i'll read and adjudicate on the bad words oh no
|# ¿ Mar 27, 2018 01:57|
|# ¿ Mar 23, 2019 02:45|
me in the next week
|# ¿ Mar 27, 2018 02:02|
Ok so according to muffin HIGH means actually well-written and LOW means badly-written so itís backwards forwards day. I dunno if you get LOW you should be proud of knowing how to craft a bad story, but if you get HIGH you should also be proud that despite the circumstances you managed to write a good story. Why am I so confused?
It starts off as a poem which I didnít really care about, then it got into those two big chunks of huge paragraphs with words which I donít really understand but I dug those a lot. Itís a very self-important stream of consciousness thing where you can feel the ebb and flow of the authorís feelings as they get more excited and then upset at the end, which reminds me of how a person gets super excited and chatter about a topic they are very invested in and then slowly become embarrassed and angry when their excitement is met with disinterest. Mid-High
A Horse Called Bob
On a macro level this story is super bad, involving a metal brony who has to fight a dr robotnik who built him with love but also wants him to do evil. Definitely feels like a kid who watched a lot of cartoons and anime and struggle to put it in words. This is also the beginning of those stories that uses formatting errors like the paragraph ending mid-sentence. The only thing that stops this story from being THAT BAD is thereís a real flow of action which is a big no no when you write bad stuff on fanfiction.net Mid-Low
Ahhhh my god I really like the rhyming structure of this story. It actually takes some (horrifying) skills to do this well at it AND writing a hilariously dumb story about a (bad) dog on a (good) dog trying to eat a cauliflower. The problem is itís not bad bad per se but rather absurdist. I really enjoyed this story which makes it High which is a problem!
~*~The Persistence of Narrative Within the Conceit~*~
gently caress this is the good stuff why isnít there more. I laughed out loud at almost all the super pathetic lines like how his birthplace is his mom, and his height is something only pathetic fools that amuse him make fun of. Also that heís 230 pounds but ďmostly muscleĒ lmao. Then I got sad that he has a terrible childhood, with a (most likely) negligent mother and a dad whoís definitely in at least 3 MGTOW facebook groups now. But then he turns into a furry who likes non-sexual butt pregnancy??? That sends it straight to Low which is good! ANd bad! Iím so confused how does this grading structure work
Thunderdome is Eternal
Wow ok I loving hate this because of all the overt thunderdome references. Which means it should be Low, but I got bored halfway through. Which is bad! Iím thinking that the grading should be ďyeah this is bad, but ALSO: it has to be interesting enough that I donít start thinking about watching Youtube videos while reading your pieceĒ. Which is what happened! I watched some people eat food and complain about gold in their pizza. So perhaps the use of the references was lazy bad-writing and it didnít hold up the badness of the piece. So Iíll say itís Mid-Low
Jerry Kewl Adventures 1: A New Best Friend
I didnít hate this story. Which may be bad? God drat it muffin why did you do this. OK. So I know exactly what you are doing - the ending is ridiculously optimistic and too ďand everybody stood up and clapped, and Jerry Kewl was Albert EinsteinĒ, but I got invested with the story of the kid as an underdog and having a magic sketch pal. The ending really sells how bad the actual thing is, and this is the first story that does those horrible wattpad/literotica way of ďPart 1 of ???Ē thing, so itís Mid-High
Horse Destiny: Paint Your Dreams
Haha gently caress I hate this story. Which is good! And bad! Iím goign to just keep repeating this until someone realises that this is me doing bad critting. Or until I realise Iím the one doing? Who knows? What do you know? Letís find out! And that leaves a non-obscure Netflix reference that also ties in with the fact that your story is about a horse! Except itís a horse princess that this really creepy rear end in a top hat wants to gently caress in his dream and it makes me cringe all over. It also reminds me of that horrible Piers Anthony book, which makes it even worse! Prose-wise this isnít bad but the macro level is so bad, and I wanted to die when he kissed the girl and problematically thought ďoh well i guess i can love other girls before i love you firstĒ ahaGHGHGHHH Low
That Time You Went on a Cat Search and Stole a Helicopter
I like the fact the whole story is one paragraph, very 13 year old deviantart profile: Writer (but Iíll be famous at 17 like the eragon guy!) I like that the cat has a Japanese name and apparently translates to Nyan-ko, which is weeaboo as gently caress. I like that the titular helicopter only appears at the end like an anticlimax, which is very much how bad trailers work in Hollywood. The language is however kinda flowery and nice? Which is bad? Also I watched one youtube video while reading (it was about a guy eating Matcha noodles in Kyoto) So itís Mid-Low.
How My New Life Began
Ah I love how this has all the trappings of the bad YA fiction, right down to segregating people for insipid reasons. And eye colour has to be the most insipid reason, which just fits in so well with all the self-important and self-unique qualities of the protagonist. ďOne of my biggest flaws is my curiosityĒ just smacks so hard of someone filling up a character sheet and deciding what their flaw is, itís gerat. I also have to appreciate ďďWe canít just stand aside and do NOTHING!Ē I nearly yelled, my violet eyes flashing behind their contact lenses, gleaming bluely.Ē I laughed at ďScience GladiatorsĒ and the huge monologue given by the dead love interest, and then the sudden appearance of a sister. So Low, itís great! Itís bad? Itís great!
The Rise of Comrade Colonel Meow
Yeah, this definitely reeks of someone who watched too many written Letís Play of wargames and decided to make them furry, but not too much in case it becomes really furry. Itís good bad writing but I watched three youtube videos while reading this. They were 1. Good community fish in a betta fish tank; 2. What if Wes Anderson directed X-Men; and 3. Rejected Theme Song for Ready Player One. So itís Mid-Low
Touch the cactus, she said
I really appreciate how the key way to write bad writing is to avoid it, by deliberately putting a scene break whenever action is supposed to happen. Also how the main character is actually the side character who dies for SOME REASON. I also enjoy the VeRY rAnDOM thing of how she likes beans, just like Cartman likes cheese puff! I still recall there was some writing tip of ďgood charactersĒ where they suggest a quirk and Cartmanís cheese puff addiction was consider ďgoodĒ. I used to read bad writing tips all the time. So anyway this is Low for me, that garbage poem really did it for me.
Bearly a Story
Oh no, itís one of those absurdist stories that turned out to be well-written! God drat it! The no bone bear on a shark is ridiculous and thereís action! And itís kinda entertaining but sometimes a little boring when they talk, which is bad/good??? Ugh! Why do I keep getting into this problem? High Iím sorry
my first story ^U^
holy poo poo
It dragged a little in a couple of the early chapters but overall it made me laugh a lot. The TL/author notes remind me of the oh-so-many stories I read just after House of Leaves was published, so so so bad I just love those. The way anime ayn rand uses capitalism to destroy communism is a little too on the nose in its badness, because they are actually well-written, and her attacking the three quests are a little too clever to be bad, but the whole thing kept me very entertained especially for something at this length. There are too many choice sentences and I like that the ending fight is pretty much Ready Player One / GamemasterAnthonyís Bring It In. So itís Pretty drat Low I love this a lot.
Set the World on Fire
So I read this story last of all, because itís 7k (7k!!!!) long, which is p bad already. I also deliberately made sure I read when I have no internet connection so I didnít watch ten youtube videos while reading. So ok the crit is: Your beginning is not bad, which is bad! and the worldbuilding also isnít bad, which is also bad! I was actually intrigued by this weirdass world with the way magic works, and the demon-summoning scene isnít bad (repeat: bad). It sounds like mid-writing you realise you have to write a bad story, so you suddenly introduced a conflict with a CLOWN which lol and then a SATAN BABY which even more lol, but it inches a little too close to those premises which sound idiotic but under the hands of a good writer may turn out to be good. Itís High, so thatís bad!
What Ash Ketchum did on my summer vacation
This story is very tongue-in-cheek which is bad! It reads like someone deliberately screwing around a premise to piss pokemon fans off but accidentally making them love the story. Itís almost ďNo john you are the demons badĒ. There were some bits that made me laughed like the pikachu who jumped out of the pokeball dead because it wasnít fed since pokemon yellow. Itís very Mid, and hey! Youíre the first person right in the middle in my crits thatís an accomplishment. I will still not crit noir td week.
Crawling In The Sandís
Hmmm I watched a couple of youtube videos in between reading this. Which is bad! The problem may be that itís boring in its badness rather than entertaining in its badness. So let me try reading this again.
Ok wait actually this story is pretty bad from a micro level, which means sentences and words are bad, but the story wasnít interesting enough for me. That last line is fire though, just like my Youtube mix Chill Study Beats 4 ē jazz & lofi hiphop Mix  for Relax/Studying/Work. Iíd say this is Mid-Low
Upon the exigencies of the merciless advance of linear time
Ok this story is forgettable, let me reread this. (this is not a plus for you) Oh yeah this is the one with the pretty bad freeze frame and flashback structure, where the only thing missing was ď[record needle scratch] you must be wondering how I got into this situationĒ. I also appreciate the title being super loving pretentious. Hrm this is Mid-Low for me.
The Memphis Tales
I actually do like this story structure which is bad! But I also appreciate how itís basically a series of tell donít show, and the absurd sudden inclusion of Elvis and a bunch of conspiracy theories from the 70s. Is it timely? It isnít really. But yeah this is Mid of the pack for me.
CATMAND AND CONQUER: CAT AND MEOWUSE PART 1: ORIGINS aka THE TAMING OF THE MEW, A LOVE STORy
I lol at this story quite a few times, but itís partly also because itís very well-written (bad!) (Muffin, I really hate this scoring system) also good god I really like those placeholder texts they are just so good. The uneven capitalisation is a nice touch and very annoying, which is good! God drat it I hate this scoring system. Mid-high
Ready Prayer One
Oh god this is so bad. Which isÖÖ ugh itís good! It has references! It has memes! It has the loving ďeveryponyĒ word which I loving hate! It refers to Ready Player One, and I already did this earlier twice, which means this reference that Iím making is overplayed and therefore this is descending to badcrit territory! People are going to link to this crit and say ďyes this is how you do not crit writings: a primer: 101Ē fuckkkkkk ok the misspellings (good) ďďLike X-Man?Ē Christian asked.Ē (good) terrible capitalisation (i hate it, which is good!) entertaining (good!) ended with A DREAM (SO GOOD) Low
Ehhhh Iím not a fan of this, whether itís bad or good. I watched 1. Giant Puffer Fish Eats Clams and Crabs!; 2. How to make vegan curry; 3. Jurassic World Evolution: 30 minutes first gameplay! And 4. Which Celebrity has the best macínícheese recipe? I think you could have just cut to the ending of the two people vomiting blood at each other and itís a better bad/good/bad/good entry. Was kinda bored throughout. Mid
Sham bam bamina!
The Truth is Far, Far Out There
Ok, I wasnít a big fan of all the Interstellar stuff and the science jargon but goddamn does that ending not deliver an amazing gut punch in how bad it is. Just, I just want to say I really appreciate that I didnít see that ending coming and I just laughed throughout how stupid it is, especially with it ending as THE BEGINNING. Low
eScape from the CITY! 503 words
Oh I like this. I enjoy all the over-informative parts on JC Penny items on sail, and that the kids yell that someone is hiding behind pants on sale for 50% off. It got a little absurdist rather than bad when the momís pant fort was set on fire, and I was gonna say this is high UNTIL that last line of ďKyle looked down at his shoes and cried because his parents were both dead for ever.Ē which made me laugh out loud. So This is Low
1. My first story uwu what's this
2. Horse Destiny (Princess Horse artwork horror)
3. The persistence of narrative (Deviantart profiles)
4. Ready Prayer One
5. The Truth is Far Far Out There (interstellar but jesus)
6. How My New Life Began (eye colour)
7. eScape from the City (stuff on sail)
8. Touch the Cactus
9. A Horse Called bob (metal brony)
10. Crawling in the Sands
11. Thunderdome is eternal (lots of reference story)
12. Comrade Meow
13. Upon the exigencies (record scratch freeze frame)
14. That time you went on a cat and stole a helicopter
15. Interviews (boring blood vomit)
16. Memphis Tales
17. Ash Ketchum
18. Catmand and Conquer
19. Jerry Kewl Adventures
21. b untitled[/b]
22. Bearly a Story
23. Set the World on Fire
|# ¿ Apr 3, 2018 05:58|
ok gimme door 1
|# ¿ May 2, 2018 02:55|
PROMPT: Madam Charlotteís School For Aberrant Girls by Chillmatic
Elegy 1200 words
The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2018 around 02:08
|# ¿ May 7, 2018 05:51|
Thread closed for the week
|# ¿ Jul 7, 2018 07:24|
Commissioning a Nigun
Overall I enjoyed the rabbi's voice and his reaction towards Chaim's falling from erligion. The way he describes how he only looks at clouds should be an exaggeration that makes sense in a jewish context? Not a big fan of the shift in perspective at the last part where someone picks up. Maybe just have the ending letter continued without (or not even requiring the ending, because there's some beauty in the unfinished letter).
Fragile broken things
Ok I like this a lot, it's beautiful in that gabriel garcia marquez way and i enjoyed how there was an ambiguous passage of time ongoing. Hate the title but the writing is solid enough
Those who would burn the world to the ground
After having read a few of your more ambitious stories this falls within that, with very impressive worldbuilding and huge events. But it seems a few things were glossed over and maybe there were too many characters? I was more invested in the main character and his relation with jenny and I think that could have been fleshed a bit more compared to trevor et al.
Make like a tree
Hmm, i like this although the sister suddenly turning into a blueberry bush was a bit abrupt, but i assume that's the big point? That in real life poo poo happens and you don't understand it and you just have to accept that? Which is why the ambiguity of whether she really changed her mind and turned into a bush or that she got shot and they planted a bush to cover it up.
Hmm, ok, I do like the idea and the concept behind everything. I'm way way more interested in the potential interaction / ghost world where the protag and "you" reside than the backstory, and it feels like the language can be more evocative?
You and Me at the End of the World
Oh, I like this end of the world story. Everything's sad and burnt out rather than a huge anime climatic mess. Kinda reminds me of this Australian movie These Final Hours. The ending definitely works.
The First Day of Peacetime
Ok there are some nice language and imagery here and there but I'm left confused a lot, like why are they planning to die together and how are they doing it? I'm assuming biological weapons were used hence they used an unproven vaccine but it worked, maybe? I dig the ending interaction on their pasts but I don't know how it relates to the rest of the story.
The first part of dad is not as good as when the baby rabbits start appearing, with that beginning signs of a plague killing off the rabbits (with an ominous shadow of some kind of unknown upcoming apocalypse looming). Overall I like this but I don't really get the part of dad's role other than pointing out he has never missed a meal, which is something i'm hyperaware of now.
We Can Forget It For You Wholesale
Ok, these guys are lizards, right? Not sure why Hadrian/Adrian changes names. I think there's some great weird magic going on, and I wonder if there's more that should be built on the fact that they are in fact absorbing parts of people's souls and sacrificing them to an uncaring god. The ending may work better in that sense.
Oh yeah I like that weird mother-child-darkness imagery that hits when the protag goes under. I can't really tell, these people are some kind of bees that get pregnant, are they? Cool magic concept that I really enjoyed
Ok the president trump turning mexico-us relations into a hellscape is a little on the nose maybe? The writing's competent and the only thing I genuinely am not happy with is that unearned ending of "suddenly mexico turned into a first class strong superpower who don't need no man" and that ends the struggles of the protag?? Like uh why?
Hmmmmmmm ok I got really confused by how pollination works, like i thought it said "ok makeup ladies are doing this now" and I thought the protag through the queen got a sweet, better deal, but it's apparently another truckload of makeup girls? I like "a stand of cut lilies languish in a orange bucket, the wound of their separation comforted by the shallow stand of water within." and I like the whole thing UNTIL she got to the doctor's place and suddenly, attempted surprise sex? Why? The ending betrays the quality of the rest of the story.
I read this and felt super sad about everyone, even the beast the protag cut into. Like the whole world has gone to an icy hell and people woke up not knowing what's better anymore. I had some issues with clarity at first but upon rereading this made me feel these big sad emotions and it works.
I can't really tell whether this story is split between two perspectives, or one? I don't know if the first part is narrated by the Him in the second part, and if so who is the second person, and why are they kissing? Lots of nice language use but I'm kinda confused.
|# ¿ Jul 17, 2018 03:10|
I didn't judge that week my dude do you want a crit
|# ¿ Jul 17, 2018 03:47|
i want a were thing
|# ¿ Aug 3, 2018 02:31|
The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2018 around 02:10
|# ¿ Aug 6, 2018 06:43|
|# ¿ Aug 7, 2018 09:23|
sin in me
|# ¿ Oct 17, 2018 01:52|
Your friends knew the risks, and you can only blame them for what happened next
The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2018 around 02:11
|# ¿ Oct 22, 2018 05:48|
💀💀💀 Thunderdome CCCXXV: The Horror is Capitalism 💀💀💀
OK LET US CONTINUE ON THE SPOOPTOBER STREAK. Here's your task, it's super simple:
Write a story where the horror comes from a technology not meant for it.
Q: Wait what does that mean???
A: Answering machine that produces horror = good! Ouija board already meant to talk to ghosts = no good!
Q: Can I write a ghost plane???
A: Ok but I would be very happy if it's like Christine (1983 film) rather than ghosts in a plane.
Q: CAN I WRITE VIDEO GAME CREEPYPASTA????????????????????????????
A: k fine
Q: Can I write bad words
A: no pls die
1,666 words and I WILL ASSIGN THE TECHNOLOGY! HAHA! or if you don't want an assignment you get 999 words but you better specify you don't want it
Sign-ups close: 11:59pm Friday PST
Submissions close: 11:59pm Sunday PST
Old People Yelling at Cloud:
it's me a rhino
oh no a mojo
hee hee a chili
01. ThirdEmperor - blockchain
02. Antivehicular - mayan sun stone
03. curlingiron - washing machine
04. sparksbloom - chinese seismograph
05. flerp - laserdisc
06. apophenium - tandem bicycle
07. AllNewJonasSalk - cloud computing
08. Thranguy - cloud seeder
09. Flesnolk - claw machine
10. Ottermotive Insanity - swedish sauna
11. Yoruichi - 3d printer
12. NotGordian - pump athletic sneakers
13. Solitair - escalator
14. Tyrannosaurus - egyptian tempera paint
15. Chairchucker - electronic voting machine
16. Staggy - facial recognition system
17. sandnavyguy - drones
18. Obliterati - vending machine
19. Bolt Crank - atomic bomb
20. derp - FMV game
21. crabrock - defibrillator
22. Lippincott - armillary sphere
23. DeltaSquid - streaming media
24. QuoProQuid - aqueduct
25. Anomalous Blowout - mold casting
26. autism ZX spectrum - (999 words) thermionic valves
The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at Oct 25, 2018 around 02:11
|# ¿ Oct 24, 2018 03:35|
give gadget deliver unto me the flashing rules i am in dammit i am in
In, gimme some techs
mayan sun stone
The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at Oct 25, 2018 around 02:07
|# ¿ Oct 24, 2018 03:37|
Fuggit, let's doooooo this, I am in
Wire me in
in in in in
In like Flynn
In, gimme gear
|# ¿ Oct 24, 2018 03:54|
I already signed up, give me a thing plz
I'll help judge bc I'm spooked up this weekend with td&d
|# ¿ Oct 24, 2018 04:01|
pump athletic sneakers
|# ¿ Oct 24, 2018 04:13|
egyptian tempera paint
|# ¿ Oct 24, 2018 05:42|
Gimme a thing
electronic voting machine
|# ¿ Oct 24, 2018 06:56|
facial recognition system
This is a cool one to come back to, In, hit me with science
Tech me up nerds, I am in
|# ¿ Oct 24, 2018 08:28|
Hoping for an insidious prompt!
Yo rhino, I'll judge it up, if you need.
also im in
Congrats! You are the 20th entrant! You get the coveted... FMV game!
in probably who knows anymore
In for this week, gimme a thing
i failed last week so i'll in.
Good prompt. In.
|# ¿ Oct 25, 2018 01:59|
Sign ups closed, and if you want a new tech msg me or hit me up on chat and I'll send you but you need to toxx
|# ¿ Oct 27, 2018 11:27|
i'm allowing you jerks more time (maybe until 5am pst) because i want some loving blockchain/cloud computing ghosts dammit
e: also one of you toxxed!!!!
The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at Oct 29, 2018 around 07:39
|# ¿ Oct 29, 2018 07:37|
welp entries are closed
|# ¿ Oct 29, 2018 12:31|
💀💀💀 Thunderdome CCCXXV Results 💀💀💀
Horrors upon horrors, none of you wrote words too terrible that made me want to die, which means somewhere out there there is a villainous typewriter or keyboard being mad they don't get to send bad words to me. Why? Because some of you didn't SUBMIT!!!! So you technoluddites better do a redemption or face being flattened by a possessed steamroller! This goes to ThirdEmperor (blockchain!), curlingiron (washing machine), flerp (laserdi
BUT WAIT. Who are the winners or the losers? We'll use my haunted google excel sheet to calculate this through some undead algorithms, which bring us to:
What are the bad news? DM goes to sparksbloom, who definitely did the proper research on Chinese seismography which alas, doesn't exactly gel up as a whole and came to a confusing death that made everyone scratched their head. Alas!
Unfortunately, we need to appoint a loser and the least-liked piece goes to sandnavyguy, who wrote a strange piece about a guy who got murdered and somehow turned into a drone plane? It's like a Tale of The Crypt story but why?how?what? Also it made me think of those horrifying anime girls who turn into plane porn and oh no, stop, no i knew I should have set "chan imageboards" as a technology for horror NOOOOOOOOOOO
ANYWAY, What's THAT? Two persons have the lowest score? A DOUBLE WINNER? HOW CAN THIS BE?
Ok, it can't be because I can choose who wins. So the prize goes to Anomalous Blowout, for delivering us a piece on mold casting which leads to a spookfest full of upset and undying people cursing and intimidating the protag, who clearly thinks "but I'm following orders!" ORDERS? This is what capitalism does to people! Now suffer the consequences, jerk!
And that means HM belongs to crabrock (defibrillator) for a near perfect piece on a parent's anxiety over the potential loss of a child requiring special care, and Thranguy (cloud seeder) for a mystifying Americana horror where the Devil is real and everyone deserves their just death.
Now send us to our deaths for the new week as this hell month continues!
|# ¿ Oct 30, 2018 09:50|
The School Shooter
|# ¿ Nov 19, 2018 04:09|
Thank you to Lead out in Cuffs for a full box of maple-y goodness, a handmade Shibori-est Rhino wall hanging (neat!) and donation to a rhino wildlife fund (which I should also look into!). My stomach will cherish these other than the wall hanging and the tea towel) (and the magnet too):
|# ¿ Dec 28, 2018 02:09|
|# ¿ Mar 23, 2019 02:45|
wins: thrice (66.67% win rate!)
|# ¿ Jan 3, 2019 01:52|