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Saint Isaias Boner posted:someone bought me a copy of this game and on my first game i got out of bed fully clothed, found the ship getter, got into the airlock, failed to change into my space clothes, died and uninstalled the game. The owners of the space ghetto station you start in are incredibly cheap, it's hard vacuum everywhere except personal cabins and the flight controllers compartment Your goal is to trade / pirate / find bags of money so you can move to a station that ISN'T so unutterably cheap, like with a .75 atmosphere cafeteria Perhaps if you hold your breath by furiously jabbing the space key, you can take advantage of the hot pepper burrito you had for lunch and fart your way back to your cabin (yeah they didn't bother splurging for grav plating either) Binary Badger fucked around with this message at 01:11 on Jul 12, 2018 |
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Jul 12, 2018 01:08
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Asteroid sized feces clusters towed by frigates to relativistic speeds and then released at short distances against capital ships, planets, star bases, forever.
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Oct 31, 2018 02:30
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So when will Goonfleet step in and bring the Citizenverse to its knees? First demand: Roberts projected into game where everyone can club his effigy with a pain wand or something.
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Nov 16, 2018 21:41
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Beet Wagon posted:Please don't spread FUD, friend. That was a one-off bug that definitely didn't happen again in a somehow even funnier manner I'm seeing a common thread in all these Star Shitischen vids.. step out of your ship / space station / outhouse then fall to hell :P
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Nov 21, 2018 00:24
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The best part is the finale  Also, I'm the StayFree maxi pads extra strength
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Dec 5, 2018 20:48
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So, did your ship continue on to Thurston Howell the 3rd or whatever they call that planet? Can you take your helmet off while floating in space just for giggles? I just thought of a new idea SC players can make money: follow ships going out of orbit, follow them until their pilots feel suicidal and leave the ship mid-flight, then pick them up, then offer to take them to the planet their ship will eventually crash on for big space bucks. 
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Dec 6, 2018 23:34
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Beet Wagon posted:I honestly have no idea. When I tried to respawn it it said location unknown so probably, or it exploded or something. If it was traveling at relativistic speed and hit a planet, it should have caused quite a mess.. "THOUSANDS DIE AS ABANDONED SPACECRAFT IMPACTS AT LIGHTSPEED IN THE HEART OF SAN JOSE" or something quote:chat doesn't work unless you have your helmet on because chris roberts is a moron He probably got that idea here: 
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Dec 8, 2018 10:30
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An apt metaphor for the entire franchise
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Apr 11, 2019 01:18
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Braking power is delivered via human farts so it takes half the age of the known universe to slow down to sublight.
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Apr 19, 2019 18:59
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Chitin posted:Billy MacFarlane made two fatal errors. 3. He managed to cobble together a photoshoot / video where people had a great time, then his head got big and he thought he could create an event by doing the same poo poo and scaling it up a notch. He used this photoshoot/video to sell it, but totally disregarded facts like trying to build infrastructure on an island that barely had electricity and literally no plumbing. Doesn't really dovetail well to making a space pew pew game, but from what Schreier was saying it looks like Croberts is essentially doing the same thing; thinking of a grand vision and then hiring incompetents and inexperienced help to get it done, as well as mismanaging that help.
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Apr 22, 2019 22:58
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This is what happens when Croberts pounds his fist on the desk during a design meeting and demands "I want boarding a ship to be an EMOTIONAL experience, dammit!" Caesar Saladin posted:yeah better put a heart rate sensor on the UI, its definitely relevant gameplay information to help you make informed tactical decisions Failing to monitor your heart rate properly will result in your butt being unable to make a proper seal in the zero-g toilet, and then WHAM! you've been ejected naked out of your ship again. You know, like that 'IMPERFECT SEAL' thing in Interstellar
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Apr 23, 2019 20:38
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MeatwadIsGod posted:Known weaknesses: Sleep Other weaknesses: Hypoglycemia Bar of soap How to defeat: pinch off his CPAP mask
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Apr 24, 2019 01:09
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Meanwhile Craig Roberts sits back in his lounge chair while a real estate agent tells him about all the benefits of buying his own island. Shitizen's Island.
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Apr 27, 2019 00:55
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"Last year Cloud Imperium released financials that showed its biggest expense was annual salaries of $30 million." Yeah that checks out
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May 2, 2019 19:48
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Phil Moscowitz posted:Where are these financials? I’d love to see what expenses are being paid to Roberts’ other companies. https://cloudimperiumgames.com/blog/corporate/cfo-comment-2012-2017-financials Doubt you'll find what you're stating in their goofy bar charts but feel free to look
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May 2, 2019 21:40
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LOL lets sue the magazine because they hurt my feelingsThe Skeleton King posted:I like that the article neglected to mention that the 2 “mostly finished” planets are completely barren and devoid of any content. in the Croberts universe, "mostly finished" means there's at least one building with a working toilet that will eject you into space by propelling you nude through the planet's core out into the cold cold universe to drift forever.
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May 3, 2019 17:04
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Don't blame the playa, blame Croberts and his incompetent cuck coders
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May 4, 2019 16:43
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MarcusSA posted:Also don’t forget just last month CR was offering advice on how to fix anthem lol. Oh, you mean THIS article? Wow here's a choice nugget from that same: Craig Roberts of Clown Impediment posted:A lot of gamers don't understand quite how difficult it is to deliver everything working flawlessly. uh huh.. quote:The expectations keep ramping up, and in some ways those expectations may be higher than people are humanly possible of always delivering. Then you've got some other realities that come in, like if you've been working on it for a while and just need to get it out. In the case of the live side, just keep working at it. Keep on swimming. Keep on promising and hope FTC/BBB don't call the cops on you Binary Badger fucked around with this message at 20:22 on May 7, 2019 |
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May 7, 2019 20:20
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https://www.altchar.com/games-news/596275/star-citizen-is-getting-three-bike-variations Croberts has decided that he's gonna soak StarCitizeners for every dollar they got, now selling jpegs of motorcycles for $35 and up someone edit the gif of the cat tripping up the motorcycle racer so its croberts instead of a cat
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May 13, 2019 17:47
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Imagine waiting for the space station to rotate so that the planet comes into view, then riding the motorcycle screaming at full speed out the exit, what will happen to the bike when it hits the surface? Or people will wait until the exit is facing the next planet, then jumping out in the motorcycle to see how long it will take to get to another planet? Heat death of the universe? Or launch them at fighters and see how much damage they inflict?
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May 14, 2019 04:10
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Devils Affricate posted:From what I could tell when I played during one of their free weekends a while back, SC doesn't even attempt to do planetary-level physics like in KSP. Your ship can get close to a planet, but it'll just hover there in space, unaffected by the gravity well. You don't have to maintain an orbit or anything (and if you tried, you wouldn't curve around, you'd just go straight off into space). Then if you step out of your ship in this situation, your character immediately starts falling straight down toward the surface. Hey, it's a new Croberts invention, selective gravity. The planet won't attract anything as big as a ship, but a tank, bike, or you? Sure! And as we saw in the video, it's Warner Bros. cartoon physics. Drop out of orbit in your tank and instead of blasting a 60 ft crater in the ground, you just bounce around and knock some rocks loose.
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May 15, 2019 05:01
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Sooner or later the player will go down the planetary drain and
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May 23, 2019 23:01
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That just seems shallow and stupid- especially when Croberts & Co can charge the bereaved a fee to have their beloved's name on a space station, freighter, or garbage scow if they so choose. (Croberts already claims all the planet names) "I'm due to dock at Port Davey DeGreasio in 0200 hours, meet me there!" "Pirates attacked the Starfarer Congolia Breckenridge and scored themselves 5000 megaliters of raw sewage! Amazing!"
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May 28, 2019 01:24
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Next patch for Star Shitizen: FLUIDIC SPACE
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Jul 24, 2019 16:29
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I said come in! posted:Was Neelix in Star Trek Voyager: Elite Force? Look who wasn't around for the Neelix Hunting Parties https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqTtvOMQIKA
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Aug 12, 2019 20:17
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"Why are you here when you could be working on the next beta?"
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Aug 19, 2019 21:57
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Rad-daddio posted:To wit, this is their idea of cosplay so running for only five seconds seems realistic to them If threatened by subject either pinch his air hose closed or toss Butterfingers at him until he passes out or drops into diabetic coma (he will not be able to resist peanut buttery sugar bars)
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Sep 5, 2019 15:21
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Let's keep a list of all the people who were mean to us, so that when Fart Denizen does come out, instead of playing the game and enjoying it, we can be mean back to -all- -those- -people- ! That'll show 'em! Tough tiddies, nyah nyah nyah! Christ, what a bunch of jpeg loving manbabies.
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Oct 10, 2019 19:57
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It shows you why Shart Citzen is taking so long to officially release.. it's because every single employee is trying to follow those rules and failing miserably.. after an hour at the coffee station burning their hands and getting their pants wet, they eventually give up and walk 15 minutes to the nearest Starbucks and say 'Put it on Chris's tab' then dejectedly return to their desk to play with a mo-cap of Gary Oldman picking his teeth.
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Oct 25, 2019 21:53
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General Bullshit > Re: STARCITIZEN: I will be in my wankpod
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Oct 26, 2019 00:30
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Pennywise the Frown posted:Coming in Q2 2020! That's just right around the corner! Because having a large variation of death animations is the #1 requested feature by Star Shitizens. Well, actually, right behind various sexual fetishes involving CPAP equipment
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Apr 24, 2020 19:29
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Switching to Unreal Engine 5 will allow the game to reach new heights in helmet flipping and falling through the space station toilet floor only to plunge into the molten core of the planet that the station is orbiting Assuming you don't drown in the ocean along the way
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May 16, 2020 00:47
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Rectal Death Adept posted:Easy now. If you criticize their need to obsessively stalk anyone related to this game 24/7 for the past 5+ years you draw their attention onto yourself. It's best to mock from the shadows.  Yes people like this guy. Should be modified to 'Wanted for: 1st degree Sandwich and Dessert Thievery in twenty systems' Last known system: Dunkkin Donutia Contact: Star Citizen Weight Watchers Division if sighted Do not feed, do not make fun of his CPAP mask Binary Badger fucked around with this message at 04:02 on May 16, 2020 |
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May 16, 2020 03:59
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Vincent Van Goatse posted:He voiced the title character. It sounds like he literally phoned in all his lines..
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Dec 28, 2020 01:54
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