Barudak posted:

For people who arent familiar with this here is the most charitable what actually happened for one of these random posts

"Why wont my child, who I told is never welcome in my home again because they married a [racial slur], not talking to me, I did nothing wrong!!"

bad posts ahead!!! posted:

somehow they always seem to have a complete, legal-like, itemized list of every single thing they've done and bought for you, just ready to go in their heads. my mother used to scream about doing this or that for me as she beat me and called me ungrateful

THOT PATROL posted:

Some of the Sheep posted:

It's this dynamic: https://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/golden-child-and-scapegoat/ and it's a tool of abuse. You also see stories as well where the roles of golden child and scapegoat interchange when the parent is losing control of the dynamic.

Prester Jane posted:

I mean my reaction to the abuse was to go find a bunch of similarly abused/dysfunctional young white makes and form a doomsday otherkin cult. We were very literally and very directly proto-chuds, right down to the haircuts and clothing choices. Don't believe me, then check out mr. Proto-altright himself Sean Kennedy- a man who would absolutely be leading the modern alt-right /IDW political scenes if he hadn't come 20 years too early:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tn5TtrKyHlE


Plenty of incels/chuds are entitled shits with a personality disorder, but I'd be willing to venture that probably a simple majority are products of abusive environments; it's virtually impossible to form a healthy self identity if you've never been shown an example of a healthy human being to model yourself off of.

Prester Jane posted:

Sean Kennedy wasn't racist, but by and large neither were militant internet atheists at the time. Racism becoming incorporated into this sort of esgelord material was an addition that didn't really start taking off till halfway through the Obama years. Sean Kennedy was more into Dungeons & Dragons influenced paramilitart LARPing than Turner's Diaries influenced paramilitary LARPing:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sez9My-SdnQ

Ghost Leviathan posted:

A key thing with a lot of lovely parents is there's a point where they're just mad the kid isn't their cute little boy/girl anymore and resent them for growing up.

SidneyIsTheKiller posted:

That person should really stick to pets, yeesh.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

The age varies, I've heard it can often happen around six or seven, or maybe more during puberty in my case, but can be a point where they just become another mouth to feed, or even considered 'grown up' now regardless of how much they've actually been prepared for it. I think a lot of parents just assume their kids have the same skills and autonomy that they did at the same age even if they've never had the opportunity to learn any of those things.

Was that post somewhere that went "The life story of everyone under 40; your parents getting mad at you for not knowing how to do things that they actively prevented you from learning."

BrigadierSensible posted:

A question. And I am sorry if it is rude. But to people who grew up with parents like that, does it de-sensitize you to other people's real pain? i.e. "Yeah, I can see you crying, but that doesn't affect me because I have seen my mum do worse over a cup of spilled milk.", or are you hyper-sensitive to it, i.e. "Please please please don't be upset, I will do anything to stop you from being even the slightest upset because I am scared it will erupt into wailing and gnashing of teeth like it did with my mum."?

Pope Corky the IX posted:

I was attacked by a dog that belonged to one of the other kid's in our Boy Scout troop in the late 90s. I was fourteen at the time.

We eventually won a lawsuit against them because the dog and owners had a history of paying off victims of attacks. We (I) eventually got a $75,000 judgement against them, that would come in installments between me being fifteen and continuing until I received the rest at age twenty-one.

My parents decided to take the money and remodel the second bathroom in their house at $30,000, and my father to purchase a motorcycle from a family friend down in Florida (we're in New York/Long Island) for another $15,000.

I am with my spouse of seven years (second marriage) and we have nothing to show for the $75,000 that was originally mine.

Devils Affricate posted:

Dirt Road Junglist posted:

The problem is when you change your filters, forget to change them back, and then Vaguebook something the person you were screening recognizes.

And that's the last time my ex girlfriend ever talked to me

Picnic Princess posted:

Apprently I forgot to block my mother because she just texted me "I'm just reaching out in hopes of getting the family back together" and I have zero interest. Not having to deal with them treating me like poo poo has been wonderful. Amazing. It was great not being called stupid and disappointing for a while. I'd rather keep that up.

Splicer posted:

It potentially reads like they all deliberately got knocked up /by the same guy/. I want to believe that's obviously not the case but...

Preechr posted:

I assume that whoever posted this has at least one quote in this thread.

Shibawanko posted:

yeah i hate tissues, i find them disgusting. i had a friend as a kid whose sister always just shoved used tissues into the folds of the couch and poo poo like that

i blow my nose with tissues but i only do that if i have a trashcan nearby so i can just dump them right away, i dont want that poo poo festering in my pocket. snot is gross but its infinitely grosser if it's been lingering in the open air on a moist tissue all day

Ghost Leviathan posted:

There's a real knack for lovely parents to try to teach you to do something in a way that makes you never, ever want to do it again.

Rat posted:

My happy Friday night update is that after speaking with the responding officer, he agreed something wasn't right and was able to put in a request for a home assessment of mental health. Tonight mental health workers visited and assessed my dad and recognized he was delusional. He was forcibly placed in care he will probably be with them for some time

About the happiest outcome one could hope for honestly

Lemniscate Blue posted:

It may or may not be a good idea in your particular case, but if a person is threatening suicide for purposes of manipulation the usual advice I've seen is to contact their local medical authorities for an emergency evaluation. If they're serious then they can get the help they need, if they're not then they quickly learn that that particular tactic brings down more hell than it's worth.

YMMV, especially with the behavior of emergency services towards mental health issues in your/their community.

Mx. posted:

you don't have to do anything. ignoring her is a completely valid choice.

Mr. Lobe posted:

Do you have any contacts who could do a wellness check without you being directly involved? Ideally people who could involve local authorities if needed?

Miss Broccoli posted:

yeah, well, she wont bother OP any more then will she

ohnobugs posted:

Also hugs to everyone that had a bad holiday.

Picnic Princess posted:

I ought to get it too. And I also should keep it secret. Back in 2016 a woman murdered her adult daughter at Christmas and I overheard my drunk mom joke "sometimes I understand that feeling"

Kite Pride Worldwide posted:

No contact is great. If you never have to look at or deal with them again, it's just as if they conveniently died one day and life moved on without them

John Murdoch posted:

Yeah. I mean, it's a bit of a catch 22 where I'm not exactly thrilled to throw down the money for a phone that I don't strictly need in the short term...but I realize in the long term I also can't claw my way towards more independence unless I get one. It's a subject that's come up before, if only because we've had a lot of issues with our internet going out (which also takes out our phone line) or storms knocking out our power for obscenely long amounts of time, so at the bare minimum having another device handy in emergencies beyond my dad's iphone isn't a bad thing.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Also, if your mother has already tried "I have to drink myself to sleep every night" expect that to escalate. When I first cut contact with my family there was about a year of texts, voicemails, emails, etc from my sister telling me that my mother might have COPD, my niece may have broken her leg in an accident, my father may have had another heart attack, etc. I never ever responded, even though I badly wanted to reply "Why are you calling me instead of 911?" Eventually the constant barrage stopped, but my sister will still get drunk every few months and either be "I miss my brother, my kids miss their uncle, mom and dad miss their son" or "You're the worst brother/uncle/son in the world"

boar guy posted:

block her

nishi koichi posted:

yes. you don’t have to take this

Grimdude posted:

So I decided to spill my guts to my mom recently. I sent it all as a longer message because to me, it was the only way I'd get these points across without being sidelined by her screaming and/or crying angrily. Basically in short, I explained why we haven't talked as much recently and why I'm so distant. That the more I've thought about it, she did her best to seclude me from everyone but her, including our own family. I pointed out how I seldom or never heard her say anything nice about anyone, and somehow she had problems with ALL of these people and it was never her fault. This kind of poo poo happened in particular with her mom, her siblings, and multiple employers who fired her. As of late, she seems to make a point out of being the most contrarian conservative rear end in a top hat possible. It's not hyperbole to say it's all she talks about. I had a lunch with her and my grandma for the first time in months and I just sat there silently staring at a wall while they bitched about black people for 30 minutes. Not once did either of them notice that it was a two-person conversation with one miserable person wishing they weren't there. Again, I am not exaggerating when I say it's her and her husband's entire personalities now. Because believe me I know how it sounds, "oh wow way to let politics get between family" but trust me it's not that mundane. It's more of an obvious side-effect to her lovely personality.

Anyway, a couple days after that I sent the message. Couple paragraphs, nothing too wild but it still took like three hours to get the ideas out and edit down my emotions a bit as to not stound too hostile. I saw that she responded by initially was afraid to look. Then I saw this preview of the message:



Upon further reading, I have completely misconstrued everything I told her. The rest of the message is her rationalizing by AGAIN complaining about how awful her brother or whoever was to all of us because she just "knows" how much they "talked poo poo about us."

What a weight off my shoulders. I had been feeling so guilty about sending that message for a week or so. But let me tell you, after seeing her lovely response I feel completely vindicated. So I guess that's some advice for anyone in a similar situation.

(Oh and if you're curious, the rest of the sentence after "But..." is "but you have to live with that perception.")