Star Citizen: $48,000 is only $334/month for 12 years

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Star Citizen: $48,000 is only $334/month for 12 years

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biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Santaball possee representin'

# ¿ Sep 6, 2019 21:09

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 19:12

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Hyped for Cave Citizer lemme tell you

# ¿ Sep 13, 2019 09:00

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Jobbo_Fett posted:

The script he dropped on stage and then made the intern awkwardly picj up while everyone was kinda confused about the whole ordeal?

Intern did their back in picking up Crobs verbal diarrhoea and the settlement just came to court.

# ¿ Sep 17, 2019 12:42

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Star Citizen: Scamming 2.0 but Tier-0 Development

# ¿ Sep 21, 2019 19:28

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Snoopy cap is in. Just the final polish needed before release. What do you think? 2 weeks?

# ¿ Oct 6, 2019 00:58

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Remember when they were selling giant tanks a while back? I'm sure there's plenty tank related gameplay in thos caves.

# ¿ Oct 22, 2019 23:57

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

TheAgent posted:

their recruitment messaging boils down to:

"we are loving desperate for bodies -- especially mid-20 year olds with barely any experience and absolutely no understanding of the terrible working conditions at our offices -- so we can work them 60 to 70 hours a week without end, have them burnout in 24 months and start the recruiting process for that seat again"

It sounds like you understand game development.

Edit for taxxe

biglads fucked around with this message at 20:55 on Oct 24, 2019

# ¿ Oct 24, 2019 20:53

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

I'm hoping for the follow up to Full Burn being unveiled at CitCon.

# ¿ Nov 2, 2019 19:37

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

his nibs posted:

Saturday night is alright for grifting

Better get some jpegs in

# ¿ Nov 2, 2019 23:12

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

TheDeadlyShoe posted:

this is pretty funny given MS Flight Sim

and also the extent to which MS Flight Sim has to go to get as far as it does which is probably literally impossible to do in an MMO

Crobear the code-whisperer will resolve that just as soon as he puts the finishing touches to Santaball

# ¿ Nov 10, 2019 03:22

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

echothreealpha posted:

It's really scary to see another "create first, we'll solve the problems later" planning from RSI.

Alternatively, it's another day ending in -y

# ¿ Nov 30, 2019 22:19

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

There is this theory of the Crobius
A twist in the fabric of space when jpegs go on sale

When we reach that point
If you're a commando, you will pledge again

# ¿ Dec 2, 2019 23:08

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Hey Vertisce buddy, keep on doing what you are doing. Eventually we'll all be playing Santaball while listening to Full Burn on repeat.

You loving chode.

# ¿ Dec 6, 2019 04:23

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Squadron 42 : Answer the Call (there is no call)

# ¿ Jan 6, 2020 16:03

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

How's the tank gameplay coming along?

# ¿ Jan 7, 2020 23:32

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

monkeytek posted:

GOOD NEWS!

Since there has been absolutely no discussion or tracking on their project schedule after the initial ~~sales~~ donations this can only mean one thing! It has been secretly completed on the super secret dev build so expect triumphant release any day now!

Two weeks

# ¿ Jan 7, 2020 23:42

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

The flags are all red
Derek Smart knew
We remember Ryan Archer
And the pedo guy too

# ¿ Feb 4, 2020 23:14

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Is there a ship where you can sell cheap hot snacks to space truckers? An RSI Og Ous?

# ¿ Feb 20, 2020 02:07

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

trucutru posted:

Yes, the Kraken Privateer, which can be yours for the low, low price of two thousand dollars (limited supplies, new money only, plus tax, doesn't actually exist).

If I want to roleplay as the forums favourite racist alabama hotdog man then I guess I better get a kickstarter up and running for that 2 thou.

# ¿ Feb 20, 2020 10:26

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Pixelate posted:

File under jank...

Coronavirus is IN guys.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2020 12:57

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

This stopped being a game a while back, it's in the realm of performance art now.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2020 12:59

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Ahhh poo poo.

Dapper Don, you were a great poster. RIP

# ¿ Mar 13, 2020 22:34

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

A strange fellow known as Miku
Found himself in a financial stew
When the jpegs he'd bought
Were worth only naught
Now he's waiting for Star Citizer 2

# ¿ Mar 17, 2020 18:59

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

TheAgent posted:

piss Robert's indeed

Star Citizer fans, urine for a suprise

# ¿ Mar 19, 2020 19:18

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Ben Lesnick, Developer

# ¿ Mar 24, 2020 13:15

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Lotta FUDster keyboard warriors in here who just don't understand game development.

Dev is in Full Burn mode, the pipelines are kicking into overdrive. Expect full release in 2 weeks tops and Santaball to be the premier e-sports platform by the end on April.

Book it.

# ¿ Apr 1, 2020 03:02

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

trucutru posted:

Can you imagine Chris directing Super Mario Brothers? With his interrupt tech?

-Thank you Mario but our prin...
<Mario wanders away, then comes back>
-As I was saying, our princ....
<Mario eats a hotdog, slowly, with methodical bites>
-It is pretty rude to eat while peo...
<Mario takes a long chug out of a pepto bismol bottle, then burps loudly while making a jack-off gesture with his hands, before wandering away>
<Mario purchases a RSI Constellation Aquila and then comes back>
-Didn't your mother teach you to l....

And so on.

Oh, it's definitely real. And the mocap took a while

Looks like now is the time to buy in to this.

# ¿ Apr 10, 2020 23:07

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Agony Aunt posted:

Its why they call it the verse instead of universe.

Verse as in Levicticus 3, 23 or whateve.

When they say "See you in the verse" they literally mean read the canon as laid down by the holy Roberts.

The whole "verse" thing is symbolic of the entire project. Lazy, Trite and Shite.

# ¿ Apr 11, 2020 11:35

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Hav posted:

In the last 500 years, the Fourth Stimpire has dominated four systems, which it has united into one starzone, Stimsis. The Fourth Stimpire has origins from the Ten Empire War in which 10 of the United Stimpires revolted against each rules. All empires except for the fourth swore freedom upon their citizens. There is no free speech in the Fourth Stimpire, and all self-controlled transportation has been made illegal without undergoing painful medical verification methods, in which arteries are severed without pain resistant, operated entirely by machines. The way they work claim to be the most hygenic and healthy way possible, but these machines often rub against pain points, causing great deals of pain to patients. The heart is then extracted from the body and placed into a glass grinding machine. Various energy centers are also dissected and replaced with dangerous transplants. After the painful, 52 hour surgical procedure, patients will then have to use a fused guidance tool, which pumps painful resistors into the body every 2 hours. The pain they have caused is so bad, the victim would freeze in a tense position. They would then collapse afterwards.

Sexual stimulation in any way within the grounds of the Fourth Stimpire is strictly prohibited, and anyone detected even touching their sexual organs will be subjected to a penectomy or if the offender was a female, they would then have a razor inserted into their ovaries. They would pump a blue solution into the womb until the stitchings burst. Offenders would also be forced to show their operated areas in public, and they would always harass and punch them to a pulp, against their will.

Otherwise, offenders would be tazed with the worst type of electricity in the systematic district, causing so much pain, the victim would scream and flail in madness. The pain would also triple every second, but no death would be incurred. This is also used in combat against enemy units, which is why all UEE forces must wear the upgraded suit to block this effect.

However, enertainment is also questionable in UEE grounds. Sporting events end with the losing team being rounded into a grinder and shredded on live television, boxing matches end with the loser having their hands removed without anasthesia, flight races would end with the losers having their arms and legs removed, then being injected with insanity, for entertainment. People are also forced into these events, by undergoing a painful 127 hour procedure which involves tweaking the muscles so they will not listen to brain commands, and then having a painful drug injected which also causes madness if the player is not sporting. This is all for entertainment, and anyone not watching any of it during sporting times and cheering for the winning team, they will be imprisoned into galactic camps.

Snuff films are also broadcast, and actors are actually murdered just for entertainment. Stealth droids also guide these forced actors into behaving exactly as the director dreams, otherwise they will be punished by being placed into a macerator and having their execution written into the film. Any film that does not feature someone being murdered will be burned and the entire crew behind it will be executed in the most grotesque way possible - vivisection.

All executions are broadcast, and anyone who misses even a millisecond, even by blinking, will be executed. All citizens must boo to the person being executed, and the family is gathered to be injected with eternators, which cause pain forever, making them immoral but feeling the pain tenfold every millisecond. They cannot pass out, but they will feel like it forever.

Conquests by this Stimpire end in the planet being razed, and all the citizens being executed in the same way as their citizens are. The planet is then destroyed and all remnants of it are removed, and any memories of it will be erased instantly from civil minds. People who are also killed are also erased from memories, and all memories of them, including toys and pictures, are destroyed.

Prisoners undergo 40,000 years of relentless and endless labor, and anyone not complying is sentenced to the eternator injection. All prisoners injected with eternators are placed into capsules and launched into far space, then the room is closed tight to ensure maximum insanity. Some prisoners are also subjected to the removal of blood, the lungs, the liver, the genitals, the skeleton, the muscles, the eyes, and even the injection of pressure. Prisoners sentenced to pressure chambers are locked in until they are inflated to a high level. The decompression is then stopped to make sure they are inflated and uncomfortable.

Children born on the 14th of July are subjected to the removal of their skeleton and an implant of a silver liquid to replace it. The nervous sysem is also injected in various parts to ensure it is five times more sensitive than the average.

Restaurants also are ordered to serve civil meat, and anyone attending must give themself up to be cooked into a grotesque meal. They are cooked alive, undergoing extreme pain, and are then subjected to industrial grinders and blenders. The Stimpire orders at least 1 million citizens to be dispatched every day, as they are afraid the population may overthrow them. But only one planet is cared for, and the rest are banned from eating, drinking, talking, using technology, touching anyone, wearing unauthorized clothes, touching buildings, or walking a centimeter out of designated routes. Civil enforcers are on every planet, and they are engineered so that they are 40 times larger than the 300 quadrillion population. At least 7 billion die every 12 hours under this rule.

Thoughts are also surveyed, and anyone who does not think anything to loving the Stimpire with more than their capabilities will be sentenced to a prison. Prisoners who are punished for this violation will meet their greatest fear, only to have it amplified so they will turn insane as they imagine it exactly as they fear it. They then undergo a painful extraction of all fluids, to be replaced by a toxin which causes permanent irritation. The unknown substance keeps the subject aging normally, except they will never die. Prisoners punished in this way are unable to be reverted, despite many efforts, and they will never be able to be disposed.

The sickening truths have been revealed only today, and invigilation teams are still investigating the truths without setting foot in the galactic space of this sickening empire.

Unironically the best thing to come out of Star Citizen

# ¿ Apr 17, 2020 19:49

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

I;m thinkin bout thos pipelines

# ¿ Apr 21, 2020 16:18

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Chris Robear and the Fidelity Animations

# ¿ Apr 23, 2020 03:59

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

They should have got the pedo ship designer guy to help with the prison gameplay.

# ¿ Apr 23, 2020 20:32

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Scruffpuff posted:

I can barely remember what this game was supposed to be.

Don't worry, neither can Crobear or the majority of backers.

# ¿ Apr 24, 2020 04:10

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

I;m thinkin bout thos mo-cap sessions

# ¿ Apr 25, 2020 15:06

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

What's the over/under on Eddie Parr jacket numbers?

# ¿ Apr 27, 2020 09:39

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Pixelate posted:

I CAN'T GET AWAY FROM THE HOTDOGS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I90Y_BFw8X0

Seems to be happening a fair bit

AFTER EATING/DRINKING I AM PULLED BACK THE SPOT WHERE I ATE

DOOBIES IS IN

# ¿ Apr 28, 2020 19:23

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

It's just the last bit being done for Theaters of War as they shoehorn the mo-cap in.

At least this way Sandi gets to appear in one Theater this year.

_{"This Year" doesn't conform to your usual timescales, commando. Pledge more}

# ¿ May 3, 2020 02:35

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Best
Community
Ever

# ¿ Jun 3, 2020 14:03

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Scruffpuff posted:

It's a perfect black swan event. A result of an out-of-left-field event that has nothing to do with the game development itself, which was impossible to predict ahead of time, but which in retrospect makes perfect sense and feels like it should have been totally predictable, and in fact people will say it was predictable.

It's a worthwhile reminder to have zero sympathy or empathy for the idiots still left funding this shitshow

# ¿ Jun 4, 2020 03:17

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 19:12

biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Inacio posted:

the bartenders will have incredibly immersive AI,

Just wait until you see their jackets

# ¿ Jun 11, 2020 23:53

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Star Citizen: $48,000 is only $334/month for 12 years

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