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Last time I checked, grubs, fish and honey don't put up much of a fight. So why the hell are bears built like tanks, armed with crushing jaws, razor-sharp claws and a land speed of up to 35mph? Like, what the gently caress, bears? Who needs this much firepower to dig up worms and berries? The more I think about bears the less sense they make.
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Oct 7, 2019 18:00
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 11:12 |
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They like honey and berries so much that they wanted to make sure nobody could gently caress with them during their afternoon brunch
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Oct 7, 2019 18:01
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hey great thread OP, thanks for stopping by, see ya later
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Oct 7, 2019 18:01
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sweet thursday posted:They like honey and berries so much that they wanted to make sure nobody could gently caress with them during their afternoon brunch Seriously. Bears, take a chill pill.
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Oct 7, 2019 18:04
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Applewhite posted:Last time I checked, grubs, fish and honey don't put up much of a fight. So why the hell are bears built like tanks, armed with crushing jaws, razor-sharp claws and a land speed of up to 35mph? You should try to gently caress a bear
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Oct 7, 2019 18:12
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They're bulking up and training to so they can fight humanity. They know we're killing the planet and they want to stop it. They are nature's champions.
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Oct 7, 2019 18:13
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bears beets battlestar gallactica Hahaha i love the office and romcoms the outdoors and my dog tacos are the way to my heart swipe left if you support trump
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Oct 7, 2019 18:15
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Iron Crowned posted:You should try to gently caress a bear I’d rather gently caress a transformer. 
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Oct 7, 2019 18:20
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Iron Crowned posted:You should try to gently caress a bear This is the answer. Bears have really weird pencil-like dicks and are overcompensating by working out a lot and getting really buff, and may even do steroids. If they didn't they'd be dogs basically, probably some sort of schnauzer.
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Oct 7, 2019 18:36
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Grubs and bees come in hundreds, maybe thousands
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Oct 7, 2019 18:38
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Swiping fish out of the water has made bears ripped.
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Oct 7, 2019 18:38
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Please bear with me
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Oct 7, 2019 18:42
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There's a theory that they became really big and strong so they could turn over fallen logs and eat all the grubs that are under them. But more likely, they ended up in a cold area during the most recent ice age, and colder climates always encourage mammals to grow larger for better thermal efficiency. That's also how elephants became huge; they started out not much bigger than a pig.
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Oct 7, 2019 18:45
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If I lived anywhere near moose I'd want to be a living power armour suit too.Mooey Cow posted:If they didn't they'd be dogs basically, probably some sort of schnauzer. 
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Oct 7, 2019 18:53
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The “could you kill a bear with a sword” thread was like 500 of the funniest pages of GBS ever, because SOOOOOOO many goons really believed that they could beat one
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Oct 7, 2019 18:56
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FACT: My diamond blade daiwakizachi can cut through anything alive, up to and including a bear FACT: Having attained the level of daimoninjitsuzachi, I can sense the approach and anticipate any movements of any living being FACT: Yet none of this is necessary as my power is so great that a single gaze alone is enough to kill
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Oct 7, 2019 19:00
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Bust Rodd posted:The “could you kill a bear with a sword” thread was like 500 of the funniest pages of GBS ever, because SOOOOOOO many goons really believed that they could beat one I remember reading a story about some killer bear that terrorised an area until one hunter put together a team of hunting dogs and went after it. The bear tore through the dogs, the hunter was just able to kill it with some fuckoff huge gun before it got to him. The scary part was when they cut this bear open, they were pulling endless bullets and buckshot out of it, including multiple pistol rounds from its head. So this thing had been wandering around the forest just soaking up gunfire, including pointblank pistol shots to the head fired by desperate people just before they got eaten. Leave bears alone.
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Oct 7, 2019 19:08
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Sunswipe posted:I remember reading a story about some killer bear that terrorised an area until one hunter put together a team of hunting dogs and went after it. The bear tore through the dogs, the hunter was just able to kill it with some fuckoff huge gun before it got to him. The scary part was when they cut this bear open, they were pulling endless bullets and buckshot out of it, including multiple pistol rounds from its head. So this thing had been wandering around the forest just soaking up gunfire, including pointblank pistol shots to the head fired by desperate people just before they got eaten. Leave bears alone. That was the Bear Boss
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Oct 7, 2019 19:25
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The best part of the new season of Planet Earth is how they had like dozens of hours of bears scratching themselves on their favorite trees so they made an incredible supercut set to big happy drums
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Oct 7, 2019 19:29
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they're like regular gay people just bigger, stronger and with more body hair, op
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Oct 7, 2019 19:31
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Black bears aren't even that big. Salmon are pretty big. You need to be pretty big to chase a pack of wolves away from a kill. You need to be pretty fat to be able to store enough calories to survive the winter without eating.
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Oct 7, 2019 19:31
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Massiveness and big fuckoff claws were selected for because they have to fight each other for berries and fish. Like look at this poo poo, the wolf down the road is like "loving pass, my dudes," https://www.iflscience.com/plants-and-animals/wolf-casually-watches-as-two-grizzly-bears-fight-in-the-middle-of-canadian-street/ Also what a loving moment to stop filming. I assume so they could roll up the windows and drive on as fast as humanly possible.
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Oct 7, 2019 19:34
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need to fend off other predators, such as wolves, cougars, mooses
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Oct 7, 2019 19:41
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Applewhite posted:Last time I checked, grubs, fish and honey don't put up much of a fight. So why the hell are bears built like tanks, armed with crushing jaws, razor-sharp claws and a land speed of up to 35mph? Ever been to a family reunion as kid and you have that one cousin that's grabs a fork and starts a fight with an electrical socket? Then you and your other cousins are like "no one can know we're related to him" and to keep everyone else from figuring this out one of you becomes a Navy Seal, one is a master classical artist, another runs a Fortune 500 company, and the other has developed a revolutionary new form of chemo therapy, etc? And at another reunion 20 years later you find out Cousin Sparky still hasn't figured out don't stick poo poo in the power outlets? That's what happened to bears when they found out about pandas.
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Oct 7, 2019 19:46
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Sunswipe posted:I remember reading a story about some killer bear that terrorised an area until one hunter put together a team of hunting dogs and went after it. The bear tore through the dogs, the hunter was just able to kill it with some fuckoff huge gun before it got to him. The scary part was when they cut this bear open, they were pulling endless bullets and buckshot out of it, including multiple pistol rounds from its head. So this thing had been wandering around the forest just soaking up gunfire, including pointblank pistol shots to the head fired by desperate people just before they got eaten. Leave bears alone. find the story i want to rad it
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Oct 7, 2019 19:49
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No one knows, OP
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Oct 7, 2019 19:53
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They're godless killing machines and must be stopped 
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Oct 7, 2019 19:53
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Aren't raccoons a kind of bear?
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Oct 7, 2019 19:54
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The only insane bear attack I know of is the Sankebetsu Brown Bear Incident. It would make a good thriller along the same lines as The Grey.
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Oct 7, 2019 19:59
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Baloo rocks You've got those bear necessities those simple bear necessities Forget about your worries and your strife
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Oct 7, 2019 20:02
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my dog died im sad posted:Aren't raccoons a kind of bear? They are dogs pretending to be bears.
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Oct 7, 2019 20:02
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Bust Rodd posted:The “could you kill a bear with a sword” thread was like 500 of the funniest pages of GBS ever, because SOOOOOOO many goons really believed that they could beat one God even the OP name ^ sounds hilarious Link?
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Oct 7, 2019 20:08
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:I’d rather gently caress a transformer. Female transformers have pencil sharpener/paper shredder vaginas
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Oct 7, 2019 20:23
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I've got some bear stories. they will eat ANYTHING. it's really important to keep your utility sheds secured because a bear will get into it and just start chugging like, kerosene, paint thinner, drain cleaner. and it just won't stop until it dies.
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Oct 7, 2019 20:28
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The Walrus posted:I've got some bear stories. That bear was getting high. Rather than stage an intervention, you let it drink itself to death. You're a monster.
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Oct 7, 2019 20:30
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Bears are built to fight other bears. It's a self-perpetuating cycle.
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Oct 7, 2019 20:32
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And for the record I could absolutely kill a bear with a sword if that sword was fired from a rail gun.
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Oct 7, 2019 20:35
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Norton the First posted:That bear was getting high. Rather than stage an intervention, you let it drink itself to death. You're a monster. bears love getting drunk. their preferred method is grabbing a six-pack, sitting on their butt, and then kind of slashing at the cans and letting them explode all over their face and mouth
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Oct 7, 2019 20:35
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The Walrus posted:bears love getting drunk. their preferred method is grabbing a six-pack, sitting on their butt, and then kind of slashing at the cans and letting them explode all over their face and mouth Don't doxx me
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Oct 7, 2019 20:41
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 11:12 |
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 they're just cute is all 
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Oct 7, 2019 20:43
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