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ADINSX posted:Here's a tip, op: Point bugs. Point fall in work, point everything. Anything anyone does, point it, because we have to get "credit" for the work we do. Whatever it takes we've got to make these charts go up Up UP! you aren't living if your burndown isn't going up
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Sep 4, 2018 14:45
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akadajet posted:you aren't living if your burndown isn't going up Our scrum master is fine allowing fall in without negotiating for something to fall out because if it spills over to next sprint apparently thats 'no big deal' so long as the numbers are big.
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Sep 4, 2018 14:47
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akadajet posted:burndown ADINSX posted:fall in...fall out goddamn. i have a lot to learn.
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Sep 4, 2018 14:51
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President Beep posted:goddamn. i have a lot to learn. ignorance is bliss, my friend
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Sep 4, 2018 14:52
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President Beep posted:goddamn. i have a lot to learn. honestly I think thats about it, scrum is so embarrassingly simple but that doesn't stop us from having a dedicated scrum master for every team to lead ceremonies poorly. We had product owner training the other day and I overheard one of them marveling at how he just learned stories should be able to fit on a post card. Of course almost none of them know anything about software so most stories are a single sentence anyway but wow he sure was amazed.
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Sep 4, 2018 15:01
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it sounds deceptively simple, but it takes some talent to implement effectively
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Sep 4, 2018 15:10
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akadajet posted:it sounds deceptively simple, but it takes some talent to implement effectively I agree. Its about actually understanding what goes in tickets, and how to naturally break things into epics, stories and tasks. Then you can communicate this to the programmers and maybe more importantly: to other teams that are either dependencies or dependent on your work. The only way to do this, imo, is to have been a programmer in the past. The only scrum master's ive worked with that were worth a drat were former programmers at some level. Otherwise you're just parroting what the team is telling you, and for teams composed of awkward dorks, means the stories are basically one liners.
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Sep 4, 2018 15:27
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have you considered giving out achievements, op? nerds will do anything for them.
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Sep 4, 2018 15:38
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akadajet posted:it sounds deceptively simple, but it takes some talent to implement effectively yeah and if you gently caress it up you get trampled by multiple people and it sucks rear end
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Sep 4, 2018 15:43
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move all your services to alibaba cloud and rocket your source code directly into the hands of the chinese government at an amazing speed
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Sep 4, 2018 15:49
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CRIP EATIN BREAD posted:alibaba cloud the other AWS
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Sep 4, 2018 15:50
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but scrums are a mostly stationary setpiece? i dont think that would increase velocity very effectively
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Sep 4, 2018 16:09
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HoboMan posted:but scrums are a mostly stationary setpiece? i dont think that would increase velocity very effectively gotta look at the flankers getting off tho
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Sep 4, 2018 16:12
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Broken Machine posted:just take them up to the top of a building for a team building exercise, and then you throw them off the building I think defenestrate is a word that should reenter the zeitgeist
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Sep 4, 2018 16:21
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Silver Alicorn posted:I think defenestrate is a word that should reenter the zeitgeist that's specifically windows though, and yes it should
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Sep 4, 2018 16:30
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Be sure to have lots of meetings where you Touch Base to be sure everyone is Aligned
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Sep 4, 2018 17:01
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gotta tag up on the reg
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Sep 4, 2018 17:10
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8miwsWtzRw
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Sep 4, 2018 17:27
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Bloody posted:gotta tag up on the reg can't support any more tag ups today, sorry. try my backup?
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Sep 5, 2018 02:05
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Captain Foo posted:gotta look at the flankers getting off tho yeah please stop sending me those snapchats
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Sep 5, 2018 02:24
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Trebuchet is a pretty good developer velocity acceleration tool. It can fling your startup to a whole new level.
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Sep 5, 2018 05:27
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Skim Milk posted:yeah please stop sending me those snapchats laughed irl
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Sep 5, 2018 13:43
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anyway i'm not playing this season since i ripped my left pec off the humerus in our last post-season game in may
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Sep 5, 2018 13:44
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don't listen to so-called 'agile' consultants, do scrum the traditional rugby way
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Sep 5, 2018 22:10
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a good start 
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Sep 5, 2018 22:44
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cut out testing, documentation & design meetings op
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Sep 5, 2018 22:45
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I think if you transition from an open office to a whirlie office u can get that velocity issue, including the spin up and spin down time resolved op
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Sep 6, 2018 14:56
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stupid physicists: nothing can go faster than c, the speed of light enlightened software engineer: have you considered... c++
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Sep 6, 2018 16:21
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Plank Walker posted:stupid physicists: nothing can go faster than c, the speed of light
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Sep 6, 2018 16:51
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Plank Walker posted:stupid physicists: nothing can go faster than c, the speed of light c# superiority
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Sep 6, 2018 17:59
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suck my woke dick posted:c# superiority c++...++?!
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Sep 6, 2018 18:51
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how does a laser cutter work? c#
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Sep 6, 2018 19:01
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One time I worked in a really hardcore agile shop. We did the whole three days of sprint planning thing and blindly raising point cards and all that song and dance. Velocity was super important and reported on with daily emails to everyone. It turns out two guys on the executive team were embezzling funds because they knew the idea wasn't viable and we went out of business after six months of just burning/stealing money. Pretty good agile experience. We never figured out what the theft velocity was, but it had to be at least twice the burn rate of the entire development team. Pryor on Fire fucked around with this message at 21:01 on Sep 6, 2018 |
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Sep 6, 2018 20:59
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protip, you can improve your velocity by lighting your Jira server on fire
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Sep 7, 2018 01:49
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Captain Foo posted:anyway i'm not playing this season since i ripped my left pec off the humerus in our last post-season game in may rip ur titty but not literally
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Sep 7, 2018 01:50
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also increase your story points so one day = 10 points 10x velocity increase overnight you're welcome
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Sep 7, 2018 01:51
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*dragging story onto board two days before sprint ends* yeahhhh, we gotta get this in, CEO thinks sales needs this in order to sell
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Sep 7, 2018 03:36
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Pryor on Fire posted:whole three days of sprint planning thing what the gently caress
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Sep 7, 2018 06:02
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Poopernickel posted:also increase your story points so one day = 10 points scrum master passes out screaming that points represent effort, risk and complexity; not time
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Sep 7, 2018 06:13
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I’ve been thinking it’s about time we call another 2 hour meeting to discuss what points represent
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Sep 7, 2018 16:29
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