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Having a hell of a time with virgin blood and the various Abyssal entities who require it. In the old days yeah, sure, like maybe once or twice I'd screw up and sacrifice a feminine looking eunuch by mistake, who hasn't? The punishments were predictably harsh (77 years in n'Kenadu's planar prison was no joke but I made some good buds there too. Shout out to my man Asirvatham and his buddy J-Dawg) but fair as I could have been more careful. But some of the Entities are absolute dinosaurs and others are relatively "woke" if you will and you never can tell who is who until it's too late. Last night I got a letter delivered via skeletal rider that Mitron was issuing me an official warning after last week's sacrifice apparently identified "themselves" as a they/them pronoun using grey allosexual. I don't know what the gently caress but I guess it matters Mitron so that makes it my loving problem!!! Whatever man I'm going to go smoke a bowl or something. The blood game has been getting more and more wack since birth control became a thing and Gaalor decreed that technical virgins on the pill were no longer acceptable. I just can't keep up.
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Dec 10, 2019 17:00
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Outrail posted:This isn't hard dude. Go to comic con once a year and round up a bus load of incels. A vaguely feminine clay golem painted like one of their cartoons is all the bait you need. Wow I hope you aren't involved in Demonic Contracting because your reading comprehension is going to get you in a lot of trouble dude. Again, I have no trouble enticing, seducing, identifying, or persuading virgins. I was one of Melqart's #1 collectors back in the 90s and he was infamous for insisting that the sacrifice only be made the moment after the victim sinned of their own free will and I was drat good at it. My problem is the victim materializing in central processing after being sacrificed, telling the Entity "I'm genderqueer" or some poo poo, and then I get a metaphorical brick thrown through my window the next day with a note attached asking me wtf. Edit: sometimes I wonder if I should have gone into communing with nature spirits like dad wanted me to instead of this line of work. The pay is poo poo but at least my soul wasn't going to be bundled into infernally-backed derivatives and used to fund some shithead stockbroker coke addiction down in Pandemonium. But I guess if nature-communing was a growth industry Greta Thunberg wouldn't be on Time magazine this morning, huh? I'm so burnt out, I need a vacation or something. The Bramble fucked around with this message at 16:42 on Dec 12, 2019 |
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Dec 12, 2019 16:35
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Svensken posted:You seem to forget the central rule of Demonic Contracting; the only rules are what's in the Contract. While I'm a proud independent with no plans on changing that, I will admit you boys in the consulting shops have some good ideas now and then.
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Dec 12, 2019 18:26
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Decriminalization at the realm-level of recreational reagent use has never gotten more attention than in this election cycle. While I support it in theory, I have some specific concerns that I haven't seen any of the leading candidates address. 1. Orc and goblin communities have been hardest hit by the failed War on Reagents. What measures are being taken to ensure that these disenfranchised communities are first in line to benefit from a brand new industry that they pioneered in the first place? What justice is there is continuing to let orcs and goblins rot in the dungeons over years old possession charges, while some elf opens a store in Meadow Park with live harpists and exotic incense, selling an ounce of the good stuff for $500?? 2. As a frequent NON-recreational user of reagents for my goddamned job, where is the new supply for the explosion in demand going to come from? Small, independent summoners like me are going to be priced out of the market if, as one recent report speculated, prices for basic components could rise by three or four hundred percent? And who is going to be making all that money? Again, the stench of shadowy Elven Communes is not hard to detect. And no, I don't mean that in a racist way. Until I get some real answers from the candidates on the specifics of their decriminalization plans, I'm not comfortable casting my vote for any of them.
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Dec 19, 2019 18:29
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Bacontotem posted:Elves manipulating systems to oppress Orcs and Goblins is a universal constant. Elves have been particularly upset ever since Tolkien made it public that Orcs are technically Elves. Ok I'm not sure I you're just repeating something you learned in Elementry school or if you are blowing a dogwhistle here. The "orcs are just corrupted elves" trope was invented by well-meaning but racist elves a hundred years ago. More modern perspectives correctly point out that this theory is more likely to be used to deny orcish artistic and cultural achievements than anything else. It contributes to ongoing efforts in SOME kingdoms to deny orcs their cultural history and practices. Also there is some very interesting archeology being done in the Tarsus Mountains that indicate pre-Morgothian goblinoid settlements likely existed in the area.
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Dec 20, 2019 15:18
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Bacontotem posted:It's that day again. Time to trick some poor idiots that think they're praying to a god for love for some free soul gems. Like most of you, I do my best to maintain a high degree of professionalism in what I do. But. Valentine's Day for a magic user is like Christmas for Wal-Mart - this is what makes it all worth it. I do admit to cutting corners to get the most out of it, but I at least try to change it up every year. In 2018 I ran out of Hibiscus Root to make love potions with, but had a ton of Venous Kudzu lying around. As you all know, kudzu is generally used to treat post-partum and help new mom's bond with their children. Well, I labeled everything correctly and it still sold out. Porn started to get really weird that year, I recall. Last year I was excited to try out one of those new electronic familiars the shamans down in the Amazon had cooked up, and "incels" were in the news a lot too. So I had the familiars trace a bunch of Reddit posters down and spam their devices with ads for some local succubi I knew. The phone was off the hook all night, and the genderless soul suckers cut me a great commission. Memorably, one of them had their veil come undone halfway through apparently, and the dude ended up not only NOT freaking out over the goat legs, but tipped like $200. Nice. This year I had a buddy down at the docks, Nephyla Of The Deep, hook me up with some enchanted oysters. Guaranteed to have a pearl that is guaranteed to remove 10 years off the life of the first person who lays eyes on it. Nephyla and the other merpeople apparently sustain the life of their kraken queen through the curse of something. Anyway unregulated seafood is surprisingly difficult to move but I only need to sell like 20 to make more this year than any other. The Bramble fucked around with this message at 22:20 on Feb 14, 2020 |
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Feb 14, 2020 21:56
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gently caress I've really hosed up this time. I had some leftover ground gorgon hoof after my last job and got reeeeallly loving high off it and started playing Overwatch last night. This one goddamn Hanzo was all over my rear end and and one-shotting me from across the map, and ABSOLUTELY NEVER missed an opportunity to taunt as the killcam played. Well, I was feeling picked on and put an end to it when I turned the guys fingers into literal turgid penises for 6 hours. Well, guess whose Herald of Operations is now wondering why his 13-year son had dicks for fingers last night?? Goron the All-Knowing, that's who!! I am so hosed and I don't see an out here aside from facing the music or throwing myself into the Mariana's Trench and entering torpor for a couple centuries until the heat is off. So much for my platinum Overwatch ranking, never mind my loved ones and mortal progeny if I go that route. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, just everyone consider this a warning about gorgon hoof consumption when your mana tanks are topped off and ready to burn...
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Jun 11, 2020 16:21
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Outrail posted:Wouldn't it be easier to throw the Herald of Operations and his dick fingered son into the Marianas Trench? Sure he's All-Knowing so he's gonna know it was you, but is he All-Telling while he's stuck in a torpor for a couple of centuries? No. He's just gonna be another high level executive victim of random disappearances. HR won't want to know where he's gone in case they have to pay a ransom or send an expensive extraction team to get him. So, I guess I have an update here. The Herald was waiting for me in my cabin after booking passage on a trans-Atlantic voyage like half an hour after my post. Uh, long story short, I guess everything is going to be okay? I was expecting to be disintegrated on the spot but instead he just wanted to meet the guy who inspired him to start calling his own 13-year-old son "Dick Hands Tommy". He thought it was hilarious. He said his "pussy rear end" kid was always wasting his time playing videogames and going to drama club at school, and was "turning into a huge disappointment of a man". He said someone turning his fingers into dicks was the best possible lesson he could be taught. He said he took away the kid's computer and punished him for "being such a dumbass and crybaby" and that he just wanted to congratulate me on my ingenious curse. Honestly I feel really bad for the kid now. I get the feeling the only time Tommy gets to feel powerful is when he's playing Hanzo and in an roundabout way I took that away from him. His dad seems like a real nightmare. I'm glad I'm still corporeal and not spirit-bound to the Time Wheel for a eon and a day, yeah, but I just feel kind of sick about it all. I don't even want to go smoke a bowl after what happened... Oh, and while this guy did almost all the talking I did manage to stammer out a truly dumbass question: "h-how did you f-find me?" Well, get this, he didn't even have to invoke Goron to do it, he said they have an app that keeps a database of everyone's magical signatures and all he had to do was say "Siri, who turned Tommy's fingers into dicks?" and it pulled up a whole profile on me. I sure as hell never consented to being in any database accessible to magi-tech douchebags. You guys should all check your user settings on your various accounts and turn off data-sharing.
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Jun 11, 2020 23:17
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