The Poseidon Adventure is going on off the coast of Norway

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > The Poseidon Adventure is going on off the coast of Norway

AKA Pseudonym: May 16, 2004; A dashing and sophisticated young man; Doctor Rope

A Viking cruise ship lost power in bad weather off the coast of Norway. Now they're using helicopters to evacuate all the passengers one by one. It's just like the movie.

https://twitter.com/Ludvikeen/status/1109526702198267904?s=20

https://twitter.com/breakingavnews/status/1109524891131432966?s=20

https://twitter.com/QTRResearch/status/1109549332234203136?s=20

https://twitter.com/RyanDFlynn11/status/1109572773255569408?s=20

# ? Mar 24, 2019 03:19

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 21:37

fist4jesus: Nov 24, 2002

That not quite how I remember that movie.
Also, have you seen the mostly forgotten sequel?

# ? Mar 24, 2019 03:25

Fried Watermelon: Dec 29, 2008

those poor old people

# ? Mar 24, 2019 03:44

StandardVC10: Feb 6, 2007; This avatar now 50% more dark mode compliant

Never get on a cruise ship for any reason.

If anything this is better than the last time a cruise ship was in the news (everyone was making GBS threads their guts out IIRC)

# ? Mar 24, 2019 03:45

Supreme Allah: Oct 6, 2004; everybody relax, i'm here; Nap Ghost

The roof is right to crash on them

# ? Mar 24, 2019 03:47

Away all Goats: Jul 5, 2005; Goose's rebellion

That looks kinda fun

# ? Mar 24, 2019 03:47

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Now we know how the winner of that one Something Awful Hunger Games cruise ship round got out

# ? Mar 24, 2019 04:12

Rod Hoofhearted: Jun 18, 2000; I am a ghost

I never particularly wanted to go on a cruise, but after the infamous poop cruise where the engines stalled in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and all the norovirus outbreaks and now this... gently caress cruise ships forever.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 04:18

reignofevil: Nov 7, 2008

I'd go on a cruise but i'd have to be the captain and also the boat probably had better be in charge of driving itself I just get to wear the hat and smoke a pipe

# ? Mar 24, 2019 04:23

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

i sure picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue

# ? Mar 24, 2019 04:25

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

I don't think it's the Poseidon Adventure unless the boat flips completely over.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 04:53

Commie Lasorda: May 15, 2009; IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!

If they could see me now, right on a fun ship cruise, eating fancy foods doing what you choose, I'd like my friends at home to get a good look, at the first great Carnival cruise that you took. All I can say is 'Wow!' and look at where you are, what a fun ship holy cow, they'll never believe it if my friends could see me now!

# ? Mar 24, 2019 05:26

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

numberoneposter posted:

i sure picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue

are you mainlining it now or what

# ? Mar 24, 2019 10:17

fish and chips and dip: Feb 17, 2010

It's not only that the engines stopped running. But that area of Norway has had awful weather so they're stuck out there in a storm and 9 meter high waves.

I've never had much desire to go on a cruise, but everyone i know whose been on one (6 people who all have done several cruises) can't poo poo up about how great they are and how fun it is, so I'm getting curious (cruiseous).

# ? Mar 24, 2019 10:33

Barudak: May 7, 2007

fish and chips and dip posted:

It's not only that the engines stopped running. But that area of Norway has had awful weather so they're stuck out there in a storm and 9 meter high waves.

I've never had much desire to go on a cruise, but everyone i know whose been on one (6 people who all have done several cruises) can't poo poo up about how great they are and how fun it is, so I'm getting curious (cruiseous).

A cruise is a hotel with buffet and bar service that prevents you from doing anything but take it easy. There are no great sights, no nightlife you must stay up for; only cleaned daily rooms, food, and underpaid employees trying to finish up their work so they can go back to writhing in drunken orgys in the below decks.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 10:47

Zeluth: May 12, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

My parents do these every year. I ask them about the people they met. It seems to me that they just like to be with themselves and bullshit over food with people.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 11:15

Mooey Cow: Jan 27, 2018; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Pillbug

That's not what happens in the Poseidon Adventure, OP. You're thinking of 1998 hit TV series Sunset Beach.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 11:29

Szyznyk: Mar 4, 2008

Cruises are a combination of my three favorite things: eating like an animal, gambling, and verbally abusing Filipinos.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 11:35

homeless guy: Feb 23, 2019; by FactsAreUseless

About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room.

I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.

As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, �I understand you�ve been on this ship for the last four cruises.� She replied, �Yes, that�s true.� I stated, �I don�t understand� and she replied, without a pause, �It�s cheaper than a nursing home.�

So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day (of fantastic food, not institutional food) if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days!

7. TV broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don�t even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

10. There is always a doctor on board.

Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don�t look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

PS: And don�t forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 11:55

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Barudak posted:

A cruise is a hotel with buffet and bar service that prevents you from doing anything but take it easy. There are no great sights, no nightlife you must stay up for; only cleaned daily rooms, food, and underpaid employees trying to finish up their work so they can go back to writhing in drunken orgys in the below decks.

I want to work on a cruise

# ? Mar 24, 2019 12:08

Captain Beans: Aug 5, 2004; Whar be the beans?; Hair Elf

Everyone comes off 1 at a time via helicopter? For 1,300 people wouldn�t take like a week with helicopters running 24/7? very interested to see how this goes even with a bunch of helicopters

- 3 minutes to load a passenger via basket (poo poo weather, the hoists are not fast, time to drop the basket for the next person)
- 30 minutes 10 people max per chopper, fly to land and unload, return. probably need 130 trips

Captain Beans fucked around with this message at 12:32 on Mar 24, 2019

# ? Mar 24, 2019 12:09

Former DILF: Jul 13, 2017

good point lets see what elon musk has to say

quote:

all the rescuers are pedophiles

alright well that's something then

now lets return to sports!

# ? Mar 24, 2019 12:11

Blow: Feb 10, 2004

homeless guy posted:

About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room.

I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.

As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, �I understand you�ve been on this ship for the last four cruises.� She replied, �Yes, that�s true.� I stated, �I don�t understand� and she replied, without a pause, �It�s cheaper than a nursing home.�

So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day (of fantastic food, not institutional food) if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days!

7. TV broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don�t even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

10. There is always a doctor on board.

Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don�t look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

PS: And don�t forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.

Wow. Nice.

My mate went on a cruise one time and everyone got Novovirus. You're kinda trapped on a ship.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 12:24

homeless guy: Feb 23, 2019; by FactsAreUseless

people get norovirus in nursing homes all the time too

# ? Mar 24, 2019 12:30

Menschsein: Sep 15, 2007; Ne carne ne pesce

The thingamabob has apparently been* tugged back to port now. They airlifted 400 people off the boat one by one. The rest got to cruise on.

edit: is being

Menschsein fucked around with this message at 12:42 on Mar 24, 2019

# ? Mar 24, 2019 12:33

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

Imagine the state of the toilets.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 12:50

An Ounce of Gold: Jul 13, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

Imagine the state of the toilets.

Ok I am. Now what?

# ? Mar 24, 2019 13:52

ElectricSheep: Jan 14, 2006; she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.

Milo and POTUS posted:

I want to work on a cruise

The spa staff is typically Swedish and South African if that's your thing.

Entertainment staff are typically white, American, and corny, room service and waiters are from all over, and casino employees are somehow from Jersey regardless of nationality.

Filipinos can be found below decks running around like they're stoking the fires of Isengard

# ? Mar 24, 2019 14:11

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

ElectricSheep posted:

The spa staff is typically Swedish and South African if that's your thing.

Entertainment staff are typically white, American, and corny, room service and waiters are from all over, and casino employees are somehow from Jersey regardless of nationality.

Filipinos can be found below decks running around like they're stoking the fires of Isengard

Without Filipinos I'm pretty sure the entire world would stop turning.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 14:23

r u ready to WALK: Sep 29, 2001

Do you think the captain piloted that thing into a storm on purpose to give a bunch of american boomer climate deniers a taste of what's to come

# ? Mar 24, 2019 16:39

Tite Barnacle: Jun 4, 2014; Meowdy Purrdner; Grimey Drawer

Szyznyk posted:

Cruises are a combination of my three favorite things: eating like an animal, gambling, and verbally abusing Filipinos.

Only verbally?

# ? Mar 24, 2019 17:09

Rod Hoofhearted: Jun 18, 2000; I am a ghost

Milo and POTUS posted:

I want to work on a cruise

I actually read an article once about how all the lowest decks are for staff, and they always smell like poo poo and the toilets clog and back up at the drop of a hat. Think about it - all the upper deck toilets flow down to the lower decks. Eventually, there's only so much room left in whatever equivalent of a septic tank a cruise ship has, so the lower decks are the ones that have to deal with the poo poo. It's like a metaphor for capitalism.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 17:14

Brother Tadger: Feb 15, 2012; I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!

That�s not a metaphor for capitalism, that�s capitalism.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 18:28

GORILLA BASTARD: Jun 20, 2005; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Applewhite posted:

I don't think it's the Poseidon Adventure unless the boat flips completely over.

I'm not saying I'm hoping the boat flips completely over. I'm just not saying I'm not against it either.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 18:35

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

It's called a ship actually.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 18:36

Nefarious 2.0: Apr 22, 2008; Offense is overrated anyway.

"iceberg dead ahead!" -the poseiden adventurr

# ? Mar 24, 2019 18:38

13Pandora13: Nov 5, 2008; I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle

This seems like a good place to post my favorite long-form article ever https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2004/05/a-sea-story/302940/

If you've never read it strap in, I still get cold sweats reading it.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 18:49

RobattoJesus: Aug 13, 2002

r u ready to WALK posted:

Do you think the captain piloted that thing into a storm on purpose to give a bunch of american boomer climate deniers a taste of what's to come

Margaret, Margaret! If climate change is real why did they call it global warming and not global stormin', because this is a storm Margaret! We're going to die in a perfectly normal non-man-made storm.

# ? Mar 24, 2019 19:04