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Oh man, this is a thread made for me. All of those posts are painfully familiar.
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Jul 15, 2019 17:53
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What's really fun is when you try to get your own mother and your in-laws together for Christmas, and after a few years of having her repeatedly refuse you find out she didn't want to be around your in-laws because they treat you better than your own family ever did and she can't handle seeing you happy for once in your life. Then the mother complains it is actually YOU who never wants to do anything and refuses to keep in touch because you dared to invite her to something she obviously hates and totally did it on purpose just to make her feel bad 
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Jul 15, 2019 23:44
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Tinfoil Papercut posted:I was told that my wife is controlling me, as evidence of this I was pointed to photos of me, her and our kids where "I am smiling with teeth." (I poo poo you not.) I took part in an annual film festival 5 years in a row, videos I made were played in a theatre, it was a school fund raising event and I always invited my mom to go with me. The first 4 years I thought was fine, we went for dinner together before the show, sat together, etc, the 5th I was in charge of running the festival and was really excited and when I invited her to go she said she was busy. She admitted later she lied and that she can't stand being around me with my friends because my face 'lights up more' around them than when I'm with her. So I too am a lovely person for being too happy around others.
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Jul 16, 2019 11:40
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Light Gun Man posted:Is there one of these for the poo poo I got a lot? I was an only child, and generally just kept to myself and didn't get into much trouble, but my mom and sometimes even school officials just kind of treated me like I was some problem child? I swear it felt like my mom wanted to catch me doing drugs but I never did any, poo poo like that? Like yeah I don't like doing homework every night, homework sucks, doesn't mean I'm smoking the weed and going to shoot up the school OK?? Same thing happened to me, but I was the oldest child. My sister was a troublemaker and I was constantly accused of influencing her to do it. She would go out with friends, steal cars, poo poo like that, while all I ever did was stay in my room playing nintendo and reading books about whales and keeping an aquarium and poo poo. Whenever my sister did anything wrong, I got blamed for being a bad influence. I started wearing makeup in grade 11, just eyeliner, but if my mom saw me without it she claimed I had red puffy eyes and would search my room for marijuana. She never found any because I was a seriously good lame kid. I mentioned I had sleeping problems and got sleeping pills from the doctor when I was 16, and they were taken away from me so I wouldn't kill myself. My mom walked into my room while I was lying on the floor listening to music on headphones, and screamed and screamed and screamed because she thought I did kill myself. I wasn't allowed to see the guy I was dating when I was 17 because she didn't trust me to not fall for an abuser like she did, and when I tried to get her to meet him by bringing him over, she threatened to call the cops because she thought I was trying to get him to murder her. I ended up leaving home at 17 by calling a cab in the middle of the night to go to his place when I hadn't been allowed to leave the house for over a month "for my own protection" which solidified the idea I was wild, no good, crazy, and hated everyone who 'cared about me'. I'm still with the same fuckin guy 20 years later and while she claims to adore him, gets really jealous of him and rude when I do things with him and not her. Well, up until just over a year ago. I haven't spoken to her since March last year and it's been pretty drat nice.
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Jul 17, 2019 06:20
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For all I complain about my mom, my dad was far worse and he's been semi-absent since I was 8 and fully cut off since I was 16. When my mom was in high school she had some bffs she grew up with and they all wanted kids that would also grow up together. So she got pregnant by means of her weed dealer, some scummy dude in his late 20s. Her very Catholic parents found out and they were forced to marry so their daughter wouldn't have a child out of wedlock. He was really abusive and finally divorce happened when I was 8 and he tried to kill her one night. I witnessed the whole thing. I saw him twice a year after that until I got sick of excuses and stopped calling him at 16. Didn't seem to bother him much because I didn't hear from him again for years until he got hold of my e-mail address somehow and would send me e-cards about how great it is to have a daughter. I ignored them for a while until one night I got black out drunk at a friends house nd was telling my life story, got really angry and wrote a huge email to him telling him how much my childhood hosed me up. He responded with "I'm sorry you're upset but" lol Quite a few years later it turned out my sister added him to facebook which I wasn't aware and I made some snide remark on a post referencing him and he. Lost. His. poo poo. On me. I got dm after dm about how I'm horrible, my mom was horrible, he never did anything wrong, blah blah blah. That being said, my in-laws are amazing and I love them very much and I'm honored to be a part of their family. They've been my primary family for 20 years and wouldn't have it any other way.
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Jul 17, 2019 16:32
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Mammon Loves You posted:I am struggling with this right now and I simultaneously can't imagine not being in contact with my parents again but at the same time how I would ever be in contact with them again. I went on a date with my husband to a museum and I got to hear about how awful I was for not inviting her along for 2 years.
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Jul 17, 2019 23:44
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Koalas March posted:The thing my therapist and I have been working on right now is exactly this. Same for me, conflict of any form terrifies me and I do what I can to avoid it. Until last year. My family was used to me never defending myself and just rolling over so when I started getting attacked by them when I got really sick, I started standing up for myself for once and the whole family loving imploded. It was amazing. My passiveness was apparently holding everyone together and as soon as I said "don't talk to me like that, I can live my life how I want" everyone went berserk telling me I was pretentious and uncaring and thought I was better than everyone else. The thing that really set everyone off was I announced positive Lyme disease results on facebook rather than phoning everyone to tell them. I had been posting about how I thought I had it for a year so it wasn't a surprise. But doing that meant I don't love my family and my friends are more important than them. My mom said to me in a group email amongst family "Do you know how HARD it is to find out you have a horrible disease over FACEBOOK?" Like, wow, that must really suck. Like even worse than having the disease. "I'm not speaking to you until you're better." Cool mom, thanks, less stress causing symptom flare ups is good. She also once took me on a road trip. Emphasis on the once because I would ask her if she wanted to go and she always claimed to be busy. At lunch she admitted she only did it so she could lecture me on what an awful daughter I am for not keeping in touch enough. She also told me that she refuses to like my photos or posts on social media because she doesn't want THAT kind of relationship with her daughter. Even though she likes and comments on my sister's stuff all the time. The one thing she has liked in the last 5 years was when I said "My husband is amazing and I don't know what I did to deserve him"  So for the last half year I've set my FB privacy to hide everything from my immediate family and it's been very peaceful. I've been declared better and am off my antibiotics but they don't know that and I'm fine keeping it this way. Because my sister and my aunt are on my mom's side and they've been lecturing me about how I'm a fraud faking my personality, my in-laws don't know the real me, my disease has made me crazy and I need psychiatric help lmao.
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Jul 18, 2019 16:53
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Pets didn't stop my mom. She got a dog and a rabbit and that didn't change her focus on "protecting" me at all. She did get really mad when I told her I loved my boyfriend when we were fighting about my permanent grounding by yelling at me that she lost her virginity at the hands of her brother at 13. I had no idea how it was relevant. I was 17 at the time. And another time when I said I just wanted to see my boyfriend because I missed him she yelled "Fine, then go gently caress his brains out for all I care." I didn't get to go see him. He was my first boyfriend and we'd only ever kissed at that point. I don't regret moving out at 17 for one second, it was the best decision I had ever made.
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Jul 19, 2019 16:23
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my kinda ape posted:Still not remotely as bad as a lot of people have it. I have no idea how you could retain your sanity if both of your parents were monsters. As long as you recognize they're monsters you can come out of it okay, I guess. It can be a lot of work to get through it if you manage to escape it.
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Jul 28, 2019 13:21
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"It's the child's responsibility to stay in touch with the parent, but I guess your generation thinks differently."
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Aug 1, 2019 15:32
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In my case, we would alternate Christmas dinner with my mom and my in-laws, but a few years ago my mom decided she didn't want to bother with dinners anymore after a drama filled Christmas at my sister's place in Toronto. So I thought it would be a good way to finally bring my families together because up to this point we'd never gotten together as a group, and this is 18 years into our relationship. I figured it was enough of the "either or" because that's ridiculous. So I invited my mom to dinner at my in-laws. She said she already had plans to order Chinese with a friend. My mother-in-law was pretty disappointed because she knows my mom is my only family in this city and she hates people to be alone. Well I found out last year that my mom has resented my mother-in-law since 1999 and has made the decision to never forgive her for what she did. What did she do? I decided when I was 17 and dating my now husband that I wanted to go with him and his family to a farm out of town they just bought. I wasn't given permission, but I was also banned from seeing him "for my safety" even though my mom had never met him so I didn't give a poo poo about permission anymore. So I just packed a bag on Friday afternoon and went to his house and asked them to take me with them. His family were concerned my mom would be worried so my mother-in-law handwrote a letter explaining the situation. We snuck it into my mailbox on our way out of town. So what was so awful about that? In the letter, she wrote "You don't need to worry, PP will be safe with us". Which was interpreted as "She's not safe with you." My mom still believes that to this day even when I've explained it to not only her, but other family members who said "Oh. That makes more sense."
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Aug 1, 2019 18:13
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Dirt Road Junglist posted:Holy gently caress, threatens suicide to get back at her own daughter? That's...wow. Mine did.
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Aug 5, 2019 15:17
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GCU Quelle Suprise posted:Jeez man, is this a thing, cuz I thought it was just mine. Age 9ish I remember her walking out the door down the street to the hospital. She told me they would kill her at her request and that it was all my fault. I was pulling at her clothes, screaming and crying, and that was clearly her objective. She denies this action to this day. I wasn't told directly, my aunt informed me that my mom wanted to kill herself because she failed as a parent since I'm not the kind of daughter I'm supposed to be. Fun times to know someone wants to die because you're a disappointment amd not good enough, let me tell you.
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Aug 5, 2019 15:43
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MongolArcher posted:Oh good gods, I'm so sorry. Oh drat, sorry, I didn't mean she actually went through with it. She just threatened to as a means of making me feel guilty for not wanting to fight about poo poo that happened 30 years ago and not texting her enough. SulfurMonoxideCute fucked around with this message at 22:13 on Aug 5, 2019 |
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Aug 5, 2019 22:10
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bad posts ahead!!! posted:if i knew my mother was honestly, sincerely remorseful for the things she's done, and legit wanted to make amends, i would hear her out. even after everything i've described. but that's not the reality of the situation, and there's no way i could know she was on the level with any real certainty. god knows she's done the "make up, then gradually increase the awfulness until everything snaps again" thing too many times. My mom phoned me the other night, first contact since March of last year. I let it go to voicemail, and she said she needed to talk to me about something. I wasn't near ready to talk, so I responded by text saying I'd prefer that way. I wasn't sure I wanted to at all, but my husband was worried that maybe she had cancer and didn't want me to have any regrets. She was legally obliged to contact me as per her lawyer because she was trying to remove her father's name from the title of her house which he cosigned for, but he passed away a number of years ago and everyone in his will had to confirm they were okay with it. Our conversation ended there. So I'm still estranged and hated!
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Aug 10, 2019 22:44
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Telemaze posted:
Lol when a bunch of my family got together at a cousin's for Christmas a few years ago, there was a news story about a mother who had murdered her adult child going around. My mom was drunk and talking about it with my second cousin and I overheard her say "you know sometimes I understand it" so Merry Fuckin Christmas to me. Woooooooooo.
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Aug 16, 2019 18:14
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big cummers ONLY posted:Time to start leaving brochures for really low-end retirement homes around her place I'll have to sneak them into her mailbox because we've been no contact for almost a year and a half now. And it's been wonderful. She has a LOT of emotional baggage that she expected me to manage, she put zero effort into maintaining a relationship and straight up told me it's the child's job to do so, and man oh man did she ever project her insecurities on me. She's a dictionary narcissist with a victim complex and I can't be the one to fix her. Especially after battling a debilitating illness for the past 3 years, of which she stated it was so hard on her, won't I think about how much it sucks for her to know I have to deal with this? SHE needs MY support, not the other way around. March last year she said she didn't want to talk to me until I got better, and now that I am better, she doesn't know and I want to keep it that way. I want to enjoy life for a while now that I have a second chance.
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Aug 16, 2019 18:47
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There was a post to the relationships thread by an adult adoptee who came to realize he was just an ego-boosting prop to his parents, and they'd parade him around saying he wouldn't have accomplished anything without them, like get an education. They never said they were proud of him for the work he put into it, they were telling all their friends how proud of themselves they were for saving this poor soul.
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Aug 20, 2019 17:19
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Every one of those comments could be from my mom lmao
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Aug 21, 2019 21:57
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That lady is also a textbook example of how you can have a child/significant other/spouse of a different race, and apparently love them, and still be incredibly racist.
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Aug 27, 2019 19:10
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Panfilo posted:I doubt narcissists would ever stoop to be held by the same standards they expect from their children. I can promise you from experience that hypocrisy is their favourite game.
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Aug 28, 2019 16:34
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I got into a fight with my mom when I was a teenager when she forbid me from seeing my now husband to "keep me safe". To make me feel guilty for wanting to spend time with him, she screamed at me that she lost her virginity to her brother when she was 13. I have no idea what the gently caress that had to do with it. She's been holding a grudge against me the last few years because I refuse to go with her to visit him since he has a terminal cancer. I'll never be sorry for not maintaining relationships with child rapists just because they're family. I'm pretty sure he did things to me too when I was little but they gaslit me over that saying he prefers teenagers. 
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Aug 28, 2019 19:56
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Truniht posted:This thread is a really weird Rorschach test for goons who had abusive childhoods Every drat post shared reminds me exactly of my own mother except the details are different.
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Sep 6, 2019 06:38
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I was really skinny growing up, and my mother's family was all fat. My dad's side was super skinny though. But apparently I had an eating disorder that I was constantly harassed about, I got sent to doctors to deal with it who all determined I was fine. It got to the point that I couldn't even go to the bathroom for a couple hours after a meal because my mom assumed I was throwing up. She also assumed I was a pothead as a teenager because I was always way too calm and relaxed according to her, but she is neurotic and freaks out over everything amd she's just comparing a regular person to herself. She searched my room anytime she saw me without eyeliner because "Aha! Your eyes are so red right now! I knew it!!!!"
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Sep 6, 2019 22:03
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I think my favourite stories are the ones where kids cut ties when they find a partner. Myself included. Turns out when we find out what it's like to be treated well by someone for once, we flee.
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Sep 8, 2019 01:52
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Cerebral Mayhem posted:These parents always seem fixated on visions of the ideal family. My mom would frequently bring up examples of other children from books and nag me, "Why can't you be more like ___? Look, she is always meek and respectful and never talks back!" Uhhhh, maybe it's because she's a fictional character? Maybe the author is an abusive piece of poo poo themselves and has created their version of the ideal child? Or, we would be out and see another family and my mom would tell me, "Look! ___ always says 'Sir' and 'Ma'm' when talking to his parents! How nice!" Well, maybe it's because he knows he'll get a beating when they get home if he doesn't. I get compared to her best friend's kids, because they have a good relationship with their mother. All the things my mom refuses to do with me, like interacting with my social media, texting me, saying yes when I ask if she wants to go do something, she does with her friend's kids. So while she's ignoring me on purpose to prove how lovely I am, she's actively participating in a relationship with other people's kids like they're her own. She also does the same with my sister. Apparently it's just me who who gets to be ignored deliberately to prove a point. Which at this point is perfectly fine. I'm 100% done trying to manage her emotional baggage for her.
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Sep 11, 2019 15:50
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Miss posted:It's been 19 years and she's clearly still absolutely livid that her child drew that picture. I bought my mom a box of chocolates one Christmas like 13 years ago and she's still mad about it because 1. I was obviously trying to secretly tell her she was fat 2. Chocolates are what you get for your boss who you hate And I mean, she likes chocolate. A lot. She hates clutter so she doesn't want stuff. So I thought a big expensive box of gourmet chocolate would be a good idea but apparently not. Oh well, I don't have to worry about getting her anything she won't find offensive anymore
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Sep 30, 2019 23:50
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Ghost Leviathan posted:I'm reminded of how it's important if your kids are friends with a kid who has a clearly dysfunctional home life to invite them over when you can and show them a different family to teach them what a healthy (or at least less dysfunctional) relationship can look like, that their own experience at home is not their only option. A lot of people just haven't seen what a healthy and equitable relationship looks like, and care more about ticking the right boxes than actually talking to people. It really is. My in-laws are amazing and I've been happier with them than I ever have with my own. I was so screwed up as a kid and had such a hard time maintaining friendships, especially growing up in a small town as a non-binary person. I moved to the city at 16, met some other kids from ruined homes, started to really open up, then met my now husband, and his family blew my mind. I completely latched on to them, probably to an unhealthy degree, and a combination of events led to me leaving home at 17 and going to their place instead. They took me in as one of their own and referred to me as "one of the kids" along with all their kids right away.
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Oct 8, 2019 19:56
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I think it's a good place. I have an incredible and positive relationship with my in-laws, I've gotten to experience both sides. Also this came across my feed this morning. Extremely typical attitude and language. 
SulfurMonoxideCute fucked around with this message at 17:53 on Oct 10, 2019 |
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Oct 10, 2019 16:28
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Pyrotoad posted:How are they supposed to perpetuate the idea that their child's negative behaviour towards them is only happening because the child is doing it on purpose specifically to hurt them (for NO REASON obviously), and that they're the real abuse victim here, if they do? They could ask my mom.
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Oct 15, 2019 17:29
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I noticed last night that my aunt unfriended me on Facebook at some point. Guess she got sick of me leaving her mean and insulting messages on unread. I'd blocked her and the rest of my immediate family from seeing anything I post for the past half year anyway, because I was tired of being lectured on how lovely and lazy and stupid I am whenever I felt like complaining about a bad day or a setback to my recovery or whatever. I figured unfriending would just create all sorts of stupid drama so I just blocked them all, but if they want to remove me, hey by all means have at it.
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Oct 21, 2019 03:10
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Ah, I should clarify it's not a full block, it's the filtering who sees a post function. If I changed the post settings to all friends or public, they could see it. I'm sure they can see all my comments and likes on public posts, but none of that is personal life stuff, it's meme poo poo. So they can't see anything I talk about because I've chosen them individually as people who my posts are hidden from.
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Oct 21, 2019 07:10
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Quoted myself by accident
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Oct 21, 2019 07:10
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Account McAccount posted:Ugh yeah I always figured that if I have a kid my mom would never be allowed near it alone. Maybe see it for like 5 minutes but that's it. She thinks it's good to hit kids. Mine would refuse to call them and blame the kid for it until they day she dies. And I would totally support my kid in ignoring her right back. A relationship isn't a job where you're required to fulfill certain expectations according to your "How to be a child/grandchild" rulebook and if you don't fulfill them, you deserve to be lectured about being a lovely child.
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Oct 24, 2019 18:51
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I'm anticipating the day my father finally kicks it because just seeing people who look like him gives me panic attacks. I did see him once since I cut him off in 1998 and I completely lost it. He beat the poo poo out of all of us when I was growing up and went to jail for it once. Knowing I don't have to worry about running into him anymore will be such a huge relief. I'm amazed he even is still alive considering how much crack and heroin he did. But I guess he fathered a son so that gave him new life. He never layed a finger on that kid. Just his daughters.
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Oct 25, 2019 16:17
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The only thing I want from my parents is for them to leave me alone. So far so good.
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Oct 31, 2019 02:43
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"I made sacrifices and you should be grateful!" It's called being a parent and everyone does it, sweaty, there's nothing special about it. Most people don't get indignant about not being rewarded exactly how they think they're entitled to. This is a major problem I'm having with my own. She thinks there's specific rules to how our relationship is supposed to work, I'm supposed to act in a specific way and I don't so she resents me and assumes I hate her because I don't do 'what I'm supposed to'. Anything I do that isn't up to her specific standard is an intentional attack against her. Going on a date with my husband to an attraction instead of her means I don't like being around her and intentionally didn't invite her to send that message to her. Anything I do without her is a passive aggressive message that I want to hurt her. If I said that wasn't true, I'm just lying to make her look bad. If she asks me to do something together, it means I don't care about her and I'm only going for my own selfish reasons and not because I enjoy being around her. I just got so tired of never doing anything right so when the huge falling out happened last year, it was honestly a relief.
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Nov 2, 2019 17:19
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My job makes it hard to spend time with my family at Christmas when they decided to so it half way across the country. We do a special holiday event that gets really busy and taking time off during that isn't always possible. The tines everyone went out east and I didn't I'd get lectured relentlessly about how I clearly don't care about them when I'm just trying to keep my job. So one year I did it. I went out there. It loving sucked. Everyone fought, my mom told my sister she wished she wasn't gay, I overheard my mom say she understood what it was like to want to kill your kid, she admitted she hates being around me and anyone else because I'm happier than when I'm with just her, she ranted about not being invited on a date with my husband. I honestly regretted it. They threatened to disown me back then if I didn't go and I should have just accepted it because now we're estranged anyway over different poo poo.
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Nov 12, 2019 21:22
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Admiralty Flag posted:Fortunately, my experience in the whole thing is limited. I'm not estranged, just disrespectful, because my mother sometimes has to call me...apparently I should always be the one calling her Mine straight up told me it's the child's responsibility to keep in touch, not the parents. They'd rather believe in some weird forced powerplay dynamic rather than a natural organic relationship and I think it's a major root to a lot of estrangements. And they don't see it as hypocritical because they view relationships as balances of power where they expect people in their lives to behave a certain way, and if they don't, clearly that person is bad and they've now been victimized.
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Nov 17, 2019 19:53
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| # ¿ Apr 26, 2024 02:13 |
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Tin Can Hit Man posted:Nah, my biological mother said poo poo like that word for word and meant it. For some folks that isn't hyperbole, it's an actual code for parenting. I've known a few people share posts exactly like it on Facebook, the also call themselves Mama Bears.
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Nov 18, 2019 02:34
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