Burger Thread II: Hold me Closer Tiny Smashburg

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Goons with Spoons > Burger Thread II: Hold me Closer Tiny Smashburg

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Grandmother of Five posted:

I achieved perfect eggs earlier, but could not find the thread for it, but they were fried eggs for burgers, so here it go.

Warning; I don't know all the English words for foodstuff (I'm Foreign and do not use English when cooking), but the buns were dark bread (incorrect word, I think, not rye, but not white bread - whole grain? unsure, we may never be able to communicate perfectly, always something will be lost and we must extend upon one another the courtesy of some leeway in speech and intentions) + beef patty with various seasoning (impossible to know the words of seasonings other than salt and pepper, apologies. Rosemary and thyme is also known, but was not in effect), the small style of tomatoes, my home-grown and pickled cucumber+chili <--lots of these, very strong, Dijon mustard, fried onions + perfect fried egg My bf when eating this says he will marry (not proposal btw, just compliment, no need to congratulate )

Please make a thread and post all about your cooking. This is the best thing I have read in a long time.

I had Hamburger Habit today for lunch. Did not burg. Had the Albacore. It was fishy. I need to eat less beef but my soul died a little.

# ¿ Nov 22, 2017 07:30

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 18:37

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Hippie Hedgehog posted:

You need to eat less near-threatened species.

http://www.iucnredlist.org/details/21856/0

Beef sucks for the climate but so does tuna actually.

It was the least worst option. It�s not that I am trying to eat less beef for environmental reasons, but the doc says I need to eat way less beef and way more fish and cut carbs. Yes, I know Tuna and many other tasty fish are super threatened and it�s sad because they are so delicious.

Edit: turkey sliders are totally good post thanksgiving burg options

# ¿ Nov 24, 2017 23:27

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

^^^^^ Please do

Getting back to Burgin: I need help with my Lettuce wrap game. I have tried nice big green leafy lettuce and it just falls apart. Teach me goons so I can burg again (cutting carbs ssssssuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkksssssss).

# ¿ Nov 26, 2017 05:39

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Ranter posted:

Now that's burgin'

New page means I have to ask the obligatory 'once-a-page-question': Can someone please post a link to a good smash burg tool? I can't read 3 pages of 1 thread ain't nobody got time for that.

Masonry trowel and wallpaper scraper. Whatever is respectively beefy and sharp (and cheap) from your local hardware store.

# ¿ Feb 19, 2018 06:26

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Ranter posted:

I prefer this pants presser https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004JJRR0E/ and this beveled mirror https://www.amazon.com/Scalloped-Rectangular-Rectangle-Horizontal-Frameless/dp/B07621VFGN/ for smashing and scraping respectively.

Elephanthead posted:

I don't see how you can cook a burger without this. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B071H7HQJK/ref=sspa_dk_detail_1?psc=1&pd_rd_i=B071H7HQJK&pd_rd_wg=IhdmA&pd_rd_r=JZTP0JYRK9R56ZXXQS83&pd_rd_w=lzo6q

The difference between us is I was actually being serious. I have a great Milwaukee trowel that has a nicely welded and very stable handle. It�s thick and smashes oh so nice. The scraper is just a scraper, Kenji was spot on about that as a tool for smash burg scraping.

# ¿ Feb 25, 2018 05:43

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

I am a fatass and order three by threes at in-n-out. Two meat and two cheese, even thin smash patties is fine.

Oh god I�m so fat and I can�t stop. Double doubles are fine and then I�m there in the drive through and I order the same thing I�ve been ordering for 20 years.

# ¿ Mar 1, 2018 05:02

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Why the gently caress doesn�t ballast point have these burgers on the actual west coast?

# ¿ Jul 11, 2018 05:42

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

For those of you with a good smashburg game, turns out Turkey works pretty well for that same process. Hot steel, ball of meat, sizzle, smash, season, sear, flip (regard that maillard), season, cheese, cook, onto buns.

They went so fast there is no photographic evidence.

Also I did whole grilled sweet onion slices before the turkey burgs and drat son, they were good on dem burgs.

# ¿ Aug 14, 2018 05:55

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Get an induction hob and a pan that works with it. Enjoy the best crust on a burg ever.

# ¿ Aug 26, 2018 05:38

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

A Sometimes Food posted:

Burger from a hot dog place which does much better burgers than hot dogs. Why do so many hot dog places insist on giant rolls and stacking so vertical that even my giant gob can't take reasonable bites?

This picture is perfection in every way.

# ¿ Sep 29, 2018 17:22

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

tangy yet delightful posted:

I have a toaster that does bagel (one side) toasting. I sometimes put my buns in it for the lazy mans toast.

I just assumed everyone does this.

# ¿ Dec 29, 2018 05:22

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

I made a burg a few days ago.

I had a deep visceral response to this. Think grool but of the mouth.

Thank you.

# ¿ Jan 28, 2019 05:49

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

5 Guys good.
fite me.

First five guys burg I�ve ever seen with meaty cheese. It�s always cold cheese when I go. Never melted.

# ¿ Feb 9, 2019 18:55

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Seven Hundred Bee posted:

anyone have tips for turkey smashburgers? I cut out all non-poultry meat recently, and am struggling to get that super hard crust with the lower fat content. maybe try adding some ghee to the pan?

Ripping hot pan/griddle/steel. Spritz of oil on the turkey ball. Place on hot surface. Smash hard and hold. Pray it releases.

Basically the same as a regular smash burg?

# ¿ Feb 10, 2019 00:38

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Stelio Kontos posted:

Feta and pepperoncini is a solid topping combo, a garlicky mayo compliments it very well too.

You have opened the portal to the Greek burger realm.

Tomato, cucumber, red onion, garlic sauce, lettuce, feta, olives/tapenade...

# ¿ Mar 13, 2019 05:27

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Bargearse posted:

Not gonna lie, I really like how Australia seems to have taken over the burger thread.

Quick, someone open an Australian Burg Fast Casual restaurant in <Major US City>

# ¿ Mar 13, 2019 22:25

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Bun to meat ratio is a little off there

# ¿ Mar 14, 2019 04:21

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Doom Rooster posted:

I was making a big batch of sausage today but it won't be ready until tomorrow. Need some dinner for tonight! Since the grinder was already going to be out and grinding chuck anyway, might as well throw in some short rib too to grind for burgers! Ended up with a 50/50 mix.

Brioche bun, blue cheese, bacon, butter lettuce and chipotle mayo. Didn't get many pictures since I was feeding other folks too.

And my cat Earl helping by reading out Ruhlman's master sausage ratios.

SA needs a like button for posts

# ¿ Mar 31, 2019 06:48

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Ginger Beer Belly posted:

That is a drat fine looking burger.

This burger came to mind when the wife and I were talking about where to go for lunch ... and I got pictures this time.

I didn't ask the staff, but I think that the dipping sauce is simply mayo with some Zing Zang mixed in. The side of poutine has smoked brisket in it.

... and cross-section after eating the first half ...

I had a Pavlovian reaction to this.

# ¿ Apr 8, 2019 06:09

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

beerinator posted:

You guys still like burgers?

My Pavlovian response to this included salivation and palpitations, followed by a brief coronary episode.

# ¿ Apr 27, 2019 15:50

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Sprouts now has 85/15 fresh ground turkey that makes a damned good burg for people trying to eat a little less beef.

Have used it twice for smashburgs and they went so fast there was no photo evidence. Lettuce, tomato, seedy mustard, saut�ed onions, double bacon, and melty gruyere on a potato bun. Gone in 6 seconds.

# ¿ May 2, 2019 00:22

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Colostomy Bag posted:

Yeah a turkey burg would last 6 seconds in my house. That would be about the time it would take to toss it in the trash.

j/k If it works and tastes good than good for you. Would try one. Actually want to try one of those impossible concoctions as well.

Impossible really just does a good impression of the texture and flavor of ground beef. It�s a spectacular technological achievement but kind of lame on your plate slash burg slash patty melt.

beerinator posted:

My wife has that turkey disease and I make her turkey smashburgers when I make my own beef ones. She seems to be a fan. You have to make sure the surface is really hot before starting.

You could make a beef smashed burger at a lower temp and get away with it. But if you really want to get a real dark crust on turkey it needs to be really hot from my experience (it also helps if your beef burger surface is really hot, but you can get away with decent burger with a cooler surface).

I have one of those 15 dollar infrared thermometers and make sure everything is up above 450 F before getting things started.

Baking steel on a burner on high, ir thermometer to check temp, back off heat slightly when placing burgs. Epic crust on that 85/15 turkey. Even more brown flavor from nice toasted buns and caramelized onion. It�s not the same as a beef smashburg, but it is still good.

Anyone try salmon or shrimp smashburgs?

# ¿ May 2, 2019 04:47

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Big Willy Style posted:

I'm in LA on Thursday, where do I break my US burginity? Staying in Downtown

In N Out
Tommy�s
Fudruckers
The Office (Fathers office?)
The Counter
Water Grill

# ¿ May 21, 2019 02:41

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Fatburger is another excellent recommendation.

So many good SoCal burgs. #thisiswhyimfat #notreally #onlypartoftheproblem

# ¿ May 27, 2019 06:24

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Spaced God posted:

Doom Rooster, holy loving poo poo

But how did they taste?

We need details man, details.

# ¿ Jul 12, 2019 03:16

Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

Errant Gin Monks posted:

I had one yesterday. It was actually pretty good. If Taco Bell replaced all their meat with this no one would ever know and less cows would live lovely CAFO lives.

I would support this. Maybe it would finally prevent the Taco Bell run for the border that inevitably comes a few hours later.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2019 05:31