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I used to make fun of the disabled. Now I work with them.
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May 24, 2019 05:57
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| # ? Apr 28, 2024 01:01 |
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Homo Simpson posted:I used to make fun of the disabled. Now I work with them. Someday you're gonna be disabled, and then you'll be able to make fun of yourself all the time. It'll be awesome!
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May 24, 2019 06:03
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Homo Simpson posted:I used to make fun of the disabled. Now I work with them. Oh, are you a self employed retard masturbator now?
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May 24, 2019 06:04
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Jack-Off Lantern posted:Oh, are you a self employed retard masturbator now? lol never saw that coming
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May 24, 2019 06:11
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One kid at my school was convinced the world was going to end on Y2K. I bet him $10 it wouldn't, and got him to let me hold his $10 since I didn't trust him to hold up his end. Completely sailed over his head that I wouldn't have to pay if the world did end, so I had nothing on the line, lol There were a bunch of dumb Wiccan / Goth kids at my school who were into metaphysical poo poo so I sold one my soul for $20. I then went and successfully resold the soul I didn't even have anymore to like 3 more kids until they bragged to each other and realized they'd been had.
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May 24, 2019 06:40
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Zero VGS posted:One kid at my school was convinced the world was going to end on Y2K. I bet him $10 it wouldn't, and got him to let me hold his $10 since I didn't trust him to hold up his end. Completely sailed over his head that I wouldn't have to pay if the world did end, so I had nothing on the line, lol Lmao that soul selling part is epic.
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May 24, 2019 06:43
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Me and a friend were playing Lazertag out in the street, and then started "shooting" this younger kid who was watching. We then convinced him that the laser beams would give him cancer because he wasn't wearing one of the Lazertag receivers like we were. Was pretty funny, until he lost his poo poo and the procession of angry, self-important moms flooded out onto the street.
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May 24, 2019 06:49
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Bloody Hedgehog posted:Me and a friend were playing Lazertag out in the street, and then started "shooting" this younger kid who was watching. We then convinced him that the laser beams would give him cancer because he wasn't wearing one of the Lazertag receivers like we were. That is some prolevel kid trolling
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May 24, 2019 07:20
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Jack-Off Lantern posted:Oh, are you a self employed retard masturbator now?
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May 24, 2019 07:22
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Homo Simpson posted:lol never saw that coming That's why you should wear safety goggles
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May 24, 2019 07:45
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I was walking to a friends house to play some NES and saw a small board with a few nails sticking up, likely from a remodel or something. I did the smart thing and picked it up so no one would step on it then immediately did the not smart thing and laid it right under a nearby parked car’s rear tire so they’d drive over it when they left for work  Found some super old and super rusty throwing darts and dart board in the woods with my younger sister, we started throwing them at each other (WTF?!) for some reason and I stuck one deep into her leg... poo poo myself at what I had just done and carried her all the way back home and had to tell my mom what a loving retard I was. Was a my best friends house when I was like 13 or so who had a super hot older sister who left several of her thongs on the floor in the guest bathroom for some strange reason, naturally I rubbed one out onto one  just as I was finishing up and walked out, she swoops in to collect her stuff, hope she washed those 
Slayerjerman fucked around with this message at 10:01 on May 24, 2019 |
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May 24, 2019 09:47
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Gay thirst trapping in HS
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May 24, 2019 13:44
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RobattoJesus posted:I remember walking home with two other kids and there was a dead frog in the middle of the road. One of the kids was all "look a dead frog" and I said "No, it's just one of those plastic bath toys" and the other kid went "no, it's real you dickhead" and then took a running jump and stomped on it as hard as he could and exploded like a loving balloon and me and the other kid were completely covered in frog intestines. lol
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May 24, 2019 21:50
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I once went to San Diego as a kid, and for some reason the Mission Bay was covered in crabs. Not the little Fiddler Crabs that are usually there, mind you, the big blue Swimming Crabs. Hundreds or thousands of them on the beach. So we did what any red blooded American child would do... We grabbed the biggest maglites we could find and started crushing those crab fuckers like we were playing whack-a-mole. It was a crab murder bonanza. We crushed and crushed until the knurled grips on the flashlights were slick with guts, so slick that we could hardly hold on to the makeshift weapons. After destroying a few hundred of these disgusting sea bugs, and a few mishaps involving losing grip on the maglites and them flying into the bay, and some choice quotes from Starship Troopers, we decided we might get in trouble for losing the flashlights. We rinsed them in the water and went back home. When someone mentioned the crustacean holocaust that mysteriously appeared on the shore, my brother and I knew better than to admit anything, and just shrugged our shoulders. "Really? Weird. That's gross."
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May 24, 2019 22:23
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Best friend and I decided to be entrepreneurs and start a lemonade stand. The first day I'm pretty sure we didn't make a dime. We'll, we drank most of our inventory that day, causing us to need periodical pee breaks. After said breaks we joked around that our pee looked like lemonade and we should just sell that instead. It was fun to joke about how someone's face would look, and we laughed about how much piss we just wasted. Fast forward a week or two. We decided to give the business one more shot. Day started out like before, us drinking most of the inventory. Feeling the urge to pee, we started up the jokes again. Our idiot minds decided not to waste this opportunity. I quickly ran to my backyard with one of the cups and emptied my bladder behind one of the bushes. I ran back to man the store while my friend did the same. He brought the cup back and we placed it under the table out of sight. A few minutes later a girl from down the street comes walking up. As she was getting nearer the joke quickly became a reality. She paid for her lemonade and I poured it. "What in the world could that be?" as we pointed behind her. My friend made the swap. Huge gulp, "EW IT'S PEE!", dropped the cup and ran home. We immediately knew we just did something very stupid. We hadn't thought about what would happen if she told her parents. Luckily for us we didn't hear a word about it. Nothing. If she had told someone, we'd be toast. I think I'd have less regret had we been caught. She must have been to embarrassed to tell which makes not getting caught that much worse.
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May 24, 2019 22:33
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Infinite Karma posted:I once went to San Diego as a kid Oh God, I just remembered I went to the San Diego Zoo as a kid and found a really cool looking large rock near the fence of an ostrich pen so I took it. When I showed it to my parents later and explained how I found it, we figured out that I stole an ostrich egg. I was so distraught that I slept with it each night to try to hatch it. I took it everywhere for a week until I accidentally dropped it in the supermarket. At least it was an unfertilized egg. On a separate occasion I stole a small garden snake from a different zoo, it was already pretty diseased though with ticks or something underneath it's scales. It died after a month of refusing to eat the crickets I was giving it.
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May 26, 2019 00:26
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Dated a couple of my teachers for a while, but I really did earn those straight A+. Threw half a dozen tortoises off a pier for freedom. Then found out tortoises don’t swim all that well. Blackmailed my teachers into buying me stuff. When one cut me off I went & told his wife. I heard he ended up moving to Florida & was working for UNICEF last I heard. Long story short, I let over 100 crickets loose in a old age home. Threw a box of nails off an overpass of the Cross Bronx expressway. It made the news & i was questioned by NYPD detectives because there was video of me walking in the area because it’s on the way to school.
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May 26, 2019 19:08
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| # ? Apr 28, 2024 01:01 |
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GORILLA BASTARD posted:Long story short, I let over 100 crickets loose in a old age home. What's the long story?
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May 26, 2019 23:15
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