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I recently purchased a wonderful castle to set up residence in, but I have a few problems. I'm not the best DIY guy out there, but I'm hoping my fellow magic folk could assist. 1) There's a howling vortex in the basement. This was actually a selling point for me, as it will dissuade any dungeon crawlers from invading my home. And it's a super convenient place to toss my garbage. But here's the problem - it's slowly growing. Is there a way to control its size? I'm worried it's going to hit some of the load-bearing skull pillars soon. 2) I have a cursed room. I can hear you already - "That's the opposite of a problem!". And I agree, except I didn't know that until I put a bunch of my poo poo in there and closed the door. Now every time I open that door I'm magically teleported to another part of the castle. Does anyone have a quick DIY fix for a cursed room? I just need to get my Nintendo Switch and some baseball cards out of there. 3) The castle has a beautiful tower overlooking the Plains of Madness, and I set up a nice little observatory/elemental magic channeling room up there. One problem - the ventilation isn't great. I was smoking some Rambler's Grass in there and ended up stinking up half the castle. My friend, Darlax the Unseeing, suggested I install an enchanted fan that blows the odors out onto the plains. Is this something I could do myself and is there any risk of the odors attracting Direwolves or Skinwalkers? Thanks in advance!
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Feb 27, 2019 15:27
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 14:20 |
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Comfy Fleece Sweater posted:Post a picture of the hole in your castle My magic energy is too low right now to activate my Captum Pictographus spell. I think I'm going to toss my Blood Red Cape down there to at least cover this poo poo up, that should counter the magic, right?
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Feb 27, 2019 17:27
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Halser posted:get the uncursing password from the previous owner, otherwise you'll have to hard reset every enchantment in the castle I would love to but, long story, the previous owner got into a huge argument with his Familiar. I don't know the whole details but now he lives in the 3rd Plane of Torment and the Familiar lives with some new Druid guy in the Whispering Woods. I think that's part of why I got the castle for so cheap, I think they just wanted rid of the thing so they could start a new life. I've only ever communicated with the previous owner via carrier Gargoyle, so realistically I wouldn't get the password from him for another week or two (if at all).
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Feb 27, 2019 17:31
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reignofevil posted:My mirror that shows that which can not be seen appears to have a scratch on the lower third. Very concerned because all standard spells to fix are being absorbed which is definitely new behavior. I got drunk and started looking for great old ones using it last night could that be behind this behavior? What century was your mirror forged in? If it's made in the last 4 centuries, sorry, but it's a piece of junk and very prone to getting possessed by lesser entities from all kinds of realms. You probably have either an Anti-Mag Spider in there casting spells to counter your poo poo, or there's a Folded One in there absorbing your energies. That's a danger because it'll start to multiply and you'll have an infestation draining all of your spells and eating any food you leave out. If it's older than that I'd suggest you look up my buddy, Clothar the Unparalleled. That dude will fix your mirror up overnight (he uses a timecast stone) and even add some anti-hex enchantments to it for free.
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Feb 27, 2019 17:45
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reignofevil posted:Most magic users consider picking up proficiency: swords but let me just say the penalties to close range casting make it incredibly ill advised and pretty much every use case for sword fighting would be better spent casting grease in front of you and making for the exits. Paladins (good and evil) excepted but even Artificers can be better served with a decent wand A little tip I picked up - buy a good sword from a barbarian. Something heavy but not too heavy. If you're in a situation where you think you'll need to swordfight, cast an enchantment spell and make yourself a Flying Sword. If you're feeling a bit more daring summon an Invisible Stalker and let him hold the sword. Let's be honest - we got into magic and not swordfighting for a reason. I've met some wizards who were great swordfighters, sure, but don't rely on it to save your life.
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Feb 27, 2019 18:17
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Comfy Fleece Sweater posted:But how would you communicate with the people in the room about to die? Seems like you missed a critical feature You're falling into a trap a lot of us have in the past - the need to be dramatic. Look at it this way, you already have an elaborate death trap set up. Most likely there are a few skulls scattered around the place. Those adventurers know what's up, no need to gloat. I'm speaking from experience here. Back in the day, I worked as a mage in a really nice underground maze. It was a pretty good job, I got a ton of experience and made some lifelong contacts. Anyway, I start getting a big of an ego and decide to install a Demon's Viewing Pool inside a deathtrap. I planned to gloat at the adventurer's who snuck in there, it was a little power trip for me. Anyway a trio of adventurers (some of you more experienced magic users may know where this is going already) show up, get stuck in the maze, and make it to the Pool. I cast my viewing spell and guess what? It turns out the adventurers were the Technomancer Trio. So those nerds cast this weird static electricity spell THROUGH THE POOL and zap me, then they turn themselves into electrons and travel through the electricity to get to me. So with 2 spells they managed to escape the death trap and get directly into my control room. They beat the poo poo outta me and raided the maze. My bosses showed up a few hours later and fired me on the spot, which I deserved. That was a good learning experience for sure.
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Feb 27, 2019 19:49
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Has anyone seen those ads floating around the Dream Realm for Elemental Armor Spells? Is this legit or some kind of scam? I recently discovered that I've developed a weakness to Ice-based magic due to the side effects of a battle with The Gilded Ones. I'd love to boost my resistance, but my current options are go take some Ice Mage classes, tame an Ice Wyvern and brew a potion from its scales, or pick up some magic resistant armor. I can't really take the time for the classes as I'm deeply involved in some homunculi raising right now, I dunno where the gently caress to find an Ice Wyvern at this time of year, and I've had bad luck in the past with magic resistant armor (I got cursed and had to eventually transfer my consciousness into a new host to escape the cursed armor).
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Feb 28, 2019 14:45
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Fried Watermelon posted:No love for Shaman? You can trip balls all you want but I went to 700 years of magic school for a reason, so don't claim to be a magical expert just because you accidentally reached some higher planes of consciousness and talked to a goat. They're the chiropractors of the magical world, in my humble opinion.
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Feb 28, 2019 17:55
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I visited an estate sale this week and picked up some great deals. Just want to brag a little for some magic folk who can appreciate what I found! 1) A screaming skull. Hell. Yes. From the corpse of a dead king, this bad boy is not only a screaming skull, but it's a rare FLAMING SCREAMING SKULL. I've got it patrolling my castle now. I love this thing and now I want to invest in some more screaming skulls. 2) An Armor of Unrelenting. This armor drains your life force constantly but gives you the strength and speed of 100 elves. I'll never use it but I plan to add some enchantments and clean it up and sell it. 3) 7 gallons of dragon's blood. Now here's the real deal. Because the guy running the sale just listed this as dragon's blood, nobody was really interested. But I cast a few spells to get the specifics and check this out - it's freaking Silver Dragon's Blood. I can make so many potions out of this. I already started brewing a vial of Immortus Sanctus and am looking forward to gaining an extra 100 years of life, all for the low cost of 50 Shenkars.
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Mar 1, 2019 15:01
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Honky Dong Country posted:I tried to develop a new teleportation spell but when I used it my liver was teleported into the ceiling of my laboratory oh god help I'm dying what do I dooooooo?! Assuming you don't have a spare liver around (which you probably should for future reference) you either want to make yourself temporarily undead until you can fish out your liver, or summon a Medical Demon. Fair warning on that - the bills are gonna be nightmarish unless you already have a medical plan with one of the Higher Demons. I had to get my hand reattached once and it took me 150 years to pay off that loan. After that ordeal I learned to cast a Following Spell on yourself - little life hack. If you lose a limb or organ or whatever it'll float back to you. Combine that with a Repair All and you'll save yourself a ton of medical bills.
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Mar 1, 2019 15:57
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A quick warning for any other magic users out there - don't get scammed by the fundraiser for Bombastico Sidlack's Bags of Extreme Holding. This fucker is claiming he created a bag of holding that can be used to store live animals, keep things at the exact temperature they were when you placed them in the bag, and even keep different liquids separate. It's complete ogre poo poo. He was working on this thing a decade ago and asked me to help him out with some concepts for the bag. I told him creating a pocket dimension held in stasis would work, but it would be incredibly expensive and you'd need to create a different entrance to the dimension for each bag, or else poo poo would get all mixed up. He stole my idea but got cheap with it, now everybody who buys this bag is gonna be hosed when their potions keep getting mixed up. Imagine reaching into your bag hoping for a Hellfire Potion to start breathing fire. And guess what? You grab some Beastmaster's Manticore Pheromones Instead. Bombastico is also the same guy who claimed to have created an artificial substitute for moondust, so you know he's a scam artist. Not to get too gossipy but he was only a level 5 mage when I met him, so I highly doubt he's a Mage and a Stonecaster now.
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Mar 5, 2019 16:00
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sweet geek swag posted:This is why you don't mess around with your phylactery people. Don't get cute, don't cut your soul into more than 2 pieces. You'd think that with all the attention Voldemort has been getting in recent years I wouldn't have to say this again for a while. This guy could have gotten it worse. When I was a dumb 320 year old I fell deeply in love with an Enchantress and gave her 1/10 of my soul to show her my devotion. Guess what? That relationship turned sour after a really bad double date with her friends (two dumbass harpies), we got in a huge fight, and she ended up destroying the gem which housed my soul. So 1/10th of my soul was just vaporized, all because I didn't think proper dinner discussion included which Elder Gods we had banged.
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Mar 5, 2019 17:26
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Can anyone recommend a really good Killing Curse? There's this rear end in a top hat barbarian who's camped outside of my castle. He keeps trying to raid it at night, then running away back to his camp. This wouldn't be a problem except he built his little camp out of Leviathan Bones and makes a fire with Witch's Sage. So yeah, obviously I don't want to go close to that. He's only gotten into my castle once, but he swiped a few golden skulls before I was able to chase him off. My thought is I should just create a killing curse, enchant something shiny that will draw his attention, and then let it do its work.
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Mar 6, 2019 17:00
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Colonel Cancer posted:Have you tried sending waves of weaker minions at him, in amounts just enough to moderately challenge his resources and abilities? Obviously that was my first thought, but he kept growing incrementally stronger. So I'd slightly increase my waves of minions and send slightly stronger minions, too. So guess what? he kept growing in strength. I thought about sending my Aquaslime after him, but by this point he had already gotten an Electroblade off one of my skele-djinns, so he'd make quick work of my pet.
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Mar 6, 2019 17:25
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I lengthened my life by buying a Demented Candle - technically your life last only as long "as the flame burns" but there are a lot of ways you can gimmick your way around that and keep adding to the flame. I also did a MindClone spell, trapped the copy of myself in a pocket dimension, and then sealed that into a chest that only opens in the event of my death. So theoretically IF I die my clone's going to pop out and continue to do my dirty work.
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Mar 7, 2019 16:50
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So I mentioned that rear end in a top hat barbarian that was raiding my castle a bit earlier. I *finally* got him taken care of, and I have to admit I'm pretty proud of myself for coming up with this idea. Feel free to steal it for you own barbarian/adventurer/bone raider issues. I got my Mirror of Infinite Facets (if you don't have one, BUY ONE now, it's cheap and probably my most useful magical artifact) and embiggened that sucker to fill an entire doorway. Then I cast Invisibility on it. That stupid loving barbarian came running in the door and walked right into the Mirror. Bonus points for me, even if he does find his way out of The Mirror Plane he'll pop out of some random mirror anywhere in time and space - the odds of him getting back to my castle are infinitely small. I hope this dumbfuck pops up in a mirror on a sunken ship or maybe one that some other wizard teleported to the Dark Side.
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Mar 12, 2019 14:36
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My brother-in-law is a Necromancer. Not my thing and I have some personal views that prevent me from embracing his chosen profession, but whatever, live and let live. However, this weekend he asked me if he could use my bones after I die to "make one of those magic skeletons". I was seriously taken aback, especially because I've told him before that my plan was to seal my body in a black obelisk so as to help channel my latent magicks and allow my spirit to remain tethered to this realm of existence. Turning me into some kind of magic skeleton would totally defeat the purpose. On top of that, I don't want to be known as the mighty wizard whose dead-rear end bones are walking around casting basic magic spells at some kobolds or whatever. gently caress that. We got into an argument and, long story short, he's launching wave after wave of skeletons at my castle as we speak. I invested in some Bone Eater Dragons but I feel like I'm avoiding the real problem and need to kill my brother-in-law. Any good ways to kill a Necromancer? Bonus points if it can be done so my sister doesn't realize I did it. She's a Mirror Demon and spends 4 days a week prowling the Space Between Worlds, so I have some opportunity to do things without her being aware.
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Jun 10, 2019 13:38
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Verisimilidude posted:got accepted to a spellcasting bootcamp! been practicing my magic with some youtube tutorials for the past few months but does anyone have any tips? it's a 15 week immersive bootcamp with a focus on conjuration and divination, and they help you find a job after you graduate Very important question - which bootcamp? There are good ones and bad ones, and I pray to the Many-Faced Ones you chose a good one! I went to a bad bootcamp a few years back to try and learn some time mage abilities. I figured out pretty quick it was just a repurposed kid's summer camp, which some low-level Mage had fancied up a bit. 1200 silver pieces, I didn't learn poo poo, and I got bit by a Blood Mantis on the 2nd day. Plus I had to sign a waiver the first day so I can't even sue them for screwing me over. They just claimed I wasn't a time mage adept. Which is a pretty funny coincidence since NOBODY in the camp learned anything except one rear end in a top hat who kept time-locking the toilet so we couldn't flush it.
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Jun 21, 2019 17:13
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Has anyone ever built and maintained an underwater section of their castle before? About 115 years ago I got the urge the remodel and wanted to do some DIY projects. At the time there was a huge fad of building an underwater section of your castle. Adventurers would drown or, at the very least, get really annoyed at having to swim around. A bunch of witches I knew also recommended throwing some nasty underwater monsters in there to kill anyone who snuck in. And, in addition, the whole thing could function as a giant garbage disposal for organic waste. Toss that poo poo in there, your piranhacondas or forgotten squid souls just eat it all up. I loved it but, to be honest, I've kind of slacked on maintenance for the last 40 years or so. There's a lot of mildew getting into my Accursed Room which is above the underwater section, the smell is starting to bother me, and I have an infestation of Screaming Scallops. Yeah, they scare off adventurers, but they don't actually do poo poo and it's hard to get laid when you bring a sexy magick user over and they just hear a high pitched underwater scream the whole time. To make it worse - the skeleton buildup is becoming a problem. I installed a series of drains to flush out the place, but they've been long clogged with the bones of those who dared plunder my keep. Is my laziness to blame here or do I just need to hire a good professional to keep this place going? Or should I just loving drain it and turn it into a dungeon or something?
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Jul 22, 2019 13:42
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super sweet best pal posted:Summon Spectral Poolboy. It works. Cool, I will give this a shot. I've also summoned up a Filter Familiar that just kind of floats around and sucks up some of the scum, it seems to be working okay.
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Jul 22, 2019 14:00
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Colonel Cancer posted:Spectral poolboy? Hope you have a lot of spare gold for that ghost touch on everything. I have a bunch of Mermaids of Despair in my underwater lair, Spectral Poolboy can go get all horny on them or whatever he wants to do. I'm hoping that he'll just accept that instead of asking for gold. I'm currently on a super tight budget thanks to some poor investments in some ice magick classes that were a complete scam.
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Jul 22, 2019 14:05
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FYI for all, there's a scam going around MagickStarter. Someone is claiming to have alchemically divined a potion that will make you immortal and invulnerable. It's a complete scam, this douche just mixed some Medusa tears with a phoenix down or 2. You'll gain maybe 20 years of life, which is nothing, even the most basic bitch magic user can do that through a blood sacrifice. And the medusa tears just make your skin kind of stony, you're not actually invulnerable. This guy (who I'm beginning to suspect may be a Kobold or even an Anti-Mage) is charging 750 pieces of silver per dose of this crap and has raised as much on MagickStarter as that dude who wanted to buy a dragon farm to open a free magic school for kids.
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Jul 23, 2019 14:20
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My cousin is a druid and kind of a gently caress-up, but he grows this amazing hallucinogenic moss that will get you into contact with some extra-dimensional beings. It's not a bad idea to have at least one druid you consider a friend since they'll generally hook you up when you're in need of some strong "herbal medicine" if you catch my drift.
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Jul 29, 2019 13:14
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Quick reminder for everyone - it's the Halloween season and a lot of Halloween decorations have uses even for magic users like us! Here are some helpful tips I've come up with over the years: 1) If you're a necromancer, throw in a few plastic skeletons along with your real skeletons. A lot of adventurers will use white magic or a holy artifact to slay a whole group of skeletons at once, but guess what? It ain't doing poo poo to a plastic skeleton! It might buy you some time and, at the very least, annoy the adventurer. They might even think they've lost their magic and leave! 2) Cheap Halloween decorations are extremely flammable but look convincing enough to fool barbarians and even some knights. Decorate a room or two with a bunch of "precious treasures" you bought down at the Dollar Tree. When the dumbass walks in to raid your castle, cast some fire magic and watch them roast alive in a deathtrap. 3) Certain life-giving spells are intentionally vague and generic to allow a creative mage room to experiment. I'm a big fan of Awaken Soul, which stipulates that it can bring life to anything "in the image of man". I've discovered that includes basically 75% of the stuff at Spirit Halloween, and they usually send out really good coupons, so you can walk out of there with an entire army of ghouls and ghosts for like $100 on a good day.
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Sep 5, 2019 16:38
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So I kind of screwed up (hear me out) and need some advice. During quarantine I was completely alone in my citadel. I divorced about 300 years ago, haven't really gotten around to dating again yet. So you know, like everybody else I got bored and lonely. So, long story short, one night back in April I started talking with a Mud Witch. She's an incredible lady, really nice and funny and everything. But she's just not my type, physically. She's pretty much an amorphous blob of mud, with a few blades of grass for her hair. She's been talking recently about meeting up, which is fine, but she's been dropping some major hints about wanting to combine our magicks, if you know what I mean. How do I let her down nicely? I realize I am no prize myself (ever since the Barbarian Gorrth stabbed me with the Crimson Blade of Carkull I've been losing my hair and can't put on muscle) but I can't change what I am attracted to.
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Jun 10, 2020 15:22
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Spoke to the Mud Witch, decided honesty was the best policy. We're going to stay friends and swap some magic spells (she knows a shitload about electromancy since she grew up in a bog down south) but no romance. I've also decided to work on myself a bit before I get into a relationship again. My last marriage fell apart because my wife and I drifted apart (she was a 7 dimensional hyper-crystal) and I never made the effort to reinvent myself afterwards. Anybody know where I can buy some new clothes? I've been wearing the same moth-eaten robe for a couple of decades now, I could do with a new moth-eaten robe or possibly some sort of a shawl.
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Jun 10, 2020 19:16
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 14:20 |
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I hear ya. My brother's wife is a chronomage, and apparently a big goal of hers is to "destroy the time continuum" or some crap like that. I couldn't care less, if you wanna enchant some clocks or whatever that's fine. Every loving time she comes by, it's "do you want some time crystals" this or "can you help me open a temporal flux zone". If she keeps talking about "freeing civilization from the shackles of linear time" I'm gonna go insane. Lady, I just want to live in my castle, summon undead horrors, and talk to the Unseeable Ones. I'm a simple guy.
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Jun 11, 2020 15:05
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