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Heros? You wannna hear about some freakin' heros den? Ahright, I got one. It's about a yuge friggin' guy, name's Paul. Paul Bunyan. And he had a big axe, right? And a yuge friggin' ox named Babe, got it? Alright, so Paul see had a thing against trees, he was all the time tryin' a chop 'em down, swingin' at dis an' swingin' at DAT thing ovah dere but see he got tired of swingin' that bastid of an axe so he gets tired, see? Yeah, an' he starts draggin' that big sumbitchin' axe of his, right? And since he was draggin' it, it dug right down into the oyth, see? What's dat? What's an "oyth"? I'M TALKIN' ABOUT THE FREAKIN' GROUND YER STANDIN' ON, THE FREAKIN' EARTH YA DUMMY! anyways, he dug a ditch that turned into duh Grand Canyon and I'm done wit dis poo poo because I got the agida ovah here from all the stupid queshuns https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jul 30, 2017 14:01
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 18:27 |
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Lissen up cuz omma bout ta tell ya some poo poo about my favorite guy, Johnny "Grape Nuts" Appleseed, a fine upstanding kinda guy who was crazy for apples, right? Ok, so this guy goes around eating apples, saving the seeds, and depositing said seeds in such a manner as to make them grow, see? He plants these fuckin' trees everywhere, you see an apple tree not in a grove, he planted it. You see a small group of apple trees sumplace that ain't no grove I'm tellin' ya, it wuz HIM! You see a fuckin' grove of trees, some bastid said "Ol Grape Nuts wuz here I see, gently caress it, omma make a orchard out of it, sell cider in the Fall, and make a killin'!" Apple pie's American because of this entrepreneur, people started making pies left and right badda-boom badda bing and here we are today because of this fuckin guy *dabs at a genuine tear from his eye* ANY QWESHUNZ?!?!
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Jul 31, 2017 16:34
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It has recently come to my attention that some of you may or may not have hoid of dat guy Pecos Bill. I get dat. I do... you wanna be loyal and not rat dis guy out, which is a good ting, for youse. Now lissen up dough, because omma let you in on a liddle secret about dis guy, an how his horse, which was known as Widduh Mayker, for reasons dat should be priddy freakin' apparent so don't even waste my time about it- caused him and his dame some problems. See, Pecos Bill met dis dame named Sluefoot Sue. Giggle and I moider yas... She rode a catfish, right? Down the Rio Grande, which is dis real big river in Texas- and when Pecos Bill saw dis dame it was love at foist sight. 'Cept she played hard ta get, ya know? So anyways he courted her, which is a fancy way of sayin' he was tryin' to get wit her, so he shot out all the stars in the sky, 'cept for dis one... a lone star, ya see? Dat's why dey call it duh Lone Star State, yas understand. Whatever. So anyways dey get married, but Widduh Mayker didn't like Sluefoot Sue at ALL, and nipped at her and tried to kick at her and like dat so she insists on putting her foot down and decides that she's gonna ride Widder Mayker and guess what? YUP! He bucks Sluefoot Sue up inna air and she keeps goin' I poo poo you not and BLAMMO! She hits her head on the freakin' Moon Jackie Gleason would poo poo! So anyways she drops back down to da Oith and her bustle, dat ting dem dames wore back in da day on their asses- hits da ground and bounces Sluefoot Sue back to the Moon! Dis poo poo keeps goin' on for days so Pecos, tinkin' she's gunna starve ta death, lassos her and her bustled rear end back down to da ground with a freakin' rattlesnake named Shake. poo poo. You. Not. https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 4, 2017 15:40
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