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and what the gently caress is a "scrum master". i thought it was illegal to make workers call someone "master"
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Nov 20, 2019 18:16
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it's a living
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Nov 20, 2019 18:24
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you have to be agile or the customer is going to gently caress you at a rapid pace with constant scope creep
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Nov 20, 2019 18:27
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isn't scrum a rugby term? do programmers really think they're a sports team lmao
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Nov 20, 2019 18:28
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I frickin love sports *grunts*
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Nov 20, 2019 18:35
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Nov 20, 2019 18:37
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stolen from some absolute genius right here in yospos.
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Nov 20, 2019 18:37
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qsvui posted:isn't scrum a rugby term? do programmers really think they're a sports team lmao Yes, if your scrums don't have exactly 16 people in them and last for more than a few seconds you are doing something very wrong
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Nov 20, 2019 18:42
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agile is quickly becoming the bitcoin-blockchain of vague poo poo that sounds tech-y great for cargo culting a development process (see we do standups, we sprint plan, story points!, i click the jira buttons) so a team that achieves very little of actual value can be shown as being active and doing stuff there's no real standard or definition so it is up to the managers to pick the easy parts and skip actual understanding and measurement/self-reflection process
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Nov 20, 2019 19:05
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALWHCUNU8Nw
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Nov 20, 2019 19:22
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lol @ this
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Nov 20, 2019 19:40
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Penisface posted:agile is [...] becoming the bitcoin-blockchain of vague poo poo that sounds tech-y pretty much 'blockchain' but as a shortcut that implies leadership/managerial competence without actually having to have any
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Nov 20, 2019 19:44
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Displeased Moo Cow posted:lol @ this pls dont post our corporate slide deck!!!
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Nov 20, 2019 19:50
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once someone encouraged me to learn about it when I was looking at applying for a computer nerd job thank god in my workplace the “development cycle” is “do the work that’s immediately in front of you”
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Nov 20, 2019 20:17
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I hear SAF certifications are hot poo poo among management consultants right now (but not among people who do the work)
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Nov 20, 2019 20:22
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it's a bunch of nonsense piled on top of the relatively obvious idea that, if you don't know exactly what your potential customers want, you should show them the software and ask "like this?" early and often during the development process
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Nov 20, 2019 20:23
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it also involves regaling your coworkers with stories
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Nov 20, 2019 21:48
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Nov 20, 2019 21:49
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It's an excuse to do inadequate planning. "Oh yeah, we have to remain agile to our customer's needs. Let's not spend focused effort up front to get a full accounting of the exact requirements and instead just sit back and accept doing a half-assed job there so that when inevitably the customer comes up with more stuff we missed the first time (because we didn't ask/scope properly) we can pretend like that's part of our strategy rather than us being lovely at planning things." See also: MVP - make something really lovely, really fast and sell it on the promise that "don't worry, it'll get better eventually!" Nobody wants to pay for the improvements, partially because the lovely thing you made wasn't ever really properly designed to handle them. lovely thing becomes the thing everyone now has to use to do their work because of the sunk cost fallacy of having paid money to implement it and the false promises of 'and it has so much potential'. Until senior management changes, they go, "what's this lovely thing and why are we using it? Throw it out! You know what, we should get a better tool. Get someone to make me an MVP for that" and the cycle continues. Maybe that's why those Agile diagrams are all circles - they all end up back where they started in the end.
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Nov 20, 2019 23:56
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agile is an accounting system for technical managers
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Nov 20, 2019 23:59
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Soul Reaver posted:Maybe that's why those Agile diagrams are all circles - they all end up back where they started in the end. it's called iterating and it keeps the paychecks coming in so 
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Nov 21, 2019 00:01
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its when you bob and weave at your standing desk OP
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Nov 21, 2019 00:34
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it's when your team gradually starts working from home more and more until management wonders why agile didn't make people more productive
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Nov 21, 2019 00:47
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scrum manifesto
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Nov 21, 2019 00:47
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Nov 21, 2019 15:32
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Soul Reaver posted:It's an excuse to do inadequate planning. you're dumb. i don't know what your concept of "adequate" planning is but nobody is capable of getting all of the requirements from the client up front and having them all be correct. that is partly because you don't know what questions to ask and partly because the people you are designing the software for are busy doing their actual jobs, and not that good at thinking about what they actually require or about what will and won't be obvious to someone approaching it from the perspective of a non-SME. that's why agile in its most essential form, i.e. DELETE CASCADE posted:... the relatively obvious idea that, if you don't know exactly what your potential customers want, you should show them the software and ask "like this?" early and often during the development process is good.
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Nov 21, 2019 15:48
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ok i get how agile is sold but what lets focus on reality here
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Nov 21, 2019 16:24
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power botton posted:ok i get how agile is sold but what lets focus on reality here ??? My professional experience of agile is that it matches the description in DELETE CASCADE's post.
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Nov 21, 2019 16:39
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My work wouldn't let us pick "The Scrum Dumpsters" as our team name 
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Nov 21, 2019 16:42
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its a replacement for program managers
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Nov 21, 2019 17:59
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my company sent my entire team to a 3 day agile class which ended in a project (with epics etc) about constructing a mars colony with lego so its about playing with childrens toys op
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Nov 21, 2019 18:15
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ah yes, the spacex mars colony plan
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Nov 21, 2019 20:13
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what in the gently caress is an "epic"
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Nov 21, 2019 20:50
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It's a form of poetry, doofus
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Nov 21, 2019 20:52
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a subcategory of fails
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Nov 21, 2019 20:53
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President Beep posted:a subcategory of fails What is "beep posts," Alex?
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Nov 21, 2019 20:57
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'what kind of product do you make' agile developer, coyly, "I don't know"
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Nov 21, 2019 21:04
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let's not forget https://www.scrumyourwedding.com/
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Nov 21, 2019 21:09
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agile cannot fail, it can only be failed
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Nov 21, 2019 21:13
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agile means your team stands around for 20 minutes in the morning and talks about what each person did while everyone else zones out. SAFe is just overly complicated agile but sold your VP or CTO piecemeal for maximum profit.
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Nov 21, 2019 22:11
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