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*crackling over radio* "WE NEED A FOUR PIECE DINETTE SET AT GRID LOCATION D7-H12" "How soon?" "ITS A JUST ON TIME DELIVERY!" *peers out of the brick pillbox, checks radar for Amazon delivery drones* *adjusts iron on comically over sized mortar, hefts in enormous flat-packed box of furniture* Sing Along fucked around with this message at 04:19 on Nov 20, 2018 |
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Nov 19, 2018 23:54
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*hunkering in 3BR ranch house while washing machines pock the surrounding lawns with craters*
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Nov 19, 2018 23:56
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A ragtag band of Bed Bath and Beyond workers summon up their morale and EMP a Whole Foods for defecting to the enemy.
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Nov 19, 2018 23:57
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Day 3 of the Black Friday siege. Many dead, more theirs than ours. Situation dire. I long for the heady days of the Storage Wars. There is no respite from this hell.
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Nov 20, 2018 00:02
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Nov 20, 2018 01:24
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lmao already at the thread concept |
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Nov 20, 2018 01:25
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*a suburban family hunkers down in their hastily built bomb shelter, the father shields his children with his arms and body* "ok kids... santa should be dropping off your gifts any second now"
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Nov 20, 2018 02:17
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the brick and mortar shops were the first in a long line of heavy class retail innovations during the war on christmas later models included the famed B-17, the so-called "buying fortress" |
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Nov 20, 2018 02:36
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Nosfereefer posted:the brick and mortar shops were the first in a long line of heavy class retail innovations during the war on christmas
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Nov 20, 2018 04:06
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Nosfereefer posted:the brick and mortar shops were the first in a long line of heavy class retail innovations during the war on christmas ---------------- |
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Nov 20, 2018 04:12
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A giant giraffe, engraved with tens of thousands of names, is erected at the Mall of America to honor the lost workers of Toys-R-Us.
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Nov 20, 2018 04:15
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Nosfereefer posted:the brick and mortar shops were the first in a long line of heavy class retail innovations during the war on christmas
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Nov 20, 2018 04:16
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*thousand yard stare* "I was there, you know, defending The Gap." *cigarette dangling from my lip goes out* ---------------- |
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Nov 20, 2018 04:23
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Socks4Hands posted:*thousand yard stare*
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Nov 20, 2018 04:27
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ken burns stunning twelve part documentary series about the infamous "black friday"
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Nov 20, 2018 04:28
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scene from Terminator where a machine steps on a human skull in a field of skulls amidst a fierce battle the humans are clearly losing; it pans up and the title shows CYBER MONDAY |
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Nov 20, 2018 04:39
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*gibbering madly* "it wasnt just Toys-R-Us... IT WAS BABIES!" ---------------- |
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Nov 20, 2018 04:39
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alnilam posted:scene from Terminator where a machine steps on a human skull in a field of skulls amidst a fierce battle the humans are clearly losing; it pans up and the title shows "they didn't just want our lives..." *shudders* "they wanted our data" ---------------- |
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Nov 20, 2018 04:41
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Nosfereefer posted:the brick and mortar shops were the first in a long line of heavy class retail innovations during the war on christmas |
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Nov 20, 2018 06:41
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Scientist: Ladies und gentlemen, R&D has been vorking tirelessly, und ve think ve have ze solution: In-store pickup. (murmuring from the board generals) Scientist: You see, zey order items online...(murmuring gets louder)...und then zey have to pick zem up in ze store. Board General: Is that better than home delivery? Scientist: Uhh...(begins to sob) no. No it is not. Chairman: Take him away. Scientist: (two burly men grab him and begin to drag him out of the room) Vait...vait! Ve have other ideas! Home delivery, but zey have to come to ze store to select zeir items! Vait! Ve could bring back layaway! It could vork! |
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Nov 20, 2018 13:41
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"Hold the line!!" I shout, my voice muffled by the rubber werewolf mask. I take cover briefly as dozens of bricks pelt the embankment in front of me. I peek above and see them across the field, wearing their drat santa hats. I look to my left and my comrades in arms nod back - Dracula, Frankenstein's monster, cowboy, skeleton, and sexy bee. Together until the bitter end. They have taken a lot of territory - we all wailed when we heard of the fall of the turkey folk - but this is where they stop. |
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Nov 20, 2018 14:44
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Labor Day, Memorial Day, Veteran's Day...They've all begun to blend together. As the War on Christmas became the Diamonds Are Forever War, the distinction between worker and warrior - soldier and servant - was lost. Perhaps it was always this way, and we're only just now realizing what we truly fight for - what we've always fought for.
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Nov 20, 2018 18:48
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alnilam posted:"Hold the line!!" I shout, my voice muffled by the rubber werewolf mask. I take cover briefly as dozens of bricks pelt the embankment in front of me. I peek above and see them across the field, wearing their drat santa hats. I look to my left and my comrades in arms nod back - Dracula, Frankenstein's monster, cowboy, skeleton, and sexy bee. Together until the bitter end. They have taken a lot of territory - we all wailed when we heard of the fall of the turkey folk - but this is where they stop. Memoirs from the Seasonal Retail Engagements ---------------- |
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Nov 20, 2018 21:42
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down at the local parade watching all the old men solemnly marching in their old sear's, filene's and macy's uniforms, stopping for the ceremonial elevator music as they raise the flag over the tomb of the unknown retail clerk
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Nov 20, 2018 22:18
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Luvcow posted:down at the local parade watching all the old men solemnly marching in their old sear's, filene's and macy's uniforms, stopping for the ceremonial elevator music as they raise the flag over the tomb of the unknown retail clerk ---------------- |
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Nov 20, 2018 23:32
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Luvcow posted:down at the local parade watching all the old men solemnly marching in their old sear's, filene's and macy's uniforms, stopping for the ceremonial elevator music as they raise the flag over the tomb of the unknown retail clerk |
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Nov 20, 2018 23:47
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Do your part, sign up for our club card. |
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Nov 20, 2018 23:48
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Mom And Pop Shop Raided By FBI |
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Nov 21, 2018 00:03
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FactsAreUseless posted:Mom And Pop Shop Raided By FBI Fuckin' Brick Investigators |
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Nov 21, 2018 01:56
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the automated till had allowed the great retailers to establish enormous trans-national operations by out-competing the local small shops the war on christmas would see hordes of hapless employees on both sides marching into massed batteries of those awful hell machines |
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Nov 21, 2018 06:48
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Going to Amazon.com to slap on my VR goggles to shop online in a virtual mall. You can't catch the flu from someone online...
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Nov 21, 2018 13:58
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you have to have a very high iq to get brick and mortar
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Nov 21, 2018 14:22
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"That's our heritage!" they cry as another historic outlet mall billboard gets marked for demolition, refusing to acknowledge the post-Christmas return line atrocities that took place in that same mall. |
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Nov 21, 2018 15:45
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the iwo jima statue of soldiers working together to raise a flag but it's retail workers triumphantly raising a christmas tree
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Nov 21, 2018 16:32
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FactsAreUseless posted:Mom And Pop Shop Raided By FBI Munchables posted:Fuckin' Brick Investigators |
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Nov 21, 2018 20:51
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*swipes credit card* "Donate a Dollar to the Veterans of the 23rd Brookstone Battalion?" ---------------- |
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Nov 22, 2018 10:58
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there's a skymall joke in here somewhere can somebody please handle it
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Nov 22, 2018 11:01
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yeah, i was there. when it hit the ground, i thought the world was endin'. blast was so loud i couldn't hear for a week! and the shaking, sweet god the shaking! i remember once being posted in a ikea, in california, and there was an earthquake? well, this felt even worse. anyway, i can't quite recall the official name the science boys gave it, but me and the other guys? we called it the skymall. |
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Nov 22, 2018 18:56
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hundreds of kids running around screaming over toys and blowing up (at their parents) |
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Nov 22, 2018 20:00
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tom hanks, shellshocked, looks over to a fellow parent casually picking up the arm of a Power of the Primes Leader Evolution Optimus Prime and looking around for the rest of the action figure |
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Nov 22, 2018 20:00
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