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IRON CHEF C-SPAM: BREXIT CHALLENGEtwoday posted:The three rules I propose for the Brexit challenge are After enough food chat derails in the critically acclaimed TRUMP thread, we've drummed up enough interest to justify making a cooking thread! We don't really give a poo poo what you talk about here, but this thread was made with two specific goals: 1) Share recipes and recipe ideas 2) Get a C-SPAM Iron Chef competition off the ground When sharing your creations here, we'd love some of the following to be included: -Some instructions on how you made it, either a short summary or full verbose recipe -Pictures! -Make it needlessly political if you can. This IS a politics shitposting subforum after all! With all that out of the way, I'll start with what I made tonight: Grandma's "Meritocracy Isn't Real" Southern Beef Tips over Rice This classic country dish sports flavors as deep and complex as the South's long history of racial violence. Good old Grandma worked long and hard to perfect this recipe, and now future generations can repeat her success with minimal effort as if they had created it themselves! Serves two.  The Ingredients For the rice: -1.5 cups enriched white rice - a few twists from an Italian Seasoning grinder - a teaspoon or two of butter, to taste For the beef gravy: -Enough olive oil to coat your pan -1 White onion -1 Yellow onion -1.5 Tablespoons minced garlic (I buy minced garlic in big jars, so I dunno how many cloves that is) -1 Pound beef, cut into bite-sized pieces (any non-prime cut will probably be fine, but Chuck or Sirloin works best) -However many raw broccoli florets you want in there -A little sprinkle of all-purpose flour -1 Cup beef broth -1/2 Cup soy sauce -1.5 Tablespoons Dijon mustard (The darker, grainier the better) -1 teaspoon Worcestershire -1/2 cup repressed anger (It's gotta go somewhere!) -Salt and pepper to taste The Recipe Start with your onions. Mince the white onion into tiny tiny pieces, but chop the yellow onion into thicker pieces. The minced onion will effectively disappear into the gravy, while the big pieces will serve as oniony gravy delivery platforms. Throw enough olive oil to cover the bottom of your pan and set your stove to medium heat. Add both onions. While those are cooking, chop up the beef and garlic, if you're chopping cloves like a real chef. Once all the onions are translucent, add garlic and wait for the garlic to turn a slightly dark shade of brown. Then, throw in the beef and brown that beef up. Add pepper, but not salt-- You're adding soy sauce and broth after this, and that might be enough saltiness for you by itself. Once the beef is browned, sprinkle some flour on it and stir. You want to use just a little bit of flour at a time, so it doesn't clump up. Once all the flour is dissolved and liquids are nice and thick, add the Stew Trifecta (Soy sauce, Dijon, Worcestershire). These are the protagonists of the dish's flavor profile. Now add the beef broth and turn up the heat until it boils and reduce that boil to a friendly simmer. While it simmers, start boiling the rice in a sauce pan or pot. Take a fork, grab a piece of onion from the gravy and taste it. Does it need more Dijon? Does it need more Worcestershire? Does it need more Soy Sauce, you loving Soy Boy? Adjust the flavor to your liking, Soy Boy. Once you're done adjusting the flavor to your liking, the gravy will have been simmering for several minutes. Now it's time to add the broccoli-- tossing it in this late in the process keeps it from getting too soggy. The rice will finish cooking before the gravy-- taste a few kernels of rice from time to time and remove it from heat when the rice is no longer hard in the middle. (Drain any excess water if necessary.) Grind some Italian seasoning from your cheap rear end McCormick grinder into the rice. Once you're happy with the seasoning level of the rice, mix in some butter. The rice is done! Around this point your gravy should be nice, thick, and flavorful. Turn off the heat and add more salt if it's not salty enough already. Eat! Tune in tomorrow for my Globalist Endgame Creamy Coconut Biryani! And share your cooking bullshit with C-SPAM! Doc Walrus has issued a correction as of 02:13 on Mar 20, 2019 |
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Nov 25, 2018 06:47
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BrutalistMcDonalds posted:the secret ingredient is piss Is this an official Buc-ees statement? I was beginning to suspect something from their sausage sandwiches
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Nov 25, 2018 06:58
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There's no reason to say "hot sauce" when you could tell us what kind of hot sauce it is, buddy, fella also we need Plinkey to get in here to tell us how to Stromb With Aplomb
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Nov 25, 2018 07:10
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D.Ork Bimboolean posted:yes put the sriracha on the butterfingers
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Nov 25, 2018 07:24
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D.Ork Bimboolean posted:The father has forsake me it's rare to see a thread receive the warmth of satan's blessing on page 1
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Nov 25, 2018 07:31
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BrutalistMcDonalds posted:they actually had a problem with metal shards in their beef jerky recently I think a "Pick out all the metal shards and set aside" step would add a lot of depth to their recipes actually 
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Nov 25, 2018 07:36
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Peanut President posted:mashed potatoe (dan quayle reference) I am loving god awful at making mashed potatoes because I struggle to identify when a potato's fully cooked and ready for a M*A*S*H marathon so I'm gonna refer to this post next time I try
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Nov 26, 2018 04:45
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Hope you have a big rear end frying pan with high walls because we're making: Globalist Endgame Creamy Coconut Biryani If Hillary Clinton's DemonRats win a single election then John Podesta and his spirit cooking satanist cabal will take our culture and many others, mix them in a godless unbaptised frying pan, and sautee them until all the values and heritage are cooked out. With chicken, mushrooms and notes of coconut cream, lime juice, and lemongrass, this Thai twist on Indian fried rice has a knockout flavor that only the second amendment can protect our daughters from.  THE INGREDIENTS -2 cups basmati rice -2 cans full-fat coconut milk (DO NOT SHAKE OR STIR) -1 pound chicken (cut into small pieces. I used chicken breast) -however many Baby Bella mushrooms you want -about a foot of lemongrass, cut into smaller sections -Bay Leaves -handful of Thai Chilis or Habaneros -Onions (1 white, 1 yellow, 1 red) -2 tbsp minced garlic -2 tbsp minced ginger -1/4 cup chopped cilantro -Your spices: 2 tsp coriander, 1 tsp cayenne pepper, 1 tsp white pepper, salt to taste -like at least half a cup of lime juice, I don't measure THE RECIPE: Basically you're throwing a bunch of poo poo in a pan on medium heat, then dumping uncooked rice over it to soak up all the juices and become incredible. If done correctly, you'll have tender fully cooked rice without adding water or broth. Feel free to keep some chicken broth on hand to add moisture if there isn't already enough from the oil, onions, mushrooms, coconut cream and lime juice. Start by rinsing your rice and soaking it on the counter. You only need enough water to cover the rice. Add olive oil to your pan and cook your onions, mushrooms and aromatics on medium heat. With this much onion and mushroom, you should have enough moisture for the onions to basically liquefy. Once this happens, add the chicken and cook, stirring every few minutes. Once the outside of the chicken is white with no raw red spots (It'll have plenty of time to fully cook as the rice cooks), open your coconut milk cans. Drain the rice and dump it in the pan. Immediately scoop the thick white coconut cream off the top of the coconut milk onto the rice. Add your lime juice and stir. This should be enough moisture to cook the rice, which will take 15-20 minutes. Taste it every few minutes to gauge how cooked the rice is, are the flavors strong enough, etc. Keep your coconut milk (or chicken broth if you prefer) handy in case you need more liquid for the rice. Once the rice is tender turn off the heat and add any spices you think it needs more of. Eat!
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Nov 26, 2018 05:26
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Yeowch!!! My Balls!!! posted:Sous Vide: Eat Like You Deserve To Be Guillotined Sous vide is very good for eggs as well-- poached, soft boiled, hard boiled, whatever. My next recipe will probably be deviled eggs but I can't think of a good title for a deviled egg recipe Frumply posted:I make fresh pasta at work all day and the last time I did 30 pounds of ditalini i got a bicep injury. Luckily my job pays so poorly that I still qualify for medicaid. Turn the bosses into spicy meatballs and feed the people
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Nov 26, 2018 16:29
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Speaking of rice and beans, tomorrow I'll be making Cilantro Lime Rice topped with Feijoada (Brazilian black bean stew) and I'll be posting the results. It'd be very nice if it comes out right, since the ingredients are so cheap.
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Nov 27, 2018 04:47
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Peanut President posted:I thought you weren't supposed to fridge plain cooked rice because of listeria? I thought the listeria risk was from leaving it on the counter overnight. Leaving cooked rice in the fridge overnight is considered standard practice for cooking fried rice.
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Nov 27, 2018 05:42
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i say swears online posted:help i can't stop making breakfast. i just made a giant skillet full of hash browns, sausage and scrambled egg i'm using for breakfast tacos, but now i'm thinking of using the leftover sausage for sausage patties. i have a green pepper that i'll cut into rings; i'll brown each side of the ring and then fry an egg in the middle. combined with a biscuit or english muffin, that's a dang good sandwich You're a loose breakfast cannon. I need to cook ring shaped things with eggs in the middle more often.
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Nov 27, 2018 06:29
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twoday posted:roasted wet garbage in ice trays: a love story I need to get a big rear end stock pot and start doing this. I'm using some bone-in chops tonight, so that'll be my starting point! Who Is Paul Blart posted:I've eaten nothing but McDonald's hamburgers for every meal for the last 6 months. I'm killing myself in the most passive aggressive way possible. Pray for me. A while back I tried a TRUMP burger to see what it was like. It's a double quarter pounder with its top bun replaced with a fish delight. The grease washed off, but the shame didn't
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Nov 27, 2018 16:32
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Bear Retrieval Unit posted:has someone posted a good recipe for rear end yet? If you're looking to infuse vodka for a party, look no further. Just make sure the rear end is upside down when you incorporate the ingredients
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Nov 27, 2018 21:46
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FEIJOADA HALF PORK HALF BLACK BEANS ALL POWER
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Nov 28, 2018 04:04
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I'm sipping nog. this is also an alcohol thread, because alcohol is food
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Nov 28, 2018 06:52
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Crakkerjakk posted:Let's talk about salads. I need to eat more salads. What oil/vinegar type dressing would you use for a salad that used a roast cashew/ garbanzo mix as its protein? I'll make some tzatziki dressing too of course. Tzatziki goes with goddamn near everything.
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Nov 29, 2018 04:22
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Crakkerjakk posted:Roasted cashew & garbanzo sounds vaguely Asian to me, I'd probably do the sesame one. I tend to get stuck on balsamic honestly, it's just easy and good. "Giant" is what I've been missing out on. I need to get some bigass tupperware and make some salad crates. I've started doing the rice and beans thing for weekdays and it's treating me very well so far. Whenever this 3-pound tub of Feijoada is gone I'm gonna try making Mexican rice for the first time.
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Nov 29, 2018 04:42
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Baloogan posted:french slowcucked onion supe what onions do I cuck what cheese do I melt on the cucked onions what bread do I sleep with behind its spouse's back, and then serve alongside homemade french slowcucked onion soup
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Nov 30, 2018 06:47
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A great, terrible, powerful post
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Nov 30, 2018 06:49
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ayyyy I was thinking about posting this. Matty Matheson is great. I wouldn't pay $13 for his "Ultimate Burger" but still, he's great
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Nov 30, 2018 06:51
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Plinkey posted:if my secret santa doesn't buy me his book since it's on my wishlist imma buy it for myself I'm dumb and old and hoping for a costco membership for christmas
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Nov 30, 2018 06:56
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Willie Tomg posted:*screeches whitely* add a lotta BUTTTTTer and CheesEEEEESsssEEEEE I like how one of his videos starts with him grabbing his friend and saying "HEY SAY HI TO MY FRIEND" and she's like "Why are you yelling"
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Nov 30, 2018 16:00
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Just tasted Kewpie mayo for the first time, and holy gently caress guys I don't even like mayonnaise. At all. But this is some really good poo poo. Tried it on a burg and some chicken, next I'm gonna make deviled eggs with it
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Dec 1, 2018 05:55
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Let me reiterate how wonderful Kewpie is. I literally tried it one time, and HW Bush dropped the gently caress dead
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Dec 1, 2018 06:49
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Grimoire posted:Listen up you fat motherfuckers, eat some Chanko Nabe Sumo Soup and get swole from wrasslin' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4EirVa3tAw. Pork/Beef/Fish broth with daikon, bok choi and onions. Pork meatballs made with panko and onions, maybe some pork belly or shrimp if you want. A shitload of ginger and soy sauce and garlic. The secret ingredient is rage. Serve with rice. I've been meaning to make this. What's a good recipe for meatballs meant for soup?
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Dec 1, 2018 23:22
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The first burger posted in Cooking With C-SPAM is required to be a monstrosity Featuring bacon, sauteed onions, colby jack cheese, kewpie mayo (not pictured), and a third slice of bread in the middle
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Dec 3, 2018 03:07
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This sushi joint I'm going to tomorrow has Camembert Tempura on the menu. I'm gonna try making my own batch but I dunno how I'm gonna keep instant-melt cheese contained in tempura batter. None of the recipes I've found say to freeze the cheese first so  we'll do it live
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Dec 6, 2018 23:20
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get that OUT of my face posted:an excellent japanese youtube cooking channel is Cooking With Dog. no, they don't eat dog on it. here's an appropriate recipe for the holiday season And then they replaced it with a cartoon dog, which just kind of compounds the  VERY good channel though
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Dec 7, 2018 01:49
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Mandoric posted:欧好み焼き (or, "[tl note: untranslatable pun]")  A perfect blend of chaos and quality. A dish for C-SPAM My dinner tonight's less impressive but still turned out tasty. I tried asian fried rice instead of my usual biryani (biryani is much easier imo) with pork tenderloin, egg, thai chiles and mushrooms.  The texture is all wrong-- I didn't cook it on a high enough heat for fear of burning it, so it's not as crispy as fried rice is supposed to be. Also I posted one of my famous paper plate pics in GWS once and wew lad, they did not like it Doc Walrus has issued a correction as of 03:39 on Dec 7, 2018 |
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Dec 7, 2018 03:30
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https://twitter.com/JessicaHuseman/...agenumber%3D577
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Dec 7, 2018 05:38
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twoday posted:What’s a good pizza topping combo? olive oil as the sauce, mozzarella cheese topped with ricotta, red onions, capers, and smoked salmon. Bake it without the salmon of course, then put that on the cooked pizza
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Dec 7, 2018 22:47
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Mandoric posted:I made that the other night, I froze it briefly (maybe 10 minutes) but mostly it was just a really, really quick fry after cornstarch-egg-flour. With a real batter you can probably get away with even longer. Frumply posted:pretty much anything you are going to fry can be prepped and frozen ahead if time. theres no way a restaurant is breading and frying anything to order unless it’s dead simple. Alright I'll chill for 10-15 minutes first. In other japanese news, I just went to a live bluefin cutting at the local bougie grocery store and got some very, very marbled tuna for poke bowls later tonight. I'll  the results
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Dec 8, 2018 22:56
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Here's the 3/4 pound Bluefin I got: Sliced it nice and thin against the grain like a steak, and it just melts in your mouth. I put it on a poke bowl with avocado and cucumber and drizzled spicy mayo (Kewpie mayo + Secret Aardvark Habanero Sauce) all over it. Very, very nice dinner. I didn't take pictures of the full meal because the avocado, while tasty, was super ripe and dark and gross looking.
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Dec 9, 2018 04:33
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i say swears online posted:so how much is that lil hunk of blubber 22 trumpbux
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Dec 9, 2018 04:39
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Willie Tomg posted:nothing communicates leftist solidarity like eating an endangered species that's like $4/oz lmao It's from a farm!
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Dec 9, 2018 08:41
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Prav posted:Cooking leftovers for breakfast with Prav Kålsnus sounds great, I'm always open to more things to do with potatoes. Also what should we do for the first C-SPAM IRON CHEF? Should we do a political theme, a food theme, or both at the same time? I'm assuming the theme won't be sushi.
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Dec 9, 2018 17:45
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OK I get it it, I won't post any more fish.
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Dec 10, 2018 16:43
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twoday posted:
Oysters filter out pollution?  I think I had fried oysters once and I liked it.
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Dec 10, 2018 16:54
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i say swears online posted:frankly i didn't even know they farmed bluefin, or any other larger ocean fish. i thought we were still just on crawdads and tilapia, since that's all that's around here hasn't bluefin tuna always been available in the US? I assumed I was just buying what every sushi joint sells
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Dec 10, 2018 17:25
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