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I'm applying to be an Assistant Language Teacher of English in Japan's "JET" program. It's just like any other job, but part of the application process requires applicants to submit a "Statement of Purpose". This SOP is a 1-2 page essay in which applicants must answer the following, "Why you wish to go to Japan as a participant of the JET Program and why you are interested in the position for which you are applying (ALT or CIR). What effect you hope to have on the Japanese community and internationally as a result of your participation in the JET Program. How your experiences, professional skills, and relevant interests will be useful to you as an ALT or CIR, and will further the objectives of the JET Program. What you hope to gain, both personally and professionally, from your JET experience if you are selected and how participation will assist you in your future career." I meet all the requirements (Bachelor's degree, interest in Japan, decent grasp on the English language, etc.) and I'm hoping to really nail my SOP as it's maybe the most important part of the application process. I'd like to ask CC's creative writers to help point out all the flaws in my SOP draft. I know what I want to say, just not necessarily how to say it. I'll also be happy to give more relevant personal information or answer additional questions if it'll help. Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks! https://www.docdroid.net/Smsc1p1/rough-draft.docx "My goal in applying for JET as an ALT is multifaceted. I hope to expand my horizons while exploring a culture foreign to that of the United States. I have had an interest in other cultures since adolescence, and that has only grown as I conclude my fourth year of international business study at [INSTITUTION HERE]. Personally, my enthusiasm for culture study has manifested in a desire to learn about the Japanese experience. These consist of the mundane such as mannerisms and daily life, but also the broadly scoped including customs and language. College has allowed me to feed this curiosity by completing various academic tasks, including an export project that evaluated the business opportunities of exporting grains from the United States to Japan, and opting into a religious-studies elective that included the study of Shintoism’s Kami, and Buddhism’s three jewels and five precepts. I plan on furthering my understanding of these concepts and more as I continue my study of Japan. Professionally, the social skills I acquired at the [HOTEL HERE] has taught me the power of personal stories and the universal appeal they bring. As the night auditor at a 4-star hotel, I personally oversaw the shift operations including negotiating rates, providing customer support, and managing accounting records. I used my position to gain insight into the international community on an individual level. These interpersonal skills have served me well in connecting with a diverse set of individuals from all over the world. I recall one guest with a distinct accent donning what appeared to be a pilot’s uniform. After a brief talk of the weather, I inquired about his uniform. He explained how he had begun working as an expatriate for the local airline. This prompted a detailed 20-minute conversation of piloting as a career, after mentioning I was unsure of my major at the time. Furthermore, growing up in a tiny town in rural Vermont gifted me to gain an appreciation for teachers and faculty who will encourage their students and drive them to pursue their interests. I am confident in my ability to share my excitement with the students I will be teaching. I believe we are all naturally curious and it is my desire to further stoke that curiosity in the next generation. Looking outward, I aim to gain a deeper understanding of the Japanese viewpoint. Questions for adults, teenagers, and children alike, “What do you think of English? Have you tried international foods and did you like them? Would you like to visit America, Australia, Korea, or another country? If so, what would you like to see first?” There is value in these questions and I hope to share my passion for all things worldly with the students I will be working with. It is my aspiration to ultimately use the JET program as a stepping stone that propels me into working internationally. I pride myself on leaving my comfort zone and attempting that which sparks my curiosity. As an international business student, I see working, living, and experiencing Japan as a wonderful opportunity to get hands-on experience. I intend to further develop my professional skills, inspire my students to continue their international studies, and utilize my JET experience in future endeavors as a part of the international community. It is for these reasons I will make a strong Assistant Language Teacher." rizuhbull fucked around with this message at 16:31 on Nov 2, 2017 |
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Oct 28, 2017 20:26
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[quote=] I recall one guest with a thick accent donning what appeared to be a pilot’s uniform. After a brief talk of the weather, I inquired about his uniform. He explained how he had begun working as an expatriate for the local airline. This prompted a detailed 20-minute conversation of piloting as a career, after mentioning I was unsure of my major at the time. These interpersonal skills have served me well in connecting with a diverse set of individuals from all over the world. [/quote] This is a nice story but I’d rework it, and put the last line first so it’s more skills/experience/example. Not a fan of ‘thick accent’ either, it makes him sound dumb. Otherwise this is fine, I think, nice combo of general and specific.
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Nov 1, 2017 22:51
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sebmojo posted:This is a nice story but I’d rework it, and put the last line first so it’s more skills/experience/example. Not a fan of ‘thick accent’ either, it makes him sound dumb. "These interpersonal skills have served me well in connecting with a diverse set of individuals from all over the world. I recall one guest with a distinct accent donning what appeared to be a pilot’s uniform. After a brief talk of the weather, I inquired about his uniform. He explained how he had begun working as an expatriate for the local airline. This prompted a detailed 20-minute conversation of piloting as a career, after mentioning I was unsure of my major at the time." You're right, this works much better, especially coming off the previous paragraph. Any suggestions for how to "rework" it specifically? I don't want anyone to write it for me, but can you be more specific for what doesn't work? Or is it just overall kinda wonky? I've already re-written it several times and I'm never comfortable how to convey the information. -Met a pilot (Irish) -Talked about weather -Small talk led to a greater conversation -Conversation was about piloting as a profession after I mentioned my major and my feelings towards it at the time (I've come to be happy with my major) -I also asked a bunch of questions about Ireland but I don't know if I can smoothly mention both pieces of information Any specific parts of it that are clumsy or otherwise ill-fitting? It's worth noting that this employer is specifically asking me to be personal and seems to want to hear stories like this. If this were any other job, I'd never include such a story. I also included an updated draft in the OP. rizuhbull fucked around with this message at 05:54 on Nov 2, 2017 |
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Nov 2, 2017 02:08
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I think you're over-using the word "study". There's also some awkward sentences like "I pride myself on leaving my comfort zone and attempting that which sparks my curiosity". Find another way to say that sentence. Maybe "I'm not afraid to leave my comfort zone to explore what interests me."
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Nov 5, 2017 01:55
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rizuhbull posted:Personally, Kill this habit now. It makes it sound like you are checking bullet points off of a list. You may be doing that, and that's okay. I think the essay's maturity will increase without it. hth
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Nov 12, 2017 12:32
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