(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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quote:Perhaps it is unusual for so many words to be written, political theory instead of a memorial narrative, for a message honoring a martyr of the revolution. I kept comrade Michael Forest Reinoehl firmly in my mind with every word I wrote down in this text. This text is not an act of revenge. I still haven’t paid a penny of my debt. I have only determined it. Our revenge will go all the way. breadnsucc has issued a correction as of 19:33 on Aug 21, 2021 |
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Jan 30, 2021 06:03
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breadnsucc posted:dealing with an ex-spouse who's main goal seems to be to constantly attempt to incite me to be pissed at her while I do everything I can to be nice made me wish i could just close my eyes and go to sleep forever i completely understand this being divorced. being diplomatic and nice is never the wrong thing to do and that approach is the best bet for the long term. you should be proud of yourself for your resolve to be nice so far. looking back that far i think it was very helpful when i found an outlet for joking and bitching about it that was completely separate from her and i kinda knew in my mind was just to help me process and that my venting was just venting, just a relief valve for the frustration that comes with turning the other cheek.
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Jan 30, 2021 16:12
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Consummate Professional posted:I'm a bit nervous for my appointment tomorrow since I'll be starting out 1000% negative and feel like that's "bad". i much prefer clients come in being extremely negative with a lot of anxiety and depression over being happy and positive. i can wield that energy with them and we can put it to work, it's free real estate! but like last month i had a client who was so positive and incongruent with how he was presenting and what was happening. he came looking for help with his panic attacks. our convos always went like this: "hey bob how was your week?" "oh good good im doing great" "good to hear, how's the panic been this past week?" "oh ya you know ya i had a panic attack a few times a day but ya im doing great." it's like okay well so we had to play this game to remove the Everything'sFine defense mechanism. i broke through it one day and that was the last time i saw him. such is therapy. anyway my point is you're past the Everything'sFine part so it's all gold from here man
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Jan 31, 2021 08:05
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now that we are approaching the """""""solution"""""""" to this crisis (vaccines for anyone who wants them and doesn't mind getting them every year for literally forever) does anyone feel shittier than they have at any point yet or is it just me? like wow, we sure did blow up the world a whole lot in one year. I am in/trying to enter into a profession with no future (humanities academia) and I feel like I should have just learned to code or gone to law school. not too late for either of those I suppose but a pivot that large will make my 20s an absolute waste.
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Feb 2, 2021 01:37
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Coatlicue posted:Thanks for this thread. I'm also bipolar, just got diagnosed last year after undergoing treatment for depression and anxiety since middle school. I don't know of any good resources yet. But I completely empathize with your sentiment of not believing you were the same person when manic. I cringe at so much stuff I did during my most recent manic episode when I got diagnosed. Haven't had any since going on the right meds. I also look back and see the times in my life when I was manic and when I have been depressed. It seems so obvious in retrospect but I think I mainly just looked for help when I was depressed so that's how I never got diagnosed. Part of me kind of misses the feeling of a manic episode if I'm being honest. I can see why many people with bipolar end up going on and off their meds. If anyone has gone through the suicide of someone close to you, I really liked this book when I was going through the worst of it:  As a warning it does have some pretty graphic discussions about different suicides but it really captures the common feelings people have after this trauma and how the author worked through her own husband's death. I dunno just thought I would share. Maybe it will help someone.
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Feb 2, 2021 02:00
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Feels like living in the timeline in which good was defeated forever. The biosphere is collapsing, discourse has been controlled by intelligence agencies since before we were born, all energy is safely shunted into cynical culture wars and moral panics. People's lives are intentionally kept scrabbling and precarious, running to stay in place. Looking at history and prehistory yields more horror.
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Feb 2, 2021 16:39
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Maha posted:Feels like living in the timeline in which good was defeated forever. The biosphere is collapsing, discourse has been controlled by intelligence agencies since before we were born, all energy is safely shunted into cynical culture wars and moral panics. People's lives are intentionally kept scrabbling and precarious, running to stay in place. Looking at history and prehistory yields more horror. Most humans are content with terrible things so long it benefits their needs. In a just world, we would regulate this nonsense. Instead we have Freedom™
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Feb 2, 2021 18:22
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i think the worst feeling is getting fired by a therapist. am i too honest? did i come into the first sessions too hard and too fast? honestly i think im really just such an utterly terrible and broken a goon, even a well trained and paid professional can't stand talking to me lol
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Feb 3, 2021 02:38
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Maybe they were just terminating because they realized it wasn't a good fit? Who did they vote for in the primary????
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Feb 3, 2021 02:47
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did they give you recommendations for a new therapist? if so, that seems like they aren't suited to what you need help with. which isn't a bad thing! if they didn't give recommendations I would hedge toward saying they might not be great and you aren't losing out
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Feb 3, 2021 02:49
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Orb Crabmelt posted:Maybe they were just terminating because they realized it wasn't a good fit? Who did they vote for in the primary???? sure, i thought similarly on the first one. im starting to run out of recs through the system at work and the only commonality is me.
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Feb 3, 2021 02:50
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thehandtruck posted:i much prefer clients come in being extremely negative with a lot of anxiety and depression over being happy and positive. i can wield that energy with them and we can put it to work, it's free real estate! but like last month i had a client who was so positive and incongruent with how he was presenting and what was happening. he came looking for help with his panic attacks. our convos always went like this: "hey bob how was your week?" "oh good good im doing great" "good to hear, how's the panic been this past week?" "oh ya you know ya i had a panic attack a few times a day but ya im doing great." it's like okay well so we had to play this game to remove the Everything'sFine defense mechanism. i broke through it one day and that was the last time i saw him. such is therapy. anyway my point is you're past the Everything'sFine part so it's all gold from here man hey this was helpful and also what seems to be happening! my doc gave me written homework and after going through a couple things we were both able to zero in on some reoccurring themes and issues.
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Feb 3, 2021 02:52
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quote:Perhaps it is unusual for so many words to be written, political theory instead of a memorial narrative, for a message honoring a martyr of the revolution. I kept comrade Michael Forest Reinoehl firmly in my mind with every word I wrote down in this text. This text is not an act of revenge. I still haven’t paid a penny of my debt. I have only determined it. Our revenge will go all the way. breadnsucc has issued a correction as of 19:31 on Aug 21, 2021 |
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Feb 4, 2021 19:08
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TheLemonOfIchabod posted:now that we are approaching the """""""solution"""""""" to this crisis (vaccines for anyone who wants them and doesn't mind getting them every year for literally forever) does anyone feel shittier than they have at any point yet or is it just me? like wow, we sure did blow up the world a whole lot in one year. I am in/trying to enter into a profession with no future (humanities academia) and I feel like I should have just learned to code or gone to law school. not too late for either of those I suppose but a pivot that large will make my 20s an absolute waste. it's always lovely to invest a lot of time in a project that doesn't end up working out, especially when that project concerns your career and how you're to make a living. but you don't know, at this point, for certain that a career in the academic humanities is foreclosed to you. and even if an academic career actually is ruled out, it doesn't follow that your time spent preparing for such a career--learning poo poo about the humanities--was itself "an absolute waste" of your 20s. as a humanities enthusiast, it sounds like time well spent to me. idk if this will make you feel any better, but no matter what ends up happening to me, i'll have wasted my 20s, and i won't even have a degree or credential i can try and parlay into further opportunities to show for it. neither will i have spent my 20s doing somehing valuable like studying the humanities. instead i spent the majority of that crucial decade too mentally ill to function. i'm not trying to play oppression olympics, or one-up you by having it worse, or whatever, so sorry if my post comes across that way. instead i'm trying to say that, from my perspective, even if you can't turn the time you spent studying into a career, there are some aspects of your situation which point in a positive direction, to the point that i myself wish i shared your situation, in those respects Finicums Wake has issued a correction as of 23:46 on Feb 4, 2021 |
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Feb 4, 2021 23:43
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Consummate Professional posted:hey this was helpful and also what seems to be happening! my doc gave me written homework and after going through a couple things we were both able to zero in on some reoccurring themes and issues. hell ya Delta-Wye posted:i think the worst feeling is getting fired by a therapist. am i too honest? did i come into the first sessions too hard and too fast? honestly i think im really just such an utterly terrible and broken a goon, even a well trained and paid professional can't stand talking to me lol are they giving you reasons? too terrible / broken / too honest / too fast doesn't usually lead to terminating a client those are usually a  kind of thing
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Feb 5, 2021 16:29
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I'm depressed af and getting increasingly so. Even weirding _myself_ out sometimes. And I have a long history with depression and anxiety. I think a goon put it most succinctly here when they opined "the bad guys have won".
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Feb 5, 2021 19:37
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I'm dealing with a lot of intrusive thoughts. The usual "you will die alone, forgotten, and unloved" and "literally no one cares" and that's being compounded with "even if I'm wrong, we're all hosed anyways". Feeling like I got some terminal doomerism or something. Already saw a therapist for a few years and was discharged. On meds so things don't get too crazy. Still really annoying though.
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Feb 5, 2021 19:44
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Delta-Wye posted:i think the worst feeling is getting fired by a therapist. am i too honest? did i come into the first sessions too hard and too fast? honestly i think im really just such an utterly terrible and broken a goon, even a well trained and paid professional can't stand talking to me lol I... what? I've never heard of this. I can't imagine any therapist worth a drat telling you to  without a really good reason that they will directly tell you. If they're just all "lol nah don't come back" then they're so terrible at their job they ought not to be bothered with.Just my $0.02 as a brokebrained goon 
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Feb 5, 2021 22:40
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Chokes McGee posted:I... what? I've never heard of this. I can't imagine any therapist worth a drat telling you to if a therapist thinks they aren't capable of helping you for whatever reason, it's a lot less ethical to just keep cashing the checks.
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Feb 5, 2021 23:11
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Dixville posted:I'm also bipolar, just got diagnosed last year after undergoing treatment for depression and anxiety since middle school. I don't know of any good resources yet. But I completely empathize with your sentiment of not believing you were the same person when manic. I cringe at so much stuff I did during my most recent manic episode when I got diagnosed. Haven't had any since going on the right meds. I also look back and see the times in my life when I was manic and when I have been depressed. It seems so obvious in retrospect but I think I mainly just looked for help when I was depressed so that's how I never got diagnosed. Part of me kind of misses the feeling of a manic episode if I'm being honest. I can see why many people with bipolar end up going on and off their meds. Someone in my group therapy recommended the youtube channel "Polar Warriors" for bipolar, I checked it out and they seem to be well researched with good info. Yeah the mania was wild and scary, but there were breif moments of euphoria and like, absolute certainty and confidence mixed in there. Since I rarely experience those feelings otherwise, I can see why it might be tempting to experience it again, but definitely not worth all the scary parts.
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Feb 6, 2021 00:07
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thehandtruck posted:hell ya it started going sideways because i filled out my intake paperwork wrong, its probably my fault and she was right not to continue.
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Feb 6, 2021 00:11
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nobody is getting back to me about even basic medical appointments and I am having a Hard Time
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Feb 6, 2021 00:13
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Sometimes i feel like my mental state is a burden on my wife, and shes just being nice and placating me. What happens when she gets tired of dealing with me? Am i keeping her from being happy? Is her unfulfilling life my fault? My parents and sisters must think im a loony toon. I came out as trans as im not sure they think im serious. I think they swept it into the same 'kirb is crazy' pile they've had since i was a kid. Just nodding and saying 'thats nice, kiddo. You're a girl now, sure thing. I fired my marriage counselor because her first question after i came out was 'have you given any thought to the future of your marriage?' Like, bitch lets focus on the now, i dont need to worry about the infinite number of what ifs. I need a new therapist though for sure. Is this feeling from the new hormones? Is this from my wife realizing shes not going to be attracted to a tgirl with big shoulders and ill fitting blouses. Am i making all this stress up out of nothing? I want some objectivity, and i fear there is no such thing. Im gonna go clean the garage and fold laundry and hope to distract myself. The muppet show is streaming on disney+ im gonna watch that instead of feel sad
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Feb 6, 2021 02:21
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Finicums Wake posted:it's always lovely to invest a lot of time in a project that doesn't end up working out, especially when that project concerns your career and how you're to make a living. but you don't know, at this point, for certain that a career in the academic humanities is foreclosed to you. and even if an academic career actually is ruled out, it doesn't follow that your time spent preparing for such a career--learning poo poo about the humanities--was itself "an absolute waste" of your 20s. as a humanities enthusiast, it sounds like time well spent to me. Thank you for your post, it made me feel better.  I am flattered that somebody thinks there is value in what I do/have done, since I don't really feel that way a lot of the time any more. I suppose I will probably get to a place where I do again, no matter what happens. I don't know about your situation, but I'm sure there are things you've done that I haven't and that I would find valuable too.
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Feb 6, 2021 04:27
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TheLemonOfIchabod posted:now that we are approaching the """""""solution"""""""" to this crisis (vaccines for anyone who wants them and doesn't mind getting them every year for literally forever) does anyone feel shittier than they have at any point yet or is it just me? like wow, we sure did blow up the world a whole lot in one year. I am in/trying to enter into a profession with no future (humanities academia) and I feel like I should have just learned to code or gone to law school. not too late for either of those I suppose but a pivot that large will make my 20s an absolute waste. I got a degree in English literature, and right afterwards I felt exactly like that, like my 20s were wasted and I should have done something else that was actually useful. Then, I got a degree in library and information science and started working in that field, and I realised that if I hadn't taken the literature degree first, I would have started working toward my LIS degree in a very different place in terms of life experience, self esteem and having learned to think systematically and learn. My job now is amazing - it's challenging, rewarding, I get cred from the people around me and I get to feel like I'm making the world a tiny bit better, and despite my "late start", it seems I will be able to make an impact in my field. I could tell myself that it would have been better if I'd taken the LIS degree straight out of high school, but honestly, I don't think I would have been able to get to where I am now if not for what I learned because of my lit degree; I'd probably be shelving books in a countryside library instead of having the kind of position I have now. So even though I "haven't gotten to use" my lit degree on paper, I feel like it's contributed immensely to getting me to where I am now.
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Feb 6, 2021 17:54
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TheLemonOfIchabod posted:now that we are approaching the """""""solution"""""""" to this crisis (vaccines for anyone who wants them and doesn't mind getting them every year for literally forever) does anyone feel shittier than they have at any point yet or is it just me? like wow, we sure did blow up the world a whole lot in one year. I am in/trying to enter into a profession with no future (humanities academia) and I feel like I should have just learned to code or gone to law school. not too late for either of those I suppose but a pivot that large will make my 20s an absolute waste. A lot of coders and law students are out in the cold from oversaturation, the true trick to degree focus is that there are no right answers, so pick what you want and let the dominos fall where they will.
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Feb 6, 2021 18:04
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hi all! it's really loving hard lately. i can barely focus on work most days and i get pretty much no enjoyment out of any of my hobbies anymore. i basically just feel like i'm constantly distracting myself to pass the time. and it's difficult to 'unplug' from the news and the world, which sucks, because everything is bad and getting worse. we're all just serving capital at the expense of our own lives and the sustainability of the planet and that fact has been wearing down on me a lot as we enter loving year 2 of the pandemic. i ramped up my escitalopram a few months before the pandemic hit, got a new and much less stressful job, started going to the doctor again, etc. and was honestly doing way better than i'd been for a long while, but then COVID hit and things have just gotten worse over the past year / are clearly not going to get any better any time soon. so it's getting really bad again. it might also just be my seasonal affective going into overdrive on top of everything else, idk. winter's always bad for me but this one's particularly bad, both in terms of my seasonal affective and just the oppressive weather that started to hit last week. i'm not one to self-harm and i've personally lost too many people in my life to suicide to ever entertain those sort of thoughts. but i'd be lying if i said that i don't think 'really, what's the loving point of all this?' pretty frequently and i'm worried about where those sorts of thoughts might lead if left unchecked for too long. i'm not in dire straits, i have a good job and live pretty comfortably (albeit paycheck to paycheck like everyone else)... things just loving suck rear end and are hard and it makes me feel cynical and hopeless. and then THAT makes me feel worse too, like there are so many people who objectively have it much worse than i do. i have stable income/food security/housing and a partner and a dog etc. but i'm still sad and broken about the state of the world. anyway i'm gonna smoke weed and eat lunch and then i have some meetings / don't really have a choice but to participate in life this afternoon so hopefully that will snap me out of this funk enough to focus for the rest of the day. i do feel a little better already having screamed into the void via this thread. thanks chokes and other supportive posters ITT for what you do here.
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Feb 8, 2021 19:51
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Copy pasting from E/N: I think I will end up alone for the rest of my life. Right as I was getting more social this poo poo pandemic happens. I am almost in my mid thirties and never had any sort of relationship. I suspect my family concerns about me “living by myself” and “don’t you wish to be closer to your niece?” are an attempt to press gang me into becoming my parents and niece caretaker, just because I have “nothing better to do”. And when I grow old, I will have no one to take care of me. I feel like my life is just waiting until I drop dead. I don’t have any desire to actually do anything, no dreams no plans, everything looks useless in the face of climate change and a world turning to hell. I don’t want to fight for some ideal, it will fail. I’m so loving bored of everything.
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Feb 8, 2021 20:12
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tmfc posted:hi all! it's really loving hard lately. i can barely focus on work most days and i get pretty much no enjoyment out of any of my hobbies anymore. i basically just feel like i'm constantly distracting myself to pass the time. and it's difficult to 'unplug' from the news and the world, which sucks, because everything is bad and getting worse. we're all just serving capital at the expense of our own lives and the sustainability of the planet and that fact has been wearing down on me a lot as we enter loving year 2 of the pandemic. No worries. As long as someone's getting helped, this thread has served its purpose. If it makes you feel any better, I was in a similar headspace last July. We're all under an insane amount of stress dealing with a literal global plague, and it affects all of us regardless of background. Just hang in there, it'll eventually lift. I can't promise the world won't still have a lot of problems, of course, but not having to deal with COVID anymore would still be a huge gain for our collective psyches.
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Feb 8, 2021 23:11
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Coatlicue posted:Someone in my group therapy recommended the youtube channel "Polar Warriors" for bipolar, I checked it out and they seem to be well researched with good info. That's what it is I think, the confidence in myself, I guess it can get to the point of delusions of grandeur but dammit I'm so tired of feeling like I can't get comfortable in my own skin. I wish I could just reach the middle somewhere but welp, bipolar it is.
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Feb 9, 2021 00:48
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Dixville posted:That's what it is I think, the confidence in myself, I guess it can get to the point of delusions of grandeur but dammit I'm so tired of feeling like I can't get comfortable in my own skin. I wish I could just reach the middle somewhere but welp, bipolar it is. Bipolar 2 is even worse. Sure, I get hypomania and feel good fuzzies some of the time, but mostly I'm just boppin along and suddenly my mood goes splat for several days for little to no reason. brains lol
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Feb 9, 2021 02:43
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I think collectively we're all deep set in a funk right now. There are so many forces at play and massive themes are changing in our world. We have to be conscious of these things as many of you seem to be, very well in tune with the energy of the world. Right now it's rotten. I too think those thoughts, why does this keep happening, what's it all even matter, etc. And you're right those can lead down a dark path. But I think there's another path too which is more an observer's path. To sit back and watch as the machinery falls apart around us, all the while keeping yourself busy with a small hobby or fancy. Something that makes you happy. Just being that goon sitting on the grass laughing at a dandelion while the buildings crumble because, gently caress it, why not? lol There's a big knot of terribleness that is being unwound in the world right now. We're seeing the poo poo as it bubbles to the surface and it sucks and it depressed us because we could be doing so much better as a species but we're not. But in time that boiling over will cease and new sprouts will start appearing from the positive things that we do each day. We're forcing a lot of crap through the pipe right now and there's a lot of friction but we will unclog it in due time. In the mean time I like to find the humor in the little things around me while the universe is correcting itself.
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Feb 9, 2021 04:47
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Half of my closest friends are dead. More than half of those killed themselves. They were all extremely nice and incalculably better than me. Their existences brought light into the world, and they left craters and unfillable voids in their absence. I wish they were still living. It’s good to have a place to write things where you know decent people will read them.
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Feb 9, 2021 07:25
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Recognize the feeling of hopelessness everyone is sharing. I have always used projects and progress for a coping strategy but now everything feels like busywork. I don't know if I'll ever feel calm until I own land that I cant be evicted from.
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Feb 9, 2021 09:35
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I also think I will die alone and I am in my mid thirties. 
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Feb 10, 2021 00:00
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Shifty Nipples posted:I also think I will die alone and I am in my mid thirties. Nah, your story is still being written.
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Feb 10, 2021 00:05
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I relate to a lot of the recent posts. It is an unpleasant feeling to be in the middle of winter, in the middle of a pandemic, just waiting for the time to pass. I miss hugs and dinners and meeting new people. I miss live music and comedy shows. I miss fresh air and dressing up. Because of the pandemic, it feels like every choice or action has a moral weight to it and I get caught up thinking about what is the best thing to do. I try to remind myself that it is out of my control and to live in the moment but it's hard to let it go. It's hard to focus, it's hard to sleep. I am inspired by everyone who is fighting to make things better. I sort of wish there were a livestream of the nurses and doctors helping people to get better. It would help me to stay focused on the amazing goodness that does exist in humanity. If they can do the extraordinary task society is asking of them, then surely I can do the miniscule task of keeping myself going for another day.
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Feb 10, 2021 12:09
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Coatlicue posted:I relate to a lot of the recent posts. It is an unpleasant feeling to be in the middle of winter, in the middle of a pandemic, just waiting for the time to pass.
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Feb 10, 2021 14:19
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just gonna blow off a lil steam. the process of therapy kinda sucks. I don't like acknowledging and admitting I've just been hating myself for a decade or so because that's easier. I don't like thinking about the events that made me form these brain pathways. I don't like tearing my thoughts about myself down to the microscopic level and then explaining why they don't make sense if you apply a single bit of critical thinking. I know it's worth it in the end but these intermediate steps can be a real kick in the rear end. my doc is really good and cool but having your (extremely bad) worldview ripped apart by a simple question sucks. hope everyone is doing well
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Feb 11, 2021 05:59
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Coatlicue posted:I relate to a lot of the recent posts. It is an unpleasant feeling to be in the middle of winter, in the middle of a pandemic, just waiting for the time to pass. While he's not a doctor in the field, someone who I follow is doctor John Campbell who spreads positive, well researched information on YouTube and he produces the latest information nationally and internationally almost every single day. He is an amazing wealth of knowledge on the subject and he is an academic in the public sphere, explaining things to people in a way that is largely understandable. Personally I wish that we did get b roll of what doctors and nurses and health officials do, but that's not really possible due to hipaa laws. I do wish that we could see what they deal with every day though, raw and unfiltered. Many are too isolated from reality and could use a dose to understand what these people go through. Not to give them the hero treatment, but to show regular people being given extraordinary tasks and I think that through media we could better empathize with them and through empathy, change public behavior. Ice Phisherman has issued a correction as of 06:28 on Feb 11, 2021 |
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Feb 11, 2021 06:24
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