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"hello and welcome to hellhole sam's waterin' hole, may I take your order?" the three armed waitress asks. "yeah, one fried ratburger and a bottle of glo-beer to wash it down please" she twitches her eyebrow in surprise. "listen buddy, I have no idea what kinda joint you think this is but we've got waffles and coffee on the breakfast menu and that's it" extremely embarassed you get your meal and try to pay with pre-war bullets. they take dollars only |
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Aug 29, 2017 08:30
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when you open up your bunker after years of waiting, immediately get flooded and drown because you didn't take rising water levels into account when building your survivalist haven |
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Aug 29, 2017 08:33
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two years gone by. running low on food, running low on water, almost out of smokes. load up spare mags, grab the rifle. check everything off the list. kevlar vest, check. gas mask and spare filters? check. extra ammo, extra food, water? check. a deep breath as the bunker door opens up with a squeal of dry hinges. *trips on rock, falls back down stairs, breaks neck* |
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Aug 29, 2017 08:44
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when you wake up late for your interview at the raider gang and no clothing store on your way has a skull belt in your size |
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Aug 29, 2017 08:54
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Finally met another human being. He looked pretty messed up from all the radiation but I figure we had to gently caress for the survival of the human race. Turns out he was just super ugly 
Olive! fucked around with this message at 10:29 on Aug 29, 2017 |
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Aug 29, 2017 10:27
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You just murdered your best friend for a bag of flaming hot cheetos only to find out it's the fries kind.
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Aug 29, 2017 10:52
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Whoring yourself out to keep from dying of thirst the day before the floods come.
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Aug 29, 2017 10:54
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You spent your entire life breaking into a patent office vault to fulfill your dream of reviving the wonders of the past but it only has blueprints for wifi enabled juicers.
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Aug 29, 2017 10:57
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Trying to barter gold for food.
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Aug 29, 2017 11:01
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When forced to decide between a love interest and a long time friend, you decide to kill, cook, and then feed your significant other to your starving best friend who is also a telepathic talking dog.
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Aug 29, 2017 11:53
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"uh, I think it's probably the carburetor is shot?" Motor-Ola, the warlord covered in flip-phones from the long days ago, approaches my rig "haha, you dummy, there's not even an engine in this."
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Aug 29, 2017 12:45
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Happy halloween |
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"boys, lookit that! the new guy got himself a pickup truck!" you twitch in surprise in the mocking tone and look out the window of your f250 to see a parking lot full of rusty priuses with mudding tires and rusty spikes on fenders "what kinda mileage are you getting with that, huh? you ain't even gonna get to dry skull flats on half a tank in that!" "i-i'll just find a gas station on the way, yeah?" thundering laughter makes you cower in the pickup with shame a bit "yeah, right, what do you think the world is, a playground? ain't no stations left! you better get with the program or get outta here, grandpa" dejected you fire up the beast, belching a cloud of tuned diesel smoke and triggering further laughter. you pull your tattered flat-brim cap over your eyes to hide your tears of shame anyway, that's why I don't go to 'stin anymore. bunch of hipsters if you ask me *takes hit off entrail flavored vape* |
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Aug 29, 2017 13:10
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that moment that you realize its been forever and a day since you hugged a goonette  is this just e/n or did that count for that weird movie where everyone tries to get laid just before the earth is consumed in a solar event because i remember writing this with that in mind foremost of all hey is that a pickup line? "hey baby i work for nasa it could be the last day on earth.... wanna.... y'know?" |
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Aug 30, 2017 03:09
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When it's the end of the world and your soul is being weighed against a feather and you realize you were leaning against the scale the whole time
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 30, 2017 05:30
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It's raining fire, the dead are rising up and your sinks are overflowing with blood but NOW is when your neighbor decides he wants you to return the hedge trimmer he loaned you last week. He still has your wheelbarrow, hammer, flathead shovel and 3 different screwdrivers he borrowed over the past 8 years, for crying out loud!
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 30, 2017 05:33
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For whatever reason at least 6 nuclear missles ended up unexploded in your back yard. The bad news is it's on your property so you'll most likely have to make sure it gets cleaned up.
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 30, 2017 05:35
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A trumpet is blowing from the East signaling Judgement Day and a Jehovah's Witness is knocking on your front door
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 30, 2017 05:36
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Splatmaster posted:A trumpet is blowing from the East signaling Judgement Day and a Jehovah's Witness is knocking on your front door This is got dang song right here
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Aug 30, 2017 12:12
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after living in a fallout shelter for a year without bathing or airing out, u emerge to find a scavenger outside ur shelter the scavenger loudly exclaims "why does it smell like poo poo here all of a sudden??????" |
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Aug 30, 2017 14:44
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when u take a dump and ur poop is glowing but it's only glowing because u ate a glow stick cuz ur out of food |
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Aug 30, 2017 14:55
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when u catch the trix rabbit trying to steal ur cereal supply |
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Aug 30, 2017 14:56
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Tfw u both reach for the last can of expired dog food and your tentacles touch 
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Aug 30, 2017 17:32
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hello is this the fallout thread >take radaway >check pip-boy ~ >collect popcaps >flail YOU HAVE ENTERED THE POST APOCALYPTIC RAGNAROK https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-B8k0n_3cs Notax fucked around with this message at 20:35 on Aug 30, 2017 |
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Aug 30, 2017 18:29
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The "Post Apocalypse", after the day that Something Awful shuts down.
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Aug 31, 2017 03:47
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Twenty Four posted:When forced to decide between a love interest and a long time friend, you decide to kill, cook, and then feed your significant other to your starving best friend who is also a telepathic talking dog. When you've grown a half dozen extra mouths but screaming just seems like a lot of work
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Aug 31, 2017 04:06
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albany academy posted:Tfw u both reach for the last can of expired dog food and your tentacles touch
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Aug 31, 2017 04:06
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When it's the end of the world as we know it, and you quite honestly do not feel at all well.
Robot Made of Meat fucked around with this message at 16:15 on Aug 31, 2017
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Aug 31, 2017 04:13
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When your ex shows up to your vault with her new man and he's wearing the exact same matching jumpsuit as everyone else and hey the world hasn't ended yet why are we drinking this punch
crimes |
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Aug 31, 2017 05:40
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you lay down on the bed with your beloved wife so that when the bomb drops you'll both turn into eternally embracing skeletons but then you do a huge sneeze right as you get skeletonized and now you look like a loving idiot forever |
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Aug 31, 2017 12:58
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Standing in line at the half destroyed grocery store, an old lady in front of you is arguing over expired pre-war coupons and trying to pay with a check. Look lady, can't you just speed this up and pay with a 50 pound bag of bottle caps like the rest of us?
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Aug 31, 2017 13:26
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Sandwich Anarchist posted:you lay down on the bed with your beloved wife so that when the bomb drops you'll both turn into eternally embracing skeletons but then you do a huge sneeze right as you get skeletonized and now you look like a loving idiot forever https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 31, 2017 13:40
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When your cannibal slave master leather daddy takes off his gimp mask and it's the guy you bullied in eighth grade. |
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Sep 2, 2017 19:42
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When you realize everyone is staring at you as the shadow of the asteroid darkens the sky because your t-shirt says "the Asteroid is bullshit!"
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Sep 2, 2017 19:55
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when u meet a mutant woman scavenging for food and u notice she has a bulbous stomach tumor only after u asked her when the baby's due |
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Sep 3, 2017 02:50
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...you get your life insurance paid to you in full in the mail just before the Extinction Level Event takes place because the risk assessment department determined when it was going to happen and where so why not, right?
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Sep 3, 2017 02:53
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When you break your glasses and start screaming about how there was time now but then you remember you have an extra pair. |
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Sep 3, 2017 04:21
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when u go to the weekly culling event and Clank shows up wearing the same rusted spike breastplate u are wearing |
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Sep 3, 2017 05:49
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When it's 5am the Hellfire missles have all gone off around you and it occurs to you- you really DON'T like the smell of napalm in the morning...
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Sep 3, 2017 06:50
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When you're too embarrassed to go back to Vault City and admit that you are probably not going to find a water-chip, because your trolley broke down and you ate all your raisins after 5 miles.
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Sep 4, 2017 09:34
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 03:25 |
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When you're eating the last bit your friend's corpse and the only edible part left is the dick and balls |
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Sep 4, 2017 16:05
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