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it is unfair that even though I am larger than father and my body has been filled with the blessings of the Worm, he does not yield his seat to me nor has he departed to the lake where the ancestors gather. this is why our crops are small. |
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Aug 13, 2019 20:32
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 04:53 |
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When Torvus returned from the hunt with much meat, father greeted him and then praised the bear he had killed, did it homage, and poured out a flagon of mead before it. This is proper to assuage the vengeance of its ghost I admit; but did father praise Torvus' cunning, or Torvus' strength? How does father believe Torvus killed this bear -- magic? Behold, this is a joke -- we all know magic belongs to the sorcerers beyond the mountain. But father is rude. Father is always praising the meat, while neglecting the hunter who procures the meat.
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Aug 13, 2019 20:46
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i dislike his deadness, but this thread is good, yes |
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Aug 13, 2019 22:33
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Father: Son, thou hast played thy Nintendo long enough! Me: Father, prithee, know'st thou nothing? 'Tis a Station of Play! |
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Aug 13, 2019 22:34
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Father will not permit me to attend the Taylor Swift concert. He is careful to remind me (unfairly, as he has himself acknowledged that it was an honest error with no malintent) that the last time I neglected my duties, the spiders became restless, and ever since they have tolerated different meat. I confess it is true that we do not know the extent to which my presence is required here at the compound in the time of the final work, however, it is his further asseveration that attending a popular music recital breeds reptiles of the mind. I do not believe this to be so. Principally, I refuse to accede that Taytay's influence could be so deleterious. In truth this is a small matter and of little consequence, yet black ichor brews in my heart all the same– it's hard to explain if you didn't grow up Here, but he always does this with things that I like. |
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Aug 13, 2019 23:09
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when came harvest time last and the clans had gathered for the Sevenfold Feast, father declared before all: "I am replete with foods!" and undid his girdle, and revealed his undergarments in front of the very eyes of the High Raven and all the kings. my face was red with shame. ---------------- |
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Aug 13, 2019 23:23
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Mom: I'm sorry but your father and I agree that buying a pony is simply out of the question Me: ...et tu, Pater? |
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Aug 13, 2019 23:26
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I wish my dad would blow my head off with a 357 magnum
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Aug 14, 2019 05:48
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O fruit of mine loins! I see much anger in your one good eye. Father! I am pissed OFF! Remember what the wise elders have said "Far better to be pissed OFF than pissed upon!" |
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Aug 14, 2019 08:27
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He never taught me how to shave, so I let it grow beyond imagination and am unable to cut it because I lost connection with the surrounding air many years ago, when it grew over my limbs. Been posting ever since, trying to get help.
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Aug 14, 2019 10:43
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Father is always speaking of the glories of his youth in the hunt: how there were so many grouse in the thicket that one merely had to extend one's arm and grab whichever he chose. This is fine, but father then complains I do not carry home as many grouse as he did. He does not take into account that his hunting days were in the time before the sorcerers beyond the mountain spoke a curse that dried up the waters of the field, and that game is not so numerous now as in the past, when father was at the hunt. He thinks all things are as they were in his youth. Father is unreasonable.
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Aug 14, 2019 14:03
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when i burst forward screaming from my mother, my father hoisted me up, then severed the cord to womanhood with a swift swipe of a blade. then he thrust the sword into the earth, displayed my brooding visage to them and declared THIS IS MY SON. I GIVE HIM NOT BUT MY STRENGTH OF BLOOD, MY CUNNING OF MIND, AND A BLADE THAT HE MAY TAKE ALL ELSE HE DESIRES i was born a man. i suckled on fermented bears milk, drank fresh blood from the cows each morn. the birth had destroyed my mother, i have never known her face. when i could grip, a dagger was my rattle, a shortsword my treasured friend. i knew nothing but battle. my father trained me, forged me into strongest iron until the day i could defeat him at any challenge. he had built me into a man without fear. then the woman came to town. father did not shield me from her, warn me of her charms. she was a witch of the grey forest, and she bound me with sigils and signs. she cut my hair, and bound my heart in bands of steel i could not bend or break. i hate my father. he taught me how to fight men, so that i would be powerless against women.
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Aug 14, 2019 16:06
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| Pa speaks him often o' the Before-Time, when they Old Un's got all the light-lights, and the wonders-'n'-marvels, and the pretty foods, and all that stuff. That was before the big Lights Go Out, some eleventy moons ago. I'm right sure Pa speakin' the true-true but he fill Sis and I's ears about it every awakin' moment, like I just bringed all that water for the whole village, how bout you hold'em stories for a spell and begive me a thanka-you? | |
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Aug 14, 2019 16:07
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The Clowner posted:Pa speaks him often o' the Before-Time, when they Old Un's got all the light-lights, and the wonders-'n'-marvels, and the pretty foods, and all that stuff. That was before the big Lights Go Out, some eleventy moons ago. I'm right sure Pa speakin' the true-true but he fill Sis and I's ears about it every awaking moment, like I just bringed all that water for the whole village, how bout you hold'em stories for a spell and begive me a thanka-you? pa knows the true true. you are his honestborn son, and you do what is right. thanka you thanka me, follow the song and bring the water, not all chit chatting about needing a thank you for this and that.
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Aug 14, 2019 16:09
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Heather Papps posted:pa knows the true true. you are his honestborn son, and you do what is right. thanka you thanka me, follow the song and bring the water, not all chit chatting about needing a thank you for this and that. okay, Ma |
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Aug 14, 2019 18:41
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my dad gave me his lovely eyesight, but he's partially colourblind and i am not so i guess thanks for the fuzziness dude my dad taught me that honesty and kindness were important but not to shave or change me own oil tires yes tho my dad likes my siblings better cause they are easier to get along with and live more conventional lives and he doesn't see the live he could have lived had he chosen the monastery in me, his first born. he follows ancient jewish codes, but i am not getting a double inheritance and he never one time made my mom go live in a tent while she was "having her time of the month" my dad thinks he could still beat me up despite the fact we have not sparred at full strength since i was 16 years old because the dude is old my dad takes like, a million years to ever respond to any thing because he thinks it's more important to say the right thing then to say a lot of things and he will not listen to me when i say that it is allllll about quantity DAD
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Aug 14, 2019 19:31
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"father, i am an hungered' "hello an hungered, i am father" |
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Aug 14, 2019 19:39
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my dad was a weak man, and lost the bunker to the muties. now we roam the waste, awash in his failure.
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Aug 14, 2019 23:07
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My dad keeps appearing to me as a shining vision amongst the clouds, ostensibly to help guide me toward my true destiny but also somehow managing to bring up that he's a little behind on the bills this month and if it isn't too much trouble... |
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Aug 14, 2019 23:34
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He covers my eyes with his hand at all the coolest parts in Passion of the Christ |
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Aug 15, 2019 00:38
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"The harvest rots in the fields, the ancient fires have gone cold and the cows bellow for milking and are ignored! Yet you, my only son, remain here day after day sequestered in your bed-chambers watching stories for children!" "It's called ANIME, dad, and it's ART!"
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Aug 15, 2019 00:47
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Aug 15, 2019 04:17
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my dad’s nickname at his job is “last minute jim” because he always starts projects or tasks last minute and that trait follows him home. he hates his nickname and i hate how he hates it because honestly it’s very fitting |
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Aug 15, 2019 05:12
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My dad is older than me and has lived a much more fulfilling life
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Aug 15, 2019 11:17
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father: "son, do not take Gilla the Priestess to your bedchamber, for this will anger the Bound Goddess and her worshippers, and cause misfortune for the clan" also father: "i have taken the Marsh Queen into my tent although she is betrothed to the sorcerer Naidal, Who Sifts the Bones. Wait, why has a curse has been spoken against us?" ---------------- |
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Aug 15, 2019 14:03
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my bioderm genetic line father existed outside of the hell which is my life of total war. why did he let them take his seed, to plant and tend us, his children, until we are but a shadow of what our father once was.
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Aug 15, 2019 14:21
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my dad is hot cuz he's fly i aint cuz im not
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Aug 15, 2019 14:25
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my zaddy won't buy me more cocaine this week. he said i need to learn restraint. i hate my daddyyyyyy
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Aug 15, 2019 16:19
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| Dad loves "roughing it" at our cabin up north - no electricity, no running water, no wards against They Who Come In The Night. Says it "builds character" to sit by the campfire all night clutching a baseball bat and try not to look directly at the shapes in the flames. Plus he only packs oatmeal for breakfast. Would it kill him to bring some bacon? | |
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Aug 15, 2019 17:27
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i mean the only thing i hate about my dad is that he is also my uncle and cousin.
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Aug 15, 2019 22:21
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When the Southern King-- the one known as 'The Iron Hawk,' I mean-- came with his retinue to the gathering of clans, he brought his astrologers and magicians. I was suspicious of this, since magic is detestable to me and the sorcerers beyond the mountain are bad enough on their own. But father was overawed by them and their trickery. These astrologers pretended to much knowledge concerning the movement of the heavens and how this directs the lives of men, and furthermore intimated that certain stones have the power of overruling the dictates of the sky. They demonstrated this with a black stone which attracted other, smaller stones onto itself. I admit this was a marvel, but father demanded he possess this wondrous stone, and gave the astrologers seven head of cattle for it. Seven head of cattle! What is this stone, a comely wife? Surely not. Why then does father pay a dowry-price for it? And what has father done with this stone after paying so dearly for it? It sits on a table in his war-tent, gathering dust more eagerly than it ever did those smaller stones. I could have used those seven head of cattle. ---------------- |
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Aug 17, 2019 17:01
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when i tell him "thanks" he always says "okay..." instead of "you're welcome" |
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Aug 17, 2019 18:02
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Bonaventure posted:What is this stone, a comely wife? Surely not. Why then does father pay a dowry-price for it? put this on a shirt, sell it to me, i will put it on and kill myself, having lived a full and complete life.
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Aug 17, 2019 18:06
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Bonaventure posted:He thinks all things are as they were in his youth. Father is unreasonable. i would hold you in my muscular embrace and whisper "i know that feel"
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Aug 17, 2019 19:31
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Personally I'm not too pleased with my dad being dead, this is something he should have consulted me about first |
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Aug 17, 2019 21:02
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my dad cut off my hand cause i wouldn't "join the dark side"
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Aug 17, 2019 21:17
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my dad told me to put as much as possible into my 401k and now I can't buy as much weed without feeling guilty. What a dick
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Aug 18, 2019 02:01
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| tales will be sung years hence that it was father who beseiged the valleymen's fort to the north, plundered their keep and set fire upon it all. at the feast, they will say, he smelted their ill-gotten gold into a mighty greataxe which he then plunged, still white-hot, into the valleyman chief's skull, to the cheers of the warriors and the cold approval of the hierarchs, blessed be their wisdom. children will sing hymns of father's march to the western shores, how he tore the boatmen from their decadent triremes and galleons, how he fed the sea regent to his own pet sharks. future generations will know of his conquests of the southern wastes, and the eastern jungles, and beyond, resulting in the foretold fulfillment of prophesy: the ultimate union of the entire continent under his banner, at the behest of the hierarchs, blessed be their wisdom. but, I say this to you, the songs will fall silent on his weaknesses, his ineptitudes, his failures. to protect the faith, our children's children will not sing of father's greatest embarrassment: maining chrom in super smash brothers ultimate like an unwashed tier-whore | |
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Aug 18, 2019 05:32
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He apparently blasts piss into the toilet at supersonic speeds because there's always a fine mist of piss on the seat that he absolutely refuses to lift. Some of us gotta sit to piss man! He's paying my tuition though so I mostly just keep my mouth shut. |
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Aug 18, 2019 07:26
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 04:53 |
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After a long and difficult labor, a child was born to Ahera the Weaver, and she died and was washed in the lake where the ancestors gather. The child lived, a child born with a red winding-sheet about it, and with hair upon its head. "Behold these marvels, father," I said, "unlucky omens! This child is surely a destroyer, who has destroyed his mother. He is an evil spirit, and we must drown him in the lake." "Nay," said father, pointing to the hair upon the wicked child's head, "this one has been blessed by the Bear, born in blood and already a man, it foretells that he shall be a strong warrior for the clan." And he was given to the priest of the Bear God. Now five years have passed and the child is always playing tricks and pulling the hair of the little sisters of the clan. I would have killed this mischievous child, but I was frightened of his power. ---------------- |
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Aug 19, 2019 14:12
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