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Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?

I've been around the block a few times and I can tell you that there is a pretty big difference between semen and soap scum when it comes to hand towels. And in general.

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The Bramble
Mar 16, 2004



Collateral Damage posted:

says he didn't rinse his hands completely before wiping them and it's just soap on the towel.

Did the defense hire you to taint the jury pool with these wild theories?

The Bramble
Mar 16, 2004



Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, smell this

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Megillah Gorilla
Sep 22, 2003

One Potato to rule them all,
One Potato to find them,
One Potato to bring them all
And in the darkness bind them.





Bread Liar

Pope Corky the IX posted:

I've been around the block a few times and I can tell you that there is a pretty big difference between semen and soap scum when it comes to hand towels. And in general.

Maybe it was one of those dispensers?

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017
Probation
Can't post for 29 hours!


Collateral Damage posted:

says he didn't rinse his hands completely before wiping them and it's just soap on the towel.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kh1CqCAc2fE

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?

Why, I've never heard of a man depositing his seed where it does not belong!

DandyLion
Jun 24, 2010
disrespectul Deciever



Lone Goat
Apr 16, 2003

When life gives you lemons, suplex those lemons.






PHIZ KALIFA posted:

cumshitter i'm sure i've asked this of you before but what's your take on the "french tuck"?

It's not French it was invented by guys that wanted to show off their belt buckle

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

Only Accused Of STATUTORY Rape

They say he was never gone for any suspicious amount of time. So what they are presupposing is their friends boyfriend got spontaneously so horny he went and jacked it in the bathroom in about the amount of time it takes to pee, right into a hand towel, then daintily placed the towel back on the rack.

Sisal Two-Step
May 29, 2006

mom without jaw
dad without wife


AITA for telling my neighbor that I'd do what she asked, but I'd let people know why?

quote:

So throughout quarantine I've been pretty unemployed bored so a few months ago I started dressing up some halloween skeletons in different outfits and setting up little scenes in my front yard. A few of my neighbors have complimented it and the little kids in the neighborhood love it. It is technically against our HOA rules to have halloween decorations up this time of year but they're pretty hands off unless someone complains. Last week, my neighbor a few doors down brought up the HOA regulation, implying that she would report me if I didn't stop putting up my decorations. I told her that I would take them down, but "I would let anyone who asked why I took them down exactly why I did it"

She just kind of scoffed and stomped off. I kept the decorations up, but I'm worried she'll report me and I'll a fine. My GF said that she was right and it is against the rules, which is true, and that it was kind of a threat but I'm not sure. AITA?
Why do HOAs hate fun.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?

This thread is full of people that poo poo in neighbor’s bathtubs and spread dried fecal crumbs on their own bed and store dozens of bottles of their own urine directly above their head and this is what sounds unbelievable?

haveblue
Aug 15, 2005




Toilet Rascal

Sisal Two-Step posted:

Why do HOAs hate fun.

They're run by old people

Johnny Truant
Jul 22, 2008





Sisal Two-Step posted:

AITA for telling my neighbor that I'd do what she asked, but I'd let people know why?

Why do HOAs hate fun.

replace the decorations with a giant sign that says "<lovely neighbour's name> MADE ME TAKE DOWN MY FUN DECORATIONS, SORRY Y'ALL" and see how fast they try to backpedal their complaint

fake edit: also i would love to see someone try to pin down that skeletons = halloween. do they just not exist outside of that holiday?

Theophany
Jul 22, 2014

"This is only the beginning of the reckoning. This is only the first sip, the first foretaste of a bitter cup which will be proffered to us year by year unless, by a supreme recovery of moral health and martial vigour, we arise again and take our stand for freedom as in the olden time."


If they're not dressed up to be spooky, are they really halloween decorations? Like they're just dead mannequins at that point.

Straight White Shark
May 16, 2009



Fun Shoe

Johnny Truant posted:

replace the decorations with a giant sign that says "<lovely neighbour's name> MADE ME TAKE DOWN MY FUN DECORATIONS, SORRY Y'ALL" and see how fast they try to backpedal their complaint

fake edit: also i would love to see someone try to pin down that skeletons = halloween. do they just not exist outside of that holiday?

In all likelihood the HOA has a blanket ban on most decorations with a whitelist of when and what you're allowed to decorate.

Dazerbeams
Jul 8, 2009







The Stealth Spunker has struck again!

MightyJoe36
Dec 29, 2013

Cat Army


Pope Corky the IX posted:

This thread is full of people that poo poo in neighbor’s bathtubs and spread dried fecal crumbs on their own bed and store dozens of bottles of their own urine directly above their head and this is what sounds unbelievable?

Wasn't there one a while back about a guy who took a dump and then wiped with a hand towel and threw it out the window?

kimbo305
Jun 9, 2007

He is I, and I am him



Megillah Gorilla posted:

Maybe it was one of those dispensers?



That's plausible if it's the weird silvery soap _and_ he dispensed after rinsing or never rinsed with water for some reason.

hawowanlawow
Jul 27, 2009



softsoap is the loving worst

Straight White Shark
May 16, 2009



Fun Shoe

Megillah Gorilla posted:

Maybe it was one of those dispensers?



The ballistics are all wrong. You would have us believe that this is some kind of magic splooge that could change trajectory mid-flight to veer over and hit the hand towel? No, there is only one possibility: there was a second cumman on the grassy knoll.

Maed
Aug 23, 2006



The friend was probably one of those disgusting people that spit in sinks and missed. They need to take a sample and send it to CSI.

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

Only Accused Of STATUTORY Rape

Where I work everybody spits in the urinals, it's really weird

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?

MightyJoe36 posted:

Wasn't there one a while back about a guy who took a dump and then wiped with a hand towel and threw it out the window?

There was that and also the guy that wiped his rear end with his girlfriend’s bath towels and threw them in the tub.

DrBouvenstein
Feb 28, 2007

I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. This fancy avatar does.


Pope Corky the IX posted:

There was that and also the guy that wiped his rear end with his girlfriend’s bath towels and threw them in the tub.

Speaking of people doing weird things in bathrooms, I'm trying to remember the story of a woman who was at a guy's place for the first time, had a massive, bathroom destroying poo poo, clogged the toilet, and then tried to just GTFO by going through the window? But the building was so close to the neighbors, like a row house or something, she got stuck, and then the window fell back down pinning her further and she needed to call for help?

I want to say there was even pictures of her stuck in the window.

Please tell me I'm not crazy and making this up in my head?

Faked edit: Found it, had some details wrong, she wasn't trying to escape so much as fling the poo out the window and got stuck trying to get it out? Somehow?
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/liam-smyth-toilet-date-tinder_n_59aefdeee4b0b5e53101a36b

a fatguy baldspot
Aug 29, 2018



Where do y’all spit if not the sink or toilet??? On the floor LIKE ANIMALS?

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Why is spitting like casually a thing??? Cis men answer for your nasty rear end crimes, y’all’s salivary glands broke?

Coca Koala
Nov 28, 2005

ongoing nowhere


College Slice

teen witch posted:

I’m thinking of a murder mystery dinner but it’d a cumstain whodunnit.

Post pandemic perhaps it’ll be a reality

Achewood took us there years ago!

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09052007

If you’re going to have a moment of delight at somebody else’s house, be polite enough to do it into an old can of refried beans or something. It’s only polite.

Johnny Truant
Jul 22, 2008





teen witch posted:

Why is spitting like casually a thing??? Cis men answer for your nasty rear end crimes, y’all’s salivary glands broke?

i do it cause i don't like the post-coffee mouth feel or if i'm biking, that's about it

i don't do it around other people though? like, gotta be nobody even close to me for me to do it, or an empty bathroom to spit in the urinal

DoctorWhat
Nov 18, 2011

Someone call the Chancellery Guard. Commander Maxil's out of uniform. AGAIN.

sometimes we do oversalivate! I've deffo gone through (possibly allergy or meds) related periods where my body would generate a dozen or more gross, phlegmy globs a day directly in the roof of my mouth.

oh jay
Oct 15, 2012



Wearing a mask has completely broken my spit into the urinal before peeing algorithms. This is the only excuse I'll accept from anti-maskers.

Baronjutter
Dec 31, 2007

"Tiny Trains"



teen witch posted:

Why is spitting like casually a thing??? Cis men answer for your nasty rear end crimes, y’all’s salivary glands broke?

I was going to ask this. What's with dudes and spitting? Is it entirely a cultural thing? I've only ever spat when like a bug flew in my mouth or something. Is it a smoker thing where it turns your saliva thick and nasty?

Ches Neckbeard
Dec 3, 2005



Baronjutter posted:

I was going to ask this. What's with dudes and spitting? Is it entirely a cultural thing? I've only ever spat when like a bug flew in my mouth or something. Is it a smoker thing where it turns your saliva thick and nasty?

Cultural thing. That part dropped off for me years ago.

Also if I've got sinus drainage. In covid world I'm adopting some new habits in how and where but yeah.

Beachcomber
May 21, 2007

Another day in paradise.




Slippery Tilde

teen witch posted:

Why is spitting like casually a thing??? Cis men answer for your nasty rear end crimes, y’all’s salivary glands broke?

I sometimes spit into a tissue or the sink because my sinuses manufacture snot at an industrial level and I often feel like Im drowning in it. I just want to get that poo poo out of my body.

I never spit on the ground, though. That's gross.

hawowanlawow
Jul 27, 2009



I have to be in the final stages of pre-vomit before I will spit

ben shapino
Nov 22, 2020
ASK ME ABOUT HOW INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE ACTUALLY MASTER/SLAVE RELATIONSHIPS


ill spit after/while having a smoke or to clear my throat/mouth of anything that comes loose after coughing but like... just spitting normal saliva out for no reason other than to spit? no. that's not me.

yikes!
Jul 5, 2006




Soiled Meat

anyone else want to let us know you don't spit before i finish compiling The List Of Virtuous Goons

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?

I swallow, making me extra virtuous.

Pigsfeet on Rye
Oct 22, 2008

I'm meat on the hoof



oh jay posted:

Wearing a mask has completely broken my spit into the urinal before peeing algorithms. This is the only excuse I'll accept from anti-maskers.

This, entirely. Spitting into a urinal is as old as Rome.

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A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014



I spit in solidarity with my camelid comrades; what up alpacas, what up llamas

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