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Apr 14, 2009
:toxx:ing to get the rest of my week 321 judgecrits done by Saturday the 27th


Mar 21, 2010
:siren: Crits for week 324 :siren:

House Rules by Staggy
Alright yeah, this works. I think it uses a lot of spooky gothic cliches but it manages to use them fairly effectively. The image of Nanna just standing over the bed in silence is striking, and I like how it kinda just lets the reveal sit rather than having everything go insane Ė it doesnít relieve the tension it creates, which leaves a lasting impression on the reader. Mid-high.

Veyesion by Mercedes
Eh. This needed more work. For this twist to work we need to give a poo poo about the characters, and we donít learn enough about either of them to do that. It feels like the end of a much longer piece of writing, but it doesnít really stand on its own. Low-mid.

Carrier Crawlies by Bolt Crank
Alright, some nice creepiness and thenó It kinda just segues into bland exposition, glossing over the actual horrifying stuff so it can speed through to its endpoint. I feel like this one is a victim of the word count: thereís definite potential here (the first half is dynamite) but it needs more room to grow. Mid.

Frozen Hanes by AllNewJonasSalk
Cool stream-of-conscious junkie stuff, but it feels oddly sterile for some reason Ė the stabbing didn't really connect with me, for some reason. It also breaks the one rule we had which might be acceptable if it did more with the violence but I dunno, Iím just not feeling it. Mid-low.

Stachybotrys by Sparksbloom
Like Carrier Crawlies, this one has some really good potential but I think probably needed more room to expand. The pacing is so fast that it doesnít really give you enough time to process and that doesnít really click in a story about mold eating a house bit by bit. Still, itís very well-written and I had a good time with it. Mid-high.

The Buried are Waiting by flerp
drat man, thatís dark. Thatís some real darkness: no zombies or gore or spooky ghosts, just the realisation that thereís something terrible inside you and you donít know if you can ever change it. High-mid.

The Truth by NotGordian
I like the story but I hate the ending. It feels very faux-profound edgy: oh no life is suffering and now you can see it clearly whoa man. The title really reinforces that idea: that this is some profound universal truth that is being unveiled upon the reader and itís like dude, Iíve read this a million times before. Infectious screaming on a dancefloor under wild red lights? Awesome. Twilight Zone ending about how life is pain? Bleh. Mid-low.

Doge by Lottie
Itís some dudes tripping out and itís craaaazy maaaan and I keep greying out trying to focus on poo poo Iíve heard from lots of boring guys at parties. I donít understand the ending. I kinda feel like I just had a mediocre trip and I donít know what to do with it. Low-mid.

A Place of Scant Light by apophenium
gently caress dude, I love this. Thereís this intense claustrophobia to it, and this sense of a greater world that exists outside the story. This feels a lot bigger than the words used to write it, and I always appreciate that. It also manages to be gothic sci-fi, which is very much my poo poo. High.

Living in a Box by Solitaire
Another cool story that doesnít really work at 1500 words. The transformation into a N U M B E R B O I needs more time and focus Ė itís a very gradual process, and I think you need to take the reader along that maddening road. The pacing doesnít match the contents, and it creates a certain disconnect.

That said, itís well-written and I liked it. High.

black mold by fumblemouse
Welp, this is a pretty upsetting portrait of depression. You know itís funny, I wrote that particular prompt based on The Trick is to Keep Breathing, which is also about somebody grieving the death of their spouse while their house physically falls to pieces from black mold Ė I think thereís a potency to that metaphor that kinda springs out to people. I am not one hundreeeeed percent sure that it quite sticks the landing, but itís still very effective. Like a lot of pieces, I think you probably needed to pump the words up to 2-3k and let certain things breath more. High.

Pieces of by TheSaddestRhino

*Ahem* okay Iím back. Thereís a very affecting play called La Pere by Florian Zeller, in which the PoV character is an elderly father with dementia. The actors, set and plot keep changing with little coherent logic behind it Ė you are inside the head of this man and his perception just doesnít work correctly. I remember walking out of the theatre after seeing it, andófor hoursóhaving trouble finding coherency in the world around me. I keep expecting the sequence to jump; I keep expecting the world to break.

I donít think this quite reaches those heights, but itís an admirable attempt. Iím not sure itís material to plot exactly what happened to him, but I wouldíve liked some more nudges in that direction: it felt like a mystery one was meant to solve, but I just couldnít. If you pulled the strings a little tighter on this one though, it would really pop. High.

Donít Go by Yoruichi
I feel like this breaks the no violence rule pretty hard. I mean thereís no words describing violent acts, but thereís somebody lurching around with a dog they just killed and thatís definitely pushing against the walls. Also ew, twist ending. Low.

His Voice by Thranguy
This is bizarre, but I like it. A lot of pieces this week had oddly fast pacing, but this one actually feels like the right speed for its size; maybe it could use a tiny bit more room to move, but it doesnít feel hurried. I think the best thing about it is the domesticity: itís unafraid to go low-key rather than trying to shock with the weird and wild: itís not a crow or raven, itís a grackle; heís not watching The Outer Limits or weird cult horror films, heís watching gameshows. I think that restraint really pays off and makes the whole thing feel a lot more real. High.

The Sound by Anomalous Blowout
This is another one that really gives a sense that thereís a world outside the story. Itís something a lot of short fiction writers leave out, and it often ends up feeling video-gamey: that if you open the wrong door, youíll just see void. I appreciate the work that went into making this feel bigger than the word count Ė a lot of stories this week ended up trying to go too big and running out of space, but this paints a broader world with a few small strokes. The language here is gorgeous as well: it really evokes this bizarrely intimate end-of-the-world. Like the best pieces this week, it knows what not to show and that's really important in building a sense of dread.

Personal pick for winner. High+++.

Tennis Elbow Foot by Sebmojo
The language here is beautiful and it certainly evokes something powerful, but Iím not 100% on why. If this'd had more meat and more direction it would own, but as-is it's kinda "oh this is cool" then you forget about it. High-mid.

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

Put it all together. Solve the world. One conversation at a time.

💀💀💀 Thunderdome CCCXXV: The Horror is Capitalism 💀💀💀

OK LET US CONTINUE ON THE SPOOPTOBER STREAK. Here's your task, it's super simple:

Write a story where the horror comes from a technology not meant for it.


Q: Wait what does that mean???
A: Answering machine that produces horror = good! Ouija board already meant to talk to ghosts = no good!

Q: Can I write a ghost plane???
A: Ok but I would be very happy if it's like Christine (1983 film) rather than ghosts in a plane.

Q: CAN I WRITE VIDEO GAME CREEPYPASTA????????????????????????????
A: k fine

Q: Can I write bad words
A: no pls die

1,666 words and I WILL ASSIGN THE TECHNOLOGY! HAHA! or if you don't want an assignment you get 999 words but you better specify you don't want it

Sign-ups close: 11:59pm Friday PST
Submissions close: 11:59pm Sunday PST

Old People Yelling at Cloud:
it's me a rhino
oh no a mojo
hee hee a chili

01. ThirdEmperor - blockchain
02. Antivehicular - mayan sun stone
03. curlingiron - washing machine
04. sparksbloom - chinese seismograph :toxx:
05. flerp - laserdisc :toxx:
06. apophenium - tandem bicycle
07. AllNewJonasSalk - cloud computing
08. Thranguy - cloud seeder
09. Flesnolk - claw machine
10. Ottermotive Insanity - swedish sauna
11. Yoruichi - 3d printer
12. NotGordian - pump athletic sneakers
13. Solitair - escalator
14. Tyrannosaurus - egyptian tempera paint
15. Chairchucker - electronic voting machine
16. Staggy - facial recognition system
17. sandnavyguy - drones
18. Obliterati - vending machine
19. Bolt Crank - atomic bomb
20. derp - FMV game
21. crabrock - defibrillator
22. Lippincott - armillary sphere
23. DeltaSquid - streaming media
24. QuoProQuid - aqueduct :toxx:
25. Anomalous Blowout - mold casting
26. autism ZX spectrum - (999 words) thermionic valves

The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at 03:11 on Oct 25, 2018

Aug 7, 2013



give gadget deliver unto me the flashing rules i am in dammit i am in

Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

In, gimme some techs

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

Put it all together. Solve the world. One conversation at a time.

ThirdEmperor posted:

give gadget deliver unto me the flashing rules i am in dammit i am in


Antivehicular posted:

In, gimme some techs

mayan sun stone

The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at 03:07 on Oct 25, 2018

Dec 15, 2006

b l o o p
Fuggit, let's doooooo this, I am in

Apr 30, 2006
Wire me in :toxx:

Feb 25, 2014
in :toxx:


Apr 14, 2009
in in in in

Apr 22, 2017

In like Flynn

Apr 21, 2010

Deceitful and black-hearted, perhaps we are. But we would never go against the Code. Well, perhaps for good reasons. But mostly never.
In, gimme gear

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

Put it all together. Solve the world. One conversation at a time.

curlingiron posted:

Fuggit, let's doooooo this, I am in

washing machine

chinese seismograph


apophenium posted:

in in in in

tandem bicycle

cloud computing

Thranguy posted:

In, gimme gear

cloud seeder

Apr 11, 2012
I already signed up, give me a thing plz

Oct 23, 2010

Legit Cyberpunk

I'll help judge bc I'm spooked up this weekend with td&d

killer crane
Dec 30, 2006



The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

Put it all together. Solve the world. One conversation at a time.

Flesnolk posted:

I already signed up, give me a thing plz

claw machine

dreadmojo posted:

I'll help judge bc I'm spooked up this weekend with td&d


swedish sauna

Sep 21, 2017

Horse Facts

True and Interesting Facts about Horse


Sep 19, 2018


The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

Put it all together. Solve the world. One conversation at a time.

3d printer

pump athletic sneakers

Jan 23, 2004

college kids ain't shit

Fun Shoe
:frogsiren: SECRET SANTA :frogsiren:

We did this last year and (for the most part) it went really well. Changing things up for this year but a lot is staying the same. Read on if youíre interested in sending poo poo around to celebrate the festive season. Iíll say this now and Iíll say it again at the end of the post: DO NOT INDICATE INTEREST OR ATTEMPT TO SIGN UP IN THREAD. Message me directly either through PM or on IRC. Not looking to bog down the thread.

This year, I want to include as many people in on the festivities as possible. Accordingly, there are two ways you can participate in the merriment. If you want to join this year, you MUST participate in Event 1. Event 2 is optional.

Event 1 The Gift of Trash Words

Someone begins a story writing up to no more than 250 words. They then send me their part of the large holiday bash and I forward it on to their recipient. That person then continues on with their own 250 words and so on. Iím starting this early so that if we get a lot of people Iíll hopefully be able to give everyone a couple of days when the story hits them. If you canít find the time to write 250 words, fine. Iíll call you a scrooge or something and crap out my own 250 to stand in for you (nobody wants this).

There will be a prompt. It does not need to be strictly adhered to. You'll get the prompt when it's your turn to punch the holiday keys. We will end up with one collaborative trash pile of words that hopefully celebrates something. It may be glorious. Probably not. Also, since you'll know who is getting the story after you, feel free to steer the story in a direction they might like, if you know anything about them.

Event 2 The Gift of Trash Presents (but seriously last yearís presents were pretty universally rad as gently caress)

No limit, one way or the other, but keep your expectations low so you may be surprised! Gifts can range from something as small as a really nice greeting card to whatever the hell you can think up. Just make it personal or thoughtful or something. Also, in order to sign up for this event, you need to have completed at least 5 Thunderdome entries.

Last year, I had separate circles for folks in and out of the US to try and keep shipping costs low, but Iím not doing that this year. Suffice to say, if shipping charges are crazy nuts for your Santee you can always consider digital gifts (gifts on steam, forums upgrades, whatever else).

Iíll facilitate all communication between Santas and Santees. If you don't feel as though you know your santee very well, feel free to ask me questions that I'll then relay to them. DO NOT TALK TO YOUR SANTEE. THAT RUINS THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS AND YOUíLL MAKE THUNDEBABYJESUS CRY.

If youíre getting and receiving a gift, the story portion you get will come from your Santa and youíll be sending along the most recent story update to your Santee. HOW loving MIRTHFUL AND GAY IS THAT?

Given as I want the story to have some time to be written, sign-ups will close on November 1st at 12PM EDT.

To indicate your interest DO NOT POST. Preferably, send me a PM, but if you donít have PMs find me on irc. Iím often on. I'm sometimes on Discrod too. If you have PM's and you're only signing up for Event 1, then I need nothing else from you. If you don't have PM's I need an e-mail to send the story to. Also, if you're signing up for Event 2, I'll need a mailing address for you so your Santa doesn't get lost on their way to where you live.

Last note. If you (you know who you are) were one of the unfortunate, black-hearted haters who signed up last year and shafted your Santee, either by not delivering a present or a completed story, youíre persona non-grata this year. I wonít have any humbugs clouding things up. You can try again next year after you sit this one out. Sameíll go next year for anyone who is a bummer this year.

I will confirm with you when you sign up. If you don't hear from me, it means I missed it. Try me again. Additionally, in the likely event that something here isn't clear, let me know outside of the thread and I'll be sure to amend what needs amending.

Iíll post a reminder about this when the deadline is a few days away. For now, GET MERRY!

Chili fucked around with this message at 06:07 on Oct 24, 2018

Aug 7, 2013



trash words are a gift I constantly give, asked for or not

So I'll proudly be first in the chain

Jan 23, 2004

college kids ain't shit

Fun Shoe

ThirdEmperor posted:

trash words are a gift I constantly give, asked for or not

So I'll proudly be first in the chain

That's nice. Now let's make that post, and this, the last that address Secret Santa until I post an update about signups like a week from now!

Feb 18, 2014

This statement is a lie!

Apr 12, 2006

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

Put it all together. Solve the world. One conversation at a time.


egyptian tempera paint

Nov 14, 2006

to ride eternal, shiny and chrome


Gimme a thing

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

Put it all together. Solve the world. One conversation at a time.

Chairchucker posted:

Gimme a thing

electronic voting machine

Mar 20, 2008

Said little bitch, you can't fuck with me if you wanted to
These expensive
These is red bottoms
These is bloody shoes


Sep 12, 2015

This is a cool one to come back to, In, hit me with science :science:

Nov 13, 2012

Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.
Thunderdome is forever.
Tech me up nerds, I am in

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

Put it all together. Solve the world. One conversation at a time.

facial recognition system

sandnavyguy posted:

This is a cool one to come back to, In, hit me with science :science:


Obliterati posted:

Tech me up nerds, I am in

vending machine

May 13, 2013

*chews on head*
Lipstick Apathy
Hoping for an insidious prompt!

My first Thunderdome flaying! :toot: It's on point, too - thank you for writing it up!

Jan 23, 2004

college kids ain't shit

Fun Shoe
Yo rhino, I'll judge it up, if you need.

Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

:siren: Crits for week 324 :siren:

a bunch of thoughtful crits on all the stories.. except mine :'(

perhaps my story was not seen... and thus, was not there...

Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy
also im in

Aug 2, 2002




in probably who knows anymore

Jun 28, 2018

You weren't born to just pay bills and die.

You must suffer.

A lot.

Apr 14, 2009
Thanks for crits muffin

And extra thanks for leaving derp out. really meant a lot


Apr 10, 2013

you guys made me ink!

In for this week, gimme a thing

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