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bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice

Carnival Rider posted:

Alternates are a straight 25 minutes to pass, they’re thinking of making a grading scale for them so it’s not just pass/fail. 5k row (2:30 split so pretty easy) 9.something bike or a 1000 meter swim. The pool at Huachuca is foot based so it’s something dumb like 28.7 laps. Even if you have jacked legs you have to pass 3 events. Deadlift, sprint drag carry and the leg tuck if I remember right.

Are you still in that you found this stuff out or have you tasted freedom and laugh at the people telling you how dumb it is all going to be? I find this stuff out by asking the suckers I work with about it while shaving once a week and loving life.

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bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice

Don't forget the Army culture of abuse, "I had to show I have heart by running until I vomit and rucking until I could peel my skin off like a sock, you do too! gently caress these idiots with their 'nutrition' and 'fitness science' who think they know what makes someone strong, I'm 1SG now."

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
lovely Army IT was just downright abusive when it involved mandatory training courses. Oh the whole company needs to finish this by COB today but it can only be accessed by Army computers? Cool we got two of those total, we'll get right on that oh wait one of them doesn't have the right certificates installed and so on.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
Lips need to transition in to a crusty brown coating, but otherwise pretty solid.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
Welp, did the best I could. Nephew signed up for DEP. Doesn't ship until middle of next year I think? I was able to sit him down, browbeat some of the stupid out of him, and get him to sign up as diesel mechanic instead of the 68W he wanted to go in as. Partial success in getting an 18 year old to think about the future in even that limited a fashion I suppose.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
Not even at Ft. Hood anymore and that pisses me off. If you're not 15 minutes early to the 15 minutes early we'll do every petty, dickish thing we can to ruin your life. Actually go looking for the soldiers under you? Meh, gently caress it. Give it a day.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
I'm trying to think how many years ago I came to the conclusion that SHARP wouldn't work unless it was outside of the command structure. A decade or more is my best guess.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
Having always been on the Army end of this particular joke, is that really how gear was for you guys? It's funny either way mind you so I'm smiling at it I just don't know what reality was like because even at my absolute best the day after I got out of basic I couldn't do enough pullups to set foot in a Marine recruiters office without getting knife-handed six ways from Sunday.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
Looking forward to the wild ride. Do the LNs have any idea what's happening?

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
ADVON is boots on the ground, are we getting a briefing on ROE? Hearts and minds, right?

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
It's quiet out there tonight. Too quiet.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice

TheWeedNumber posted:

Bro loving this standing post poo poo. Letís go out the wire and get some sandwiches and poo poo from the locals. Maybe they even got weed!

pick a thread, post it here, letís post in it.

There's a thread right outside the wire talking all about flags. Good flags, lovely flags, even some unit patches. Nobody would even know we're there we'd fit right in.

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3928619

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
GREEN ON BLUE GREEN ON BLUE SEND IT UP WE'VE GOT INCOMING 6'ER FIRE

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
Young, dumb, and full of cum, back from a deployment with combat pay they couldn't spend and "ooooh look cool muscle car!" There's an entire industry of scummy car dealerships right outside base run by people specifically offering those vehicles to idiot 19 year olds that don't even understand what APR is. This exists to the point where I received mandatory briefings on returning to country spelling out exactly how many problems you will cause for leadership by getting these cars and going bankrupt shortly afterwards.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
Man MEPS was a wild ride. People were told in absolutely no uncertain terms "You will be piss tested on exactly this date. Don't gently caress it up" and I end up in line next to the guy with a gallon of water in hand that is intensely nervous about the process. The whole time I'm thinking "My dude, you knew this was going to happen just put down the blunt for it or maybe this whole military thing isn't for you?"

And then I had to walk like a duck before dropping trou and letting some old guy scope out a room full of spread cheeks and buttholes.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
It's a different time here in this sub forum now. They have Green Beans and Pizza Hut down the street!

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
So will the new subforum help me fill out a power of attorney for this hot chick I met on the town? We're planning to get married, she's totally in love with me and just working her way through college right now. Plus I get that sweet BAH. More money so everyone wins!

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice

fresh_cheese posted:

*runs huffing and puffing up the gangway*

gently caress! Goddamn! Just made it!
Were going in like 30 seconds, right!?!


? What ??!?

2 hours???!! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuk! I coulda banged out another one FUHK!!! !! !

Haha you showed up early, sucks to be you. We're still here!

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice

Victor Vermis posted:

Half, inevitably.

:golfclap:

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice

quote:

the Misawa AB ComiCon

The what now?

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice

PathAsc posted:

Already gave her a general poa so I'm good, not sure why I don't have a house anymore though. Odd.

Don't worry about that baby it was just a paperwork mistake. It'll get fixed next week with a few other errands and when you get back from this deployment everything will be great. Might need some other information for the paperwork though, where do you keep stuff like your birth certificate, social security card, and the title to your truck?

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice

Nice and hot piss posted:

Who the gently caress changed the firewatch roster

Three guys went out and got poo poo faced, started a minor diplomatic incident and now they're in the brig. Gotta fill their spots on the roster while the paper work goes through and who else is sober enough long enough to do it? Besides you're a marine 24/7, 96 hour liberty is a privilege.

Edit: that is what you guys call it, right? 96 hour liberty? I try to speak Marine to keep you guys comfortable in this re-commissioned thread but it's not my native language.

bird food bathtub fucked around with this message at 02:19 on May 29, 2023

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
I saw someone's clearance get denied.

Right before they got chaptered out of the Army for getting drunk, stealing a car on base, joyriding around the base, plowing into a ditch, running away and fighting the MPs.

Those two things were probably related.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
That was a lightning fast redeployment. Hope all the conexes are accounted for from the last location. I don't want to do another god drat layout for ten hours while some brass wearing jagoff looks at every single cable, screw, pin or thread of the stuff that was supposed to be moved.

Locals seem cool, have to see what their definition of "games" is though.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
poo poo we had to do yearly security refresher training and there was more than two functional laptops for the entire company to use, like some kind of promised land.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
I'm gonna try to blend in with the natives and talk a lot about my gaming. I'm currently bouncing between a heavily-modded Minecraft kick on a friend's private server, and Timberborn while I wait for Baldur's Gate 3 and Diablo 4 to finish up a bit more. Growing a mystical garden for eternal, free resources in the former, and I will get an iron mine built in the latter but it's going to take an entirely new district on the other side of the map with about 15-20 changes in altitude there and back so a bit of a lift.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
"Be there!"

"When?"

"I dunno but don't you loving dare be late."

Sounds about right.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
The most important question is, what do the chess pieces taste like?

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice

What the poo poo? Just that video alone has me jonesing to play it but the only mobile is Apple play and they specifically are not interested in Android?

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
Never got in to blood bowl. I went full-addict route and have 1 1/2 to 2-ish Warhammer 40k armies and a resin printer.

Yes I was an intel nerd what's it to ya?

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
poo poo poo poo poo poo I'm late for movement. What, oh thank god the thread's still in port. Just gonna quietly walk on board, pretend nothing happened, nope, nothing going on here. Huh, oh no I was here the whole time. Yep. Never missed a thing.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
Huh, smells funny in this new place and I have no idea what language they're speaking. Anyone got a terp and some briefings on the local customs? Like is it a grave insult to move my left hand while walking or something?

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
Well that was a quiet deployment. Always nice to have a smooth time every so often.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice

MrMojok posted:

we have deployed here to establish a democratic government (and secure their oil)

Uh, err, what he means to say is we're here to win hearts and minds while ensuring social stability and security. BYOB likes animals right? We have MP dogs I think that counts.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
Ugh, sarge, there's a protest at the ECP again. We're not gonna have to go on lockdown are we?

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice

Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:

what's the most marine byob thing you've ever done? personally i had asthma and was rejected from serving

Does never actually having been in the Marines count? I'm here like a bad smell in the cushions from when this was an Army thread before it got re-conditioned and then re-issued to the Marines.

For byob things in the Army it was probably picking the nerdiest possible Army job where I was learning about computer touching instead of shooting while at my specialized training and then going in to the force and being fancified help desk.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
Can we get an intel analyst nerd in here to tell us what the locals are doing? I have no idea what's going on here.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice

Victor Vermis posted:

Isn't this the subforum where threads auto close if they go however long without a new post?

McNally sent us here to die.

So my shitposting can be considered a selfless act, conserving the thread?

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice
That's a pretty chill probe avatar. Got a kitten just chilling, sipping cat Mai Tais. Dunno about that squirrel though. I've got issues with squirrels since they're assholes and will dump out my entire bird feeder in a few hours to pick out, like, three seeds, then give me a furry middle finger and scamper off.

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bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003

College Slice

biosterous posted:

ok marine thread, purely theoretical here, if you just happen to deploy to Coupons & Deals, and while there you just happen to accidentally eat all their tacos and knock over their ice sculptures, then maybe we'd find it very funny and owe you a solid

all off the books, of course

What kinda tacos are we talking about here? Taco Bell trash or the good stuff? Because I will absolutely destroy a place that has some good chorizo, or lingua. Get the tortilla dipped in that liquid on the outside of the burner then fried just right. None of the spring onions though, don't like 'em.

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