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 Welcome to the November UKMT, let's keep on watching the continued slow collapse of the government together, and place our bets on the next MP to be revealed as a gross sex harasser, or which one has a harmless kink which is sadly far more salacious to the British press, but still fun if they're a moralizing family values prick. There's an alleged partial list floating around, with terrible phone camera quality but enough details to be plausible, but it keeps being taken down, and so far nothing has been confirmed barring a couple of old news items like 'MP is dating a woman'  William Wragg is the piss man. He's also consistently voted against equality and human rights legislation, terminally ill peoples' right to die, and right to remain for EU nationals, so even if the list is false he is the piss man. In The News  • Theresa May gives a speech to the Conservative Conference and it goes pretty badly. • Parliament votes against the continued roll-out of Universal Credit. The executive branch completely ignores them and refuses to show up to justify themselves. • Brexit negotiations reach a "very disturbing state of deadlock" as nobody has any loving clue how to achieve what they said they'd achieve. • The home office plans to ban the sale of 'acid' to under 18s to stop the 'spate of acid attacks'. Whether this will just apply to sulphuric acid drain cleaner or they'll write something utterly moronic that bans chip shop vinegar, who knows. (It'll be the latter.) • Transforming Rehabilitation, introduced by the former justice secretary Chris Grayling, is revealed to be a dysfunctional bag of shite approach to probation. • The Telegraph outright lies on the front page about 'banning white authors from Cambridge', then quietly retracts it in a tiny correction. Will they face consequences for trying to stir up racism? (lol, no) • Catalonia issues a unilateral declaration of independence. The British government refuses to recognize it, but Scotland issues a statement of support. • Palestine condemns Theresa May's announcement that we 'feel pride' in the Balfour Declaration as offensive and unacceptable. • Jared O'Mara, the Labour MP who humiliated loser Clegg, posted a bunch of edgy bad poo poo on the internet 15 years ago as a young man, shocking many. He may have also said bad poo poo to women, and has been suspended. • Nadine Dorries, the Conservative MP who voted against every piece of equality legislation put her way, says this means that "Labour can no longer pretend to be the party of equal opportunities and diversity". Shortly after, she called people 'window lickers' on Twitter. • A bunch of National Action members are arrested for plotting to use a gladius machete (lol) to stab Labour MP for Lancashire West, Rosie Cooper. • A USB stick containing 2.5Gb of unprotected files detailing Heathrow security procedures, radio codes used to indicate hijackings, tunnel and CCTV camera locations, police patrols timetables, and ID card details is found in a West London street. • Revised figures from the ONS indicate that we're hosed, £490 billion poorer than previously thought, no longer have a net reserve of foreign assets, and growth estimates are a lie.     UKMT Commissars (thanks feedmegin) quote:I came up with the idea of a register of goons and their CLPs in case any new joiners wanted someone to go to to get the local lie of the land. The threads, frost-crisp'd, break from the trees and fall The Vaults Below Parliament UKMT Octoberleutnant UKMT September UKMT August UKMT July All Previous UKMTs (thanks Pesky Splinter) The Stirling Heads Scotpol Thread The Eighty Years War Europol Thread The Grand Tour Trainchat Thread The Tortured Signature Political Cartoons Thread The Four Corners of the Kingdom #ukgoons on synIRC (thanks crispix). Finally, keep the following in mind quote:1. It's not a person's fault if they are poor; 
Guavanaut fucked around with this message at 13:44 on Nov 1, 2017 |
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Nov 1, 2017 01:10
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 07:46 |
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Webb's book also has bits like concluding that small-town Tories are inclusive, because they let a cis white son of one of their members who thinks centrism is leftist into their social club to drink and play pool with his family.
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Nov 1, 2017 01:14
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That spreadsheet of all the tory sex weirds should be in the OP.
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Nov 1, 2017 01:15
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Not Operator posted:Or if we're just talking British stuff, Limmy was generally more hit than miss. I once spent quite a lot of an evening - all of us very stoned - trying to answer questions from my best pal's American wife.about random Limmy stuff on Youtube and (in days of yore) Vine At one point I printed out some maps of Glasgow. "Right, the Botanic Gardens where the frisbee twat is are here, but Yoker is way over there, and...". What I'm trying to say is that is probably way too much weed.
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Nov 1, 2017 01:23
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Limmy is without a doubt the most underrated comedian in the UK in tyool 2017
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Nov 1, 2017 01:28
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Emergency backup located. William Wragg still implicated as piss man.
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Nov 1, 2017 01:33
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Limmy is good.
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Nov 1, 2017 01:37
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Guavanaut posted:Emergency backup located.
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Nov 1, 2017 01:43
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Maybe since nobody cares about the charts anymore we can have an annual political tinkle tape. Why are we still saying tape, anyway. Like, it's not surely a tape is it.
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Nov 1, 2017 01:49
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It's probably more of a stream.
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Nov 1, 2017 01:51
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What sort of stance was he doing do you think? Laying down and being hosed by the other guys? Ive seen that usually german porn where guys are pissing into womans mouths and they pretend to enjoy it and gargle with it and stuff. Is he doing the same thing? Im not sure as a voter I can support a fellow who up to this.
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Nov 1, 2017 01:57
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Nice OP Guavanaut.Seaside Loafer posted:Good lad, we really need to see the tape, thanks for bumping. I wonder if he would personally release it if we could raise 50k in a kickstarter? It drat well better be a blu-ray HD 1080p Remaster with Dolby Surround Sound. With commentary and subtitles. I'm not having an MP piss tape in anything less than that.  [e]: And at Disgrace Liam Fox's reason being, "Adam Werritty".Pesky Splinter fucked around with this message at 02:04 on Nov 1, 2017 |
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Nov 1, 2017 01:58
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I'm more impressed with the logistics honestly, you have to find three men who all need to go at the same time and are all OK with pissing on a tory MP... Actually that last part seems easy but pissing on a tory MP for his enjoyment.
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Nov 1, 2017 02:02
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Guavanaut posted:It's probably more of a stream. MP4?
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Nov 1, 2017 02:09
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OwlFancier posted:I'm more impressed with the logistics honestly, you have to find three men who all need to go at the same time and are all OK with pissing on a tory MP... Google "Streams of Pleasure". There's quite a few clubs around that have wet rooms. But eh, don't do that while logged into your work account like I've just done, maybe.
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Nov 1, 2017 02:18
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Probably been mentioned before but weird thing about the spreadsheet is the use of language like 'handsy', 'odd requests', 'inappropriate' about what are likely crimes.
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Nov 1, 2017 02:20
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I wonder if the pissers have to drink a load of water before the pissing. If its professional pissing i suppose they would come prepared.
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Nov 1, 2017 02:22
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Couple years old now, but this is still up there as one of Limmy's greatest hits. http://www.chortle.co.uk/news/2011/11/11/14293/limmy_sorry_over_die_now_tweets Chortle posted:Limmy sorry over 'Die Now' tweets The article does miss out on the minor detail of his completely sincere apology being immediately followed by an ad for his (then) new book.
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Nov 1, 2017 02:23
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I wonder if the euphemistic language is an attempt to downplay the severity of the acts or if it's just keeping things purposefully ambiguous in case the spreadsheet became public. Or maybe it's just some concession to propriety, with all the doublethink that implies.
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Nov 1, 2017 02:23
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TomViolence posted:I wonder if the euphemistic language is an attempt to downplay the severity of the acts or if it's just keeping things purposefully ambiguous in case the spreadsheet became public. Or maybe it's just some concession to propriety, with all the doublethink that implies. It's probably deliberately vague for all those reasons and maybe more. That it names the victims (though some plainly aren't victims) is another thing though. When it comes to that, they've been very careless indeed
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Nov 1, 2017 02:31
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Limmy got into the papers just the other day because of a "sick prank" where he tweeted that Simon Cowell had died when he was ill. It was funny because he thrives off that poo poo. And yeah, post Fast Show/Big Train The Limmy Show and Burniston are about the best sketch shows from this accursed island I can think of. I know liking Monty Python approaches parody but it is amazing how much from that show really stands the test of time seeing as it's getting close to 50 years old. There's iffy moments but their hit rate is still incredible.
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Nov 1, 2017 02:36
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blues thief posted:Couple years old now, but this is still up there as one of Limmy's greatest hits. I don't want tories to come into me.
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Nov 1, 2017 02:41
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OwlFancier posted:I don't want tories to come into me. Given recent headlines, I'm not convinced that will stop them from trying.
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Nov 1, 2017 02:58
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blues thief posted:Given recent headlines, I'm not convinced that will stop them from trying. I have my talisman of +1 protection from tories, it's red and square and made out of sticky back card that you have to fold together.
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Nov 1, 2017 02:59
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Seaside Loafer posted:I wonder if the pissers have to drink a load of water before the pissing. If its professional pissing i suppose they would come prepared. You are putting far more thought into this than necessary. I forsee awkward conversations with your other half.
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Nov 1, 2017 03:22
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forkboy84 posted:Limmy got into the papers just the other day because of a "sick prank" where he tweeted that Simon Cowell had died when he was ill. I never got into Monty Python despite my dad and multiple friends insisting it's the best thing ever. I thought The Meaning of Life was actually pretty cool (I think, I watched it when I was like 16) but Life of Brian and Holy Grail were overrated and Flying Circus was just shite. Maybe it's me. Seaside Loafer posted:I wonder if the pissers have to drink a load of water before the pissing. If its professional pissing i suppose they would come prepared. I have often wondered this. Like I have seen some porn where they are all loving as you'd expect then suddenly streams of piss everywhere and it just makes me think drat was that guy just absolutely busting for the loo the whole time, because I've tried to have sex while needing the toilet before and it's very distracting and not particularly enjoyable but you keep going because saying 'I need a piss' halfway through ruins the mood and ugh bad times.
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Nov 1, 2017 03:26
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Limmy has recently been posting on twitter screenshots of fake phone conversations where he tells his mum his dad is dead or something, then reporting everyone who calls him a oval office and getting them suspended.
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Nov 1, 2017 03:26
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ThomasPaine posted:I never got into Monty Python despite my dad and multiple friends insisting it's the best thing ever. I thought The Meaning of Life was actually pretty cool (I think, I watched it when I was like 16) but Life of Brian and Holy Grail were overrated and Flying Circus was just shite. Maybe it's me. I never really liked Flying Circus. The Meaning of Life is fine - but I think it's the weakest of the films. Holy Grail is alright, but Life of Brian is my personal favourite; the more overt satirical elements, and the aftermath of its release. ThomasPaine posted:I have often wondered this. Like I have seen some porn where they are all loving as you'd expect then suddenly streams of piss everywhere and it just makes me think drat was that guy just absolutely busting for the loo the whole time. At a guess, they probably film out of sequence. Or maybe the studios specify; must have: 1) toned body 2) trimmed/shaved body hair 3) big dicks 4) bigger bladder 5) must bring own Tory MP pisspig
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Nov 1, 2017 03:59
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Pesky Splinter posted:Tory MP pisspig Mods namechange request plz
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Nov 1, 2017 04:16
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ThomasPaine posted:Mods namechange request plz Pishy Willie MP
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Nov 1, 2017 04:31
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The Armando Ianucci Shows is the best UK sketch show of the past 20 years. Pity no one watched it since it launched the same week as 9/11.
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Nov 1, 2017 06:38
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Comrade Fakename posted:The Armando Ianucci Shows is the best UK sketch show of the past 20 years. Pity no one watched it since it launched the same week as 9/11. tbf, 9/11 was the better show tho
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Nov 1, 2017 07:10
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Nosfereefer posted:tbf, 9/11 was the better show tho Certainly had better production values.
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Nov 1, 2017 07:29
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Comrade Fakename posted:Certainly had better production values. Greater diversity of protagonists, etc
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Nov 1, 2017 07:49
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Armando Iannucci Show was great. In slightly more recent times, Harry and Paul was decent enough for the most part but nothing special, and a few iffy bits (Parking Pataweyo) e: Actually there was more questionable stuff than I remembered. The Filipina maid, the Nelson Mandela stuff, and some of your classic "aren't working class people noisy and awful" material. Shame. sebzilla fucked around with this message at 09:06 on Nov 1, 2017 |
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Nov 1, 2017 08:57
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Sketch show chat: they're (almost) all terrible but Snuff Box with Matt Berry is excellent and weird in a good way.
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Nov 1, 2017 09:31
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forkboy84 posted:I know liking Monty Python approaches parody but it is amazing how much from that show really stands the test of time seeing as it's getting close to 50 years old. There's iffy moments but their hit rate is still incredible. Not really. To quote a far superior show that has stood the test of time much better: those men died for us - frequently.
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Nov 1, 2017 09:51
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OwlFancier posted:I have my talisman of +1 protection from tories, it's red and square and made out of sticky back card that you have to fold together. Try a combination of garlic and human decency to repel tories.
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Nov 1, 2017 10:01
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Limmy does the odd funny vine but his other stuff? Not for me.
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Nov 1, 2017 10:08
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I love Limmy's show even if I only actually find one or two sketches funny each episode. There's something hypnotic about it.
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Nov 1, 2017 10:10
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