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Maybe it's the insomnia talking, or maybe it's the fact that I watched television for 20mins for the first time in years a few days ago and Walker: Texas Ranger just happened to still be on television defying all expectation, but it seemed pertinent to open up a discussion, a forum if you will, in which we goons engage in discourse about the televisual epidrama Walker: Texas Ranger. This is a play of many acts, and one that is as well written as its fights are well choreographed. In each episode a crime has been committed that upsets the very balance of nature and it is up to Charles Norris, a man of exaggerated reputation, to ply his trade as a Texas Lawman along with his side kick, Clarence Gilyard Jr, AKA Ranger Trivette whose main role in the show is to gently caress up so as to allow Walker to take the spotlight. Now in order to uncover said crime in each episode, which is probably something to do with drugs, the rangers find themselves at one of Texas' many, many, many seedy biker bars. Of which Texas has as many as there are episodes, so as to accommodate more plot. Therein, lie the tight-lipped keepers of all knowledge and wisdom, the random biker goons, oracles to all goings on in wherever the hell the show is taking place this time round. But the bikers aren't going to give up their secrets to just anyone who trespasses upon their demesne, oh no. First, a contest of skill must be demonstrated! So it comes to pass as the Ranger, neither mighty, nor especially morphin', test their mettle upon these warrior monks of Zeke's Waterin' Grotto. The clashing sounds of beef being walloped with a pipe off screen are heard as fists and feet land upon biker cloth and flesh alike. Until, at last! Only one is left standing and held down with pool cue laid upon his neck. Walker asks politely, where are the drugs coming from, a shout as the man vows to uphold his secrets and returns to his quiet solemnity. Beef is heard struck again as walkers fist kaslams into bearded jowls. He congratulates them on their knowledge of the mystic arts and proceeds to answer all that is to be known. We see close ups of the pieces villain. A man of pure evil, as evidenced by the scar he bears on this face and the flashback of him being pushed through sugar glass by Walker. He shoots one of his henchmen because he's the boss. Then a bunch of other stuff happens, Trivette gets kidnapped or Walkers weird looking wife/girlfriend/whatever does something and then the rangers raid a warehouse where the crooks are being held. This time they've guns. We see, as we see in every episode, shooting someone dead in the warehouse and some other people die who cares and then the villain flees to the roof top. Then Walker follows, after tending to Trivettes near fatal gunshot wounds. On the roof, Count Doom is unarmed, walked has his 12-gauge poised at the ready. Doom, gambits and challenges Walker to settle this like men. Ho ho! Little does he realise! What follows is pounding beef as bearded man in jeans kicks a scarred guy in a muscle shirt for at least five minutes before he falls over and is thus arrested. The Chaos Emeralds are once again, safely contained in the labyrinth beneath the Alamo. Until next time. Walker and the other members of the Justice Juche assemble at C.D.s diner. A morally pure waterin' hole, run by a man, who is named after a defunct form of digital media who thinks he's Wilfred Brimley. An eagle appears lands on Walkers shoulder and the National Anthem plays as all the residents are forced to stand at gun point. Roll credits. Let us all reminisce
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Jul 23, 2019 22:59
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 03:22 |
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confirmed
saphirecalypso fucked around with this message at 23:47 on Jul 24, 2019 |
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Jul 23, 2019 23:00
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Walker told me I have AIDS
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Jul 23, 2019 23:03
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potee posted:Walker told me I have AIDS I rushed in here to post this. Congratulations, good sir.
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Jul 23, 2019 23:05
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Jul 23, 2019 23:13
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I liked the 'Cocker: Texas Spaniel' version on Lifetime For Dogs that I just imagined in my head moments ago better. WEll cya.
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Jul 23, 2019 23:32
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I liked the episode with the satanists. The head Satanist was played by the guy who did the radio DJ voice in Fallout 3
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Jul 24, 2019 17:15
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What were those special stretchy jeans he wore so he could roundhouse kick but still keep his cowboy cred?
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Jul 24, 2019 17:28
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I went to a friend-of-a-friend's birthday, and the birthday boy was a child actor who was a major supporting character in one episode of Walker: Texas Ranger. We watched the footage and laughed. He never acted again, if I recall. Well that's my story.
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Jul 24, 2019 19:27
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The show is over but you may want to check out Eagleheart the spiritual successor to Texas Ranger. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctktzt2Xpc8
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Jul 24, 2019 19:47
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 03:22 |
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The best thing to come from it's existence was the quip in the MST3K movie credits of "Julie Walker Texas Ranger".
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Jul 24, 2019 19:49
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