Boosted_C5 posted:

I agree with what other posters have said, Boosted_C5 should definitely be immortalized in this holy tome.

A man with VERY LARGE hands. Maybe the largest hands of any man who has ever lived. And a man who proudly wore his MAGA hats in public, without shame, and without fear.

Boosted_C5 posted:

I agree with what other posters have said, Boosted_C5 should definitely be immortalized in this holy tome.

A man with VERY LARGE hands. Maybe the largest hands of any man who has ever lived. And a man who proudly wore his MAGA hats in public, without shame, and without fear.

twoday posted:

I have begun work on the alchemical section

I will try to use more of the imagery posted. If you have some esoteric semi mystical text, that would be handy.

Anything like this especially:

Boosted_C5 posted:

I agree with what other posters have said, Boosted_C5 should definitely be immortalized in this holy tome.

A man with VERY LARGE hands. Maybe the largest hands of any man who has ever lived. And a man who proudly wore his MAGA hats in public, without shame, and without fear.

twoday posted:

Summary if you don’t want to read the rest of this post:
I’m writing a c-spam book and I need your help gathering material. Post cool c-spam posts/texts/images here. I can trace images fairly well, as you can see with the picture of Tom Carpet below. Also please use the search or dig through old c-spam threads for good poo poo you remember and post it here.

~~~~~~

Introduction:
When I was in college I bought a book about the 50's-60's beatnik/hippy scene in Manhattan's Lower East Side. It was an encyclopedic volume filled with poetry, artwork, scans of typewritten paper, photos of people and events involved in the counterculture, and all kinds of other stuff. I really enjoyed it. Some entries were made by famous people like Allen Ginsburg or Timothy Leary, but a lot of it consisted of the traces of forgotten individuals who were just screaming into the void. I felt like it gave me a lot of insight into the counter-cultural scene of that time period, and I loved poring over it between classes, soaking in all of those good vibes. At some point I lent it to some stoner friends of mine who were roommates, and promptly forgot about it. About 6 months later I was at their apartment and stumbled across it in their bathroom, on the floor next to the toilet, dog-eared and stained with piss. I didn't ask for it back, but I asked if they had enjoyed it as much as I had, and they sung its praises, reciting the poetry, talking about how it must have been like back then, etc.

The Cultural Value of C-SPAM:
C-SPAM is a unique little slice of culture. To post here, or just to read what is posted here, today, is a unique experience. We have developed our own dialect, slang, and references; we speak our own language. We see the same things and influence each other with our opinions, which are quite a deviation from the norm. If someone were to try to read through this forum a hundred years from now, there is no way in hell they would grasp half of it. Even for people reading it as-is right now, a lot of it is probably gibberish. Normies simply can't keep up. There's not much you can do about that, that's just how culture works, especially sub-cultures. I don't want to attempt to explain what is happening here, but I do think it's something worthy of preservation. I hope that 50 or 100 years from now stoned college students would be able to try to decipher the bullshit we mass-produce while taking a poo poo in their dorms. I know that civilization won't exist in 30 years time, just suspend your disbelief for a second and work with me here.

Why write a C-SPAM book?
I read these forums for the same reason that many of you do, because it helps me come to grips with the absolutely incomprehensible madness of the world in which we currently live. This is a hellish plane of existence we inhabit, and we need some way to cope. I recently took up calligraphy as hobby because it chills me the gently caress out just a little bit, and that calm helps keep me centered. In want of texts, I began transcribing C-SPAM posts. It's been fun, and people seem to like it. I want to keep doing it. Several posters already requested that I finish writing a book full of it and publish a vanity run of it, and I just might. I am writing this for fun, but why not produce a physical copy of this world we inhabit that you can fondle and rant about to your friends and grandchildren? It's a nice idea.

Furthermore, I recently remembered that the U.S. Library of Congress (which is the largest library in the world) will accept any book that you send to them, and attempt to preserve it forever. To have a government institution preserve and disseminate a book of C-SPAM posts for the rest of its existence is a joke that's just too good to pass up.

TL;DR
At this moment we are confronted with the opportunity of allowing your drunken shitposts to echo forever into eternity, to be analyzed by countercultural scholars a century from now, even after the Space Force launches attacks against Chinese space stations and trigger a cascade of space debris that destroys most satellites and effectively destroys the internet. Help me compile the Book of C-SPAM, so that it may still be read in 1000 years, several dark ages from now.

We're writing a book now, binch



What the book will be:
A sacred and hollowed text akin to a religious tome, filled with C-SPAM posts, artwork, and relevant material, transcribed by hand. I have created this thread because this is fundamentally a communal project, of and by the posters of C-SPAM. I will compile and transcribe it, but I want you to help me by pointing out things that are worthy of being included in the book and posting them in this thread. I don't read all of the threads, it's impossible. I can't stand the SuccZone, for instance, though I respect it as being worthy of inclusion in a C-SPAM book. But I'm not gonna read that poo poo, you read it and post the good parts here and I will pick through the scraps and then diligently transcribe the best ones.

So far I have finished 2 sub-books:
- The Book of Baloogan: A selection of the maddest and baddest posts from the maddest and baddest poster, which serve to capture the incoherent screaming into the void that is close to the heart of C-SPAM
- The Book of Nichael: A collection of absurdist propaganda posters meant to reflect the Kerri Harris campaign for Delaware senate, in which C-SPAM played a significant role.

I will dedicate a few more books to individual posters, but I think it is vain and exclusionary to make the whole text that way, so I am looking for ideas for other themes that are more generic:
- Important bits of text, like the transcript of the cardboard Trump guy
- Parodies. Someone please parody that poem trump read about the beaver and the scorpion or whatever the gently caress
- Notable conversations and exchanges between posters that I can write like a Platonian Dialogue
- Anything else that's good, you tell me

Publication:
There are a bunch of kickstarter-esque services that facilitate the printing of books on a small scale and I'll deal with that at the prudent juncture. I am not doing this for money. I will publish photos of every page of the book in this thread, because this will be a document created from C-SPAM, and I believe all C-SPAM users have a right to read it. If you have some money to spend and want to buy a printed copy, that's great, and helps us get into the Library of Congress, but I am not going to withhold any part of this book from the forums, in case there is someone who wants to read it but can't afford a printed copy.

I might also try to include some random swag poo poo with any printed copy, such as a bookmark or a poster or something.

Terms and Conditions
- I will use user names, but if you don't want your Something Awful user name to appear in a printed book, I will respect that, just let me know.
- This is a communal goon project, and thus doomed to fail.
- Absolutely no guarantees about the quality of the content or the calligraphy.
- I'm pretty good at follow-through on projects I have dedicated myself to, but I make no promises that I will finish this. Is it even possible to finish it? Theoretically I could just keep transcribing posts forever, but at some point I will just cut it off and print it.
- This is a project of passion and there is no time line on this. If it is ever finished and ready to print, I will post about it here.
- If you do decide to send me money at any point before the time of printing, I make no promises that I won't spend it on paying my rent and/or booze rather than buying calligraphy supplies. You can call me out on this though, and I don't think it will happen. I would love to have an excuse to buy good calligraphy supplies, just trying to limit my liability here.

Nebakenezzer posted:

Shark Sandwich posted:

is there gonna be a Jeb! electoral map? or at least that iconic pose with guac bowls

Nebakenezzer posted:

UrbicaMortis posted:

Who was the poster who constantly posted about how they were excited...for Jeb!? They definitely deserve a mention.

Addamere posted:

H5N1

Tainen posted:

and if I remember correctly after Jeb! dropped out H5N1 went back and edited half a year of posts to remove any references to his excitement for Jeb!

Tainen posted:

and if I remember correctly after Jeb! dropped out H5N1 went back and edited half a year of posts to remove any references to his excitement for Jeb!

Nichael posted:

He did this multiple times.

quote:

Riyadh- Controversy erupted amid the White House Press Corps today as White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer denied reports that President Donald Trump touched the dreadful Orb to gain its power.

“This is ridiculous. Donald Trump pledged to the American people that he would resist the beguiling siren song of the Orb, and he has done so. This is yet another distraction by the failed Democratic party trying to block President Trump’s Make America Great Again agenda.”

Hours later, President Trump tweeted “Yes- I touched the Orb. Obama wouldn’t listen to the song of the Orb. Big mistake! Insulted allies and the Orb!” When asked for comment, Spicer said “I think the President’s tweet speaks for itself.”

Op-ed, NYT: Once Again, President Trump Crosses a Red Line
…have we forgotten the lessons of the past so easily? Yes, the Orb’s melody is alluring and seductive, but the power it grants corrupts body and mind. Who can forget Dwight Eisenhower’s famous farewell speech, in which he warned of “the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the Orb?” We cannot know the Orb’s true intentions for mankind, but it is all too easy to imagine that they are hostile and alien.
We say to Donald Trump: reject the politics of division! Reject hatred! And reject the Orb, for though its lambent glow soothes the mind, the terrible power that crackles across its surface will bring you no peace.

Op-ed, WSJ: Liberal Critics Overstate the Dangers of the Orb
…yes, we know the Orb may not have our best interests at heart, but we should trust the Orb to act rationally. It is in the best interests of the Orb, now that Donald Trump has been suffused with its vast might, to work for America, not against it. If we cannot trust the President of the United States to safeguard the might of the Orb, then who can we trust? An Orb Working Group, its members drawn from the elite across fields, will be able to strategize the best way to harness the Orb’s awful might and transform our society just as it has transformed Donald Trump’s living flesh into bitter, cold darkness.

Tweet, RealDonaldTrump account:
Haters and losers say that Orb cannot be trusted. I have absorbed Orb and will carry it within my soul! #MAGA!

8.2k replies 7.4k retweets 45k likes

posts from r/the_donald, thread entitled “INCREDIBLE: he touches the Orb! CUCKS BTFO!!!”
MAGA_MAN_X

fellow pedes i can’t believe he’s done it again!

volkisch1487

cucked skeletons at my school cant stop cryin about this, rofl

trumpinTN12

This is really Presidential. This is a breath of fresh air after 8 years of 0bungler.

Rachel Maddow, 6/27/17 broadcast (partial transcript)
…and his skin, it’s turned midnight black. I think I see rainbows moving across it, like an oil slick in sunlight. But just so you know, the White House is denying all of it. They’re denying that he’s taken on the Orb’s power, they’re denying that he’s grown to twelve feet tall, they’re denying that anything happened at all. Lightning struck the White House 452 times last night, according to meteorologists. This is not normal.

Tweet, LouiseMensch account
Sources have revealed to me that #orb was planted by #Russia, #Putin. Supreme Court preparing Articles of Exorcism as I write.

12 replies 180 retweets 100 likes

#Neverorb, Erick Erickson, Redstate.com
…the Republican Party used to stand for something greater than the pulsing Orb and its horrible keening drone. I remember that, even if the bootlickers in Congress don’t. The Orb has no regard for human life, not even the life of the unborn. Hey, Paul Ryan — why does your budget allocate $0 to faith-based family centers that offer alternatives to abortion, but $800 billion to a massive basalt monolith in the middle of Washington DC?

Sean Hannity show, 7/12/17
HANNITY: These liberals, they fear the Orb. They’re afraid of it.
GINGRICH: You know, it’s sad, it really is, because the Orb wants what’s best for America, for all of us, and-
HANNITY: Exactly! The Orb loves us! The Orb-
[crosstalk]
GINGRICH: It’s like I said in 1994, the American People don’t want big government. They want a vast, glowing Orb that swells up to block out the sun.

Bernie Sanders, speech, 8/16/17
…and I don’t think it’s right that President Trump now walks around outside for days at a time, plants wilting wherever he plants his massive feet. I don’t think it’s right that our President, a billionaire, gets to be twenty feet tall and exude an oily darkness while the regular, hard-working people of this country slave away for long hours for a minimum wage that’s not enough to feed a family. I don’t think it’s right that every night the pool at the foot of the massive basalt altar in DC — paid for with tax money, yours and mine — must be filled with sacrifices of blood, hair and teeth. Not when millionaires and billionaires pay less tax than at any time in the last century.

Barack Obama, GQ interview, 9/2/17
…I don’t want to sound overly critical. But when I was President, I didn’t touch the Orb, for a very good reason. And, you know, I wanted to. I could have easily. I heard it singing to me in my dreams, a song that melted away like morning dew when I awoke. And I could have… (he loses focus for a moment)
I could have touched it. But I didn’t. And I think that was the right choice for the American people, and when you look at the boiling cloud of gnats that used to be our President, I think you’ll agree with me.

Headline, Washington Post
CROP FAILURES ACROSS MIDWEST

Life Force Drained to Feed Orb’s “Endless, Terrible Hunger.”

Blog Post, fivethirtyeight.com
The Disappearance of the Upper Midwest in a Vortex of Madness Could Doom Trump’s Re-Election Chances

From “The Orbs of Our Fathers,” an essay by Ta-Nehisi Coates in The Atlantic
…I knew from the moment I saw it what the Orb was. I knew what it represented, even when others chose not to see. The Orb is America. The Orb is white supremacy, hatred and disregard, the disregard that communities of color face every day. The Orb is Donald Trump, and Donald Trump is the Orb. His body has evaporated, but we see him now reflected in puddles of oily rain, on our television screens, in our dreams. He is screaming, only screaming. That scream is the hate-cry of white supremacy, the message that never leaves us.

Why is the President Screaming: a special report by CBS News
JOHN DICKERSON: Experts say that that the power of the Orb may have consumed President Trump and now feeds on his soul. What does this mean for us as a Nation? Was it a mistake to touch the Orb?

REINCE PRIEBUS: No, John, not at all. These reports are yet more distractions from the liberal media. The President is deep in contemplation of the Orb’s mysteries. That’s why he isn’t seen outside these days.

JOHN DICKERSON: Do you have an explanation for why every reflective surface on Earth shows the President’s screaming visage at precisely 4:22 PM each day? Or why the great black Monolith of the Mall has cracked right down its face?

REINCE PRIEBUS: Listen, if you want to sit there and criticize every little thing the President does, you have that right. I can’t stop you. But frankly, it’s counterproductive, and it’s a little sad when the President’s agenda has been such a success. I mean, the crops are growing again, they’re-

JOHN DICKERSON: The farmers are saying that the crops are twisted and swollen with unholy power. They’re inedible. They’re useless.

REINCE PRIEBUS: We’re growing for export. We knew there would be resistance when we set out to make America great again, there will be hiccups, but…

Inaugural Statement from Mike Pence
…and in the weeks and months to come, we know there will be questions. Where is President Donald Trump? Why do we still hear him screaming, faintly, at the edge of our hearing? What has become of the baneful Orb that hung low in the sky like a second sun? My fellow Americans, I do not have all the answers for you. This should be a time for healing, a time for people of all faiths to come together and bow their heads in thankfulness that the Orb’s awful designs have been averted. I never expected or wanted this, but I solemnly swear to do my duty as your President, to heal a wounded nation, and to stand strong against the alien menace of the Orb wherever it threatens. I pledge that I will never touch the Orb or any other item of cosmic, unknowable power.

Alex Jones show, 11/25/17
…and he’s heading to Beijing next week for a summit. Can you believe that? We all know that they’ve recently unearthed a gleaming cube of alien metal from the ruins below Xi’an. What is the President hiding? Why won’t he tell us whether he plans to touch the Cube?

Boosted_C5 posted:

I agree with what other posters have said, Boosted_C5 should definitely be immortalized in this holy tome.

A man with VERY LARGE hands. Maybe the largest hands of any man who has ever lived. And a man who proudly wore his MAGA hats in public, without shame, and without fear.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Reality Pisser posted:

Free boosted

Hostess Snack Cake posted:

much should be written about the terrible and unearthly O R B

Boosted_C5 posted:

I agree with what other posters have said, Boosted_C5 should definitely be immortalized in this holy tome.

A man with VERY LARGE hands. Maybe the largest hands of any man who has ever lived. And a man who proudly wore his MAGA hats in public, without shame, and without fear.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Boosted_C5 posted:

I agree with what other posters have said, Boosted_C5 should definitely be immortalized in this holy tome.

A man with VERY LARGE hands. Maybe the largest hands of any man who has ever lived. And a man who proudly wore his MAGA hats in public, without shame, and without fear.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

twoday posted:

I have begun The Gospel of the Orb

DryGoods posted:

twoday posted:

Quoted for The Book of Storms