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Let me tell you something, I remember when sports were good. When people really got into it. When people died. You youngsters wouldn't understand what that's like, though, you only eat what the sports media people on TV spoon-feed you. Well, let me tell you what's what: First of all, Baseball was a man's sport. A sport for men. We didn't take no guff from those Ant people, or whatever they're calling themselves these days. It was just humans on the field, baby, nobody with more than four appendages need apply. Those were the good days, when a fastball might obliterate the batter's face halfway through the eighth, knocking his nose four inches deep into his skull and changing the game. There was athletecism, too! Much more than you see with these roided up players these days who can round the bases in a single stride, changing their momentum in mid-air with their buoyancy flaps. It's just insincere when compared with the real game. The game that has heart. |
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Aug 4, 2017 18:49
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 03:30 |
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Football was different, too. Back in the day, you'd have a bunch of lily-skinned ninnies kicking an orb across a tract of land. Then, it was egg-shaped all of a sudden, and we were throwing it, too. And then we got RIPPED. Oh baby, muscles slathered up with protein shakes and players with their chakra's aligned shooting mental missiles clear across the field, sometimes knocking the stray bird or two out of the air. Those were the days, alright, back when you didn't need those fancy "body enhancements" that players wear today. Football with eight arms? I don't like it, not one bit. And that thing where the losers get promenaded around the field while being ritualistically disemboweled by angered fans? Where the hell did that go? That was the best part of the game, sometimes! Football today is just not football the way it used to be.
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Aug 4, 2017 18:49
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Basketball used to be about getting the ball in the net. What is it these days? Just a bunch of statistics and trades. Just managers, talking, and trading their players! Hell, why not just make it a card game, assholes!? Back in the day, we had real power out there on the court, kicking that ball into the net, karate chopping the defense, and punching holes square through the torso of the referee. We used to strangle fans with our own coach's whistle, and time-outs were reserved only for when the court became so slick with blood that further play was impossible. I used to be a ball boy with the Wizards back in the day, and let me tell you, there was nothing more satisfying than holding up the head of a defeated point guard high into the air for all the world to see and chanting the Nine Teachings of Bird in a low, monotonous growl. Nothing like what you'd see today on TV, though.
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Aug 4, 2017 18:51
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And wrestling. Whoo! Wrestling! Back in the day, wrestling used to be about civility! Handshakes! Tea times! These days, what do you have? Just a bunch of juiced up guys in spandex hitting eachother. Back in my day, the most violent wrestling move was the Passive-Aggressive Facebook Unfriend, a devastating attack that cuts off almost all communication with the victim without explaining why. Back when they used to pull that out, the crowd would lose its poo poo, I tell you. It was incredible. These days? Just a bunch of pile drivers and sweaty dudes. Who cares? Who cares about that? If I wanted to watch a bunch of dudes break each others shins, I would watch tennis. Sports these days are for pussies, I say.
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Aug 4, 2017 18:53
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sports are for manchildren still living in fifty years ago 
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Aug 4, 2017 19:52
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Look, Tom, your kid is a great lacrosse player and I'm not surprised to hear he got a full-ride scholarship, but do you really think that little poo poo would stand a chance playing in the Da Nah Wah'uwsdi division? |
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Aug 5, 2017 00:37
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everything these days sucks op
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Aug 5, 2017 04:25
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mrbradlymrmartin posted:everything these days sucks op Not as much as Ping Pong. Let me tell you, back in my day, Ping Pong used to be one of the best bloodsports in the angerdome, and yet these days it's just a bunch of Koreans in short shorts. What happened? We used to throw those paddles tron-style at our opponents in a ring of glory! We used to rip out our opponent's still beating heart and devour it on live TV in front of our cheering mothers. These days? Just a bunch of college kids hiking up their jock straps in the quad, slapping around flimsy plastic spheres. Hell, the paddles don't even have blades on them any more! What's even the point? There used to be honor in it, you know? Hell, you're probably too young to remember.
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Aug 5, 2017 05:39
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nothing exemplifies the descent into wussiedom of today's sports better than the abandonment of good ol' rocks as sportsballs. a slam dunk meant something when you had to lift a 100-pound boulder into the air with your hands and smash it through the hoop, possibly caving in the skull of an opponent (or sometimes an unlucky teammate). tennis was far more challenging, much more of a game of skill really, when the large chunk of quarts speeding towards your face at 50mph would routinely slice through the strings of your racquet, rendering your attempts to return your opponent's serve useless. sure a few more soccer players would break their ankles as they tried to power the granite orb into the net, and heading the ball was surprisingly unpopular in those days, but overall the matches were . . . more satisfying, more visceral. one can only wonder what we're going to be stuck with in future years as athletes get even wimpier. toy balloons? soap bubbles? an imaginary ball that won't offend anyone's delicate sensibilities? a sphere of white hot energy that sears everything it touches and is too bright to even look at directly? 
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Aug 5, 2017 12:48
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https://www.sbnation.com/a/17776-football Football in the year 17776. It is slow to start, and pretty long, but definately byob-ish and this thread made me think of it. Basically our old space probes turned sentient watching strange future football and earth in general in the much distant future as they just hang out in space with nothing else to do, being friends. It is wierd, experimental, but charming. Zero interest in sports or football required. Also I like baseball, which has nothing to do with this.
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Aug 5, 2017 13:00
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two words: pole vaulting |
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Aug 5, 2017 18:32
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Mariana Horchata posted:two words: It all went downhill when they replaced the spikes with that stupid cushion. |
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Aug 5, 2017 20:32
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 03:30 |
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google THIS posted:It all went downhill when they replaced the spikes with that stupid cushion. Too true. I also miss the little rainbows caused by the blood spray as each vaulter plunged their pole into the sacrificial victim in front of the bar. My son used to say "Daddy, look at the colors!" and smile. Seems like every sport nowadays is squeamish about sacrificial tribute for some reason. Where would the Yankees be without Babe Ruth's historic 74-man slaughter, a record that's gone unbroken since and probably will never be topped? I bet they wouldn't be the household name they are today, that's for sure.
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Aug 6, 2017 00:37
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