• A Dr Martin Luther King Jr. video aired to mark MLK Day, and got a standing ovation at the end.
  
• Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman came out and Heyman did a long promo talking up how Finn Balor is a believer in miracles, and the people believe in Balor and the miracle that would be Finn beating Brock. But after Royal Rumble, Balor and everybody else would learn that even Miracles Fear Brock Lesnar.
  
• Vince McMahon came out and gave his hilarious take on David and Goliath (David ate a bunch of mushrooms then got his rear end kicked by Goliath) and started ripping on the crowd (aided by Heyman) for believing in the fairytale of Balor beating Brock.
  
• BRAUN! came out to the ring and Heyman got his rear end out. Brock laughed in BRAUN!'s face as BRAUN! warned that Brock got lucky but he would be waiting for him if he survived Balor at Royal Rumble.
  
• Finn Balor came out to correct Vince on the David vs. Goliath story, mentioning he beat three (four!) other wrestlers last week including best in the world John Cena (correction! SECOND best!" insisted Heyman from off-screen) and he was tired of the same old Raw or people like BRAUN! sticking his nose in their business. He'd beat Brock at the Rumble and prove the fairytale was true.
  
• Vince asked Brock to get a seat at ringside to watch Balor vs. BRAUN! right now, so Balor could prove he could beat a giant.
  
• Balor vs. BRAUN! eventually ended in a DQ win to Balor. At the halfway point BRAUN! tossed Balor at Brock from inside the ring, and Brock caught him and suplexed him with ease. But as Brock was getting in BRAUN!'s face, Balor recovered and beat the poo poo out of Brock at ringside, then was beating up BRAUN! too and ended up hitting the Coup de Grace (HARD!) on him. Before he could make the pin, Brock rushed into the ring and F5ed him.
  
• New Intercontinental Champion Bobby Lashley came out with hype-man Lio Rush. Lashley stood on a plinth and got a spotlight on him to pose as Rush explaining they don't do kid's stuff like open challenges, and the title would not be defended tonight.
  
• Apollo came out and said nobody wanted to see Lashley pose, and since the title wasn't going to be defended tonight, how about they just have a match instead? Rush laughed him off and said he could have a match IF he could beat Lashley in a pose-off (Apollo said he had no idea what that entailed), and Apollo ended up doing dance moves and mocking the entire process, to loud cheers from the crowd. Lashley attacked Apollo but Apollo turned the tables and tossed him out of the ring, then tossed Lio out on top of him before flexing for the crowd again. This was simultaneously kinda embarassing (it is MLK Day) AND the loudest cheers Apollo has gotten in a long time.
  
• Lashley defeated Apollo in a non-title match after Lio Rush ran into the ring, Apollo gave him a vertical press but then got speared and pinned by Lashley.
  
• Seth Rollins came down as Lashley was celebrating. They paused on the ramp to stare each other down before going their separate ways.
  
• Seth did a promo about how he'd gone from having everything to losing it all, except for the fans and his love of wrestling. He got fired up about winning the Royal Rumble. Drew McIntyre came out and said that he had everything going for him that Seth had, but he was bigger, stronger and better and he hoped it came down to he and Seth at the end of the Rumble so he could personally destroy Seth's dream at the final hurdle.
  
• Seth defeated Drew in a long match that started slow but really built up by the end. Rollins got the pin with a roll-up but took a lot of damage throughout the match which the commentators sold as possibly affecting him going into the Royal Rumble.
  
• The Revival (who recently asked for and were denied their release) were backstage begging Vince McMahon for another chance to prove themselves, asking for a fair shot with a special referee. Vince spotted Curt Hawkins and decided to kill two birds with one stone.
  
• Ambrose did a backstage (seemingly near where the Usos do their ones with the odd lighting) promo about how 2018 was a bad year for him but he was going to make 2019 his by winning the Royal Rumble. He talked poo poo about Seth Rollins and "Bend over Bobby" who took away HIS Intercontinental Title.
  
• The Lucha House Party won a completely dead match against Jinder Mahal and the Singhs.
  
• They replayed the EC3 video package and then showed Dana Brooke harassing him backstage about his bodybuilding regime/diet as Elias walked by.
  
• Elias did a concert segment that was cut off by Baron Corbin, until Elias reminded him he wasn't the GM anymore and smoothly had the guys in the back cut Corbin's mic before singing a song mocking him. Corbin rushed the ring but ran away when Elias took a swing at him with his guitar.
  
• Baron Corbin defeated Elias in a singles match. Jesus Christ.
  
• Alexa Bliss came out for A Touch of Bliss, and introduced a graphic and read off names of the current participants in the Women's Royal Rumble match this Sunday. The graphic was up the entire time as Alexa read off the names which came across really weird.
  
• Alexa announced Nia (they're friends again) as her guest, but before she could answer the first question (her mic wasn't working) she was cut off by Ember Moon who came out and announced that she was going to win the Royal Rumble. Next was Alicia, then Mickie James. As Alexa tried to regain control, the Riott Squad, Nikki Cross and Dana Brooke came out arguing, so Alicia got up on her chair and shut them all up and told them not to ruin her reputation as a Talk Show host. Things settled for a second before a brawl broke out and spilled backstage as officials tried their best to break them up.
  
• Alexa was left behind, and said she had one more surprise as she was announced that SHE would be competing and winning the Royal Rumble. The crowd popped for that, but then Lacey Evans came out and announced that she would be the winner: a classy, sophisticated lady and not a sawed off runt like Alexa.
  

• Push El Burrito posted:

  Lacey Evans is here to celebrate Robert E. Lee Day.
  

• Heavy Machinery were walking backstage, Otis bellowing incoherently at a stagehand as they went.
  
• Titus did a pre-taped promo saying people think it would be a miracle if he won the Royal Rumble, but he believes in miracles. A stagehand walked into shot and Titus began (humorously) bitching him out for disrespecting him.
  
• Heavy Machinery defeated The Ascension in a fun match where the crowd got really into Otis in particular, especially when he did "The Caterpillar", a Worm-style move, as his Finisher.
  

• Abroham Lincoln posted:

  
  

• Bobby Roode and Chad Gable retained their tag team titles against The Revival. Curt Hawkins was the special guest referee and did an excellent job of spotting every attempt by the Revival to cheat. At one point, Hawkins was shoved but didn't call for the DQ, then broke up the Revival's attempts to block a roll-up attempt unfairly which lead to the Revival getting pinned.
  
• The Revival were livid afterwards despite all the video evidence of their attempts to cheat, and attacked Hawkins. Zack Ryder raced to the ring and chased them off, seemingly reuniting with his old Major Brothers/Edgeheads partner.
  
• Ronda Rousey was interviewed backstage where she seemed upset about Sasha Banks talking poo poo about her, claiming that she'd never been anything but respectful and gotten nothing but resentment instead. Ronda was stumbling over her words but it kind of worked (for me) in making it feel natural and that Ronda was legitimately fired up about facing Sasha at the Rumble. It wasn't devoid of personality like many promos nowadays are, though it absolutely was a giant mess.
  
• Ronda was being restrained by Nattie in the ring as Sasha and Bayley entered for their tag match main event. Sasha got on the mic and did a quick but effective promo calling out Ronda for getting everything handed to her and failing to acknowledge all that Sasha has earned and achieved in her career. Sasha scored a cheap shot on Ronda in the corner to start the match after Nattie had convinced Ronda to let her open the match.
  
• Sasha and Bayley defeated Ronda and Nattie in the main event of the evening. Ronda almost got the armbar locked in on Sasha who was able to roll to the ropes and break the hold, then score a kick on Ronda's face to cause her to tag in Nattie. Bayley broke up the Sharpshooter and attacked Ronda on the apron, then got clotheslined by Nattie which left her open to get put into the Banks Statement and tap out.
  
• The show ended with Ronda and Sasha talking trash to each other as Bayley, Nattie and various refs tried to keep them apart.
  

• Becky opened the show to a big pop before getting on the mic to talk up Asuka's qualities but insist that she was better, and the only thing that was on her mind was main eventing Wrestlemania as the Champion.
  
• Asuka came out and she and Becky began trashtalking when Charlotte also emerged to talk about how she'd run the division for four years and meant to continue in that vein. As Becky was staring her down, Asuka took advantage to jump her from behind. Becky and Asuka brawled in and out of the ring as referees tried their best to break them, with Becky eventually knocking Asuka over, whipping her with her leather jacket, talking poo poo to Jamie Noble. Eventually Becky strutted out like a huge badass, with Asuka absolutely livid and screaming as she recovered from the beating.
  
• After the break, Asuka/Becky were still brawling backstage as officials tried desperately to keep them apart.
  
• An utterly bizarre recap of the Mandy/Naomi/Jimmy saga aired, complete with narration that sounded like K-Mart Desperate Housewives. Words don't really do it justice.
  
• Naomi came to the entrance dancing and happy, then assaulted Mandy during her entrance. Mandy defeated Naomi after Sonya grabbed Naomi's leg and distracted her, allowing Mandy get the pin. Jimmy checked on an upset Naomi after the match.
  
• A pre-taped Rey Mysterio promo aired of Rey discussing his 60+ minute performance in the Royal Rumble in 2006, and he intends to repeat history on Sunday... but tonight against Andrade is about respect. Zelina, who interfered last week, is banned from ringside, meaning the match is an even playing field.
  
• Cesaro defeated The Miz in a singles match following interference by Sheamus. Shane immediately attacked Sheamus at ringside and threw his terrible little rabbit punches at Cesaro. Cesaro and Sheamus overpowered him and put a beating on him and Miz, then slammed Shane through Miz on the announce table to take them both out.
  
• A Mustafa Ali pre-taped promo aired in which he discussed Samoa Joe's attack on him and the implicit message that Joe considered Ali beneath him and nothing more than a message to others in the Royal Rumble. He insisted that he was going to teach Joe that he was not somebody to be overlooked, and that he could beat him. This was really well done.
  
• Vince was shown backstage watching footage of The Bar's assault on Miz and Bryan. Vince was in profile and actually allowed to look AT the screen instead of stand with his back to it.
  
• Vince came out and introduced AJ Styles and Daniel Bryan. Bryan refused to get into the ring with AJ, and delivered an amazing promo calling himself "The Planet's Champion" and ripping on AJ for not making people think or make them feel bad for being bad people. Vince continually insisted Bryan get into the ring, and Bryan went off with a fantastic tirade about Boomers ruining the world and tricking people into loving them for it. Finally AJ told Vince that the face-to-face didn't have to happen IN the ring and got out and attacked Bryan. Bryan retreated into the ring and AJ went for the Phenomenal Forearm, but Bryan put Vince in front of him. AJ pulled up short and Bryan hit him with THE KNEE THAT BEAT JOHN CENA, then ran up the ramp with the title belt cackling.
  
• This loving ruled so goddamn much.
  
• Carmella and R-Truth were walking backstage talking about who they would face at Wrestlemania after winning the Royal Rumble. Truth said he wanted no part of challenging Brock and getting taken to Sioux Falls City. Charlotte talked to Carmella about Carmella having the #30 spot, and warned her that no matter what spot she had, she was going to wipe everybody else out.
  
• Samoa Joe submitted Mustafa Ali with the Coquina Clutch after a really good match where Ali was all over Joe and looked great until Joe finally managed to get on the clutch and cinch it in tight.
  
• The New Day were interviewed backstage and complained that every year they're asked if they'll fight each other in the Rumble. Tony Chimel showed up to ask them and they shouted at him to get lost because Edge wasn't there so why was he? They insisted that a win for any of them is a win for all of them, and cheered up Kofi who was concerned this year he might not think of a way to keep his feet off the ground. He came up with an idea but refused to share it with the interviewer.
  
• Andrade scored the first pinfall about 10 minutes into the match with a loving sick top rope powerbomb.
  

• Abroham Lincoln posted:

  https://twitter.com/totaldivaseps/status/1087903816106889216
  

• Rey quickly scored the second pinfall after escaping another Powerbomb attempt and turning it into an incredible looking Canadian Destroyer.
  

• Abroham Lincoln posted:

  https://twitter.com/totaldivaseps/status/1087904459110387713
  

• Abroham Lincoln posted:

  https://twitter.com/totaldivaseps/status/1087905855205507073
  

• Rey hit the 619 and was going for the West Coast Pop when Samoa Joe came out of nowhere and powerbombed him into the apron, then threw him into the ring and locked on the Coquina Clutch but ALSO rammed Andrade's shoulder into the ringpost. The match thus ended by DQ and the winner was Rey Mysterio.
  
• Joe grabbed a mic and roared that he was here to make a statement, and this demolition was a taste of what he planned to do to the other 29 wrestlers, because h-
  
• Randy Orton came out of nowhere and hit the RKO on Joe. Crowd went nuts for this but it kinda sucks that Rey, Andrade, Joe and even Ali are doing all this innovative and cool stuff and it all boils down to Randy Orton being the guy standing tall.
  
• Even so, watch Smackdown, it was real good and the Rey/Andrade match loving owned.
  

Jerusalem fucked around with this message at 04:00 on Jan 23, 2019

DarkstarIV fucked around with this message at 06:30 on Jan 22, 2019