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Here I find myself, divorced. For the first time in a decade I am single. Suddenly it seems I am surrounded by women, thirsty AF, loose in their morals but tight otherwise. I could slay em all with a single flash of that old blade. It might help the loneliness for a moment, but I know what lies down that path. How did I get here? What failures brought me to this place. What wisdom awaits me if I approach this situation properly? They say I should try dating, but how I do this? What’s dating today? Tinder? Disgusting. I could surely use some friends now, and I’d love to hear some advice on dating from the most cultured group of swine I know.
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May 20, 2019 12:17
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What did you do to your wife that she divorced you? Did you show her your post history?
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May 20, 2019 12:18
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Commie NedFlanders posted:What’s dating today? Tinder? Disgusting.
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May 20, 2019 12:22
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op: I'm a sex haver, i could have sex any time i want, but i would also like to make a thread on a internet forum asking maybe how to have sex? i know how, but i want to know if you know.
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May 20, 2019 12:26
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op being separated and out of practice puts you in overlapping territory of 2 distinct warring groups so you gotta be aware that the Ex-sex-havers are the ones having sex with their ex and the ex-sex-havers are the ones not having any sex. note the capital letter
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May 20, 2019 12:30
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Whoa didn't know they made fruit knives from hanzo steel
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May 20, 2019 12:30
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Love yourself first. Commit seppuku ASAP
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May 20, 2019 12:53
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Jose posted:What did you do to your wife that she divorced you? Did you show her your post history? After some therapy work, I recognize that I had been struggling with a terrible personality curse and untreated PTSD for years, and using unhealthy coping mechanisms such as self medication. At times this would cause me to do stupid poo poo like post giant threads about the decaying state of our culture or when I was really out of it I would just bitch about c-spam and well she was a great woman and dutiful wife but everyone has their limits and when twitter banned me the writing was on the wall
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May 20, 2019 13:06
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gary oldmans diary posted:your main 3 dating apps are tinder grinder and diddler Looks like those religious weirdos warning everyone about the slippery slope of sexual immorality were right after all
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May 20, 2019 13:08
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Did Jesus finally dump you?
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May 20, 2019 13:16
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May 20, 2019 13:23
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This threat title had promise but unironically posting “getting banned from Twitter was the straw that broke the camels back and lead to my divorce of 10 years” really ended up making me feel A LOT better about my situation. PS you probably look like someone’s dad, go to college bars in a nice shirt and jacket and for every woman who thinks you’re out of place there will be 4-5 secretly trying to call you Daddy. Maybe less if you’re fat IDK
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May 20, 2019 13:39
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Commie NedFlanders posted:After some therapy work, I recognize that I had been struggling with a terrible personality curse and untreated PTSD for years, and using unhealthy coping mechanisms such as self medication. At times this would cause me to do stupid poo poo like post giant threads about the decaying state of our culture or when I was really out of it I would just bitch about c-spam and well she was a great woman and dutiful wife but everyone has their limits and when twitter banned me the writing was on the wall Yeah bud I feel like getting off the internet totally might be the best option for you in the long run.
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May 20, 2019 14:36
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Is the OP still banned from posting in cspam?
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May 20, 2019 15:32
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Hey, real talk. That sucks, man. Hang in there
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May 20, 2019 15:32
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Turning to GBS for help after the internet ruined your entire life is probably the best decision you could have made here, and I, having never met you or cared about you, assure you that I feel vaguely proud of you in a way that will never impact your life. We're all somewhat here for you, bud!
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May 20, 2019 15:39
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Commie NedFlanders posted:Here I find myself, divorced. For the first time in a decade I am single. Suddenly it seems I am surrounded by women, thirsty AF, loose in their morals but tight otherwise. I could slay em all with a single flash of that old blade. It might help the loneliness for a moment, but I know what lies down that path. lol so you’re really as insufferable irl as you are online.
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May 20, 2019 15:42
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in case anyone is wondering he got banned from twitter for saying the slave trade was good because it brought jesus to Africa. I figure offsite is okay in this case because op cannot stop talking about twitter, even when his life is falling apart. get help op.
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May 20, 2019 15:50
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WatermelonGun posted:in case anyone is wondering he got banned from twitter for saying the slave trade was good because it brought jesus to Africa. I figure offsite is okay in this case because op cannot stop talking about twitter, even when his life is falling apart. Seems very apt for commie nedflanders, true or not.
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May 20, 2019 15:51
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I was just at a bachelor part with one of the grooms "friends" who went down the Alt-Right whole mega deep and can't seem to find his way out. Most of his friends basically won't talk to him at this point, because he simple can't seem to live his life and is obsessed with politicizing everything. He also seems to now hate women, often referring to his friend's wives as "cunts" because they won't deeply breathe in his farts. Sorry it took this for you to realize that behavior of any kind like this, regardless of political leanings, is insufferable and eventually drives everyone away. I've done some of this in the past and luckily didn't torch a marriage. I hope you're able to get yourself into some counselling OP, because poo poo's gonna be hosed up for awhile for you, and we've all see people steer into the slide when it comes to personal disasters affecting beleifs on the rest of the world. If at any point you find yourself, like previously mentioned "friend", defending Nazi's (while we were in Europe, nonetheless) because of some beliefs you developed when a relationship fell apart, you've probably taken a wrong turn somewhere.
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May 20, 2019 15:58
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I can't believe ned flanders sacrificed his marriage to defend the drat slave trade
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May 20, 2019 16:01
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The mutha fuckin Divorced Pimp Jedi
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May 20, 2019 16:10
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Icochet posted:I can't believe ned flanders sacrificed his marriage to defend the drat slave trade Should have put a clause in the marriage contract that they were not allowed to end discussions about the slave trade until 2028.
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May 20, 2019 16:12
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banned from twitter and, as is tradition, banned from marriage soon after
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May 20, 2019 16:13
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lol in the blur of your sanctimonious posting I can only really recall you being incredibly proud of your traditional monogamous Jesus approved relationship that really worked out for you huh?
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May 20, 2019 16:14
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he's going to bet banned again for his new theory that the real bad slavery...is marriage!!
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May 20, 2019 16:20
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Zelder posted:he's going to bet banned again for his new theory that the real bad slavery...is marriage!! The real slavery was the friends we enslaved along the way.
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May 20, 2019 16:33
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Hell Yeah posted:op: I'm a sex haver, i could have sex any time i want, but i would also like to make a thread on a internet forum asking maybe how to have sex? i know how, but i want to know if you know. I just want to go back to this for a moment because, while I'm not the op and most-assuredly AM a sex participant a LOT, I'd like to see this thread of yours and any advice you have for others out there who might not be as lucky or skilled as many of us are, and it really never hurts to go back and look over the fundamentals to see if maybe you can 'up your sex game' to the next level! I'm sure there's a lot of pro-tips out there about 'doing it' that could really come in handy and not just for the now completely sex-less op who needs a refresher course on things like how to flair his testicles or 'do the sutra' now that he's back on the scene. You know just some handy graphs and charts for anybody who wants to catch up, really.
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May 20, 2019 16:35
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Wait is op not being ironic here
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May 20, 2019 16:37
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KrunkMcGrunk posted:Wait is op not being ironic here CommieNedFlanders cannot tell a lie; it would be against his deeply felt Christian morality, that also ruined his marriage.
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May 20, 2019 16:47
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Commie NedFlanders posted:I could slay em all with a single flash of that old blade. It might help the loneliness for a moment, but I know what lies down that path. 
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May 20, 2019 16:54
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Dude should have been practicing some push-ups, imo.
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May 20, 2019 17:29
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Well OP if you want to re-enter the dating scene I would suggest you start by thinking of women in a way that is far, far, far away from "loose morals but tight otherwise"
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May 20, 2019 17:34
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It's a bad year. I was more hopeful than I have been in 20 years; now I am the saddest I have ever been. You might find some dysfunctional chick, good luck.
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May 20, 2019 17:36
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cnut posted:Dude should have been practicing some push-ups, imo. To be fair they 'came to him for help' because the 'Warning: Barbarians" sign printer was just spitting out wingdings again.
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May 20, 2019 17:36
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Really sorry to hear that buddy ):
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May 20, 2019 17:40
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Big Beef City posted:To be fair they 'came to him for help' because the 'Warning: Barbarians" sign printer was just spitting out wingdings again. 
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May 20, 2019 17:41
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If the world is on fire and barbarians are at the gates, premarital sex is a more valuable currency than bitcoins tbh
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May 20, 2019 17:48
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Enjoy being single. It’d be pretty sweet in a lot of ways if I was single now. Although maybe it’s a “grass is greener” type of thing. But live it up for the rest of us.
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May 20, 2019 17:51
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That boy looks like he could carry a printer
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May 20, 2019 17:56
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