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Inceltown
Aug 6, 2019






HiroProtagonist posted:

this is true but also distracts from the point that a goon with no experience wanted to hike thousands of miles through the dryest and hottest parts of the country from which the consequences are much worse than "might collapse on a field and have to wait for medics in an air conditioned building"

There also wasn't an authority figure there yelling at him that he's a wimp and should man up. It was all him making the crazy plan to cross the country despite advice to the contrary.

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HiroProtagonist
May 7, 2007

This is an accurate representation of my current level of enjoyment.


Inceltown posted:

There also wasn't an authority figure there yelling at him that he's a wimp and should man up. It was all him making the crazy plan to cross the country despite advice to the contrary.

tbh I wish that person was in Aus and give a shot at the Great Sandy instead.

Would have been an IRL dune LP.

pentyne
Nov 7, 2012
I POSTED ON SOMETHINGAWFUL AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS STUPID REDTEXT.


Inceltown posted:

There also wasn't an authority figure there yelling at him that he's a wimp and should man up. It was all him making the crazy plan to cross the country despite advice to the contrary.

The crazy part extended well past the actual walking idea.

Muerte posted:

The American Discovery is pretty kind when it comes to distance between towns. I have the capacity to hold 8 gallons of water. Assuming that I get 10 miles to a gallon that is 80 miles. I will not be always carrying 8 gallons with me but I have the capacity if need be. I'm waiting on my national geographic hiking maps to arrive in the mail so I can accurately pin point potential problem distances and fill accordingly.

I do not wish to do this on a bicycle, that is still moving to fast. I want to give people who may be passing by an opportunity to meet me and get to know what I'm doing. I have family that will mail me supplies that I may not be able to find along my trip. For example if my shoes disintegrate, I'll inform my family of what town I'll be in next and I can have a pair waiting for me. Getting injured is a high possibility, if there wasn't risks in doing this then everyone would do it. I do have a great first aid kit for minor injuries. If I get splattered by a car I guess that is the chance I take. I want to believe in human kindness again and I hope that if I am seriously injured I'll receive the assistance I need.

My brother and father are also investing in http://www.findmespot.com/en/index.php?cid=100 which is a gps tracking device, that will allow people to follow my trip on google maps as well as alert the police to my exact gps coordinates if I need help.

When he collapsed at the ranger station after a few hours of hiking and his cart broke down, one of his long winded "woe is me" rants was about how no one stopped to talk to him and ask him about his sign that said "ask me about hiking across america" and it was killing his motivation

Trevor Hale
Dec 8, 2008

What have I become, my Swedish friend?



pentyne posted:

The crazy part extended well past the actual walking idea.


When he collapsed at the ranger station after a few hours of hiking and his cart broke down, one of his long winded "woe is me" rants was about how no one stopped to talk to him and ask him about his sign that said "ask me about hiking across america" and it was killing his motivation

Wasnít his great first aid kit just one of those ones you pick up in Walgreens?

Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

We'll make diamonds from their ashes. Take them into battle with us.

Craft a Diamond Dog diamond?
Nah.   Let's do it!




College Slice

Some say he's still out there to this day, bemoaning his lot in life and pondering his mortality, ten feet away from parents taking their children on hikes

Captain Hygiene has a new favorite as of 04:51 on May 22, 2020

pentyne
Nov 7, 2012
I POSTED ON SOMETHINGAWFUL AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS STUPID REDTEXT.


Trevor Hale posted:

Wasnít his great first aid kit just one of those ones you pick up in Walgreens?

His kit was a bunch of walmart gear and was discussed in depth by some actual hikers. It was a bunch of weekend warrior drive out to a park and have a chill weekend with the crew type gear not anything even remotely useful for long term endurance hiking.

Elviscat
Jan 1, 2008

High Energy, Good Feeling!



weed cat posted:

dead mau five

This is how I always pronounce it in my head.

I came home from work one day and Deadmau5 was chilling on my living room couch, pretty much my only celebrity encounter besides A-rod coming to my school when I was a kid and showing up to a VNV Nation concert so early I was there an hour before the second person in line, and Ronin Harris stepped out of the venue to smoke a butt, and I lit up too and was like "hey" because I was too intimidated to say anything, then he was like "hey how are you?" And I was like "good, you?" And he said "good" and walked off to his tour bus away from the awkward teenager.

goatsestretchgoals
Jun 4, 2011

in soviet russia, you shove robot

Was he a dick?

E: To contribute, my best celebrity encounter was Ice-Tís agent calling me at a very large dialup ISP on a Saturday. I, as a technical support nerd, informed the agent that we couldnít reset Mr Tís password (yes I said it like that) because Customer Service was closed on the weekend. He brought Ice on the line so my dumb 16 year old rear end could repeat that, which I did with a slightly shakier voice.

Ice-T told me it was cool and not to worry about it.

goatsestretchgoals has a new favorite as of 06:25 on May 22, 2020

weed cat
Dec 23, 2010

weed cat is back, and he loves to suck dick






i mean, he seems like a dick to me from his online presence

re: muerte, revisiting that thread inspired me to read Into The Wild, and i burned through that whole book in a day. i think one of muerte's last posts on here was how he was gonna try again? don't think he ever did. there was also something about how he ended up driving his car across the US to the family business waiting for him, which was like a stump grinding business with one employee, and the car broke down 100 miles in or something

Elviscat
Jan 1, 2008

High Energy, Good Feeling!



Deadmau5? Not at all, I walked in and said 'sup to the guy sitting on my couch, and he was like 'sup dude?

I didn't recognize Deadmau5 because he normally wears a giant electronic mouse head

E: not my couch, my landlord's couch, I had not yet seized the means of sitting.

Inceltown
Aug 6, 2019






HiroProtagonist posted:

tbh I wish that person was in Aus and give a shot at the Great Sandy instead.

Would have been an IRL dune LP.

Get a goon fund up to cover funds for a cart and enough masks to get me Syd -> Perth and I'll think about it.

On second thoughts you need ~300l of water to cross the Nullarbor, not sure they make hand carts able to haul that and deal with the terrain there. Sweating off 10l a day doesn't sound like fun either.

small ghost
Jan 30, 2013



pentyne posted:

The crazy part extended well past the actual walking idea.


When he collapsed at the ranger station after a few hours of hiking and his cart broke down, one of his long winded "woe is me" rants was about how no one stopped to talk to him and ask him about his sign that said "ask me about hiking across america" and it was killing his motivation

What gets me about the bolded part re: not doing it on a bicycle is that about a year before Muerte set off on his abortive death march, two of my friends cycled from the northernmost to the southernmost point of the African landmass. When they got married a year or so after they got back, there were so many people at their wedding who they'd met on their journey, and many more who sent video messages and letters etc. congratulating them - nearly all of whom they'd met literally just "passing by" on their bikes. Like, "where are you headed?" is a universal question people ask when they meet someone who's obviously on a long journey.

Muerte's total incompetence at what he planned to do extends to something as basic as "if you say hi to people you meet on the trail, they'll probably talk to you, no matter how you're travelling."

Tenebrais
Sep 2, 2011



small ghost posted:

Muerte's total incompetence at what he planned to do extends to something as basic as "if you say hi to people you meet on the trail, they'll probably talk to you, no matter how you're travelling."

I sincerely doubt he ever expected to have to reach out to people. He just expected adoring fans to materialise around him as they spontaneously learn about his journey.

If I remember right he had more plans for how to handle all the media attention he'd inevitably get than for making it through the third night.

Grandmother of Five
May 9, 2008

I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.



Muerte posted his camping setup, and while it had zero cooking gear, it had a fake gun that he expected to be able to diffuse dangerous situations with.

This is my favorite SA Saga; everything about it is just perfectly stupid. Way later, another Goon re-traced Muerte's journey for fun, and the pictures he took made it look less like a desert and more like a well-groomed park area.

Dragonatrix
Aug 16, 2009

You have offended STRINGIE! You must be punished!


He made it all of 6 miles before the front wheel on his baby stroller broke, and he just left it abandoned in the middle of a public park. He then proceeded to get upset because everyone just treated him as a regular hiker.

That thread is utterly fantastic, and I must've read it like once a year since it happened.

Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017



Captain Hygiene posted:

Some say he's still out there to this day, bemoaning his lot in life and pondering his mortality, ten feet away from parents taking their children on hikes

I mean itís kinda hilarious that if he had actually done it and collapsed somewhere in the intermountain west heíd at least have become famous as a Chris McCandless type. What makes him a goon saga is that he didnít make it out of a day trail in the Bay Area. And then somehow he managed to breakdown in a car in Death Valley anyway.

The actual good part of that thread was that it seems like it got a lot of goons interested in hiking anyway bc of the actual helpful posts. Iím a total amateur compared to those folks but itís a great hobby and it can be pretty cheap! (Respect the limits of your cheap gear tho)Itís also really easy to get yourself killed if you refuse to listen to basic advice though. Like a lot of words have been written about how McCandless precisely died but what ultimately screwed him is that he crossed a river in spring and expected it would remain as easy to cross. Except snow melts and that water runs downhill with all the rest, as you would notice if you so much as hiked a flat day trail a few times over a season somewhere in the north.

One More Fat Nerd
Apr 13, 2007
no neckbeard, though.



Nap Ghost

Also, if i remember right, he was physically incapacitated (legs cramping, unable to move) after making it 6-7 miles in three days, which has always confused me. Like, i'm fat as hell and pushing 40, but i will walk a mile 1 way for lunch at work pretty regularly, and I'm 100% certain i could do that 3 days in a row without being rendered immobile

Tenebrais
Sep 2, 2011



One More Fat Nerd posted:

Also, if i remember right, he was physically incapacitated (legs cramping, unable to move) after making it 6-7 miles in three days, which has always confused me. Like, i'm fat as hell and pushing 40, but i will walk a mile 1 way for lunch at work pretty regularly, and I'm 100% certain i could do that 3 days in a row without being rendered immobile

I think it was 6-7 miles per day. Like, about 20 miles total. Still a leisurely pace but enough to wear out someone with no preparation, experience or fitness.

Grandmother of Five
May 9, 2008

I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.



The Goldmined Muerte thread was an Ask/Tell thread that got moved to e/n, and which was then goldmined wayyyyy later, I think. I'm pretty sure Muerte made concurrent threads back-when in GBS, and also either TFR or GiP, and the Goldmined one may not have been his main one. If those other threads can still be found, they would be good candidates for the goldmine imo. Muerte def tried to promote his hike cross-site before bailing.

One More Fat Nerd posted:

Also, if i remember right, he was physically incapacitated (legs cramping, unable to move) after making it 6-7 miles in three days, which has always confused me. Like, i'm fat as hell and pushing 40, but i will walk a mile 1 way for lunch at work pretty regularly, and I'm 100% certain i could do that 3 days in a row without being rendered immobile

Tenebrais posted:

I think it was 6-7 miles per day. Like, about 20 miles total. Still a leisurely pace but enough to wear out someone with no preparation, experience or fitness.

Yeah, that part is wild, but, like, if you've ever worn ill-fitting boots or shoes for a run or hike, you know how that can mess you up real fast, no matter what shape you're in, and on top of Muertes setup with gear being super stupid, he had shared that he had lived off fastfood for years and had a sedantry life-style. His physical condition came up in one of the threads as a talking-point iirc, and he had pretty average weight/height ratio, but was probably still in far worse shape than someone overweight who eats balanced and does a bit of physical activity.

Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017



Also he only ate a few handfuls of trail mix over a few days.

jojoinnit
Dec 13, 2010

Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.


Is there a summary of when he began the journey? I read his original thread until he quit it on like page 2 and I'm not going to go read 76 more pages if it's just people dunking on him. I want the juicy hilarious details of the hike from step one up to the step where apparently his clothes caused his hips to break.

Kay Kessler
May 9, 2013



One More Fat Nerd posted:

Also, if i remember right, he was physically incapacitated (legs cramping, unable to move) after making it 6-7 miles in three days, which has always confused me. Like, i'm fat as hell and pushing 40, but i will walk a mile 1 way for lunch at work pretty regularly, and I'm 100% certain i could do that 3 days in a row without being rendered immobile

IIRC in order for him to meet his miles-per-day quota he had planned, he would walk continuously without taking regular breaks. He didn't notice his legs were being hosed up by it because human bodies are good at (temporarily) ignoring pain from walking. Which is why most hikers take breaks even if they don't feel tired at the moment.

SpaceSDoorGunner
May 4, 2018



Kay Kessler posted:

IIRC in order for him to meet his miles-per-day quota he had planned, he would walk continuously without taking regular breaks. He didn't notice his legs were being hosed up by it because human bodies are good at (temporarily) ignoring pain from walking. Which is why most hikers take breaks even if they don't feel tired at the moment.

Yeah but the distances weíre talking here are distances that your average middle aged jogger would knock out before coffee which makes it really awesome that he whined like he just been though hell week in Navy SEAL training.

SpaceSDoorGunner
May 4, 2018



quote:



I walked down to the bathroom to freshen up and I just felt off balance I figured I had a bad night sleep or something and the next thing I know my entire left side of my body went limp and I fainted on the steps. Some hikers nearby saw me and said I looked awful and helped get me an Uber ride back to my aunts. For the first time in 4 days I was able to look at my body and it isn't good. My hips are literally black and blue and I'm constantly light headed. I have other issues that aren't pg as well

exquisite tea
Apr 21, 2007

Carly shook her glass, willing the ice to melt. "You still haven't told me what the mission is."

She leaned forward. "We are going to assassinate the bad men of Hollywood."



Traveling 6-7 miles a day is something any intermediate hobbyist runner could do with 23 hours to spare. That's not strenuous at all for anyone with even a basic level of fitness.

purple death ray
Jul 28, 2007

me omw 2 steal ur girl


He abandoned the thread pretty quickly but goons follow the whole story via Facebook updates from goons he added before he realized he wasn't getting the reaction he wanted

Tiggum
Oct 23, 2007


Kay Kessler posted:

IIRC in order for him to meet his miles-per-day quota he had planned, he would walk continuously without taking regular breaks.

So he walked for, what, two hours and then stopped for the day?

luxury handset
Jan 24, 2018

THE DEM DEFENDER HAS LOGGED ON


One More Fat Nerd posted:

Also, if i remember right, he was physically incapacitated (legs cramping, unable to move) after making it 6-7 miles in three days, which has always confused me. Like, i'm fat as hell and pushing 40, but i will walk a mile 1 way for lunch at work pretty regularly, and I'm 100% certain i could do that 3 days in a row without being rendered immobile

walking/running/jogging is one of those activities where regular participation will greatly increase your ability to do it. if i haven't gone hiking in a while i'll be sore the next day after like just a five mile round trip but if i've been going every other weekend or so i can do ten miles without a care. folks who do regular distance jogging or running can do dozens of miles at a stretch. so if this dude fell apart after a few miles he must have done no warmup or prep at all and just got straight off the couch

Pigsfeet on Rye
Oct 22, 2008

I'm meat on the hoof


Nap Ghost

Tiggum posted:

So he walked for, what, two hours and then stopped for the day?

From what I remember of the topographical map, he chose some steep trails out of ignorance instead of a more pragmatic flat route that existed. Of course, pushing his cart loaded with junk didn't help.

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



goatsestretchgoals posted:

Was he a dick?

E: To contribute, my best celebrity encounter was Ice-Tís agent calling me at a very large dialup ISP on a Saturday. I, as a technical support nerd, informed the agent that we couldnít reset Mr Tís password (yes I said it like that) because Customer Service was closed on the weekend. He brought Ice on the line so my dumb 16 year old rear end could repeat that, which I did with a slightly shakier voice.

Ice-T told me it was cool and not to worry about it.

ice t is cool

my celeb story is this:

Carthag Tuek posted:

mines firstname.lastname@gmail and i have the same name except different middle name as a music producer so i pretty regularly get email from wannabes who want me to produce their stuff. if i feel like it, ill ask for some acapellas and make some insane turd for them.

one time, lindsay lohan's people got in contact because they wanted a list of songs we recorded together or something, so i made up some titles. then they were like, wait what are those? could you send htem over? and i was like how can i be sure youre lindsay lohan's people, i cant just send them to anybody!!

so they proved it & then i made some really bad songs with my sister in garage band

they got really pissed at me for wasting their time, the whole email thread was like 2 weeks

emails & songs are here (from back when i was called Snapchat A Titty):
https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...1#post456016998

songs here:
https://soundcloud.com/blqh/slap-it?in=blqh/sets/lohan

Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

We'll make diamonds from their ashes. Take them into battle with us.

Craft a Diamond Dog diamond?
Nah.   Let's do it!




College Slice

This is all why I love the saga so much, he somehow turned the easiest part into a death slog by stubbornly insisting doing every single step in the way that would make it hardest on himself, like some sort of obstinate overgrown toddler.

Nuns with Guns
Jul 23, 2010

....?


Captain Hygiene posted:

It's ok, he had a Walmart baby stroller or something.

Heath posted:

Haven't you ever played an RPG with a desert? As long as you run from oasis to oasis in time you're fine

And then his push cart that was going to carry all the water fell apart within a day of him using it on a hiking trail. I can't imagine how badly poo poo would have gone if he'd made it to the Mojave...

Grandmother of Five posted:

This is my favorite SA Saga; everything about it is just perfectly stupid. Way later, another Goon re-traced Muerte's journey for fun, and the pictures he took made it look less like a desert and more like a well-groomed park area.

He was talked down from doing a straight walk dictated by google maps because that's meant as a car route and bad things happen to pedestrians trying to walk along highways on long distance treks like that. The thread convinced him to try approved hiking trails, so he started out in a park in California that's got like a 2-3 day hiking trail and couldn't make it out of that.

Edgar Allen Ho posted:

Also he only ate a few handfuls of trail mix over a few days.

Yeah, his body was going into survival mode and suppressing his appetite, so he wasn't getting anywhere near sufficient calories to sustain a long distance hike. It's no wonder he passed out and could barely move for a whole day after that.

goatsestretchgoals
Jun 4, 2011

in soviet russia, you shove robot

weed cat posted:

i mean, he seems like a dick to me from his online presence

re: muerte, revisiting that thread inspired me to read Into The Wild, and i burned through that whole book in a day. i think one of muerte's last posts on here was how he was gonna try again? don't think he ever did. there was also something about how he ended up driving his car across the US to the family business waiting for him, which was like a stump grinding business with one employee, and the car broke down 100 miles in or something

Ice-t himself was cool as gently caress about the fact I couldnít reset his password. Eh Iíll just use AOL.

Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014

I AM TRULY ONE OF THE WORST POSTERS ON THIS SITE. LOOK UPON THIS GUY MANN REREG AND DESPAIR.


pentyne posted:

The crazy part extended well past the actual walking idea.

The whole thing was "crazy" in that he was literally mentally ill and was doing the walk as some misguided attempt at raising awareness for his plight. I see the humor in how it all unfolded but there is a weird undercurrent of rationalizing that he deserved it because he ignored other people's advice as if he was some perfect rational actor.

Moon Slayer
Jun 19, 2007

What is this hippy-dippy BS? We're here to save lives, not teach yoga or start a rave.


Hell Gem

I don't think he himself was mentally ill, I remember it was he thought "raising awareness of mental health" was a good way to get media attention for his epic trek.

Tenebrais
Sep 2, 2011



A lot of people did peg him as going through a manic phase. And brought it up, repeatedly.

It didn't deter him. At some point you stop trying and just wait for the fireworks.

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



If he wanted people to stop and talk to him, the cart was a bad choice. Especially in the San Francisco area, if you see a bedraggled man shoving a cart full of cheap camping gear through a public park, you're going to assume he's homeless, and you've already been hit up for change 10 times since you left your house this morning so you avoid him. Also if I remember correctly, he was basing his gear and route on a guy whose name was something like "Hobo Ron".

I think people even pointed out actual cross-country hiking trails, including the American Discovery Trail (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Discovery_Trail) which has a terminus in Point Reyes National Park, the same loving place he was starting from. Actually, typing that out... had he actually been convinced to do the ADT instead of his Google Maps route before he started?

Nuns with Guns
Jul 23, 2010

....?


Moon Slayer posted:

I don't think he himself was mentally ill, I remember it was he thought "raising awareness of mental health" was a good way to get media attention for his epic trek.

He's bipolar and everyone pegged him as being in a bad manic episode within the first couple pages and tried to point this out to him iirc.

I'm glad he didn't die in the literal desert every cartoon models deserts off of and where he'd have his bones picked apart by Looney Toons vultures while they go "eh, it's a living!" I also think there is a level of humor in that he was an oblivious manchild with well-off family and seemed to keep trying mostly out of personal ego and in spite of plenty of reasonable arguments for why he was putting himself in life-threatening danger though.

Calico Heart
Mar 22, 2012

"wich the worst part was what troll face did to sonic's corpse after words wich was rape it. at that point i looked away"






drat

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RFC2324
Jun 7, 2012

Http 418


Nuns with Guns posted:

he started out in a park in California that's got like a 2-3 day hiking trail and couldn't make it out of that.

This can't be stressed enough: a park in a city, not like a wilderness type park. He couldn't make it across a city park, and wanted to hike across the nation.

Nuns with Guns posted:

I can't imagine how badly poo poo would have gone if he'd made it to the Mojave...

I always wondered what would have happened if he made it to Texas. His path there was going to take him through some poo poo almost as deadly hot as the Mojave, but it has some actual wildlife. That wildlife mostly wants to kill and/or eat you, and may literally come in the form of 30-50 wild hogs. His toy gun was the worst idea

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