Turkey Day

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FactsAreUseless

- Removing your own tooth so the Turkey Fairy will come and your family can eat this week

- The screech of the Giblet Gremlin as we stomp our heavy boots to frighten him from our feast

- Grandma's corpse

# ? Nov 1, 2018 23:48

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 10:26

FactsAreUseless

here comes the gravy train

everyone remain perfectly still

# ? Nov 2, 2018 04:40

super sweet best pal

Consume the feast so the eternal hunger might be sated for a day.

# ? Nov 2, 2018 05:41

Manifisto

the bargain: on turkey day, we consume turkey; we feast, and celebrate togetherness, the harvest, another year of life

but there is a .01% chance you will wake up on turkey day and find you have become a turkey

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Nov 2, 2018 06:44

Jedrick: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Smoke weed every day.

I appreciate the warnings OP, but you're a month late.

# ? Nov 2, 2018 15:37

Dungeon Ecology

on turkey day we just get a live turkey and let it loose inside the house and just basically treat it like an honored dignitary and make it tea or give it some sort of ceremonial award and then we all applaud at it

# ? Nov 4, 2018 04:58

kalel

The best part about turkey day is the day after when the house is completely empty because everybody is chasing deals and you're just sitting there with warm turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato and sourdough bread about to make the best turkey club ever

# ? Nov 4, 2018 19:24

google THIS

So put your little hand in mine, there ain't no hill or mounta-*click*

800-pound Bill Murray: I just want to die.

# ? Nov 5, 2018 13:55

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

- Annual sacrifice of the weakest child dressed up like the Wampanoag to our pilgrim ancestors.

drilldo squirt fucked around with this message at 14:53 on Nov 5, 2018

# ? Nov 5, 2018 14:46

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

-Nesting doll of animals lowered into boiling oil while the celebrants look on in reverent awe and anticipation.

drilldo squirt fucked around with this message at 14:53 on Nov 5, 2018

# ? Nov 5, 2018 14:48

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

-Largest member of the family will chase others and eat those it catches whole so only those worthy live. Those that escape after being eaten are thought to gain powers.

drilldo squirt fucked around with this message at 14:53 on Nov 5, 2018

# ? Nov 5, 2018 14:50

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

-Families will cover themselves in the blood of animals they have eaten and dance as it is thought to bring about the football season.

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# ? Nov 5, 2018 14:53

Stooge

In my house the youngest family member has a fight to the death with a turkey to maintain their place in the family.

At first I kind of missed Tim, but the Turkey actually shits on the carpets less.

# ? Nov 5, 2018 15:02

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

That's like taking a dump, sticking a light on it and calling it a Christmas tree.

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# ? Nov 5, 2018 15:04

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

back in the day they called it the "ottoman day"

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# ? Nov 5, 2018 16:19

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 10:26

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

depending on where you were, you either celebrated the conquests of sulyeman, or bemoaned the fall of constantinople

when the pilgrims arrived in new england, they brought with them this tradition. of course, the entire ceremony has been evolving since then

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# ? Nov 5, 2018 16:21

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Turkey Day