Beachcomber posted:

Beachcomber posted:

ikanreed posted:

When I talked about why a dog would be easy to tell I listed some very measurable characteristics that vary between every single dog.

I feel like the cat people are coming from "well my cat hangs out in the kitchen at dinner time and hides when people visit and comes to bother me around 7"

It might be possible to spot some fakes or intuit something is wrong, but I think you're all way underestimating how much you'd just feel like something was "off" about your pet without realizing they were actually different, especially if an SO gaslit you about it.

Bug Squash posted:

The interchangeability of cats is off to a hot start to become the threads next forbidden topic.

Johnny Truant posted:

^^^^^^ yup


yeah, it's this. anyone saying you can't do it with dogs but can with cats has no idea what they're talking about, lol

ikanreed posted:

When I talked about why a dog would be easy to tell I listed some very measurable characteristics that vary between every single dog.

I feel like the cat people are coming from "well my cat hangs out in the kitchen at dinner time and hides when people visit and comes to bother me around 7"

It might be possible to spot some fakes or intuit something is wrong, but I think you're all way underestimating how much you'd just feel like something was "off" about your pet without realizing they were actually different, especially if an SO gaslit you about it.

therattle posted:

Every night at bed time my cat jumps onto the bed, nuzzles my face and flumps against my body for stroking. He also likes lying on my lap in a very particular way, with my hand arranged just so. Animals are ridiculously distinctive not just in appearance but also behaviours. If you have lived with an animal and are not aware of this then you are remarkably unobservant.

Cythereal posted:

The other will only let you pet her in one particular room of the house.

Beachcomber posted:

Brb, designating and furnishing a Petatorium

Dazerbeams posted:

Just lol if you don’t have your cat’s unique “feed me” cry way of patting your arm with all claws out seared into your brain.

Bug Squash posted:

No cat owner has ever been visually or cognitively impaired in history, so the personal experiences of the thread's cat fans are universally transferable.

Bug Squash posted:

No cat owner has ever been visually or cognitively impaired in history, so the personal experiences of the thread's cat fans are universally transferable.

quote:

tl:dr Serious relationship possibly ending but she refuses to actually tell me anything. At a loss as to what's next.

I have been in a 4 year relationship with a woman I am very much in love with, that I have been planning on proposing to next year. She has had a very traumatic life(death, drugs, incarcerated father, neglect, physical abuse, multiple TBI's) from the time she was an infant until we met after she escaped an abusive 7 year relationship. Things have never been easy for us and there has definitely been resentment built between us from poor decisions on both sides but we never stopped feeling like we were made for each other. We even refer to each other as husband and wife because we both agreed bf/gf didn't really encapsulate how we felt about each other or reflected the promises we'd made.

She was laid off in September which led to her having to quit her methadone treatment cold turkey. If you're not aware it is one of the most brutal things to withdraw from because of the sheer length of time it takes. It is basically coming off of heroin but for months as opposed to weeks. The dosage she was on could possibly take more than a year for the mental effects to subside.

It has been hellish for her and I've done my best to support us but 1 month ago the pressure got the better of me and we had a pretty bad fight. I said some things I will always regret. That night she was supposed to go out with a friend and she ended up not coming back.

For weeks she refused any contact. I called and texted her multiple times a day, having literally no idea where she was or what was happening. She had only the clothes on her back and access to maybe $50. I was worried to say the least.

I finally caught a break and found an email on our shared account that after some detective work led me to an address where she had found work and a place to stay. Bare in mind if i hadn't seen that i would still to this day have no idea where she was. I brought her a change of clothes and some money and waited for her to show up. She was angry that I wasn't respecting her space and refused to talk to me for more than a couple of minutes.

It's now been a month and we've only spoken the one time in person and a couple of texts to tell me she loves me, she needs space and time to get to know herself. I drove to meet her and bring her more clothes and some groceries last night and all she did was tell me to not disrespect her by invading her space and when I begged her to just talk to me she said she didn't have time and didn't need to explain herself to anyone. I will admit I ugly cried the entire 45 minute drive home.

She is acting like we are splitting up but all of her things are still in our apartment, her dog and cats I'm taking care of and her bills I'm still paying. She refuses to speak to me or even tell me what is happening. I don't know if we are breaking up or if she just needs some time?

I keep telling myself it's just her brain chemistry that's all messed up from withdrawing and she will eventually realize what she's doing. It feels like we are breaking up but the not actually knowing is what hurts the most. This is destroying me and I honestly don't know what to do next, besides wait.

ben shapino posted:

you're cognitively impaired if you think people with actual disabilities are what the guy who thinks it's reasonable to not be able to tell cats apart but insane that anyone would mistake one dog for another was talking about

quote:

The last few months have been the hardest of my life. I (29M) lost my wife over 5 months ago and I still struggle everyday, missing her, grieving our baby (she was 2 months pregnant), and just trying to hang on when I wake up in the mornings .

It hasn’t been easy at all, still have my bad days and I’m so grateful for my family’s support in this. Don’t know how I would’ve made it without them.

The situation that happened with my sister started a couple weeks ago. During a zoom call with my family where they were all checking up on me, she kept talking about her friend who just had puppies and said maybe I’d benefit from having a pet companion.

I turned her down because this didn’t feel like the right time in my life to be making a commitment to being a dog owner when I can barely take care of myself. I get that it’s supposed to be a motivation but it’s just not what I wanted.

To have that responsibility when there’s so much else going on.

For some reason she really insisted on it. Then she actually surprised me by bringing the pup when she came to visit. My sister bought the dog off her friend and wanted to bring it as a surprise gift.

It took a lot to convince her to leave with the pup because again I didn’t want to be responsible for a pet.

Then she went and did something I couldn’t believe. She stopped by a couple days later early in the morning and left the pup by my door in a crate. Sent me a txt before I woke up.

I was so mad I even left her a ton of voicemails telling her to come get the dog.

My sister was really insistent on this and to give it a shot. Figured maybe she thought this was a John wick type of situation where having a pet to bond with would help with my grief.

She wasn’t letting this go and I said if she didn’t pick him up by the end of the day I’ll have to give him to someone else.

Luckily a friend of mine is a huge dog person (has two himself), and he was more than happy to take the pup off my hands.

My sister found out a few days later that I didn’t keep him and she was furious when she called. She couldn’t believe I simply gave him away when he costed her over $700 and now she wants me to pay her back for a gift I didn’t appreciate.

I’m seriously baffled by her reaction. With everything else going on I don’t know why she’s made a big deal about this. So yes she’s mad because I didn’t keep the dog and because I’m refusing to pay, which I think is fair. I didn’t want a dog in the first place.

This feels beyond insane and I don’t know why she’s so mad at me over this when I told her several times no. I don’t know maybe I’m missing something so I’d like to get thoughts from others here. Was I an rear end in a top hat in this situation?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [26m] partner [28f] of 4 years didn't come home one night and have had minimal contact for a month. Refusing to tell me if we are breaking up or not.

house of the dad posted:

Probably needs to take the hint that his girlfriend is done with him/probably relapsing and start excising her from his life. "I need space" doesn't usually involve leaving all of your stuff behind, getting a new job, and moving to an undisclosed location. That's witness protection program.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [26m] partner [28f] of 4 years didn't come home one night and have had minimal contact for a month. Refusing to tell me if we are breaking up or not.

Motronic posted:

He's the second in her string of abusive relationships but playing the sympathy card for reddit. hth

sephiRoth IRA posted:

Oh cool fifty new posts I wonder what sort of dram-

house of the dad posted:

And you're basing this on... what exactly?

sephiRoth IRA posted:

Oh cool fifty new posts I wonder what sort of dram-

wilderthanmild posted:

I get really bad vibes from this guy's post like he's really controlling and likes her because she's "damaged" and he wants to be savior type. I'm guessing the "I said some things I will always regret" was this coming to the surface in a very obvious way. Combine that with his very stalkerish way of tracking her down and I think it's clear this guy has problems. Her wanting 0 contact from him for weeks is obviously her breaking up with him.

At the same time, someone having to quit methadone cold turkey and completely disappearing would be pretty worrying, but I think it's obvious this guy is probably the wrong person to be "help" her in this situation.

Motronic posted:

His post, which demonstrates he's a controlling stalker with boundary issues. Remember, this is the best version of himself he's able to present, and it still looks really sketchy.

Motronic posted:

His post, which demonstrates he's a controlling stalker with boundary issues. Remember, this is the best version of himself he's able to present, and it still looks really sketchy.

Beachcomber posted:

Dogs are a sandwich, but cats are a taco.

Sanford posted:

WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR YOU

CAN YOU TELL CATS APART OR NOT?

Motronic posted:

His post, which demonstrates he's a controlling stalker with boundary issues. Remember, this is the best version of himself he's able to present, and it still looks really sketchy.

Sanford posted:

WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR YOU

CAN YOU TELL CATS APART OR NOT?


I got this from it. I really want to believe it's two people with hosed-up backgrounds who've managed to find happiness regardless, but.... nah. I read it again and changed my mind. Dogs cats and bills left behind, I'd be worried too, and do what I could to make contact.

Beachcomber posted:

Maybe I should try some of my wife's expired adderall and see what happens.

house of the dad posted:

I don't really know what you guys expect from a person when their partner of four years up and vanishes into thin air, leaving all of their stuff behind and 0 explanation of what's going on. She's a person with a history of traumatic abuse and drug addiction so it sounds like somebody an effort should be made to locate instead of "well I better respect these boundaries." Leaping immediately to "he must be abusing her" or that he's a crazy stalker is extreme and has very little to do with what he actually posted. It's sketchy leaps in logic and reading between the lines.