Johnny Walker posted:

Daily Bugle posted:

Mary Jane Parker Should Not Be Mad At Spider-Man
By Peter Parker

Yesterday, a helicopter crashed into the famous Mammon Theater where the famous beautiful talented actress Mary Jane Parker's hit Broadway play Picture Perfect is showing. Sources say Spider-Man was on the scene, but there is no reason to blame Spider-Man for the crash.

Spider-Man and Iron Fist were investigating the mystery of an attempted murder of an FBI (good) guy, which was apparently solved at some point, but then a series of events happened and a helicopter crashed into the theater where Picture Perfect is playing, destroying it, witness accounts described.

Spider-Man is really sorry about this, sources say, but he could think of no other thing to do. Iron Fist and him were on the bottom of the helicopter and punched it really hard, which they had to do, law enforcement officials said. How were they to know the Kingpin and Golden Claw had jetpacks and would just jump out and let the helicopter crash right there instead of crashing it peacefully into another building nearby? According to helicopter people we consulted, it was impossible for us to be aware of this.

Iron Fist and Spider-Man did not decide to do have this happen at the Mammon Theater. Witnesses say that it was the Kingpin and Golden Claw who chose that place to try to kill all the bad guys in the city to take over their criminal gang stuff--which Spider-Man and Iron Fist stopped from happening, by the way. A mass murder being done there would not have been such good publicity for the theater either, now would it, honey?

Sure, now the theater is destroyed, but Spider-Man indicates that he is a big fan of the famous beautiful talented actress Mary Jane Parker and she will surely get another job soon. It would be unfair for her, or anyone else, to be mad at him for this event, expert scientists we consulted said. In fact, PR consultants have stated this publicity could be good for MJ, and even the play and theater!

A nice thing to be done would be if the billionaire Danny Rand from the Wall Street Journal would rebuild the theater. There is no reason for him to do that because he is not Iron Fist at all but it would be nice and maybe he should consider it so my wife will not be mad, sources say.

Johnny Walker posted:

Alhazred posted:

Next: Squirrel Girl gives Spider-Man a box full of spiders because she believes that every animal-themed hero can speak with animals.

Saoshyant posted:

Next: X-23

joehonkie posted:

White Nick Fury. Patterned after Hasselhoff.

Jerry Cotton posted:

Say what you will but Hasselhoff as Fury is literally the closest anyone has ever come to looking like their Marvel role in a movie.

RatHat posted:

That doesn't count, they based the comics version specifically on Samuel Jackson.

Johnny Walker posted:

Peter write article?

davidspackage posted:

(even though that'd take like a year)

evilmiera posted:

I think this was asked before, but does anyone think the theater is insured against helicopter crashes caused by superheroes? It is New York, so you'd think there'd be a general villain insurance, but how many inept superheroes would cross over into menace territory?

Synthbuttrange posted:

Otherkinsey Scale posted:

Speaking of marital troubles, I cannot loving wait to see Peter explain to MJ about how she left him alone for a day and he burned down her workplace.

Scaramouche posted:

Holy crap he actually thought it not said it

Synthbuttrange posted:

Synthbuttrange posted:

ArmyOfMidgets posted:

Scaramouche posted:

Holy crap he actually thought it not said it

ArmyOfMidgets posted:

Rectal Death Adept posted:

Rectal Death Adept posted:

Escobarbarian posted:

Good job NSM’s internal monologue was there to remind him that MJ is his wife

joehonkie posted:

NEXT: BORAT would seem timely enough for this comic.