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i have a complicated relationship with what is now the memory of my dad. so many parts of my personality and way of being were directly caused by him (my love for radio, tinkering, etc) but all of that was done by the time i was like 17, and then after i started my process of becoming a fully formed human he just wasn't there, and i feel that my 'failure' (really just dropping out of college and taking a few extra years to get to figgieland, in the long run who cares) contributed to his decline as he believed that the bastard kid that got him wedlocked didnt even end up being a good person. but i know i am and i've done okay, though i could have done better, but if we spend our time looking back, we're gonna trip on the next stone in the path. So, whatever, dude, wish i could fly you down for a weekend in the mountains, but you decided to turn yourself into a greasy spot on the sidewalk, so whatever. imma take the good memories of us listening to art bell or fixing up that mini bike in the garage and leave the bad ones where you woke me up with a punch to the face on my last day at home
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May 22, 2022 17:27
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 05:53 |
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thanks for sharing j
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May 22, 2022 20:04
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Lol
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May 22, 2022 20:06
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it's a complicated thing with my dad. don't mind the ramble from some angles, my dad was someone to be proud of. he was the first cop in all of nz to have a beard, broke the rules until they changed them. he was an undercover drug cop in the 70s. thankfully didn't end up addicted to heroin like a lot of his contemporaries. he tells a story once of busting a kid for lsd at a led zepplin concert. wow way to ruin a persons night. and he then became a detective in what they called the indecency squad. thats the absolute rear end end of humanity there, he would tell stories of locking up dudes who had raped infants, that kind of absolute horror poo poo. there's some solace to be taken in that he's fuckin stuck it to the worst pieces of poo poo in our society. so he's seen the worst of the worst. motor vehicle accidents, suicides. I don't actually have much of an idea about it tbh because surprisingly he doesn't talk about it much. for some reason, some dude who has the same name as my brother, had shot himself in the head with a shotgun, and my dad ended up with that gun. idk why he wanted it, kinda weird if you ask me. and my understanding is that they didn't offer much counselling back in the day, he said he had a single session with someone to try to work through all that poo poo and so he's emotionally utterly broken. can barely show anything that isn't grumpiness or anger and he's awful to my mother. he's left her 5 times for other women, and then just moved back in without really discussing it. idk what to think about my mother just condoning it. he never does anything around the house, and when you start to talk about something he doesn't like, he'll audible moan over and over from the other room. as in, not when you're talking to him, when I'm talking to my mum and he doesn't like what he's hearing as he eavesdrops anyone who spends much time with me irl will eventually hear from me how much I really don't like my father. he's OK to me, and I think i'm "the apple of his eye", but I wouldn't really know, as he's never said anything like he's proud of me or anything. he does lament how he never forced me to play rugby. but it's the awful way he treats my mother that makes me feel so much disdain. he's a poo poo grandparent. my son said he doesn't feel much about him dying, because he had no emotional connection, which is disappointing considering my kids go to my parents after school each day. he just sits and watches youtube with headphones on, or criticises their hair cuts, or gets grumpy over where they've left their shoes etc, or asks fukin weird questions that they don't know how to respond to. he was kinda ok when we were young. supported our hobbies. he was awful with money, but that meant I had an amiga  lolbut he was quite focused on his own life. fishing and motorcycling came first. if he had spare time, he'd primarily prioritise those things. in fact his only parenting advice to me was to make sure to find a hobby to get myself out of the house It's hard to know if I will miss him. I suppose I will, and its up to me after he passes to choose what memories to focus on. I've spoken of this day many times, because I am so tired of the negativity he brings into every room he goes near. I think my mum will miss him, well, she'll miss the company of another human. she's an extremely loving person, and I thank her rather than my father for all my best attributes anyway. don't mind all the ramble, I hardly expect anyone to read or care, but it's good to put down how I feel I guess
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May 22, 2022 21:00
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May 22, 2022 21:41
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May 22, 2022 21:45
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Ellie Trashcakes posted:I got lucky in that regard because my mom is fuckin awesome same, i got a great mom and they split up when i was very young so i really dodged a bullet there
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May 22, 2022 23:14
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at least i ended up with a really good MIL i must sayechinopsis posted:it's a complicated thing with my dad. don't mind the ramble pretty healthy look on it, all things considered. thanks for sharing.
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May 22, 2022 23:28
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echinopsis posted:anyway. don't mind all the ramble, I hardly expect anyone to read or care, but it's good to put down how I feel I guess
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May 23, 2022 00:21
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thankyou everyone, really appreciate the support just visited hospital. basically the lymphoma will continue to get worse, exhaustion and fatigue will just continue to get worse until he doesn’t wake up. because of his diabetes, poor heart function, and kidney problems, the doctor said weeks to months but more on the weeks side of things. we’ll find a care facility and he’ll just hang out there until he passes I’ll arrange for some photo frames with the grand kids for him to look at. I don’t wanna turn this thread into just about my dad dying. regardless once again all the expressions of care have meant more than you realise. thankyou
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May 23, 2022 01:56
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losing parents is so hard. I'm sorry you have to go through it, echi.
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May 23, 2022 03:10
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yeah man you're handling this with way more grace than i will, when the time comes getting old sucks, but it beats the alternative
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May 23, 2022 07:51
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at least you get advance warning. i just got a shitload of CALL ME NOW texts when dad bit it. a little bit of runspace ahead of it is super good. echi i love you and i know i've given you eternal poo poo here but my heart is with you here buddy and i know you're a good guy that is going to get through this and keep going.
Jonny 290 fucked around with this message at 07:57 on May 23, 2022 |
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May 23, 2022 07:54
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echinopsis posted:anyway. don't mind all the ramble, I hardly expect anyone to read or care, but it's good to put down how I feel I guess 💖
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May 23, 2022 09:23
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Jonny 290 posted:at least you get advance warning. i just got a shitload of CALL ME NOW texts when dad bit it. a little bit of runspace ahead of it is super good. echi i love you and i know i've given you eternal poo poo here but my heart is with you here buddy and i know you're a good guy that is going to get through this and keep going.
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May 23, 2022 13:04
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when my dad was diagnosed with cancer my parents never thought it would get him. most of the family was hell bent on keeping the messaging positive and victory focused to the exclusion of all else. they cut off contact with one of my uncles who dared to suggest we prepare ourselves for the possibility he did not beat it as a result, when he slipped away at home due to heart failure arising from chemo and radiation, we were all destroyed. he hadn't even updated his will from when I was born. basically none of his affairs were in order. the family got obliterated, i'm not sure any of us has fully recovered and it's been 6 years now a little heads up time and a realistic appreciation of the likely outcome, even if a bleak one, is much better in the long run. also apologies for not expressing my condolences earlier, this is a touchy subject for me per the above
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May 23, 2022 13:12
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Ellie Trashcakes posted:I read it and I care. This is some difficult poo poo to navigate and I'm sorry you're going through this
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May 23, 2022 13:17
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speaking of wills, if you have kids or you're north of 40 (and i assume you are if you're reading this thread) you should get that poo poo in order and update it regularly
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May 23, 2022 13:18
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Cold on a Cob posted:speaking of wills, if you have kids or you're north of 40 (and i assume you are if you're reading this thread) you should get that poo poo in order and update it regularly
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May 23, 2022 13:26
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echi man im sorry to hear this. deffo can relate to what you're going through as many others here can
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May 23, 2022 14:21
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Cold on a Cob posted:speaking of wills, if you have kids or you're north of 40 (and i assume you are if you're reading this thread) you should get that poo poo in order and update it regularly mine's hilarious, it contains riddles three and there is a single combat clause if they get further down into the process
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May 23, 2022 16:31
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Jonny 290 posted:mine's hilarious, it contains riddles three and there is a single combat clause if they get further down into the process how much are you leaving to yospos?
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May 23, 2022 16:33
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Cold on a Cob posted:speaking of wills, if you have kids or you're north of 40 (and i assume you are if you're reading this thread) you should get that poo poo in order and update it regularly Have a will unless you own a lot of things and have young children that wont be ready to manage the money you're leaving them, in which case put together a trust. Have a list of passwords written down somewhere safe. Yes you can petition google to get control of your deceased relatives account but it is a huge pain in the butt, and only big places like google do it. Do not die while overseas. If you feel you absolutely must die overseeas, at least have the decency to do it in a country that speaks english. People die suddenly and unexpectedly all the time. Say what you need to say to people now, you may not get another chance.
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May 23, 2022 16:40
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rotor posted:Have a will unless you own a lot of things and have young children that wont be ready to manage the money you're leaving them, in which case put together a trust. and yeah put together a document with all the information your heirs will need (passwords, bank account numbers, retirement account info, etc) to wrap up your affairs without too much hassle
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May 23, 2022 16:50
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fart simpson posted:how much are you leaving to yospos? None because nobody set up the LLC like i asked years ago
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May 23, 2022 16:50
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everybody in here is a millionaire bodybuilder anyways, yall dont need the help.
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May 23, 2022 16:51
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Jonny 290 posted:None because nobody set up the LLC like i asked years ago dang... thats sad
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May 23, 2022 16:52
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Jonny 290 posted:everybody in here is a millionaire bodybuilder anyways, yall dont need the help. oh my god i forgot about this thank you so loving much
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May 23, 2022 16:55
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FMguru posted:also: get down on paper what you want done if you are incapacitated (living will, do not resuscitate orders, etc.) having a well organized home is both a great way to live and a great way to die ie not leaving a hoard of crap behind, having important and sentimental things easy to find and not buried in a hoard, etc etc. there was even a fad (maybe it's dismissive to call it that) and a book about it called "swedish death cleaning" that is all about the topic but i don't think you need to read a book to get the gist of it. i am so not looking forward to mrs cob and i dealing with my in-laws' house if they pass away suddenly. they also don't have a will. we really need to start pushing them to deal with all this :/ my mom, i expect, won't leave much behind except debt. my dad left us pick-up truck equity and a duffel bag full of clothes and toiletries so at least it was easy enough to deal with all that after he passed.
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May 23, 2022 17:08
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Jonny 290 posted:everybody in here is a millionaire bodybuilder anyways, yall dont need the help. that's right
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May 23, 2022 19:05
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PokeJoe posted:that's right
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May 23, 2022 20:18
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[flexes wealthily]
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May 23, 2022 20:56
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check out my financials
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May 24, 2022 00:01
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my gains!! (both kinds)
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May 24, 2022 00:05
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May 24, 2022 00:10
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Jonny 290 posted:everybody in here is a millionaire bodybuilder anyways, yall dont need the help. Have you seen the stock market? There's got to be at least a few temporarily embarrassed millionaires around.
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May 24, 2022 00:12
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yospos theme song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McLw5Tg5GOc
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May 24, 2022 00:12
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he just had a cardiac arrest and passed away 😓 honestly the support and warmth everyone here has shown has been incredible and really, I appreciate it from bottom of my heart. love to you all
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May 24, 2022 01:21
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im sorry echi
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May 24, 2022 01:22
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 05:53 |
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we love you, buddy. i'm sorry that this all came on so suddenly, but also, he can rest now. Now remember him and be a good pops. that's the highest honor you can give.
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May 24, 2022 01:22
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