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The President can't spell "Hamburgers", thinks stealth planes are invisible, and wants to have sex with his daughter. Also probably compromised by Russia, yadda yadda yadda, traitor to our country, blah blah blah, leading the world down a path towards World War 3.
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Jan 22, 2019 15:28
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 18:48 |
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AMERICAN HORROR STORY: WHITE HOUSE
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Jan 22, 2019 15:32
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So the little skeleton boy, and he was.... what a hat, right? What a great hat, I made that hat. Obama liked to say "You didn't make that" but I can say I made that hat. Like the magic wand, it's a thing that others.... that Obama said didn't exist but I did exist it, I made it, too. But that little skeleton boy, I found out that actually, ACTUALLY, he wasn't a little boy. He pointed and told me to look and I said "Okay", and with a tear in his eye he said "Mr. President, SIR, that's your grave." And I looked and he was pointing at a patch of grass, just some grass, nothing special. And he said to me "I am without beginning or end, I am the death of all things. I come to all in time, the shadow at the end of the hallway that none can understand and none can escape. I am the reaper of souls, SIR, and your soul will soon be harvested. Your body will lie there amongst the worms and dirt, and you will be happy for that small kindness. I will see you again but you will not recognize me until it's too late." And I just said "Wow" because here was this kid, great kid, and he was talking about the harvest. And we love the farmers, don't we? Love 'em. Soybeans, baked beans, colored beans, all the beans you can eat... and grow. We love them all we're doing SO MUCH for the farmers.
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Jan 22, 2019 15:52
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Clark Nova posted:lol if you think chuds will give her any money over younger, sexier grifters She'll have no problem finding a new job as Guardian of a Haunted Dungeon, or perhaps the mini-boss before you fight Dracula.
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Jan 22, 2019 16:54
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AreWeDrunkYet posted:A federal employee with 30 years of seniority isn't most Americans though? Even if the federal government stays open, he opens himself up for all sorts of pain with a minor emergency. Mortgage, 2 car payments (so he's presumably married, possibly with kids). Throw in an emergency like a car breaking down, damage to the house, or a medical emergency and you're hosed. Even if he does have savings in a 401(k) you can't pull that poo poo out without massive penalties that basically prevent you from ever saving up that much money again.
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Jan 22, 2019 17:54
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communism bitch posted:Whens the cspam mod's next medical report coming out????? Name: Donald Trump Height: 6 ' 5" (got taller, believe it or not, actually some people are so healthy this happens!) Weight: 175 lbs (also lost weight due to so many Deals being made) I, Dr. John Barron of Trump University, do hereby declare that Donald Trump is the healthiest person I have ever imagined. His brain is good. His fingers and hands are in fact the largest ever recorded, larger than Andre the Giant's, and the FAKE NEWS needs to stop photoshopping his hands to look smaller. I examined his blood and other stuff and it's all great, really terrific actually, all the fluids are in place and doing their thing. The Phlegm, Yellow and Black Bile, and the Blood are all aligned. His muscles are quite amazing, really powerful stuff, and the finite amount of energy he possesses is still there - he's still got some "oil" in the tank before we need to "prime the pump" so to speak. For the final part of the examination I had an attractive young nurse, a 10 out of 10 believe me, she came in for the thing. The underpants thing. And she came out afterwards and just said "Wow", which I mean.... you know what that means. In medical terms the President has a large penis which any woman would be lucky to see or touch. I performed a similar test on Obama years ago and it was much smaller, President Trump's is just so much better it's unbelievable, much like his deals. I hereby swear that all these things are true, if you can believe it, and that they happened and are happening.
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Jan 22, 2019 18:08
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That dude's tweet about exotic locations, special guests, and POWERPOINT is coming true. Trump's gonna show us a bunch of slides of THE WALL from Mar-a-lago while Jeff Dunham does a racist ventriloquism act.
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Jan 22, 2019 19:02
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Kumo posted:https://twitter.com/IngrahamAngle/status/1087783479247552513 Big Boy Donny gets to order in fast food again! YAY!
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Jan 22, 2019 20:07
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Can someone who is good at computers compare this fucker to a composite of Ben Shapiro and Charlie Kirk? I think I've found the young CHUD singularity.
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Jan 22, 2019 20:47
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A friendly reminder that a major reason why the US moved their embassy to Jerusalem is because they want to usher in the Biblical Apocalypse. Mike Pence believes in his heart that by doing so, we would usher in the birth of the anti-Christ, the 2nd coming of Jesus Christ, and a massive war for the souls of righteous Christians. All of this would end with the deaths of billions and all the good Christians ascending to Heaven.
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Jan 23, 2019 13:00
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Don't tweet I know just what you're saying So please stop the tweeting The prez has touched the ORB Don't tweet I know what you're thinking You're thinking about treason Don't tweet me cuz it hurts
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Jan 23, 2019 13:59
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Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:https://mobile.twitter.com/Mediaite/status/1088039357095862272 Tammy Lahren: "The doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me!"
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Jan 23, 2019 14:08
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Dear Nancy: Wow. The response to me, Donald Trump, wanting to do the State of the Union has been TREMENDOUS. I am very happy to do it and I look forward to seeing you there. By the way that is sarcasm and actually I do not like you and your mean face and butt and you smell bad. I also LOOOOOOOOVE being President and it is definitely the best thing that ever happened to me - NOT! (BORAT).
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Jan 23, 2019 19:04
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SaberToothedPie posted:https://www.thedailybeast.com/covington-catholic-teen-on-fox-and-friends-blackface-is-school-spirit Listen, it's just school spirit okay? We have "Wear Red" day, Jeans day, lynching day, dress up like a 50s cowboy movie Native American day, all the classic stuff.
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Jan 23, 2019 19:14
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The President literally cannot stop doing crimes, much like an ordinary person can't eat just one potato chip.
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Jan 23, 2019 21:04
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Also Fox News is wretched hive of treason and stupidity but Shepard Smith seemingly gives no fucks and is currently playing clips of Trump threatening Cohen and saying "Yeah he did it, the President's threats are real and valid."
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Jan 23, 2019 21:12
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Michael Cohen, who has never been threatened, believe me. If I had threatened him, or his family? He would... he'd know, TRUST ME because I can do a LOT of things, I could very much make him regret the leaks. He's got a LOT to lose, wonderful family, would hate for something to happen to them. Every day, things like... well the gangs, the gangs are out there, they break into homes, they kill people, awful stuff. They use the blue tape and the girls are all led away, taped up, and who knows what happens? So you wouldn't want that, but hopefully, HOPEFULLY the truth is out and he tells it and none of that.... none of the gangs happen to him or his family. And now there's.... I call him Michael, but he's not a great guy, very low energy, weak, bad law guy. Awful lawyer, absolutely awful for the multiple years he was my personal lawyer and confi.... and my guy. So bad. Not good folks, not good. But for Nancy, Nancy Nancy Nancy Pelosi. Who doesn't... she doesn't want this government to run, or even walk. And has told me not to perform the State of the Union, so I won't. Bye bye. But so many people have heard the speech, you know heard the rough drafting of it, and they loved it. I actually got a very nice phone call last night from somebody, I won't say who, but he's pretty famous. And he told me how great my speech was and how, in his opinion, which I trust A LOT, but in his opinion I would win an Oscar for this speech, it was so good. And when I hung up the phone I said "Thank you, Tom." and that was that, so you know..... I think... I think people can know who that was. The guy who called me, great actor, so that's.... that's the caliber of speech we have here.
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Jan 24, 2019 15:43
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Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:Here is the video of that Literally a loving ghoul looking to feast on the scraps of the dead and dying. "Go take out a loan". This poo poo infuriates me because it's instant proof that someone has never lived like the average American. Trump does the same poo poo, acting like missing a month of your salary isn't a death sentence for many people.
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Jan 24, 2019 16:11
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@RealDonaldTrump: WOW! New pole shows 34% of people (and rising) blame Democrats for the shutdown - they're right! Only 3% blame Repubs (and me) - we are trying! Trying and praying!
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Jan 24, 2019 16:12
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holy gently caress Trump has a gun, everybody watch out
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Jan 24, 2019 16:23
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poisonpill posted:The latest line I’m hearing irl is “So what? Government can’t do anything right anyway. It’s been shutdown a month and there isn’t anything different.” It's 50% ignorance and 50% malice. A lot of people haven't been affected in their daily life because they live in a very isolated bubble, so they're not able to understand why this is bad. Then you have people who totally understand but want to frame it as somehow being a win for Trump. Like, for example, Charlie Kirk is arguing "Durrrr all of these people are non-essential, seems like that means they don't need to do anything - checkmate libs." Meanwhile his entire life is non-essential. My (soon to be) brother in law is fairly CHUDDY and has said "Well they're all getting paid later, it's fine." Meanwhile, he's constantly talking about going bankrupt if anything bad happens to him. So it's like... he understands the precarious financial position most of us are in, but apparently not one person with a government job is in that position.
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Jan 24, 2019 17:28
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"There's demmycrats overseeing the White House  " - Millions of people watching Fox News right nowAlso yes, RADICALIZED LEFT WING TERRORIST LAWMAKERS have taken control of the legislative branch of the government, President Trump has been moved to a safehouse and provided with a golden toilet and photos of his daughter.
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Jan 24, 2019 18:51
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POO POO DOODY HEAD JERK BRAIN DEMON RATS have begun sacrificing aborted 9 month old babies to Allah and only GOOD STRONG HEALTHY DONALD TRUMP can stop them. President Trump is currently gathering energy for the Spirit Bomb but he needs your help! Raise your hands in the air and send $50 to Tucker Carlson, c/o Fox News. I will make sure the President gets this money and is able to destroy the evil libs forever!
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Jan 24, 2019 18:59
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big nipples big life posted:it's like a football came to life This is the ideal Fox News body. You may not like it, but this is what peak propaganda looks like.
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Jan 24, 2019 19:14
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This doesn't go nearly far enough but at least the public is starting to get behind higher taxes for the super rich. It's gonna be infuriating to see a bunch of billionaires bitching about this and claiming they'd spend that 2% of a billion dollars on creating jobs or feeding the homeless or whatever.
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Jan 24, 2019 20:04
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An article about Mooch's Dick and a Trump Robot posted:Shortly after Donald Trump’s election, a Disney crew was dispatched to the White House to record the new president’s voice, which would be played through an animatron at Disney World’s Hall of Presidents. It was a typical right of passage for a new president. But Trump was thrilled by the idea. He also had an odd request. lol at the image of this thing sputtering out "America actually invented the skyscraper, can you believe it?" to crowds of befuddled children wearing Mickey ears, and their parents leaning over and saying "No honey, the President's robot is wrong."
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Jan 24, 2019 20:18
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@RealDonaldTrump: Roger Stone, who nobody ever loved and has NO connection to me, is a 2nd rate "fixer" and "dirty trickster" - not my kind of Person! We met one time, for Dinner, and now he claims to be close friends with me. So many in Fake News are Jumping on this as "proof" of something that never happened - I would not get "caught"! @RealDonaldTrump: Bad reporting on news report that I was "disappointed" we could not get To Mars by 2020 - I was FURIOUS. We sent an entire movie crew there (plus bad host Arnold), why can't we go back? Technology has improved, and greatly, especially with regards to space tech (rockets and J's). I WILL GET US BACK THERE! @RealDonaldTrump: "Donald Trump is amazing and has done more than anyone ever, I love him and am glad he is boss of America. This is the dream of Jesus Christ, George Washington, and Andrew Carnegie. Hail Trump!" - Laura Ingraham. Wow! Thanks Laura, much appreciated!
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Jan 25, 2019 13:03
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It's a good thing they did the early morning raid, otherwise he would have escaped on his airship and we'd never catch this fucker.
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Jan 25, 2019 13:33
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Kashuno posted:https://twitter.com/CNNPolitics/status/1088769400994480128 This feels very specifically targeted to scare Trump. Could things actually be happening?
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Jan 25, 2019 13:49
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Somehow the funniest thing today was not the image of Trump looking at his reflection and saying "SPACE STATION. THIS IS YOUR PRESIDENT". It's 8 am. There's a lot more that can happen today. Dare I hope for another arrest?
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Jan 25, 2019 14:05
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Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:Is it typical for FBI to arrest someone with guns drawn as reported this morning? Yeah when you're unsure if the guy you're arresting has easy access to a time machine or some sort of steam powered pistol.
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Jan 25, 2019 15:22
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I remember when Trump mentioned that he wished cops would rough up the people they arrest more and like... bang their heads against the doors of the police cars and stuff. All of this will be worth it when some FBI agent bangs Trump's head against the door and it just explodes into dust.
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Jan 25, 2019 15:45
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A GLISTENING HODOR posted:LMAO all republicans have to do is be like "so what? Never heard of the guy" and it would so thoroughly take the wind out of libs' sails but they are so intensely stupid they have to pretend Roger shitass Stone the Monopoly Cuck is some kind of American folk hero and OMG DEEP STATE HILLARY SENT HER SAVAGE GOONS TO VIOLENTLY ARREST THIS GENTLE SOUL He's the Prime Republican. Insanely rich, obsessed with the past, can't stop doing crimes, has a lot of weird sex stuff going on, and looks like some kind of low-level monster you'd fight in a Castlevania game. If he loses power then the Republican Party itself begins to weaken.
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Jan 25, 2019 18:48
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Roger Stone looked disgusting - nipples protruding - in his blue shirt before the FBI. Very very disrespectful.
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Jan 25, 2019 19:14
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Stone later instructed several FBI agents to "Come back later for some fat Cuban pussy." When agents responded "Gross" he replied "Just let me get my tophat, can I get my tophat PLEASE." before fumbling with a large key which appeared to have several gears glued to it. Agents led him outside without the key, which appeared to be for a large cabinet with the words "NOT WEIRD SEX STUFF" painted on it.
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Jan 25, 2019 19:35
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RIP Trump, died on the toilet before his big speech.
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Jan 25, 2019 19:58
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mono posted:good morning trump thread Everytime I see that mouth thing I just hear "tsscchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" in my head, like he's sucking air through his teeth.
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Jan 28, 2019 14:08
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I love it of course, obviously, the Bible. All the books of it, great stuff. Sometimes I'll just.... I'll just read it for fun, just to check in with the Biblical characters I like so much. All the stories, the good facts out there that really.... they do a lot. And I mention the Wall and the Wheel, and that's.... they're in the Bible. The Wall and.... actually MANY Bible scientists think that Noah should have built a Wall, that actually... that's a dam, a water wall, had he built a dam things might have.... you know, they might have gone a little bit different, if you can believe it. And back then they used wheels to measure distance, they'd say things were 50 wheels away, or you'd get a wheel between your houses. And that was the distance, how far one wheel could turn and take you. And so they understood, even millions of years ago, that wheels and walls work. They didn't..... I don't think they had the Steel yet, so maybe... wood maybe. Wooden walls, but that wouldn't work now. The heat would melt it. Did you know I'm the only author, and I wrote it, but I'm the guy who outsold the Bible? MANY MANY MANY times over in fact, so many people read my book, The Art of the Deal. So I'm a very religious person, you know, because of that fact.
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Jan 28, 2019 14:36
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Dr.Caligari posted:something something church and state He also said, and this was HIS opinion, not him parroting a bunch of racists, that Hispanics need to work harder to assimilate.
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Jan 28, 2019 14:37
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 18:48 |
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I know he's implying that he's the "smartest person" but I can't read this as anything but "Dwight Schultz is an idiot but guess what? I'm already an idiot. Check and mate."
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Jan 28, 2019 14:50
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