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This will be easy. It's just a stupid bird! All I have to do is run as fast as I can and catch him in my outstretched, grasping arms... Road Runner stays one step ahead, sticks its tongue out tauntingly, then disappears off the horizon, somehow instantly hyper-sonic. Hmm. Well. Maybe this will be harder than I thought. --- Okay. So he's fast, I'll give him that. But I bought these sneakers! They're guaranteed to make me go super fast, it says so in the catalog! You think you're so great you stupid bird, I've almost got you n... RR stops on a dime, 120mph to 0 in a second with nothing but a shuddering door-stopper noise. Unable to stop as quickly I sail off a cliff and fall hundreds of feet into a dry creek bed. My spine now makes accordion sounds as I attempt to walk off the injuries. --- I've got it! I ordered this slingshot and a box of grenades. I'll just load one... aim carefully... and... Box of grenades explodes behind me before RR even shows up. I am briefly aghast, before crumbling into a pile of ashes. --- Alright you little fucker. I'm done playing. This time I bought a Maserati and a suit of armor and a shotgun. I'm gonna armor up in the driver's seat, pull up along-side you goin' a hundred, and blast your brains out like the end of Easy Rider. And just in case! Just in case you SOMEHOW pull out of this I bought another box of grenades i keep in the uh-oh... Box of grenades explodes in passenger seat before RR even shows up. I continue down the road on one frayed tire like a wobbly unicycle, armor pieces dented and mis-matched about my person, still holding the broken steering wheel.  This might take a few more attempts... |
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Sep 12, 2017 19:14
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 05:13 |
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I'll start a thread to crowdsource ideas for catching him! Forgets to pick tag, RR laughs and holds up sign saying "  "
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Sep 12, 2017 19:18
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He stuck his tongue out at me!!!!!! GET 'IM! |
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Sep 12, 2017 19:47
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Splatmaster posted:better next time, right? That's the spirit! Oh and your stove is definitely off, I borrowed it to start a fake all-you-can-eat birdseed restaurant and, long story short, I got hungry and sat at the booby trapped lunch-counter myself, everything is cinders now. My bad. |
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Sep 12, 2017 20:10
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(There needs to be an MMO platformer where you can have like 200 player-controlled coyotes all after one NPC Road Runner that is impossible to catch; the points are based on self-destructive stunts performed in the pursuit) -- Day 31. Dynamite boomerang: catastrophic failure. Dynamite paper airplane: catastrophic failure. Dynamite yo-yo: catastrophic failure (what was I thinking!?) Day 32. Dynamite RC car: catastrophic failure. Dynamite with dominoes fuse: catastrophic failure. Dynamite dressed as tiny sailor on toy boat sailing down rickety aquaduct: catastrophic failure. Day 33. Lunch with Sam. I sympathize with his 'rabbit issue' but I fear he's losing confidence in the entire dynamite piano field. Have to stick to it, I told him, but he just swore and muttered under his breath. Poor bastard. Dyamite Christmas tree: catastrophic failure. Day 34. Dynamite Rumba: catastrophic failure. Dynamite carrier pigeons: catastrophic failure. Dynamite piano: catastrophic failure (Sam may be on to something...)
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Sep 13, 2017 15:05
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Refrigerator with automatic ice machine. Check. Meat grinder connected to outboard motor. Check. Skis. Check. Testing alignment... Ice cubes arc into meat grinder, creating snow for the skis to... for the skis to... What am I doing? How could this possibly make me faster? I haven't slept since... I don't remember. I'm so tired. I have a refrigerator strapped to my back... to get faster!? When was the last time I saw my own daughter? She must be... five? No. Seven. No. No... I don't even remember anymore... ... ... Skis, check. Day 452, attempt 1. |
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Sep 14, 2017 02:14
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For sale Rocket skates Never used |
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Sep 14, 2017 16:42
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Kthulhu5000 posted:...Ashes in the goddamn mouth. 
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Sep 14, 2017 17:10
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The only thing that really worried me was the bottle of earthquake pills. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a coyote in the depths of an earthquake pill binge. And I knew I'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon. |
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Sep 16, 2017 18:07
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 05:13 |
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Starman Super DX posted:I was somewhere around Barstow, at the edge of the desert... Mods please change this thread's name to The Road Runner Diaries. Thank you. |
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Sep 16, 2017 18:13
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