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I'm glad to see you back in the saddle, Bacter! And especially with this title, oh boy.
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Sep 1, 2018 04:49
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Did they try to rhyme appear/swear??? Did no one read this poo poo aloud before okaying it?  I have to wonder if the writer is from the UK and a terrible poet or merely a terrible poet. There are a lot of Britishisms and the therapist not mentioning payment could be an oversight. You'd expect Henry to be behind on payments there given his $600 tab at Doris' human flesh emporium.
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Sep 5, 2018 11:08
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In editing, it's well known that Americans writing anything set in the UK (and the reverse) need their editor to pay particular attention the differences between American and British English. Then again, I suppose indie devs either can't afford to or don't see the value in even getting their game scripts professionally proofread. It just seems egregious in games where so much rides on the writing.
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Sep 5, 2018 15:12
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Also THERE ARE RHYMING DICTIONARIES I just. Agh. 
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Sep 5, 2018 15:53
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JossiRossi posted:It's probably been said, but it is driving me up a wall how the rhyming couplets don't always (or often?) have the same number of syllables in each line. Also, almost every line has 2-4 more words in them than they need. They could have cut out a ton, shortened the couplets and lost nothing other than how unwieldy everything is. The writer thinks "meter" just refers to a unit of length.
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Sep 6, 2018 21:21
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Well done! Thanks to you both for demonstrating how the script could've been done! Now the game will seem so much worse by comparison.  I think what Bacter's shown so far demonstrates two points about writing: 1. The utility of reading aloud what you've written. If Taiga had, he would've heard failed rhymes, the arhythmic couplets, and the awkward poo poo even dorky rhymesters probably wouldn't dare utter aloud. Likewise, after the hundredth useless line, he might've realized that the game's bloat is a liability, not an asset. You know he looked at poetess/foetus and thought "close enough!" and patted himself on the back, and that "money be throwing" poo poo probably felt extremely clever. Use a rhyming dictionary! Using references isn't cheating! ...I'll feel like a jerk if we learn he's hearing impaired. 2. The importance of a second (or even more) set of eyes on your writing. An editor or copyeditor really could have kicked this into better shape. Hell, even some mildly interested beta readers would have been quite helpful. Writing is also a process of revision, and it doesn't generally happen (well) in a vacuum. Ask for others' opinions. Ask for help.
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Sep 7, 2018 02:12
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Yes, that's my point -- use tools when you write.
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Sep 7, 2018 02:45
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Yes, the parts the dev didn't do personally, like the art and music, are quite nice! I'm sure there's a lot to look forward to in the story, though. We will always have Doris.
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Sep 12, 2018 05:26
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Grace needs to chill, So give her the pill. A cure would be nice, but let's be real - soon his wife's on ice. Imagine: a library devoted to avant garde noise. Wolf Eyes for days.
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Sep 13, 2018 15:43
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The music is very good!
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Sep 14, 2018 16:17
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That was a pretty good scream. The artwork is good; I definitely feel that these are the best elements of the game, so I appreciate the bonus video.
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Sep 19, 2018 05:22
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He didn't see anything. He's no narc.
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Sep 19, 2018 16:44
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Well, he knows there's a new vacancy.
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Sep 21, 2018 06:29
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a cartoon duck posted:Henry being a barely-restrained rage monster is the most believable part of this story yet. Yeah. It's easy to see him as one of those dudes who affect a laid back facade but is actually just waiting to snap. Anyway let's be businesslike.
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Sep 21, 2018 16:25
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My college destroyed all test animals after experiments.  Even behavioral stuff, I was told. Henry, don't quietly send off your wife to that good night; Swing, Henry, swing! No, not that way. Fight! Fight! Fight! I can write doggerel too.  Also yeah the party was kind of funny-weird in that over the top out of nowhere way, but the incest and rape side plots here are just too much. That poor lady and her mum.
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Sep 23, 2018 00:42
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Someone who doesn't believe in proofreading. 
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Sep 25, 2018 04:09
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That's a lot of. Hmm. Err. 
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Sep 26, 2018 13:53
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| # ¿ Apr 26, 2024 23:15 |
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Two endings for the price of one! Huzzah! Wrap it up, chaps, and stick it in a drawer marked-- What's that? We're not done? Well, I suppose I'll make myself cozy and wait for the fun.
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Oct 5, 2018 23:53
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