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Learned so much, it was just unbelievable.
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Jan 13, 2019 19:54
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Did you know the reason why you're not allowed to "Raise the roof" in church is that if you did so, the roof would come off and you would see God looking down on you and smiling and would literally die of happiness You might say 'But Songbearer you handsome man who I love (But not as much as God and Jesus) I see Evangelists doing the "Raise the roof" gesture all the time!' well I have news for you, God isn't there, it's Satan, and he's waiting for those heathens to do the worm so he can grab them all up
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Jan 13, 2019 19:58
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Homo Simpson posted:Learned so much, it was just unbelievable. Yeah. I didn't believe it either.
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Jan 13, 2019 20:01
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Just my luck to get the stigmata right in my balls
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Jan 13, 2019 20:04
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Icochet posted:Just my luck to get the stigmata right in my balls Nailed it.
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Jan 13, 2019 20:07
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When I leave church I sometimes feel a little cross
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Jan 13, 2019 20:08
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What did you learn, OP?
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Jan 13, 2019 20:09
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Church is the best experience for me because we got doughnuts at the end of it. i was fat so they knew how to speak to me.
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Jan 13, 2019 20:11
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Jesus' love is zero calories but will sustain you for all of your life 
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Jan 13, 2019 20:15
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I always loved getting fondled in church. Such a hot sexy time for a young me.
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Jan 13, 2019 20:15
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Xtra Innings Lovin posted:What did you learn, OP? What the priest's penis tastes like.
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Jan 13, 2019 20:26
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Frankenstyle posted:Yeah. I didn't believe it either.
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Jan 13, 2019 20:36
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did you try to pray the gay away, because i think it's not working
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Jan 13, 2019 20:49
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Fagmaster posted:did you try to pray the gay away, because i think it's not working post/username/av at godlike levels here
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Jan 13, 2019 21:02
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today in church was good because my pastor said that i only have 2 more sizes of purity candle to go before i'm finally ready to gently caress jesus.
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Jan 13, 2019 21:03
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I didn't go to church today because it was snowing even though it's directly across the street from me because I am/was hung over. Sorry jesus, don't want to puke in church.
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Jan 13, 2019 21:13
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Every day is church day when you live in the woods, self flagellating naked under the sun.
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Jan 13, 2019 21:14
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why, was there another shooting?
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Jan 13, 2019 21:36
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x01l_jMhjVM
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Jan 13, 2019 21:39
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Do you go to one of those rock n' roll churches, where the pastor has tattoos, earrings, and frosted tips?
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Jan 13, 2019 21:41
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YOURE DOOMED OP!!!!
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Jan 13, 2019 21:41
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Lil Devil posted:Do you go to one of those rock n' roll churches, where the pastor has tattoos, earrings, and frosted tips? “You know who was the original punk? Jesus.”
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Jan 13, 2019 21:52
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Just remember, God asks you to suffer and toil for your life. but when you die, Satan is there to confort you.
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Jan 13, 2019 21:52
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Did you have an orgasm?
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Jan 13, 2019 22:05
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can't believe the positive feedback I'm receiving in this thread, thank you all! God is good!
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Jan 13, 2019 22:45
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Homo Simpson posted:God is good! This sounds prettier in Arabic.
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Jan 13, 2019 22:56
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Grudgerm posted:Just remember, God asks you to suffer and toil for your life. but when you die, Satan is there to confort you. I think all Satan actually does in the bible is trick God into torturing his own people, gives mankind knowledge and then his son the anti-Christ brings about world peace, which really pisses God off so much he has to wreck the world and kill everybody
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Jan 13, 2019 22:59
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Who What Now posted:This sounds prettier in Arabic. How do you say "God is alright I guess" in Arabic?
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Jan 13, 2019 23:00
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yo god rulz over da heaven and da eartf
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Jan 13, 2019 23:03
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shave your rear end in a top hat and fart and it sounds like your rear end is clapping
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Jan 13, 2019 23:03
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Our sermon was about how you need to be a follower, not a fan, of Jesus, and the pastor wanted everyone to wear a sports jersey to service. So rather than focus on the message, I, of course, spent the hour thinking about what pieces of poo poo the Eagles and Jets fans were and how DCF needed to take the kid in the Cowboys jersey and Yankees hat away from his parents.
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Jan 13, 2019 23:11
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I kind of wish there were more old-school fire and brimstone preachers. I don't go to church for some feel-good pat on the back, I want to feel like an unworthy sinner who deserves to burn in hell who is getting off easy because of jesus. Old testament God was what I would expect an omnipotent being to be like, but then he tried impressing his son by being tolerant and all that, which is cool because we can go to heaven now, but he's no longer doing what he loves, which is sad.
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Jan 13, 2019 23:19
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church would be better if there was a dude doing epic trapeze tricks up in the rafters imo.
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Jan 13, 2019 23:22
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I don’t go to church I just smoke weed and watch cosmos over and over again
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Jan 13, 2019 23:22
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God is in the rain.
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Jan 13, 2019 23:26
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What religion are you OP?
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Jan 13, 2019 23:31
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i reckon god isn't real just a feeling I got
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Jan 13, 2019 23:53
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yeah I eat rear end posted:I didn't go to church today because it was snowing even though it's directly across the street from me because I am/was hung over. Sorry jesus, don't want to puke in church. If you puke in church Jesus turns it into wine. Ironically this will make you puke more if you drink it again. It's kind of hosed up
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Jan 14, 2019 00:00
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Frankenstyle posted:Yeah. I didn't believe it either. lol
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Jan 14, 2019 00:04
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Back in catholic church I used to imagine the doomguy murdering demons in front of the metal af stained glass windows and stations of the cross. That was probably the best thing about church.
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Jan 14, 2019 00:07
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