r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

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Algol Star: Sep 6, 2010

Gats Akimbo posted:

An evergreen question here, but what did Dan think the endgame was going to be? "Hey Evelyn, I know your partner just dumped you because I and all his other friends convinced him you were cheating but I've always thought you were hot wanna date/bang/whatever?"

It's probably just mindless spite that someone has something that he wants like a kid breaking another child's toy.

# ? May 29, 2021 10:18

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 11:11

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Gats Akimbo posted:

An evergreen question here, but what did Dan think the endgame was going to be? "Hey Evelyn, I know your partner just dumped you because I and all his other friends convinced him you were cheating but I've always thought you were hot wanna date/bang/whatever?"

There's a weird media trope where when hot girl A is dating the friend and they break up she'll date the other friend group members. It's been internalized by a lot of guys that if only she was single again they could easily go from friends to lovers.

It's really down to the idea that for female acquaintances friends→lovers is a highly likely option.

# ? May 29, 2021 10:27

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

Sorry guys, I can't NOT post this one

AITA for farting on my bf�s face?

quote:

Alright so today I was at my friends house and we were having a little pool party. So I was wearing a thong bikini because the universe didn�t give me no breasts but it gave me a lot of junk in the trunk so I gotta show it off when I can lmao. It was fine, my girl friend who was running the party wore one as well. But my bf was being annoying about it. He kept kissing my rear end cheeks and jiggling my booty even when I told him to stop. I think he was drinking too much 🙄.

So when he went back down again to motorboat my butt I farted right in his face. He pulled back and started gagging and was all mad. He was saying�That was loving nasty, I never thought you would do something like that eww.� and looked like he wanted to throw up. I told him he shouldn�t have kept putting his face down there if he was afraid of some farts. He looked disgusted with me but he didn�t try messing with my booty anymore.

So AITA?

# ? May 29, 2021 11:46

Electric Wrigglies: Feb 6, 2015

artsy fartsy posted:

Sorry guys, I can't NOT post this one

AITA for farting on my bf�s face?

so I take it bf didn't think the fartsy was artsy?

# ? May 29, 2021 12:00

MAKE NO BABBYS: Jan 28, 2010

Flannelette posted:

Real world seems to feel they are pretty useful.

And the sheer irony and hubris of someone that�s a loving BANKER talking to a doctor about how the world hates their profession is just *chefs kiss*

# ? May 29, 2021 12:05

Daktar: Aug 19, 2008; I done turned 'er head into a slug an' now she's a-stucked!

Rocks vs. nukes, with the nukes being an avalanche of articles about subprime lending, asset stripping, drug money laundering and everything else we love about late stage capitalism.

# ? May 29, 2021 13:01

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

MAKE NO BABBYS posted:

And the sheer irony and hubris of someone that’s a loving BANKER talking to a doctor about how the world hates their profession is just *chefs kiss*

I wonder if it isn't just projection

As a banker, you have to know that your job is to immiserete others for your own personal profit. The world is not bettered for your work, that has to register on your consciousness somehow

Meanwhile your "friend" is pulling insane shifts just to keep people alive during a pandemic. That has to sting, if you have any kind of self image as a "good person", which I think most people do

# ? May 29, 2021 13:08

Pookah: Aug 21, 2008; 🪶Caw🪶

Mr. Lobe posted:

I wonder if it isn't just projection

As a banker, you have to know that your job is to immiserete others for your own personal profit. The world is not bettered for your work, that has to register on your consciousness somehow

Meanwhile your "friend" is pulling insane shifts just to keep people alive during a pandemic. That has to sting, if you have any kind of self image as a "good person", which I think most people do

I was thinking the same thing - like the 'friend' has a long-running internal monologue about how the OP thinks they are SOOO SMART and SOOO GOOD because they are a DOCTOR

# ? May 29, 2021 13:11

Cloacamazing!: Apr 18, 2018; Too cute to be evil

Gats Akimbo posted:

An evergreen question here, but what did Dan think the endgame was going to be? "Hey Evelyn, I know your partner just dumped you because I and all his other friends convinced him you were cheating but I've always thought you were hot wanna date/bang/whatever?"

A dramatic confession "I did it all because I love you! He doesn't deserve you!" and then she will fall for him. Same reasoning as the guy who pretended to be some married guy to hit on his married bartender and now thinks that confessing will make her realize what a swell guy he is and she will cheat on her husband with him.

# ? May 29, 2021 14:04

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

The people responsible for RomComs must be hunted down and brought to justice for their crimes against humanity.

# ? May 29, 2021 14:13

Sisal Two-Step: May 29, 2006; mom without jaw
dad without wife

i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry

Flannelette posted:

Real world seems to feel they are pretty useful.

I vote OP shares funny memes about how the real world feels about bankers. :thermidor:

# ? May 29, 2021 14:13

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

I like my jobs bank and my memes dank.

# ? May 29, 2021 14:51

massive spider: Dec 6, 2006

AITA for blowing up on my wife for bringing up something we did together at the club once that I didn�t want to remember?

quote:

Years ago when my wife and I were still just gf and bf we got into situation that I really tied to forget. The situation was my wife and I going to a club, getting crazy on substances, and then blowing a dude at the same time together in the restroom. I don�t know what came over to me to want to do that because the idea of a dick that isn�t mine anywhere near makes me want to throw up now. Strangely for a long time after that event happened it had never been brought up. Almost like it was a fever dream or something. And I was beyond happy that it was never brought up. But unfortunately, 4 years later and my wife has now brought it up.

We put our kid to bed one night, had some adult fun, and then we�re just relaxing in bed. Talking about whatever. All of a sudden my wife asked�Hey you remember that time we sucked that guy�s huge dick together?� Immediately I felt extremely embarrassed. I started saying�loving drat it why would you bring that up now after all these years? What makes you want to think I want to remember that now.� My wife said�All right drat hoe I�m I supposed to know? You didn�t seem like you hated doing it that night so I thought it would be a fun memory to bring up.� All I could do was mumble curse words to myself as I got up and told my wife I wanted to sleep on the couch and that I didn�t want her to follow me:

In the morning during breakfast my wife was obviously very upset with me. AITA for how I reacted it is my wife the rear end in a top hat for bringing that up?

massive spider fucked around with this message at 15:00 on May 29, 2021

# ? May 29, 2021 14:56

olylifter: Sep 13, 2007; I'm bad with money and you have an avatar!

This poo poo is like a loving r/relationships bingo card

My [28F] husband [29M] lied to me

We have been married for 3 years with 5 kids and thought we had a solid relationship.

4 months ago, my husband came to me and announced he had quit his job. He wanted to have a job that is a work from home job and would take a pay cut if needed. I was concerned but as I was making a lot of money from my job, I decided to take a chance.

During those 4 months, he delegated more and more of the housework to me while leaving every night to what he said was blowing off stress. I encouraged him to keep looking but he said he wanted to give up.

I decided to call his former employees to see of they can take him back. To my shock, they said he didn't quit but was fired for poor work performance and punching a supervisor in the face.

I confronted him about this and he initially denied. I pressed on until he finally gave in, admitting he didn't want to seem like a bad guy. He even hid the unemployment money (which we could have used) to go gamble.

I angrily told him to watch our kids while I spend a night at the hotel. I'm really torn on what to do. A divorce could bring added stress to our children but I don't know how I can trust my husband anymore. What do I do?

# ? May 29, 2021 14:56

Sisal Two-Step: May 29, 2006; mom without jaw
dad without wife

i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry

Malachite_Dragon posted:

The people responsible for RomComs must be hunted down and brought to justice for their crimes against humanity.

I guess I missed which romcom featured a bunch of guys lying to their friend to get the girl with the "correct" guy.

# ? May 29, 2021 14:59

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

This guy's posts are a doozy, but he luckily summed everything up in one awful package!

Me (32M) and my wife (30F) went to therapy and I found out my wife is holding years worth of grudges

quote:

To start off, I made this throwaway account and was trying to make posts about specific issues, but a few suggested I just sum up the bigger picture in one post, so now I'm here looking for some advice on my marriage as a whole.

Me and my wife met in college when she was 20 and I was 22. We got married right afterwards when she was 22 and I was 24. I knew she had a lot of personal issues back then and when she got her first internship in college and got on her own phone plan, her parents disowned her for trying to be more independent. Some of the abuse she suffered growing up involved being beaten and being forced to sleep outside on occasion cause she was a "waste of space", but it was mostly verbal abuse - told she was useless and stupid, no man will ever want her, she'll end up on the streets, and other things of that nature. Needless to say she has carried a lot of this pain with her and has not been able to put it behind her.

I on the other hand grew up in a loving family in another country and they were able to bring me and my siblings to America when I was 10. My family is very close knit and I have always felt supported. Some might say that I was the golden child out of my 7 siblings. But while the emotional support was there, we were very poor and I was always starving.

We've been together for 10 years at this point and there has been a lot of problems that have come up that my wife has held onto. I didn't realize how bitter she was about everything until we went to couples counseling together a few days ago where she spent the entire time complaining and not being productive at all.

Here's a list of some issues she brought up:

-I refused to relocate for her to pursue her career goals. This conversation happened 3 years ago and I didn't realize she held a grudge.

-I don't do enough household chores

-I won't sign a postnup

-
She is making a lot more money than me, which tie back to the above 3 issues. But she only recently came into a lot of money due to start ups that she has joined previously going public and finally being to cash out on the equity she was given. I make $100k as a charge nurse. She is a software engineer and currently brings in $500k annually due to yearly equity vesting. Minus the equity, I think her base salary is around $180k.

-Feels like I prioritize my parents because I give them money (they do have a gambling problem I'll admit) and I go over to their place weekly to help out and cook because of my dad's kidney surgery.

-I tried to move my parents in with us when my dad was on dialysis (he got a kidney transplant since then, so he's fine now). My wife does not like my parents and said my mom would try to take over the household and leave crap everywhere.

We work opposite shifts, so we barely see each other. I work nightshift (7pm-7am, with a 45 min commute each way) and refuse to work dayshift because I hate waking up in the morning and they pay me more for working nights. My wife works 60-80 hours per week remotely due to covid (With the expectation to return to office in a few months). Her hours per day vary, but she has to work the core business hours of 8am-6pm M-F, with hours thrown in on the weekends or at night depending on workload or deadlines. So the opposite shifts, coupled with me working 3 days a week and usually spending 1 day a week with my parents, and her holing herself up in her office in meetings all day, causes us to not be able to see each other often.

Last year her mom called me and left me a voicemail letting me know her father passed away and to tell my wife and let her know she can come to the funeral if she wants. I got this voicemail right before I was supposed to go meet up with some friends, so I just gave my wife my phone and had her listen to it and went to go take a shower. When I came out my wife was laying in bed and I didn't think anything of it because I know she hated her family so why would she care if her dad died? I grabbed my phone and went out with my friends that night. When I came home she told me she couldn't process why she was feeling sad over her dad's death and I told her she shouldn't feel sad because she hated him. I remember her telling me that I was horrible at giving emotional support and that I shouldn't have hung out with my friends that night after giving her that news.
So as you can see there has been a lot of pent up issues my wife has held onto. I kept quiet for most of the therapy session while my wife vented, but she was doing it in a very accusatory way - always blaming me for everything instead of trying to figure out ways to improve our relationship. I think the therapist was taken aback too because they just said there was a lot to unpack there once we ran out of time. Our next appointment is next week and we were told to fill out a quiz to figure out each others love languages, look into the book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work", and to focus on one issue next time.

Since that session I've been reflecting on a lot of the issues my wife brought up. I can see how I was wrong on some of them like the chores now, but other problems like relocating were on her. I want to make this marriage work and I think my wife is amazing and a very strong person, but she's uptight and expects a lot out of herself and others. Another reason I'm compelled to make this work is because I don't believe in divorce. I'm from the Philippines where divorce is illegal and it was just not something that was ever an option for me or anyone in my family. So what can I do to improve myself and my marriage?

TL;DR - Me and my wife have been together for 10 years and we had our first couples counseling session where she spent the entire time digging up old grudges. I want to make this marriage work and would like some insights and advice.

# ? May 29, 2021 14:59

Sisal Two-Step: May 29, 2006; mom without jaw
dad without wife

i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry

LadyPictureShow posted:

This guy's posts are a doozy, but he luckily summed everything up in one awful package!

Me (32M) and my wife (30F) went to therapy and I found out my wife is holding years worth of grudges

Holy poo poo this guy is an idiot.

quote:

EDIT: I think only posting what my wife said in therapy about my wrong doings has swayed the comments. My wife is a very pessimistic person and sees and expects the worst out of people, so she focuses on things she perceives as mistakes on my part. I'm a positive person and I always try to see the best in people. If I had to throw together a list of her wrong doings from the past:

Nagging and trying to manipulate me after I tell her no, like moving to dayshift or relocating. She should have taken no for an answer and respected my boundaries instead of pressing the issue. That's another thing, if she doesn't get the answer she wants, she continues to press on it.

The postnup was also something she hasn't dropped yet and won't take no as an answer. Postnups are not okay in a trusting relationship and she's in the wrong for being selfish and wanting me to sign one.

She's a smoker. I told her how bad it is for her and she continues to do it anyways. She wasn't always a smoker, and picked it up during our relationship.

2 years ago she initiated a separation that lasted for 6 months just because I said yes to my friend inviting himself to my dad's father day celebration at a restaurant. She hates this friend and calls him a misogynist and said that no one else in my family was bringing their friends, so I shouldn't bring him. A restaurant is a public place, he can go anywhere he wants and what right did I have to say he couldn't go to a public place? I gave her the option of staying home or not and she still went, but the next day she told me she wanted me out. She was the one who gave up. She made me move out of the house (I own half of it, why was I the one who had to move?). During that time she would go to happy hours with her old coworkers and one of them started hitting on her. He even bought her an Apple watch and she accepted the gift. Thinking about this makes me sick. She wanted to separate just so she can flaunt her new status to other men and had the audacity to accept an expensive gift from someone that was obviously trying to sleep with her?

I'm an extrovert and like going out. She's an introvert and a homebody and when we got back together after the separation, we have not gone on a single date. She also refuses to go to any of my family events now. My mom's birthday happened earlier this month and my wife refused to go. It hurts having to go to all my family events alone while all my siblings are there with their spouses. I feel drained and my cup is empty all the time.

She's hypercritical and I don't feel supported by her. I don't cook for her because she doesn't like my cooking. Whenever I try, she starts backseat cooking and putting in salt and other seasonings to make it taste better. I cook for my parents when I can because they don't complain and are grateful to me.

I'm also the one that has been going to individual therapy before she suggested couples counseling. She has never been to individual therapy. During my own therapy appointments I'm always seeking ways to improve myself and be a better husband. My therapist has also pointed out that my wife seems to use projection and projects a lot of her issues onto me.

Every time we fight, my wife brings up the past, which is not productive. I keep telling her to stop holding grudges and we need to look forward.

So as you all can see, me and her can both be in the wrong. We've been together for a long time and have accumulated a lot of baggage, but I want to move forward and let those grudges go. The contempt she has is going to end us and I want to figure out how to move past it.

# ? May 29, 2021 15:11

Owlspiracy: Nov 4, 2020

omg that guy is so awful it�a giving me anxiety reading his posts

# ? May 29, 2021 15:15

henkman: Oct 8, 2008

That guy sucks lol

# ? May 29, 2021 15:19

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Gats Akimbo posted:

An evergreen question here, but what did Dan think the endgame was going to be? "Hey Evelyn, I know your partner just dumped you because I and all his other friends convinced him you were cheating but I've always thought you were hot wanna date/bang/whatever?"

There was a post a few years back that I'd love for someone to dig up, that was the same scenario from the women's perspective. Her friend group decided her bf wasn't good enough and that she should date in the friend group instead. So they told her he was cheating on her and had seen it. So she broke up with the bf and eventually started dating man in friend group. Eventually someone confessed to it. Upset and confused she broke up and cut the friend group out of her life. Then an update a few months/a year or two later that she ran into ex-bf and apologized to everything and they started talking and had just started gently dating again.

# ? May 29, 2021 15:21

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

People just default to rom cons but I don�t think they have been terribly relevant for a long time

# ? May 29, 2021 15:28

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Sisal Two-Step posted:

Holy poo poo this guy is an idiot.

"Look maybe I'm a trash fire. But have you also considered that my wife is married to a trash fire??? Really when you think about it it's a 50/50 problem, maybe even 40/60."

# ? May 29, 2021 15:38

FoolyCharged: Oct 11, 2012; Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

Space Gopher posted:

Mom's an rear end in a top hat but what kind of idiot thinks that this is the problem instead of, say, the kid being forced to poo poo in a bucket and only shower three times a week.

"Here in Phoenix, the summer heat's hard to deal with sometimes, but you find ways to cope. Not everybody's tough enough to live here but I love it" sets AC to 72 and literally never leaves the house except in an air-conditioned car

I mean, heat stroke is a pretty drat serious condition and if he's dehydrated during a 100F+ heat wave and can't get somewhere cooler he could literally die/wind up in a hospital.

making GBS threads in a bucket is just unhygienic, disgusting and completely demeaning. It can absolutely be the lesser threat.

E: God Dammit I did that thing where I forgot I was a good week behind the thread again.

# ? May 29, 2021 15:41

darkwasthenight: Jan 7, 2011; GENE TRAITOR

LadyPictureShow posted:

Me (32M) and my wife (30F) went to therapy and I found out my wife is holding years worth of grudges

How is Mr Logical here's WIFE the software fiddler???

massive spider posted:

AITA for blowing up on my wife for bringing up something we did together at the club once that I didn’t want to remember?

You suck ONE dick with your wife. :rolleyes:

artsy fartsy posted:

Sorry guys, I can't NOT post this one

AITA for farting on my bf’s face?

This lady rules, but also your sexual relationship is now dead. Sorry but it does sound like he sucks so you're not missing much. :shrug:

# ? May 29, 2021 15:44

Owlspiracy: Nov 4, 2020

I'm [40F] in a secret relationship with my late husband's nephew [28M]

quote:

My husband died 4 years ago in a car crash, leaving me and my daughters alone. I wasn't interested in dating again as my main focus was to raise my children. After an year later, husband's nephew got selected to a nearby university, and moved in with us. He was really helpful for us; he did many household chores without ever being asked and willingly taught my children. He became another family member and we were like best friends until he decided to 'confess' last year.

He said that he doesn't consider me as his aunt anymore and he's willing to date me despite our 12 year age gap. He wasn't a creepy guy for the whole time and seemed to be heavily obsessed with me. We didn't spoke for several days after that. I was annoyed at first, but the fact that I'm still getting attention from a young guy like him made me exited. I'm not a super hot aunt, and I knew he dated really pretty girls.

I really liked that I've become the center of attention of someone again after a long time. It seemed harmless, so I let him to take me on a 'date'. He took me to an expensive restaurant. He said he was not expecting an answer but willing to be with me. Maybe I felt pity for him, and maybe I liked the attention. I wasn't sure if he really loved me or just attracted to my body (I knew guys his age have a older woman fantasy), so I suggested him a sexless dating arrangement just to check if he's backing out. Surprisingly he was really happy with it and so we began 'dating' since last December, behind my children's back.

We don't have sex and he's happy with it. Actually I'm not much interested in sexual stuff and I also feel guilty to sleep with someone other than my husband. I've mentioned him several times that I consider this as an open relationship and he's free to date/sex with anyone he wants, but he refuses to do that and says he prefers being with me. I don't know what has happened to him. The only intimate thing between us is hugging and watching movies clinging to each other. Sometimes I tease him; he just enjoys it and haven't asked to even see me naked yet. He prefers 'Netflix and Chill' nights where he's watching TV with his head on my lap.

It has been 6 months and he never crossed the line in any way so far. I don't know where this would lead us in the future but I think both of us are happy with this.

TL;dr: My late husband's nephew is heavily obsessed with me and I offered a sexless dating arrangement for him which he agreed and didn't cross the line for the past 6 months. Don't know where would this lead us.

# ? May 29, 2021 15:46

Flared Basic Bitch: Feb 22, 2005; Invading your personal space since 1968.

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for keeping my teenage daughter�s cat after I found out she�s moving out behind my back?

You�re just a child that doesn�t understand the adult world!

P.S. Rent�s due by the 5th.

# ? May 29, 2021 15:56

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

Scaevolus posted:

I�m desperately jealous of my new SIL and it�s making me question my life. How can I make this productive instead of destructive?

That reminds me of some thing that happened at my first job after the advertising agency. Now, an ad agency will enable some darkly toxic people, and this one had some of the worst. tl;dr it was badly abusive for years. AT the next gig,we all worked in an open space, basically a huge loft. We had our own desks, but there were no partitions. It should have been hell, but it actually worked well as a collaborative environment. One morning the CEO and I have an exchange about something. This was semi-shouted as we sat about 25 feet apart. That afternoon he pulls me into one of the small meeting rooms and apologizes for going off on me in public like that. I simply said, "When ?"

My standards of office behavior were so skewed that something a normal person thought was worth a sincere and detailed apology hadn't even registered with me.

So my theory is that SIL, on the partner track at a high-powered law firm, deals with people so demanding, so set on having their way, and able to back it up and make it happen, that her tantrum-throwing MIL doesn't even register as an issue. She swims with sharks, MIL is a minnow.

# ? May 29, 2021 16:00

betaraywil: Dec 30, 2006; Gather the wind
Though the wind won't help you fly at all

I guess Memorial Day is what makes them turn out

I think my girlfriend has been trying to get my fired from all my jobs. I'm shaken. Please help me.

quote:

I'm M24, and I've been with GF (F29), let's call her Janice, for 2 and a half years. I just finished my education when we started dating and I have been doing all sorts of jobs since. Sometimes two at a time. I did this to expand my resume and gather job experience.
I worked in cafés, bookstores, a library, a grocery store and as an English tutor. Most of those jobs lasted about 3 to 5 months. My shortest stay was 2 and a half weeks, my longest 8 months, but since I didn't have a hard time applying for new positions, I tried to block it out, though it was kind of eating me up internally.

People called to complain about me, people left bad reviews about me, people used my employee wifi access to look up sketchy things on the internet under my name, former 'employees' called to 'inform' them about me, right name and all, and much much more subtle stuff that I couldn't disprove. But I was too anxious to do anything about it. I just told my girlfriend, she comforted me, she supported me every time I got my life ruined by these people. But I kept going, though they kept finding me.

Fast forward to this week. I currently hold a part-time position at a bakery, I've been working there for two months and a half. It's going okay, but my manager approached me about something regarding our google reviews.

Someone was complaining about an employee, and their description of them could only really fit me. It was on a day where we're pretty short of staff, so I could've been the only person in the store on that day for all I know. Anyway, their review contained some pretty elaborate and nasty comments about me. This has happened on one or two of my jobs already.

I told my manager that it was all pretty bogus and that someone had a vendetta against me, as it has happened before. She believed me, and told me that she'll dismiss the comment. On my break, I checked out the review myself. Their username was kinda stupid, I'm not gonna type it out here since I still work there, but I'll just call them "Mick Myrtle" as it was in the same range of sounds-kinda-fake-but-not-really. Anyway, I come home but don't tell Janice about it. She has heard it all before, so I didn't see the point in complaining about another time I almost lost my position.

We chat, all is well, and she leaves the room. Her phone is on the table, and suddenly, she get's a notification or an email of some sort from google. I don't remember what it said exactly, but the popup read something along the lines of "Mick Myrtle: 'Manager' has responded to your Review!"

My heart dropped. I've been trying to ignore it since. this was two days ago. It just fit in the picture of bad reviews. It fit in the picture of the phoned complains my workplaces have received about me in the past. It fits in the picture of all the sketchy things I've been fired for.

Why would she do that, though? I'm looking for an explanation. This literally can't be. She's the only thing keeping me sane. I don't know what to do.

quote:

Update
Hello people who are still invested. I'm sorry for not updating you guys earlier, a lot has been going on.

First of all: yes, we broke up. That's why I'll be referring to her as my ex from now on.
Anyway, let's start from the beginning. on the Monday of the following week I couldn't take the uncertainty anymore. I told my ex I needed her booking account to book a train ticket to visit my dad for a few days. She complied, and when she was in the shower getting ready for work, I booked my ticket and started looking through her emails.

After some digging, I found an email to herself which contained a spreadsheet file. I sent the file to myself, printer it out and took a screenshot.

Why? The spreadsheet contained about every single information about me that there was. Numbers, emails, passwords, work times, colleagues, their numbers & social medias, as well as some emails and passwords that she used for accounts to ruin my life with. Everything was on there, conveniently sorted for her to ruin my life as efficiently as possible.

When she left for work, I decided it would be best to immediately pack my stuff. Nothing that mattered would be left behind. I felt like a wanted man. Like I was being hunted despite nothing being seemingly out of place.
I called my boss, told her I would be taking some time off from work, and headed out to see my dad.

Needless to say he was the sanity I needed. I cried about everything I saw, I panicked for a whole two days straight, about how my life was ruined and I didn't know what to do. He had to sleep on the couch in the guest room because I was so scared of my ex coming in.
He handled it like a champ, I love you dad. He called the police, a lawyer and most recently a therapist for me, because I was in the most horrible state of my entire life.

We're currently sorting out the legal stuff, I haven't talked to my ex, except for letting her know it was over and that she's a sick psychopath. My dad handled the rest.
I changed all my passwords and I'm now looking for a place to live.

Sorry for the brief update, my mind is tangled. Please ask questions if you wanna know more.

Edit; by the way, thank you to every single person who gave me advise, talked to me over DMs, and was generally concerned about me. I appreciate every single one of you.

# ? May 29, 2021 16:20

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Owlspiracy posted:

omg that guy is so awful it�a giving me anxiety reading his posts

His individual posts on each topic are even worse, which I'm sure you can believe.

Some lowlights:

quote:

The most recent example is when my mom came to me and asked me for $1,000 since they didn't have money for rent or bills. I gave my mom this money and my wife is now pissed off. My parents only needed the money since they gambled what they had away. They had even gambled away the money my brother had given them to pay their bills. But if I didn't give my parents the money, then how would they be able to pay rent?

quote:

Maybe it makes sense for me to take on more household chores with the difference in our work hours, but here's the thing - I never asked her or wanted her to work so much. I was fine with her old jobs where she worked only 40 hours a week and made a lot less. Back when she was only working 40 hours, she did do majority of the household chores because she's more of a clean freak than I am and she never asked me to help out before. I don't need a spotless house and grew up in a household where no one cared that much. My wife is the exact opposite and thinks we need to be cleaning, doing laundry, yard work, etc. weekly at least.

She wants me to pick up everything she was doing around the house when she was working less. When she first started working 60+ hour weeks, she stopped doing so many chores and the house did become dirtier, but by no means was it unlivable and I never complained. I don't think it's fair to expect me to do so much around the house when I would be perfectly happy if we only cleaned once every couple of months.

quote:

After I use a dish or cup, I rinse it off and put it on the countertop. My wife used to have an issue with this and argued with me about it. It's more work and wasteful to load a dish washer and then have to unload all those dishes. Yes, I know the article is more about respect and not the actual dishes - I do respect my wife. She should also respect me and listen to how I want things done too.

quote:

I'm going to work towards things that make me happy because I'm responsible for my own happiness. I don't care about having a clean home, so I don't do it. I enjoy cars, so I work on cars in my spare time. My wife enjoys having a clean home and wants to retire early, so she should work towards that to make herself happy. I don't expect her to do anything for me because I don't place the responsibility of my happiness on her.

I hate this guy so much.

# ? May 29, 2021 16:46

RenegadeStyle1: Jun 7, 2005; Baby Come Back

Man if my girlfriend was able to pull out a fart right when I had my face by her rear end id laugh forever about it.

# ? May 29, 2021 16:48

Owlspiracy: Nov 4, 2020

my wife chose to work more therefore she doesnt deserve my help beep boop im a person

# ? May 29, 2021 16:53

coronatae: Oct 14, 2012

That second to last quote is referencing this article which is great material for this thread

# ? May 29, 2021 16:53

Invisible Clergy: Sep 25, 2015; "Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"

Malachi 2:3

LadyPictureShow posted:

His individual posts on each topic are even worse, which I'm sure you can believe.

Some lowlights:

I hate this guy so much.

I mean obviously this guy is a monster and just needs to be fired into the sun, but he and his wife bring in incalculable amounts of money. If he refuses to clean, why not use some of his salary to hire a maid to come in once in a while? I'm sure he'd have some pissy answer why that wasn't possible but none of these things need to be problems.

# ? May 29, 2021 16:54

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Invisible Clergy posted:

I mean obviously this guy is a monster and just needs to be fired into the sun, but he and his wife bring in incalculable amounts of money. If he refuses to clean, why not use some of his salary to hire a maid to come in once in a while? I'm sure he'd have some pissy answer why that wasn't possible but none of these things need to be problems.

Yeah once I got to

quote:

I make $100k as a charge nurse. She is a software engineer and currently brings in $500k annually due to yearly equity vesting. Minus the equity, I think her base salary is around $180k.

I stopped giving a poo poo about which of the two is "right." Let them pay their therapists and the subsequent divorce lawyers to sort it out.

# ? May 29, 2021 16:59

Barudak: May 7, 2007

CharlestheHammer posted:

People just default to rom cons but I don�t think they have been terribly relevant for a long time

They've had a massive resurgence thanks to streaming services because much like harlequin romance people who are into it gobble up tooooons of it.

I could write a modern one in my sleep at this point, the hardest part at this point is finding a minority for the female lead to be from that hasn't been done before.

# ? May 29, 2021 17:00

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

r/relationships: Hey you remember that time we sucked that guy�s huge dick together?

# ? May 29, 2021 17:19

Xachariah: Jul 26, 2004

coronatae posted:

That second to last quote is referencing this article which is great material for this thread

You're not wrong, what a bizarre article. Repeating his "epiphany" over and over while framing his shortcomings as something that is inherent to men.

Being disrespectful and condescending is a you problem buddy, don't hide behind the achievements of better people than yourself.

# ? May 29, 2021 17:22

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

Tomfoolery posted:

Hmmmmm, hmmmmmmmmmmmm
https://www.reddit.com/r/SushiAbomination/

Sushi lasagna

EDIT: in all fairness, I am an insufferable rear end in a top hat

that looks like fried hotdog and cheese? that's revolting, but i would absolutely gently caress with a multi-layered sandwich deal of spam musubi. lotteria in korea had a veggie burger with the bun replaced by fried disks of rice, i think it could work. it all comes down to texture.

# ? May 29, 2021 17:51

Sisal Two-Step: May 29, 2006; mom without jaw
dad without wife

i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry

Barudak posted:

They've had a massive resurgence thanks to streaming services because much like harlequin romance people who are into it gobble up tooooons of it.

I could write a modern one in my sleep at this point, the hardest part at this point is finding a minority for the female lead to be from that hasn't been done before.

I'm just sick of people saying "romcoms amiright!?!?" to blame what is almost always a man's bad behaviour. Men don't loving watch romcoms. Maybe the other 98% of popular entertainment might have something to do with their entitlement?

# ? May 29, 2021 17:56

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 11:11

Ches Neckbeard: Dec 3, 2005; You're all garbage, back up the truck BACK IT UP!

Sisal Two-Step posted:

I'm just sick of people saying "romcoms amiright!?!?" to blame what is almost always a man's bad behaviour. Men don't loving watch romcoms. Maybe the other 98% of popular entertainment might have something to do with their entitlement?

"Women like/are the target demo for romcoms therefore if I do the thing from then females will swoon"

The tropes have infiltrated the rest of popular media. More people likely know the boombox scene from Say Anything than have heard of the movie.

# ? May 29, 2021 18:00

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

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