs. DiBiase. Vanna hears the impending sounds of a raging boner and decides its time to make her exit so she heads ringside. No sooner has she gone but Bob shows up having heard that Vanna was around. He continues on with his massive entitlement that Vanna should hook up with him because he's a rich white male and it's so disgusting. After the women's match tore down the house at Survivor Series this is how they're treating women now and that's just sad.

Tag Team Title Match
Demolition w/ Mr. Fuji vs. Strike Force


The sounds of generic hair metal play as Demolition make their way out, it's some bland attempt at doing KISS and it's exactly what you'd expect of them. But not in the beautiful glory of Rude's music, this is more of an uninspired shrug. And in the interim between Survivor Series and now I've worked out what Demolition are meant to be. They're the WWF's store-brand budget version of the Road Warriors. They've got the face paint, they've got the spikes, they've got the big hefty fuckers doing the wrestling. They just don't have the charisma, the talent or the legacy but hey, you get what you pay for.

The match starts out well with Tito and Rick getting in some flashy moves. Rick tries a crossbody on Smash but Smash just catches him out of the air. Tito runs in and hits a dropkick on Rick's back, sending him falling down on top of Smash. Not long after Smash whips Rick towards Ax but Rick hits another crossbody, it looks cool. Unfortunately it can't last forever and soon enough Demolition take control.


The facepaint does not suit Mr. Fuji one bit

Now that I've got a chance to see Demolition in a proper tag team environment I feel like I've got enough experience to say ugh, these guys are bad. They've got nothing too them apart from punching. They isolate Tito in their corner and start laying down a serious beating. Jesse bets that Tito wishes he was back in Tijuana selling tacos. Hey, you used that offensive racism at WM2! Then we get the return of Sassy Gino as he tells us Demolition “don't use a lot of classic wrestling moves” which is a very polite way of saying they've got no loving clue what they're doing.

Tito connects with the Flying Forearm on Ax from out of nowhere and makes the tag to Rick. It's got a little bit of heat behind it. Rick clears house and slaps on the Boston Crab to Smash. Tito takes Ax out with another Flying Forearm but Mr. Fuji's up on the apron so Tito grabs him. Fuji's cane goes flying into the ring, Ax picks it up and nails Rick right on the head with it while the ref's tied up with Fuji. Take note, One Man Gang. Smash makes the cover and we have new tag champs.

Of course, Smash could clearly be seen tapping twice while in the Boston Crab but I think we're all agreeing not to talk about that, right? Right.

This was a bad match with a decent finish. I'm not looking forward to Demolition's run with the tag belts though. Perhaps the Bulldogs can pull a decent match out of them?

Davros1
Jul 19, 2007

You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

Tapping wasn't a thing back then.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




Davros1 posted:

Tapping wasn't a thing back then.

Well that's just confusing

titties
May 10, 2012

They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra



Rarity posted:

Well that's just confusing

they did the tapping motion to signify to the audience that they were indeed in tremendous pain and that the hold was imparting serious injury but they actually had to verbally submit.

I have been watching wrestling since the 80's and I know this but it still trips me up when I watch old stuff.

Maxwell Lord
Dec 12, 2008

I am drowning.
There is no sign of land.
You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand.

And I hope you die.

I hope we both die.




Grimey Drawer

titties posted:

they did the tapping motion to signify to the audience that they were indeed in tremendous pain and that the hold was imparting serious injury but they actually had to verbally submit.

I have been watching wrestling since the 80's and I know this but it still trips me up when I watch old stuff.

Though the usual visual sign was nodding the head- as in, "Yes I give up".

Tapping was a late 90s thing I think- influenced by MMA.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.


Loved the write-up on Matilda, the goodest dog

My beautiful Strike Force, defeated

Gaz-L
Jan 28, 2009


Maxwell Lord posted:

Though the usual visual sign was nodding the head- as in, "Yes I give up".

Tapping was a late 90s thing I think- influenced by MMA.

I believe Shamrock was the guy that introduced it in WWE?

But ya, Rarity, you're gonna need to get used to that for a while if this project continues, cuz a lot of submission finishes and false-finishes are gonna be hella confusing otherwise.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


It's either verbal confirmation, nodding "yes" or in extreme cases such as the deadly bear hug or the sleeper hold or sometimes a full-nelson they will raise and drop the arm. 3 drops and you're out, buddy!

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


Gaz-L posted:

I believe Shamrock was the guy that introduced it in WWE?

Yup. It started with Ken Shamrock making Billy Gunn tap back in '97.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Rarity posted:

The sounds of generic hair metal play as Demolition make their way out, it's some bland attempt at doing KISS and it's exactly what you'd expect of them. But not in the beautiful glory of Rude's music, this is more of an uninspired shrug. And in the interim between Survivor Series and now I've worked out what Demolition are meant to be. They're the WWF's store-brand budget version of the Road Warriors. They've got the face paint, they've got the spikes, they've got the big hefty fuckers doing the wrestling. They just don't have the charisma, the talent or the legacy but hey, you get what you pay for.

Ding ding ding. They're the bagged cereal version of the Road Warriors. And this shouldn't count as spoilers but once you pay for the name brand...

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

HUSS
HUSS
HUSS


Demolition's theme ruled drat it.

DeathChicken
Jul 9, 2012

Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

That was the best buttrock theme wrestling ever produced

RZApublican
Nov 6, 2007

I'm an alien.


DeathChicken posted:

That was the best buttrock theme wrestling ever produced

How soon we forget Mr. rear end's entrance theme

Venomous
Nov 7, 2011



Aye, Steamboat tapped to the Figure-4 in Flair/Steamboat I, but that didn't mean anything and he went on to win the match. Confused me at first tho.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.


Platypus Farm posted:

3 drops and you're out, buddy!

Looks like this is the end of Hulk Hogan, if you ask me.

Up goes the arm... and down it drops!

Up goes the arm... and down it drops!

Up goes the arm... and dow-


Marmaduke!
May 19, 2009

Why would it do that!?

Sometimes the old ways are the best, these days they tend to just do one arm drop and if they don't react that's it and the ref calls for the bell usually while freaking out as if the victim was about to die.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

Dispensing unwanted fitness advice since 2005. P.S. Squat more! BEEFCAKE!!!

Matilda was a textbook chill bulldog that didn't give a gently caress about anything but dinner and belly rubs, and heels acting like she was a werewolf was always delightful.

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014



sean10mm posted:

Matilda was a textbook chill bulldog that didn't give a gently caress about anything but dinner and belly rubs, and heels acting like she was a werewolf was always delightful.



Davey Boy also supposedly shot her up with steroids.

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


Rarity posted:


Can't work out whether to get a mohawk or a ponytail? No worries, don't fret! Just get both!

I think we all need to take a second and appreciate how One Man Gang had the least intimidating skull and crossbones logo.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




WWF Title Match
Ted DiBiase w/ Andre the Giant vs. Randy Savage w/ Miss Elizabeth


Well friends, we've come a long way and we've slogged through a veritable mountain of poo poo but we've finally made it to our main event. The final of the WWF Title Tournament. The Million Dollar Man goes up against the Macho Man and only one thing is guaranteed, the champion isn't going to be the Hulkster and that is freaking awesome. However, before we can get underway we must remember it's the main event of Wrestlemania and that can only mean one thing!

Celebrities!

Firstly, Robin Leach returns to fill a vital role, that of the dude who carries the new title belt down to the ring to give to whoever wins this match. Herb could have managed that, you know. I'm just saying for next year, Vince. Next up Bob comes out to be the guest ring announcer. Halfway down the entrance he gets accosted by a young drunk dude who gives him a hug right before the impending rimming he's going to receive from security.

Now it's finally here, the moment this whole night has been building up to! No, it's not the title match, it's the moment where Bob meets Vanna. She walks out from the back and she gets the biggest pop of the whole night from the crowd. Even bigger than Hogan. Vannamania is here, brother! Jesse's a bit concerned because even though she knows letters he doesn't know if she can count the time. loving hell, Jesse! Vanna reaches the ring and finally meets Bob.


And Bob blows a huge load all up in his pants

This whole ongoing thing was an embarrassment to all concerned. With the way they kept on coming back to it all night it went from an unfunny joke to genuine bullshit. Bob spent the entire show being pervy and gross and in the end he gets rewarded for his actions by receiving the acceptance and flirtation of the object of his desire when she should be running for the loving hills. And yes, I know I'm making a big deal out of something that doesn't seem important and happened 30 years ago but I don't care. Societal sexism is ingrained and systemic. No one at the time would have found this stuff to be bad but it is. It's so, so bad.

God, parts of the Attitude Era are really going to suck.

With that malarkey out of the way we can focus on the actual wrestling. DiBiase's out first and he's found Andre somewhere in the back because the giant is by his side once more. All of a sudden I get a huge burst of fear that Hulk is going to get involved in this somehow and steal all the thunder and ruin Savage's big moment. Please let me be wrong. Savage is out next and I'm afraid to say I'm not a fan of Elizabeth's dress for this one. She's normally got some serious style but there are too many ruffles going on here.


Seriously, she's dressed like a lampshade

The match gets started and while the wrestlers tie up Jesse wants Gino to choose between Vanna and Elizabeth and ugh, I've had as much patriarchal objectification as I can handle in one show. Let's just move on shall we. Whenever Savage gets close to the ropes he gets tripped by Andre, allowing DiBiase to take control. The crowd's already chanting for Hulk. This is all going to go horribly wrong.

I'm afraid to say that the action in this one is really, really dull. I don't rate DiBiase as a wrestler and I feel bad for saying that but he's not got anything special to offer inside the ring. It should not require a great deal of skill to put on a decent match with Savage but there's nothing going on besides basic grapples and brawling. Gino thinks that Savage has “a lot of spunk”. Hehehe. Savage sends DiBiase tumbling outside and he goes looking for the double axe handle but Andre stands in his way.

Savage has had just about enough of this so he whispers in Elizabeth's ear and she takes off back up the entrance. We all know where this is going and surely enough a few moments later she returns with Hulk Hogan close behind. Because we can't just let new stars shine without showing the old stars are brighter. Hulk grabs a chair and sits down by Elizabeth to keep an eye on things. However, he's up on his feet a moment later to rescue Savage after Andre grabs him behind the ref's back.


She probably shoulda waited for him to finish the cocaine first

DiBiase goes looking for something from the top rope but Savage catches him and hurls him off. Savage follows up with the Flying Elbow but DiBiase rolls out of the way and Savage hits the mat hard. Savage pulls himself up but gets trapped in a sleeper hold from DiBiase. However, Hulk slides into the ring and hits DiBiase right across the back with a chair while the ref's busy with Andre. Savage looks for the Flying Elbow one more time and gets it! Savage is the new WWF champion!

The crowd goes mental, DiBiase and Andre jet it from the ring and Savage gets the belt to start celebrating. To my complete lack of surprise Hulk sticks around in the ring to join in the celebrations though he really should just gently caress off at this point. Still, at least he's being chill and not doing his whole pose routine so it could be worse. Savage hoists Elizabeth up on his shoulders and Hulk passes her the title and for all the negative poo poo there is to say about this PPV, they chose a wonderful image to close out on.


Savage and Elizabeth are so adorable

There's two major separate points to bring up coming out of this match. The first one of those is Ted DiBiase's complete failure to work as a top line heel. I'm ignoring the fact he doesn't seem to be a good wrestler because that's not the point. This is a guy with a golden gimmick who I was hating from a brief segment at Survivor Series but tonight there was nothing. This was his big comeuppance and there was no intensity about it, there was no sense of satisfaction at seeing him lose. Perhaps it's because I missed all the build-up, perhaps it's because Savage wasn't involved in the conflict before tonight. Whatever reason, it was missing and at the end of the day that's got to be a big black mark against DiBiase.

The other big thing is obviously the use of Hulk Hogan in the main event. Ok, it definitely could have gone down a lot worse but it was still unnecessary. This was meant to be Randy Savage's big night but Hulk helping out really undercut him on a night where none of his matches really made him look the champion he could have looked like. All in all it didn't become the coronation that it should have been.

And there we have it, Wrestlemania IV is done and dusted. Top to bottom, this was a garbage cesspit of a show. Almost all the matches were dreadful and the majority of the booking decisions were questionable at best. The tournament absolutely killed this PPV. It meant that a few guys ate up the majority of the screen time due to appearing in multiple matches and pushed everyone else into irrelevance. I guess they needed a way to move the belt from Hogan to Savage but there has to be better ways than this, surely. Without a tournament guys like the Harts could have got a proper match. Hercules vs. Warrior could have been the stiff battering it should have been. The Islanders and the Bulldogs could have had more time. The Intercontinental title could have been separated from Brutus and Honky and used for something exciting. Unfortunately committing to the tournament meant restricting the rest of the show so much that this execrable excuse for a Wrestlemania couldn't be saved. One Kane!

/10

Do not even ask
Apr 8, 2008

I'll be busting the moves and I'll be busting the rhymes, we'll be busting up laughing 'cause it's
PARTY TIME!


It's been a long time since I've watched WM4 (and gently caress no I'm not going back to watch it ever again) but I remember that Savage and DiBiase looked super gassed in their match so they couldn't do a whole lot. It took loving ages for WWF/E to learn to keep a tournament down to just Semis and Finals on PPV so expect a lot of double eliminations (countouts, DQs, etc) in future tournaments to save time and try to keep workers from getting winded.

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Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
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Do not even ask posted:

It's been a long time since I've watched WM4 (and gently caress no I'm not going back to watch it ever again) but I remember that Savage and DiBiase looked super gassed in their match so they couldn't do a whole lot. It took loving ages for WWF/E to learn to keep a tournament down to just Semis and Finals on PPV so expect a lot of double eliminations (countouts, DQs, etc) in future tournaments to save time and try to keep workers from getting winded.

They've got zero excuse for being gassed. According to Wikipedia up to that point Savage had wrestled for 15 mins 18 secs and DiBiase had wrestled for just 10 mins 38 secs. By no means have they been putting on marathons and they've had massive rest periods as well. That's loving shameful.

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