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Nondevor
Jun 1, 2011





catposting


I’ve been struggling to post in this thread because of feeling some major imposter syndrome (despite definitely being not cis/straight at all), but seeing stuff like Wark’s post & the current discussion has encouraged me to at least try? Sorry if it’s too disjointed.

Personally, I’ve been mentally referring to myself as ‘queer’ as a whole because it seems to fit the best with my individual experience – which is currently a blurry haze of “ok. how the heck do I even begin to conceptualize all these complicated feelings about my identity?” Like I know I’m ace for sure, but then in regards to gender… it’s a flip between generally being fine with how I naturally present, versus the times I’m violently wishing that I could just ascend to another plane of existence and rid myself from the concept of gender entirely. So yeah, the non-specificity of ‘queer’ is a comfort to me while I’m trying to work through all of this. That's just for my own case though, and I try to use more specific terms for other situations where they're more easily applicable. And speaking of specificity:

I’m sure there are more established (appropriate?) terms to better describe my feelings and situation than 'queer', but that’s where my lack of experience discussing LGBT+ stuff with other people comes into play -- sometimes, I don't really know what those terms would be? It's like, I try to read what I can to try to learn about all these different perspectives, what terminology is used where, and whatever else... but I just don't have the proper background knowledge & not that many resources to turn to. Being comfortable acknowledging the vagueness regarding myself mentally is quite different from – y’know, trying to provide or elaborate on nuanced takes, on demand, in conversation when it feels like I only have the most basic of tools. Especially when it’s a matter dearly personal to a lot of people’s hearts and where it’s so easy to be misunderstood. A lot of the time, it just feels like I'm constantly behind the curve -- e.g. the discussion right now about the usage of 'queer'. I always thought of it as one of those empowering reclaimed terms (obv when used in a friendly context) while not being aware of the greater ambivalence surrounding it.

Hence, leading to imposter syndrome. My responses are probably too clumsy for discussing this topic (thanks perpetual anxiety and foot-in-mouth tendencies), and I don’t want to hurt people unintentionally

But... being able to write stuff like this down does help a tiny bit though, at least in terms of clearing up these thoughts for myself. Hopefully. I just wish I knew how to conceptualize all of this better with the proper frameworks. Which is why I highly appreciate the discussion that’s been going on in the past page or two – it’s some more food for thought for me.





p.s. anime is cool

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Nondevor
Jun 1, 2011





catposting


since being gay is cool
anime = cool; anime = gay

the math looks right to me

Nondevor
Jun 1, 2011





catposting


Thanks, thread. I’m feeling better already. Hopefully I can be able to talk more confidently about myself like this in the future — not for crude “identity/straightness checks” like what’s been mentioned (gross!), but just to better analyze/clarify my own worldview and live peacefully with that.

everythingWasBees posted:

just like don't describe every het relationship in japan as being basically rape and you'll be fine

I certainly wouldn’t do this, at least! Nor refuse to address/acknowledge any of the points raised by helpful sources people throw at you, and continue saying the same incorrect statements

ACES CURE PLANES posted:

Not to mention I don't know where just normal social anxiety ends and LGBT+ spectrums start and gah.

also: hi, you. welcome to the imposter syndrome club. People like you, me, and Wark are still figuring things out about our identities at our own paces, and as the other nice people have said in the thread - that’s perfectly fine! Love and be easy on yourself, namaste

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