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I'm bored and I'm in the mood to read silly poo poo for the internet. Post weird rear end internet poo poo for me to read and I'll record and post it. Just a couple guidelines: 1. I'm gonna go ahead and say that I reserve the right to tell you to go gently caress yourself. If you're just looking to get something loving horribly depraved read aloud, I'm generally not your guy for that. I tried to wade through one of these before and no thanks. 2. Brevity is good. The longer the piece the more of a pain in the rear end it is and the less likely I am to bother editing it. That's not to say I'm opposed to longer stuff, but it's worth mentioning that shorter is generally better. FOR REAL SHORTER IS BETTER GODAMN IT. 3. Other than that first guideline, I'm pretty damned open minded. Short stories, funny forums posts, meltdowns, and so on are all very welcome. I'm personally a huge fan of reading funny posts aloud and have done so in the previous thread. 4. No music/song lyrics. I'm not a singer and consequently I'm not gonna sing. I can't sing and it sounds like a cat being murdered when I do. Likewise most lyrics are loving awful when they're just being read aloud so please no music/song lyrics.  5. Sometimes stuff has reprehensible words in it. I'm of the opinion that saying bad words as part of a quote or a written work is acceptable. Does this mean I'm gonna read some hatespeech manifesto? gently caress no. But if something has a bad word in it I'm prolly gonna say it (for example the Parisian catacomb post with "my nigga have you tried LSD?!?!" and the skeleton shaking and so on). I in no way condone the usage of hatespeech or any other verboten language these days, but if it's part of something amusing I'm not gonna censor it out of a reading. I hope you guys understand.So yeah, post poo poo for me to read and I'll record and post it. Also I use soundcloud for this and here's basically all the poo poo I did in the previous thread: https://soundcloud.com/user-641725526 I'll also go ahead and say that I in no way mean to do this or use this thread to promote myself in any way, shape, or form. I just find doing this to be fun and entertaining. Plus there's a pile of goons that know of an assload of funny and weird things to be read rather than trawling through all kinds of weird internet places for fodder myself. So gimme funny stuff to read! Saw a hilariously embarrasing post by some goon? Post it! Did some guy melt the gently caress down about some anime in a deeply shameful fashion? Post it! Found a true believer that's thousands deep in buttcoin or being a spacelord in Star Shitizen? Post it! I'll record it and post a link because why the hell not? AND ONE MORE THING I FORGOT: I also keep a lovely throwaway email account called hdcreads@gmail.com. You're welcome to submit things through that if you're a coward bitch and too afraid to post your submission itt. Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 09:18 on Apr 5, 2019 |
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Apr 5, 2019 06:36
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Please read as much of Megabutt's meltdown in the PR disasters thread as you desire. Thanks ily
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Apr 5, 2019 06:44
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William Henry Hairytaint posted:Please read as much of Megabutt's meltdown in the PR disasters thread as you desire. Thanks ily https://soundcloud.com/user-641725526/madaboutrzrsnwmn I refuse to say "loling" as "lawling" 
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Apr 5, 2019 07:16
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Mooooooore
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Apr 5, 2019 07:16
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All 11 pages plz
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Apr 5, 2019 07:39
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That's a huge saga, my dude. Can you honestly say it's worth it or are you just loving with me? Like recording eleven pages of posts is a pretty tall order for some rando reading stuff while drunk. E: Alright so I read the first page and now I'm on board, but we're gonna break this up into chunks. Good find, goon.
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Apr 5, 2019 07:41
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I mean, it's not like it gets better. It just starts out strong and keeps up at the same insanity throughout. Whatever parts tickle your fancy!
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Apr 5, 2019 07:42
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No yeah I read the first page and I get it. I'm down. We're gonna piece this out by the page tho. E: Also I'm reserving the right to comment on the pictures and everything else accordingly as I go. First page incoming.
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Apr 5, 2019 07:43
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So I just found out that trying to read an entire page of some nutjob's posts in a coherent fashion can result in almost an hour-long recording. And I didn't even do a whole page of that guy's insanity. https://soundcloud.com/user-641725526/wtfcroatia Going forward I'm gonna ask that people please not ask me to read pages and pages of some lunatic's posts, even if they are hilariously insane. Because godamn, dog, that's a lot of time. (But no ante for real that is a good thread but godamn there's no way I'm gonna be able to read all of that, now that I've attempted even a solid page and recorded an hour even falling short of said full page) Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 09:21 on Apr 5, 2019 |
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Apr 5, 2019 09:16
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Beautiful
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Apr 5, 2019 16:07
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Honky Dong Country posted:So I just found out that trying to read an entire page of some nutjob's posts in a coherent fashion can result in almost an hour-long recording. And I didn't even do a whole page of that guy's insanity. please read all my posts
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Apr 5, 2019 16:12
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Honky Dong Country posted:https://soundcloud.com/user-641725526/madaboutrzrsnwmn 
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Apr 5, 2019 18:14
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I request you read this post out loud:A Gender Highlander posted:im just gonna play pokemon until i can muster up enough courage to murder myself. i wish for death to come to me. i need to be abused. obstruct my airways with your cock. pinch my nose closed as you ram my face. gently caress my god damned face human being. it has no value. cum on my head and my face. adorn my face in your ejaculate. rub it into my eyes. make me cry. humiliate me. i want to die by your sword. i want to read gbs for an eternity. i want to be abused by the jonas brothers. i want the jonas brothers to battlefuck me. which one of faggots can hurt me the most. i want the jonas brothers to highfive each other as they destroy my rear end and my face. my life isnt worth anything and i need them to treat me irresponsibly. i need my head to be completely submersed in cum. drown me in it. put cum in an ice tray and freeze it. pelt me with your cum ice. it belongs to you. how fast can a jonas brother throw a piece of cum ice. throw a slider at my back. my rear end in a top hat is the strike zone. how many pieces of ice can fit in my rear end. i need it to melt inside of me. i want to incubate your spunk inside of me back to its normal temperature.
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Apr 5, 2019 18:18
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Alternatively: you may read this one instead of or in addition to the previous one.BAD WILLIE posted:Alright. I was at the mall today and saw this kid I knew from my highschool hanging out with some fly girl and handling her rear end and all that poo poo. He was walking with a swagger, trying to look all hard and everything. But he was a LITTLE BITCH back in HS and wasn't hard at all, EVERYONE would pick on him. So I walked up and told her, "why are you loving with him, he's a god drat PUSSY and isn't hard at all."
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Apr 5, 2019 18:21
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A friend of mine works for a small publisher and someone he described as a "rich white lady" wrote a book of poetry that's supposed to be in the style of Herman Melville. This is one poem he showed me from said book:quote:Melville Continues his Classical There are 60 poems in this book. His boss hates it so much that he's looked into selling them to a paper pulp recycling plant.
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Apr 5, 2019 20:00
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Macdonal Hamborkles was the best lover I ever had and he never returns my calls
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Apr 5, 2019 22:11
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Sorry I got loving horribly sick and basically had a mix of noro symptoms and a bitchin' fever. Ended up in the hospital with them pumping fluids into me because I couldn't even keep down water amidst the unstoppable torrent pouring forth from both ends. Anyway, let's get this poo poo rolling again. Hell Yeah posted:please read all my posts Despite the copious amount of making GBS threads I've been doing lately I can't satisfy this request due to my inability to vocalize seven years of wet farts. (But nah Hell Yeah, you're cool, just had to gently caress with you bud.) EorayMel posted:I request you read this post out loud: https://soundcloud.com/user-641725526/jonasbrosdisneyfamilyfuntime
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Apr 11, 2019 03:12
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Oh whoops i misread the title
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Apr 11, 2019 03:15
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Just yodel out "I'm gay" like your coming out to your parents at the start of a Sound of Music bit Like replace "the hills" with "I'm gay" I'm trying to make my coming out to my dad something special
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Apr 11, 2019 03:19
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EorayMel posted:Alternatively: you may read this one instead of or in addition to the previous one. https://soundcloud.com/user-641725526/bitchesbeactinhard
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Apr 11, 2019 03:19
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CPL593H posted:A friend of mine works for a small publisher and someone he described as a "rich white lady" wrote a book of poetry that's supposed to be in the style of Herman Melville. This is one poem he showed me from said book: https://soundcloud.com/user-641725526/hornyhousewifemelville Seriously post as many of these as you can. They're really good fodder for readings.
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Apr 11, 2019 03:32
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MORE.
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Apr 11, 2019 03:33
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I'm eating a big mac at macdonalds when you walk in the door and I stop midbite. Youre dressed like youre on the run, like someone was after you. Sunglasses, a baggy dress thats only hinting at your normally magificent gunt. you walk over to me with a purpose and put a leg up on my table, smashing what was left of my fries. I stare up at your face bewlidered i drop my big mac. my hand runs up your leg. soft, well moisturized skin. your leg starts off as cool and I feel the heat rise as my hand gets closer to your sex. you are white hot between your legs and slightly damp, the knife edge of my hand brushes up against a string. i stick my head under your dress like im a 19th century photographer and rip that tampon out with my mouth, special sauce still on my lips, and it flails around bloody and soggy looking like a skinned mouth. you begin gyrating your pelvis against my tongue while grabbing a fistful of my hair. you come hard as a pimply faced 19 year old is sweeping the floor beside us
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Apr 11, 2019 03:35
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EorayMel posted:I'm eating a big mac at macdonalds when you walk in the door and I stop midbite. Youre dressed like youre on the run, like someone was after you. Sunglasses, a baggy dress thats only hinting at your normally magificent gunt. you walk over to me with a purpose and put a leg up on my table, smashing what was left of my fries. I stare up at your face bewlidered i drop my big mac. my hand runs up your leg. soft, well moisturized skin. your leg starts off as cool and I feel the heat rise as my hand gets closer to your sex. you are white hot between your legs and slightly damp, the knife edge of my hand brushes up against a string. i stick my head under your dress like im a 19th century photographer and rip that tampon out with my mouth, special sauce still on my lips, and it flails around bloody and soggy looking like a skinned mouth. you begin gyrating your pelvis against my tongue while grabbing a fistful of my hair. you come hard as a pimply faced 19 year old is sweeping the floor beside us maybe its easier just to pay for a brazzers subscription bro
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Apr 11, 2019 03:37
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Alternatively:quote:This child wants ice cream. This child has no money. Thus, this child is unable to obtain ice cream. This child has firmly parked himself in front of the ice cream machine, helplessly whining at anyone who wants to use the ice cream machine to obtain ice cream. We cannot ask or force him to move to move, obtain ice cream ourselves, and then give him the ice cream he desires. We cannot give the child money or any number of gold nuggets so that he may purchase ice cream and move. We must obtain ice cream ourselves and give it to the child, cutting this gordian knot by finding an entirely different ice cream vendor then giving enough of a poo poo help this youth so we can... get ice cream.
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Apr 11, 2019 03:39
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EorayMel posted:I'm eating a big mac at macdonalds when you walk in the door and I stop midbite. Youre dressed like youre on the run, like someone was after you. Sunglasses, a baggy dress thats only hinting at your normally magificent gunt. you walk over to me with a purpose and put a leg up on my table, smashing what was left of my fries. I stare up at your face bewlidered i drop my big mac. my hand runs up your leg. soft, well moisturized skin. your leg starts off as cool and I feel the heat rise as my hand gets closer to your sex. you are white hot between your legs and slightly damp, the knife edge of my hand brushes up against a string. i stick my head under your dress like im a 19th century photographer and rip that tampon out with my mouth, special sauce still on my lips, and it flails around bloody and soggy looking like a skinned mouth. you begin gyrating your pelvis against my tongue while grabbing a fistful of my hair. you come hard as a pimply faced 19 year old is sweeping the floor beside us https://soundcloud.com/user-641725526/uweirdeoraymel
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Apr 11, 2019 03:49
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Beautiful reading 
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Apr 11, 2019 03:53
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EorayMel posted:Alternatively: https://soundcloud.com/user-641725526/icecream
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Apr 11, 2019 03:53
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Here's a quickie:Tubgirl Cosplay posted:Throwing axes are the superior alternative hunting platform anyway
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Apr 11, 2019 03:55
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https://www.somethingawful.com/rom-pit/narc/
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Apr 11, 2019 03:56
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Here is the part you should read: quote:Fourthly is a small army of circus clowns all called Kinky Pinky (don’t ask, please please for the love of all that is holy please don’t ask) who feel it necessary to run up to you and try stabbing you to death. Aside from being a pervert, they can also withstand lots of bullets. They suck.
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Apr 11, 2019 03:58
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Another longer one abridged from this post:quote:While I'm waiting for my appetizers to 'cook' in the smoker the Head Chef took note of me just waiting there and saw my 30 uncooked mushroom cap appetizers. He walks up to me and shouts, causing the whole kitchen to go silent:
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Apr 11, 2019 04:01
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Yo!!! HOLLA!!! This is LIL SWAMP BOOGER BABY and I'm gonna tell you that this is the LAST time I gently caress myself with a jagged week old turd from your rear end in a top hat OP
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Apr 11, 2019 04:01
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Galt bs (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Apr 11, 2019 04:02
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Again bs (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST) Somebody fucked around with this message at 04:12 on Apr 11, 2019 |
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Apr 11, 2019 04:03
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Kindly gently caress off.
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Apr 11, 2019 04:05
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There is so much idiotic conversation in this post that I feel your time would probably be better spent going to a home for the mentally disabled and listening closely to the sage words of a man who reeks of his own feces and is beating himself in the face with a cup of pudding while masturbating through his sweat pants. The conversation would be just as realistic and the sights would be even more erotic.
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Apr 11, 2019 04:08
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EorayMel posted:There is so much idiotic conversation in this post that I feel your time would probably be better spent going to a home for the mentally disabled and listening closely to the sage words of a man who reeks of his own feces and is beating himself in the face with a cup of pudding while masturbating through his sweat pants. The conversation would be just as realistic and the sights would be even more erotic. Godamn they did send a poet.
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Apr 11, 2019 04:11
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EorayMel posted:Another longer one abridged from this post: https://soundcloud.com/user-641725526/whataremushroomswejustdontknow
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Apr 11, 2019 04:16
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godamn eoraymel ponying up the good stuff itt, it's all nice and brief and loving delightfully bizarre stuff. Well done dude all the stuff you've posted is EXACTLY the kind of poo poo I wanna be reading/recording
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Apr 11, 2019 04:17
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